“Hey, you got a second?”
The tone of his voice instantly set me on edge. “Sure. What’s going on? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s good. I just need to ask a favor. You know Eliza’s friend, Lilly?”
My shoulders went stiff at the mention of her name. “What about her?”
He let out a sigh. “She came to Denver for the weekend, and she confided in Eliza that things are pretty tough for her right now. Apparently her dad’s really sick. It’s not looking too good, and even though she tried to hide it, Eliza said she’s taking it pretty hard.”
I’d spent the past few days in misery as jealousy gnawed at my insides over the photos of Lilly with another man, and now, knowing that she’d confided in Eliza about her father — something that she’d only shared with me up to this point — only compounded that ache.
Yep, it was official. I really had lost my mind. I had no right to be jealous over her relationship with her best friend. But logical or not, I was.
“So what’s that got to do with me?” I snapped. I hadn’t intended for my words to come across as harsh as they did. I guess it was all par for the course of going insane.
“Uh…” he trailed off, obviously reading my sudden mood change and not knowing how to react. “Well, it’s just that we’re worried about her. She’s heading back to Pembrooke and we’re both in Denver for another couple of months, so we can’t really keep an eye on her. I know you two don’t know each other that well…” Oh, if you only knew. I guess Lilly hadn’t confided in Eliza about our so-called friendship while she was there. And for some crazy reason, that pissed me off even more than goddamned Alex Sanders. “But I wanted to see if maybe you’d watch out for her? Just for a little while. You know, make sure she’s doing okay until we can get there. I just want to make sure she’s all right.”
My mouth opened and the words began pouring out before I could consider pulling them back. “And why is it suddenly your job to look after her?”
There was no mistaking the bite my tone carried. Ethan remained silent for several seconds, then finally he asked, “What’s with the fucking hostility, dude? If you can’t take some time out of your goddamned day, then never mind. I’ll ask someone else.”
“You know she’s not your responsibility, right?” I sneered. “You already have a wife.”
“Whoa! What the hell? Seriously, man. What’s your problem?”
It was like I’d detached from my body, like I was hovering over myself yelling to shut the hell up, but the word vomit just wouldn’t stop. “My problem is that you’ve got a pregnant wife you need to be looking after, but instead of doing that, you’re thinking about another woman.”
“Wait…” I could hear his breathing coming through the line, and it finally dawned on me what I’d just let slip. “I haven’t told you Eliza’s pregnant.”
He hadn’t. I’d gotten that bit of news from Lilly. She’d even gone as far as to ask me not to let on I knew so Ethan could tell me himself. “Sure you did,” I lied… badly.
“No. I haven’t. I’m pretty sure I’d remember telling you. The only ones that know so far are our families and… fuck me.”
I dropped my head and closed my eyes, rubbing at my temple with my fingers. “Look, man. I’m sorry. I—”
“Do you have something going on with Lilly?”
I sighed through the phone. “It’s not like that.”
“Holy shit,” he cut me off. “This makes so much sense now! I couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t go for Alex when she was here. I mean, he’s a cool guy, can get tail pretty much whenever the hell he wants. But she wasn’t having any of it. I just thought it was because of everything with her dad.”
My jaw ticked uncontrollably as I tried not to picture that fucker putting the moves on Lilly. “Or maybe she just wasn’t interested.”
He scoffed and I wanted to reach through the phone and punch the shit out of him. “Not interested in the pro-football player that has more money in the bank than he knows what to do with, and was just voted one of People’s most eligible bachelors? I’m straight as an arrow, brother, and I love my wife, but even I’m not that blind. What’s going on with you two?”
My hand moved from my temple to rake through my hair as I began to pace around the bay. “Nothing. We’re just friends.”
“I’m not stupid either, man. You just ripped me a new asshole for voicing concern about my wife’s best friend, so don’t try and sell me that ‘just friends’ bullshit. I’m not buying.”
“I fucked up,” I finally admitted after a long, tense silence. “Several times. I acted like a dick. We really are just friends, but I need to make it right somehow, and I don’t have the first fucking clue how to do that.”
I expected advice, or maybe even some ribbing at my own expense. What I didn’t expect was what came out of his mouth next. “Don’t go there with her, Quinn. Not right now.”
I stopped mid pace and asked defensively, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
There wasn’t an ounce of humor in Ethan’s voice as he explained, “What it means is, you aren’t capable of something long term. I get it, man. I do. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through, but Lilly’s in a bad place right now. She doesn’t need you jerking her chain at the same time. If you can’t be there for her… like really be there, then you need to back off.”
The fuck? “I’m not jerking her chain,” I snarled.
“Yeah. You are. I saw that girl when she was here. I didn’t get it then, but I do now. She barely even looked at another guy. And believe me, it wasn’t for lack of trying on the dudes’ parts. Whether or not something’s going on now, or just leading in that direction, she’s already invested. I’m not trying to be a dick—”
“Really?” I snapped sarcastically. “Could have fucking fooled me.”
“I’m looking out for both of you, all right? Unless you’re ready to move on, this is going to end badly. For everyone involved.”
“Ethan, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t? Really? So that means you aren’t still wearing your wedding ring, right?”
I looked down at my hand, the gold band still prominent against my tanned skin. At my lack of response, he continued. “She needs peace right now, Quinn. Her dad’s dying and you’re still mourning a ghost. Just move on.”
I was still staring at my hand as my fingers curled into a fist so tight my knuckles turned white. It took everything I had to keep from exploding as I warned, “You’re coming dangerously close to crossing a line with me you do not want to cross. You don’t talk about my wife, understand? And my relationship with Lilly is none of your goddamned business.”
He sighed heavily. “Look, I’m not going to keep pushing. I’ve said my piece, but know this. You hurt her and I’ll be on the first goddamn plane to Pembrooke to kick your ass.”
With that, he hung up.
Leaving me reeling.
Quinn
WALKING THROUGH THE glass doors of the dance studio, I scanned the front desk area and the window behind that housed Lilly’s office, desperate for a glimpse of her. When I dropped Sophia off earlier, she hadn’t been anywhere in sight, and I was forced to leave, disappointment resting heavy on my shoulders. It had become an addiction of mine, seeing her. That dimpled smile, the way her amber eyes glimmered every time she laughed, it frightened the shit out of me, how desperate I was for just those little tastes, but every time I tried pulling back from her, something was there to jerk me right back. Usually it was the pain on her beautiful face every time I did or said something to hurt her in an attempt to keep her at arm’s length.
I just couldn’t help myself. I knew Ethan was right to warn me off, but staying away was impossible. What I felt for her was more than just a physical attraction. That was definitely there, believe me. But I found I craved her infectious sense of humor just as much, if not more. I fought her friendship, knowing that if there was one per
son who’d be able to breach the impenetrable walls I’d surrounded myself with it’d be her, but I was a glutton for punishment and couldn’t stay away.
Even though I knew hurting her was inevitable. I could never be the man she needed. I didn’t have it in me to give her a life. There would never be a white picket fence with babies and pets running around. I’d had that dream once and I still burned from the memories.
When I didn’t find her anywhere in the lobby area, I gave up my search and headed for the studio where Sophia’s class was being held. Usually the kids were running around like they’d just executed a successful prison break at the end of class, but pushing through the door and stepping into the studio, I was taken aback to find that not only were they all sitting completely still, facing the wall of mirrors, but even the parents weren’t moving, with smiles on their faces as they faced forward.
“Come on. Miss Lilly!” One of the girls cried. “Pleeeeeeeease?”
I watched in fascination as Lilly’s face blushed an enticing shade of pink as her gaze darted to the ground and that dimple popped out with her shy smile. “Okay, okay,” she started, holding her hands up as the kids started shouting. When they finally quieted down, she continued. “But only if Mr. Kyle is okay with it.”
Something unpleasant twisted in my gut as the guy who taught some of the classes at Lilly’s school walked over all cocky-like, a confident smirk on his face as he threw his arm around Lilly’s shoulder. I was officially losing it, because I had a sudden urge to lunge and rip that goddamned arm off and beat him to death with it.
“I don’t mind if you don’t, sweetheart.” He smiled brightly down at her. The fucker. The kids went crazy and the adults all chuckled quietly as Lilly moved from under Dick Head’s arm and walked to the dock that held her iPhone.
Seconds later a song began to play and she and the douche moved to the very center of the room facing everyone. They began to move in sync to some punk who sounded like he hadn’t even hit puberty yet as he sang about begging some chick to have mercy on him.
The longer the song played, the tighter my fists clenched at my side, until my knuckles turned white. And it only got worse when they moved, pressing their bodies flush against each other as she wrapped her lean arms around his neck and he grabbed hold of her hips and pulled him even closer.
Was everyone else blind? They were in front of a bunch of first and second graders, for Christ’s sake! How did they not find this shit inappropriate?
Lilly finally moved away from him, and I started to breathe easier, until she executed some sort of jump through the air and he caught her, tossing her high before letting her slide down his body. I thought my head might explode. Just as my vision started growing red, the song ended and everyone in the room — except for me — burst into cheers.
Everybody acted like it was the most magnificent thing they’d ever seen. And although I couldn’t deny that both of them were clearly talented, while everyone else celebrated them, I wanted to commit homicide. I told myself it was because they had no business dancing like that in front of impressionable children, but the truth was, I couldn’t stand the sight of another man’s hands on Lilly.
“Daddy!” Sophia came charging through the crowd of kids and parents. “Weren’t they awesome?” she screeched, as she threw herself into my arms.
Before I had a chance to respond one of the soccer moms close by turned and spoke up. “They truly are amazing, aren’t they? I’d kill to learn how to do the Argentine Tango.”
Was that what they were doing? I thought they were just dry humping around the floor. “Amazing,” I gritted out through a fake smile. “You ready to go, Angel?” I asked, turning back to my daughter and disregarding the woman next to me. She was obviously an idiot.
“I wanna say bye to Miss Lilly,” she pouted. I was just about to tell her we didn’t have time if she wanted to make it to her classmate’s slumber party when Lilly’s voice spoke up from beside us, causing every muscle in my body to tense up.
“Hey guys.”
It had been a week, a fucking week since I’d last seen her. I’d been going out of my head picturing this very moment, but right then the best I could do was a quick glance over my shoulder. I couldn’t look for too long or there was no telling what I’d do. I gave her my attention just long enough to notice that her chest was rising and falling, still somewhat out of breath from her dirty dance with the needle dick.
“You were so good, Miss Lilly! I can’t wait until I can dance like you.”
Yeah. Over my dead fucking body.
“Thanks, sweetie.” She smiled sweetly and some of that anger knotting my gut untangled a bit, but not enough for it to matter. When her eyes hit mine, the sparkle dimmed slightly, and Christ, that hurt. She asked, “How are you, Quinn?” but I needed to get out of there before my head exploded. Nothing was going right. Anxiety mixed with an unhealthy dose of jealousy raged in my blood, and if I didn’t leave, I was going to cause a scene.
“Come on, Soph,” I stated in a flat tone. “We have to go.”
“Okay,” she answered sullenly. I caught a glance of Lilly’s face, just enough to notice that I’d hurt her feelings again, but there was nothing to be done. If I stayed any longer the chances of me making the situation worse continued to grow. As I grabbed my daughter’s hand and led her from the building without a backward glance, I hated myself just a little more.
Lilly
QUINN’S PROPENSITY TO run hot and cold was beginning to become too much. There was something about him, something I saw in him that drew me to him, kind of like a kindred spirit. I could see the pain, still fresh behind his eyes, and knew we shared that in common, but I was getting whiplash from his mood swings. He’d been texting all weekend, asking to talk, but the first time I saw him after arriving home from Denver, he acted like a jackass.
Fuck him.
As I puttered around my apartment with a glass of wine in hand, trying to keep myself from calling Eliza and laying all my problems on her shoulders, that sense of loneliness began to creep back in. I wanted my best friend. I wanted to bitch and whine to her about all the bad shit going on in my life, but I knew that wasn’t fair. She was happy, pregnant with her and her husband’s first baby. She was finally in a good place after so many years of sitting stagnant, she didn’t deserve for me to heap all my problems on her.
Maybe I just needed to cut my losses with Quinn, accept that we couldn’t be friends and just move on. But every time I considered doing that, my heart physically ached. It wasn’t the attraction to him that kept me holding on. Sure, that was definitely there, but it was more. After the night I danced for him, I couldn’t help but feel a connection. I’d opened up to him, sharing pieces of myself that I hadn’t shared with anyone but Eliza.
He’d been so easy to talk to, and with him listening, there had been brief snatches of time where the loneliness was beaten back. The question was, were those brief snatches worth the other times he made me feel undeserving? Less than important? He had the uncanny ability to make me feel on top of the world one second and lower than pond scum the next.
I knew he regretted every time he hurt me, it was written all over his face. But wasn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? I kept expecting for Quinn to shed the rough exterior, stop letting me close only to shove me away again, but every time I thought I’d made progress, he reverted back to his usual asshole ways.
Was that insanity?
None of the answers I was seeking came to me as I paced my apartment, so I eventually caved and turned on the TV after refilling my glass, flipping from channel to channel in the hopes of landing on some mind-numbing show that would help to turn my brain off for just a little bit. I stopped when I landed on an episode of Vikings, a wave of nostalgia washing over me. I wanted to watch, see what my girl Lagertha was getting up to, but the damn show reminded me too much of Quinn.
“Damn it!” I shouted, turni
ng the TV off and throwing the remote across the room. “What’s wrong with me?” I shouted at the ceiling. Before I got an answer, there was a knock on my door.
I stared at the door for several seconds, long enough for a second, more insistent knock to follow. “I’m coming,” I called out, as I stood from the couch and headed for the door. The wine had affected my senses just enough that I forgot to check the peephole, and once I opened the door, I instantly regretted my decision to imbibe.
“Quinn?” Yep, it was Quinn, all right. And he looked like he could breathe fire at any moment. Looked like Angry Quinn was in full force tonight. “What are you doing here?”
“What the fuck was that, today?”
My head shot back and I had to hold onto the door to keep my balance. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“Yeah, I did,” I snapped. “And the last fucking thing I need right now is your attitude. I haven’t done anything to warrant you being a jackass… just like I didn’t deserve it every other time. So do me a favor and take it somewhere else.”
I moved to slam the door in his face, but his booted foot shot out, stopping my progress. I frowned and demanded, “Move your foot.”
“We need to talk.”
“Like hell we do! I’m sick and fucking tired of the way you bounce from happy to asshole in the blink of an eye. I’m not doing this. You need to leave.”
I gave the door another shove, but his hand came up at the same time, and since he was much stronger than I was, the door flew all the way open and he waltzed into my apartment like he owned the place.
“Oh, please. Do come in,” I said dryly, as I slammed the door closed and stomped in after him. So he’d invaded my personal space. Whatever. Didn’t mean I had to talk to him. I’d had just enough wine that acting like a bratty child sounded like the perfect idea, so that’s just what I did. Snatching my wineglass from the coffee table, I clicked the TV back on and began flipping channels again as I took a huge gulp. He wanted to talk? Well he could talk to his own damn self. I had no interest in listening.
A Broken Soul (The Pembrooke Series Book 3) Page 12
