I hugged her and took a step back. “Thanks, Mom. You two better find your seats. We’re about to start.”
“Okay, honey,” she spoke. “We’ll be watching.”
Dad leaned in for one last kiss. “Your kiddos will be amazing, Lilly Flower.”
“Thanks, guys. Love you.”
They waved and gave their love back before disappearing toward the front of the auditorium.
The auditorium lights lowered and the ones on the stage brightened just seconds before the music for the first number began.
As the program progressed, I ran around the backstage area like a mad woman, getting my students ready. It was a mix of modern numbers combined with classics to keep with the holiday spirit.
I’d just finished getting Sophia’s class in place for their dance. The lights lowered and they filtered out onto the stage. The Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies began to play and I found myself stuck in place, watching Sophia move around with the biggest smile on her face. There were a million things I needed to be doing, but I couldn’t have made myself move from that spot if I’d wanted to. I was enthralled.
She was so happy, so excited to be performing, and that radiated from her as she danced. Sophia was absolutely adorable in her dark plum-colored leotard and pale pink tutu, and whether or not she landed each step correctly didn’t matter. She owned that stage with personality alone, causing my chest to swell with pride and love, because I really and truly loved that little girl like crazy. It was impossible not to. I was so damn proud of her.
I looked away from her and scanned the audience again, and when my eyes finally landed on Quinn my heart picked up the pace, beating frantically against my ribs. The look of his face was sheer awe as he watched his little girl. I hadn’t been lying when I said it was a turn on watching him with his daughter, but seeing that expression? Well, I fell deeper in love with him.
I was crazy about Quinn and Sophia Mallick. I just hoped the feeling was mutual.
ALL THE STUDENTS — right along with myself, Kyle, and Samantha — were riding the high of another amazing Winter Showcase. I was so proud of each and every one of them. They’d finished the final number, where we included every class at every age level, and before the curtain dropped, the kids dragged Kyle, Samantha, and me onto the stage, giving each of us a massive bouquet of flowers. We all took a bow as the crowd cheered and whistled.
The lights finally came up, and the crowd in the auditorium was slowly beginning to thin out as everyone rushed backstage to grab their stuff and come back out to meet up with their families. I’d shaken hands with several of the parents, reminded them of the lock-in we were doing at the school the next day to celebrate, when my folks came up to stand next to me.
“Such a good show, honey,” Mom exclaimed happily.
Dad looped his arm around her shoulder in a show of support, but I understood it was more his needing to rest on her than a show of affection. “Your kids are all so talented, Lilly Flower. You should be proud.”
“I am,” I answered just as Sophia’s voice rang through the auditorium yelling my name in the way only Sophia could. I turned and instantly sucked in a deep breath at the way Quinn’s eyes were eating me up, the green depths turning dark with want. I could say with certainty that the feeling was totally mutual. I’d never seen him in a suit before, but damn did he wear it well.
“Miss Lilly! Did I do good!?” Sophia came to a halt only after her arms wrapped around my legs. Quinn stopped two feet away, and I noticed he wasn’t alone. His parents were standing right behind him, both looking happy to have seen their granddaughter up on that stage.
“You did amazing, Little Miss.” I smiled affectionately and leaned down to give her a hug. “And look,” I poked her bun with the tip of my finger. “Your hair stayed in place perfectly.”
She beamed proudly. “That’s ‘cause Daddy used a whole canna hairspray!”
I let a giggle loose as I looked at Quinn, but his eyes were darting back and forth between my parents, and he suddenly seemed to tense.
“I wanna be a sugarplum fairy again next year, Mrs. Lilly? Can I, please?”
From the corner of my eye I saw my mom and dad smile down at the adorable little girl. Yep, everyone who ever came into contact with Sophia was instantly smitten.
Sophia looked from me to my folks and asked, “Who’s that?”
“These are my parents. Mom, Dad, this is Sophia, she’s one of my best students.” Sophia sucked in a breath, the compliment I’d just paid her making her glow. She loved hearing that just as much as I loved watching her reaction.
“You were a wonderful sugarplum fairy, sweetheart,” my mom told her, making that glow so much brighter.
“Best I’ve ever seen,” Dad added.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Wonderful show, dear,” Mrs. Mallick spoke up.
“Thanks.” I smiled and offered up introductions between the adults. “Mr. and Mrs. Mallick, this is Will and Elizabeth Mathewson.”
The foursome shook hands then broke apart, allowing me to continue. “Mom, Dad. This is Quinn, my—”
“Hi,” Quinn interrupted, his hand shooting toward my dad. “I’m a friend of Lilly’s.”
Every muscle in my body grew tight. I did my best to school my features to hide the utter disappointment that was suddenly flowing through me, but judging by the quick glance my father gave me, I hadn’t masked it in time. A friend of Lilly’s. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do more, scream or cry. However, I couldn’t do either in front of an audience.
The fact he’d cut me off hurt like hell, because not only did he not want anyone to know what was going on with us, but also he didn’t trust me not to throw a label on whatever we were the first chance I got. It was as if he’d expected me to just spit out that he was my boyfriend right there in front of his daughter. It was just another reminder, slapping me in the face that he was nowhere near letting me close. It was like he’d allowed me to include myself in every part of his life except his heart. Some days I felt like an integral part of his world, then something like this would happen and put everything into painful perspective.
“Nice to meet you, Quinn,” my mother replied politely. Dad followed suit, holding out his hand to shake Quinn’s, but I could see the questions dancing in his eyes. Unfortunately, I couldn’t give him those answers, especially when I didn’t even have them myself.
“We were just talking about going to grab a bite to eat at that fancy new steak place that opened up just outside of town,” Mr. Mallick stated. “Why don’t the three of you join us?”
I was trying to form a quick excuse in my head to get us out of a big, cozy family dinner, when my father spoke up to say, “That’s very kind of you to offer, but I’m afraid I’m not feeling my best. I think I should probably be getting home.”
I spun around, concern for my dad overshadowing the fact that Quinn had managed to hurt my feelings yet again. I stepped close to his side, opposite my mom and whispered, “Are you okay?”
He smiled, but I could see the pain he was trying so hard to hide. “I’m fine, Lilly Flower, just tired.”
I chanced a quick glance at my mother and saw she was just as worried as I was. It appeared my father was no longer on the upswing and had taken another turn downhill. I hated that he was suffering so much.
Mom linked her elbow through Dad’s and gave his hand a gentle pat. “It’s been a long day. I think we’re both pretty worn out.”
Compassion flittered across Quinn’s face as he gave me a look, but I wasn’t in the mood. He could take his pity and shove it, as far as I was concerned. I turned back to his parents and smiled as politely as I could. “It was so nice seeing you again. I’m going to walk them out. Thank you for coming out tonight.”
Mr. Mallick’s face was soft and kind as he reached out and gave my forearm a squeeze. “Of course, darling. Have a good night.”
“You too.” I leaned down, placing a quick kiss on Sophia’s f
orehead before linking my arm with Dad’s other one.
As we passed, I offered Quinn a glance and a nod before leading my parents from the auditorium. Once we reached the sidewalk Mom went ahead to pull the car around, not wanting my father to have to navigate the parking lot. I stayed with him, keeping a firm hold on his arm the whole time. I felt like I was getting slammed with heartbreak from both sides. One side was Quinn, the other was my father. And I felt ill-equipped to handle either. I wasn’t sure how much pain one person could take before it all finally just became too much.
“Don’t be too hard on him, baby girl,” Dad muttered while we waited for the car.
I gave my father my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“Your young man. He’s struggling. It’s written all over his face.”
I let out a sigh of defeat and looked back out into the night. “I know, Daddy. But what’s the point if he’s content to just hold on to that struggle for the rest of his life?”
His arm tugged mine, calling my attention back to him. “You love him.”
I nodded, feeling the tears well in my eyes. “I do.”
“Then show him there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”
My dad. God, I loved him so much. “I don’t know if I have the power to make him see it.”
He reached up and brushed my cheek with his thumb. Until he did that I hadn’t realized a tear and broken free. “Don’t sell yourself short, baby girl. Whether this works out between you two or not, never forget, there’s someone out there worthy of everything you are. It may be him, or it may be someone else. But either way, the heartache will eventually dull and you’ll meet someone who will show you just how special you are.”
I grinned and gave a little laugh, resting my head on his shoulder. “My dad, the smartest man I know.”
His lips brushed the top of my head as he said softly, “No, just a man lucky enough to have a woman show him how wonderful life could be. Then she graced me with a daughter who drove that point home.”
Oh yeah. I loved my dad.
Quinn
THE MORE TIME I spent with Lilly, the more I grew to care about her. And the more I hated myself, because I just couldn’t seem to stop hurting her. She was quickly starting to become a person who meant the absolute world to me. I was falling for her hard and fast, no matter how much I told myself I didn’t want to. But I was such a goddamned coward that I was scared shitless when I woke up a few days ago and instantly wished she was next to me. That was the day I started slowly pulling away from her, despite my heart protesting.
I knew she sensed it. And when I called her a friend in front of our parents, I saw the devastation on her face. The smart move would have been to stay away, keep my distance to lessen the impact when my anxieties finally became too much for me to handle and I shut myself off permanently.
But I couldn’t stay away.
I was a selfish bastard, but the idea of going to sleep that night after seeing her face was just something I couldn’t take. That was why, after I dropped Sophia off at her sleepover, I found myself standing on the stoop of Lilly’s apartment. I knocked and waited for what felt like an eternity for her to answer. The knot of tension in my gut coiled tighter with each passing second.
It wasn’t until I heard the sound of the lock disengaging that I was finally able to take my first real breath.
Her eyes gave nothing away as she stood in the doorway, looking just as beautiful as ever. “What are you doing here?” she asked on a sigh. I hated that my behavior over the past few months had trained her to be skeptical. Deep down, I really did want to make her happy, I just couldn’t seem get past all my hang ups to allow that to happen.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out.
Lilly’s eyelids fell closed as she dropped her head and gave it a shake. When she finally looked back up at me, the hesitance that stared back at me from those warm amber eyes was almost too much to bear.
“You’re always sorry, Quinn, and I’m really getting sick and tired of hearing your apologies.”
I knew that one of these days I’d push her too far, but the thought that this could actually be that day sent a spike of desperation straight through my chest. I couldn’t let her go. Not yet. Not now.
“Can I come in? Please, Lilly.”
She didn’t move from the doorway. Instead, she landed a well-placed blow by saying, “You know, I wasn’t going to call you my boyfriend. I wouldn’t do something like that in front of your family, and especially not in front of Sophia. I’d never intentionally confuse her like that.”
I was such an asshole. “I know.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, the picture of animosity as she continued to stare me down. “Then why’d you feel the need to cut me off like that? Like you were scared I was going to slip up and actually admit out loud that we’re carrying on like more than friends when no one’s watching.”
Shame so strong it nearly choked me twisted inside me throat. “I-I don’t know.”
She let out a sardonic laugh that cut me right down to the bone. “Well, you don’t need to worry, Quinn. Your dirty little secret is safe.”
I took a step closer, crowding her against the doorframe. “You aren’t a dirty little secret. You could never be that,” I hissed. She couldn’t. My problem wasn’t that I was embarrassed of her, it was that I didn’t want to let the real world into our little bubble. I didn’t want reality to interrupt and ruin what we had.
“Bullshit! You’ve treated me like that from day one!” she snapped, anger flashing in her gorgeous eyes. “And the fucked up thing is that I’ve let you! I’m so stupid, so pathetically desperate for a goddamned ounce of your attention that I let you walk all over me! I keep making excuses because I actually care about you, that I’ve become one of those weak women that I’ve always despised.”
I couldn’t stand to hear her talk about herself like that. Self-loathing wasn’t even a strong enough word to describe how miserable I felt at the idea that I’d made her feel so bad about herself.
“You aren’t weak,” I argued, reaching up and taking her face in my hands. “You aren’t. And I hate myself for making you feel that way.” My forehead dropped against hers and I squeezed my eyes closed. “I care about you, too, Lilly. So goddamn much it physically hurts, and I don’t know what to do about it. I wish I could be normal for you. I wish I wasn’t so fucking broken.” Most of all, I wished I could be a man deserving of her.
I moved without thinking, needing to feel her, taste her, lose myself in her completely. Lilly’s gasp of surprise when my lips hit hers spurred a longing deep within me. I used her parted lips to my advantage and plunged my tongue inside, craving her with a desperation that boarded on sheer insanity.
But that’s how she made me feel.
Absolutely insane for her.
The fight fled from her, and her body melted into mine. I untangled my hands from her hair and lifted her into my arms, basking in the feel of her legs wrapping around my waist as I moved both of us into her apartment, kicking the door closed behind me.
Our lips stayed connected, devouring each other as I carried her through the living room and down the hall into her bedroom. I needed her more than I needed air.
I needed her goodness. I needed her light.
And it made me the most selfish bastard on the face of the earth, but I was going to take every single thing she had to offer.
Lilly
HE WAS DRIVING me out of my mind.
All of my sanity fled the moment Quinn touched me.
Deep down, I knew this was a mistake, that I was only asking for more heartache, but when he said he cared about me, the sincerity in his voice and the earnestness on his face were just too much to deny.
I knew he meant it, but I also knew that the chasm between us was too wide for me to breech on my own. Sex wouldn’t solve any of the problems we had, but how do you turn away from a man you love with every fiber of your being?
I wanted to take his pain away, to heal him, fix what he thought was broken. And no matter how many times I told myself that wasn’t possible, it never stopped me from trying.
My back hit the mattress and Quinn lifted up just long enough to rid us both of our clothes. His knees hit the bed and the air whooshed from my lungs at the sight of this beautiful man hovering over me. His weight came down on me. His lips crashed against mine in a brutal kiss that drove me wild.
My hands skated across his body, touching every inch of hot, bare flesh that I could reach, committing every valley and rivet of muscle to memory. But it wasn’t enough. I needed to feel him inside of me.
I planted my feet into the mattress and lifted my hips seeking the connection I needed so badly.
His cock rested between our bodies, heavy and hard against my stomach, and when he shifted I prayed it was in order to bury himself deep. But he had other things in mind.
In the blink of an eye, he was on his back. I straddled his hips as he gripped my waist with both hands, holding me a few inches above him.
“Ride me. I want to watch you.” His voice was husky as he delivered the command. I didn’t need to be told twice. Reaching between us, I wrapped my fingers around his cock and lined him up with my entrance before sinking down oh-so-slowly, cherishing the way he stretched me, inch by glorious inch.
My head fell back on a deep moan when he bottomed out inside of me. My nails dug into the skin of his chest as I began to rock my hips back and forth, getting used to the fullness of having him so deep.
Quinn’s hands twisted in my hair as I began to ride him, faster and faster with each stroke. He pulled until my head bent down, his gravelly voice demanding, “Look at me. Open your eyes, baby. Let me see you.”
I did as he ordered, sucking in a gasp at what I saw reflecting back at me. His green eyes were dark with lust, but there was a warmth in them as he stared up at me in wonder that I felt in my chest.
A Broken Soul (The Pembrooke Series Book 3) Page 17
