by Mia Archer
She’d said things about Gareth that seemed pretty accurate based on what little I knew of him, though at the same time she’d said things about Ivy that I didn’t want to believe. Things I’d ignored because I didn’t want to believe them. Because I wanted to believe she was genuinely interested in me even while I was running from her in terror of what might be developing between us.
Only with those messages it seemed that what was developing between us had been exactly what I was afraid it was: a lie. A huge lie that she was using just to get me in bed. Get the groupie out of her system?
I swiped through the rest of the messages. I really didn’t like what I saw there. The one Gareth just sent wasn’t the only one. A bunch of texts about bagging me, and what seemed like a pretty positive response from Ivy.
Okay then. I guess it was all true. I had trouble breathing. My legs were wobbly and I had trouble keeping it together.
There was one thing I could take comfort in. If she was inviting me to come shower with her then I wasn’t out of her system. Not yet. What I was, though, was furious. Livid. I turned to the shower and tried to think of how I was going to play this. I didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to say. I was about to explode.
Having all of my fears confirmed with a couple of short sentences like that, especially after I’d finally found peace about my rock goddess dalliance, was a slap to the face. It chilled my blood. It filled me with an irrational fury, though I wasn’t sure if that fury was directed more towards Ivy or me for falling for her bullshit in the first place.
I scooped up her phone and my clothes and forced myself to put one foot in front of the other. To move towards the bathroom and the shower. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but whatever it was, it was going to happen in there.
25: An Offer
I pulled out the cheap hotel soap, amazing how even at one of the more expensive joints in town they managed to make it look as low-rent as possible, and sudsed up. I heard noise and turned to see Jessica staring at me through the glass.
The shower in here was a pretty nice deal. It ran along the whole side of the bathroom with shower heads at all different levels. Not as nice as the one I had in the house in Malibu, but pretty decent for being as far from civilization as I was now.
As I looked her up and down my breath caught. It just wasn’t fair for a girl to look as sexy as she did. To be as incredible as she was in bed. To have my body on fire again and all she was doing was standing there looking at me with an uncertain expression that had me shaking my head and chuckling.
I had no idea why she would be feeling uncertain now. Particularly after everything we’d done last night and just now. I figured she’d be all about hopping in the shower and having a good time, but there was something about the way she held herself that had me wondering if something was wrong.
Something else was weird. She’d changed back into the outfit she wore when I picked her up from her office. Why would she change back into her clothes when I just invited her into the shower?
What was I missing?
I shook it off. I had to be imagining things. I figured she’d join me any moment. Her being clothed just meant I would have the opportunity to unwrap her again, and that was just fine with me.
I smiled as I thought of the impending fun. Being with her was so nice. Everything seemed to come naturally as though everything was right in the world. She was so smart, so gorgeous, and the fact that she had an innocence about her as though she didn’t realize she was such a catch just made her all the hotter in my eyes.
And now as I looked at her, as I drank in her beauty, I found myself at a loss for words.
I’d come to a realization. I wanted her with me. All the time. I didn’t want to leave this city if it meant leaving Jessica. Of course there was a solution to that, but it was crazy. I didn’t think she’d go for it even after what we’d just done. I was still terrified deep down that she would get up and decide she’d done her duty. She’d given me the date I wanted and that was all I was going to get.
I wanted so much more, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my damn mouth and actually ask her. Damn it!
You’d think this sort of thing would get easier with time. You’d think being the lead singer in an internationally recognized music act that had women, and some misguided men who couldn’t accept that they didn’t have a chance, shrieking for my body on the regular, even after ten years, would give me enough confidence to open my damn mouth and ask her. Though I guess it was because I was reluctant, because I wasn’t entirely sure of the answer, that she was the one I wanted to ask in the first place.
Jessica was the second girl I’d ever wanted to take on tour with me. She was the first girl I was reasonably confident wouldn’t ruin my life if I took her on tour with me.
The idea was crazy. It couldn’t possibly work. She had her life here. She didn’t care for the band. She seemed to blow hot and cold, though she was coming on pretty strong and hot right now! I was silly for even wanting to ask, but I had to.
I looked at her again and opened my mouth, and there was an immediate transformation on her face. And not a transformation for the better. Terror shot through me as I thought she might be on the verge of turning around and leaving. As I thought this must have been what she looked like the night before when she left me alone in the back of my tour bus. I’d been asleep so I’d missed the look, but now that I was seeing it, well it was heartbreaking.
Jessica squeezed her eyes shut. A single tear ran down her cheek and I stepped out of the shower, soaking wet and covered in soap, to move my thumb up and wipe the tear away.
“What’s wrong Jessica?”
She inhaled deeply. Let it out in a long shuddering gasp that almost seemed like she was crying. “You don’t know?”
I moved my hand to cup her face in the palm of my hand. I ran a thumb along her cheek and hoped that simple gesture would communicate that everything was okay. That she could let me know what was going on here. That she could let me in.
“No? What’s bothering you Jessica? You can tell me.”
Jessica opened her eyes and they were rimmed with red. There were more tears threatening there, and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like seeing her upset. In pain. She moved a hand up and wiped at her eyes with a fist while at the same time using that fist to bat my hand away from her cheek.
“I don’t know why I ever thought you were different. You had your fun and now you’re off to the next city to do the same thing to some other poor unsuspecting girl!”
I blinked. Then I smiled. A little laugh might have even escaped. From the way she glared at me a laugh seemed like the last thing I should’ve done, but I couldn’t help myself. It was just so ridiculous. Here I was terrified that she was going to leave and meanwhile she was terrified that this was just another groupie situation for me when that couldn’t be farther from the truth!
That laugh might’ve been as much from relief as from amusement.
“This night has been a lot of fun Jessica,” I said. “I know this is crazy, but I want more like this.”
She opened her mouth to say something. I put a finger to her lips to keep her from talking. That earned me one hell of an angry glare but she didn’t say anything more. I was doing the talking now. Somehow those borderline waterworks had given me the courage to say what I needed to say.
“I do have to go to the next city, but I’m far from done with you.”
She went cross eyed looking down at my finger, then what I said seemed to register and she locked eyes with me as hers went wide. I pulled my finger away to allow her to talk.
“What are you saying?”
That nervousness came back even though I was far more confident of the answer now than I had been a few moments ago. “I want you to come with me on tour. Leave this life behind and go on the road with me!”
“You don’t mean that,” she said.
“What are you talking about? Of course I mean it! You�
�re the first girl I’ve ever…”
Well, technically she was the second girl I’d ever wanted to take along on tour with me. The second girl I felt like I could settle down with. I wasn’t about to tell her any of that, though. She didn’t give me much of a chance anyways. When she spoke the heat, the anger, was back in full force.
“Yeah, I bet I’m the first girl you’ve ever asked to go on tour, right? I’m different from all the other girls. You’re so in love with me that you just have to have me around, right?”
Jessica’s voice was getting louder and I wondered where the hell this sudden anger came from. Why she was suddenly screaming at me for no apparent reason. What did I do to her?
“Well yeah, that’s right,” I said.
I didn’t know how else to respond. Here she was screaming at me and all I could think was how fucked up this was. I was finally head over heels for a girl and she was acting like I was the biggest bitch on the planet for some reason and I couldn’t figure out why!
“Yeah? If you’re so in love with me, if I’m not just another groupie, then maybe explain this?”
She held up my phone. My phone that was open to my text messages. Particularly a message from Gareth telling me to get her out of my system quick so I could get back to the buses and they could start out for the next leg of our tour.
I felt my blood run cold as I looked at that. I realized what that message must look like. I barely managed to duck out of the way as she started crying for real and she chucked my phone at me. It smashed against the tile wall and fell to the floor where it blinked a couple of times and then went dead as the combination of getting thrown against a hard wall and then doused in shower water proved to be too much for the fragile electronics.
I didn’t mind the phone so much. I probably had a spare somewhere on the bus, and if that didn’t work out I could easily go down to a store and pick up a new one no problem. No, what really bothered me was that Jessica was turning and leaving again. I could feel her slipping away just like she had last night when she decided to leave me in the middle of the night, only this time I could actually do something about it.
I stumbled out of the shower, nearly slipping on a bit of soapy tile and falling on my ass, but I managed to catch myself on the shower door before I really went for a spill. I moved quickly but more deliberately as I dashed across the tile floor, grabbing a towel along the way.
“Jessica, wait! It’s not what it looks like!”
Jessica was almost to the door when I reached the bathroom door. She turned and glared at me and it was obvious she’d been crying. My heart went out to her and I hated that I’d made her feel that way, even if it was technically more Gareth making her feel that way than me. I hadn’t exactly put a stop to Gareth and his joking around. There was no way for her to tell the inner conflict from those messages. It just looked like I was joking around with my buddy about bagging a hot girl.
Damn it.
I hated that she was crying because of something I’d done, even if it wasn’t something I’d ever intended to do. I’d been an asshole by never calling Gareth out on being an asshole earlier, and now that was coming back to bite me in the ass.
“Y’know it really doesn’t matter if you have an explanation,” she said.
That brought me up short. I leaned against the bathroom door instead of trying to chase after her. What she was saying sounded ominous. It sounded like it had a lot of finality to it. I didn’t like it.
“What are you talking about Jessica?”
“I’ve been trying to fight it all day long, but we’re from two different worlds. Maybe your buddy was just joking around, but you didn’t bother to defend me. I don’t want to live in a world where I have to get used to people treating me like this. I don’t want to live in a world where I’m constantly guessing whether you’re showing some sort of genuine emotion or you’re just telling me what you think I want to hear.”
“Jessica…”
“I think you have a lot of growing up to do before you can find what you’re really looking for, Ivy. In the meantime have fun with your groupies. I should’ve listened to Alice when she told me about you.”
And then she was gone, giving the door a jolly good slam. Every word stung like a slap to the face. A slap that was reaching out from the past to smack me upside the head with the collective weight of every sin I’d ever committed against a female fan who maybe hoped there was something more than a one night stand brewing.
I finally regained some of my senses and bolted for the door. I threw it open before it latched and jumped out into the hallway without thinking.
Damn Jessica was fast. I looked around but I didn’t see her. The only sign that she was anywhere nearby was the ding of an elevator around the corner. I hesitated for a moment wondering if I should try to make it when I looked down and realized I’d just run out of my hotel room in nothing but a towel.
I turned around just in time for the door to shut behind me and the electronic lock to click.
Damn it. This was going to be all over the Internet.
26: All Over
The only good thing about this night was that at least the hotel Ivy was staying at was within walking distance of my apartment. Sort of. In the sense that just about everything was within walking distance if you were willing to break a sweat to get where you were going.
And didn’t mind going through some of the shadier areas of downtown. I sighed as another sketchy guy looked at me from a dark alley, but at least this one didn’t say anything. I must’ve looked like shit because the last guy that looked anything close to a mugger took one look at me with tears streaming down my face and walked away.
That or the cop car that appeared down the street behind me had something to do with it. I liked to think that I looked so terrible with my puffy eyes and tears streaming down my cheeks that even muggers decided I’d had a shitty enough night without them piling on.
“What’s wrong?” Alice asked when I got through the door. “You’re not supposed to be crying. You’re supposed to be off with Ivy living the dream!”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I’m living the dream all right. A one night stand with a girl who couldn’t care less about me as long as she gets in my pants.”
Alice blinked. “What are you talking about?”
“You should go ahead and ask Gareth. It was a text from him that tipped me off. You were right earlier. Ivy Thompson is no different today than she was the first time they got famous.”
Alice wrapped an arm around me and guided me towards the couch. She disappeared for a moment and before I knew it she was back with a steaming cup of something in her hand.
“Here, try this. It’ll make you feel better.”
I took a sip of the drink, coffee judging by how dark it was, and resisted the urge to spit the stuff out as my mouth started to burn, and not from the heat. I forced myself to swallow and the burn ran straight to my stomach, finally causing me to cough to the point that I put the cup of coffee down just so I wouldn’t risk spewing it all over our couch.
“What the hell did you put in that?” I asked.
“Oh the usual. A little bit of coffee and a whole hell of a lot of whiskey. Why do you ask?”
“Damn that was strong!”
“Well that’s sort of the point,” she said. She took a seat next to me on the couch. “So what happened? I’m guessing things didn’t turn out right for Cinderella at the ball if you’re coming back all puffy eyed?”
I frowned. Then I picked up my cup of whiskey and coffee. I really needed more of the stuff if I was going to have this conversation.
Hell, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have the conversation with anybody, but Alice was the only person other than my boss who was in the know. And probably every other girl who had a work email, damn it.
That was going to be fun. Going back to work the day after I left with one of the most famous rock stars of our generation with nothing to show for it. Nothing but a hic
key I’d noticed on my neck when I was walking through the front door and glanced at myself in the mirror we had hanging there for last minute checks.
I grimaced. That was going to be the subject of even more rumors. Damn it. Well they could talk all the wanted. Rachel could bug me all she wanted. I wasn’t breathing a word of this, of my humiliation, to anyone thank you very much.
Anyone but Alice.
“I didn’t even mean to look at her phone,” I said. “It’s not like I was trying to spy on her or something. Her phone fell out of her pants and it was right there on the floor when it buzzed and I saw the message.”
“The message?”
“From your guy. Gareth?”
Alice made a disgusted noise that came from somewhere deep in her throat. That noise surprised me, to be honest.
“Hey, you were the one who decided getting with a rock star was more important than listening to that little voice that told you nothing was going to happen beyond sex,” I said.
“Well yeah,” Alice said. “But can you blame me? He’s so hot! Even if he did show me the door right after he was done it was totally worth it! Sort of. Maybe.”
I shook my head. Honestly, Alice was impossible. Here she’d had a guy use her for a one night stand and she was perfectly okay with it! Sort of. Mostly. She’d let him take advantage of her just like he probably had a string of girls across the country and she didn’t seem to mind. Then again she’d been a fan of the band for years, so for her it was probably one hell of an experience.
For me it was different, though. I wasn’t a huge fan. I’d always been more interested in Ivy the woman than Ivy the rock star even if I had fallen under the spell of Ivy the rock star on a couple of occasions.
Finding out I’d been dealing with Ivy the manipulative rock star who was willing to say whatever it took to get a girl in bed with her was definitely a slap in the face when I’d been so sure I was dealing with Ivy the woman who was interested in more than just the one night stand.
