by Loretta Hill
‘Is everything OK? You’ve been a little quiet today.’
‘Have I?’ He ran a hand through his already windswept hair and looked away. ‘I guess you could say I’ve had some bad news this week. My mum’s moving to New York.’
‘Oh.’ She felt his disappointment. ‘That’s a shame.’
She knew from their last conversation that his mother being in town was important to him. That he wanted to build a relationship he thought he’d lost.
‘Well, at least New York is a cool place to visit. Start saving for a holiday.’
He nodded, a strange look crossing his face. ‘I’ll do that.’
Her gaze followed his to the water. ‘Do you want to go for a swim?’
His expression lost its shuttered look. ‘Don’t we have to wait half an hour or something?’
‘I never do,’ she laughed.
‘Well, I’m not throwing up in front of you. How will that get me a third date?’
‘I think you’ve already got one,’ she said, and then undid the strings that tied her dress together to reveal her bikini.
Lying back on a towel beside him, she loved the way his eyes tore over her hungrily.
‘Now that is not playing fair,’ he growled. ‘Maybe I do need a cold dip.’
She sat up eagerly. ‘Race you to the water!’
‘Hey!’
But she was already up and away, kicking sand onto their towels as she tore off. Her feet were just about to hit the surf when she felt herself grabbed from behind, lifted and spun above the waves.
‘Do you ever play fair?’ a voice laughed in her ear.
Kate was no longer interested in swimming. Henry had ripped off his shirt before chasing after her and the sensation of skin against skin had her tongue tied in double knots.
‘Guess what?’ he said. ‘Neither do I.’
And then, unceremoniously, she was dumped in the water. It was freezing! But she came up laughing.
‘You ratbag!’
She lunged at him, aiming to push him down. As their bodies collided for the second time he held her fast, bending his head to take her lips in a quick, teasing kiss.
But they were never meant to kiss just once.
Or in a teasing fashion.
With the first taste out of the way, he lifted his hands and captured her face between both palms. Their eyes locked momentarily as a wave of emotion she neither recognised nor understood swept across his face. Then he kissed her again.
Stars burst behind her eyes and her bones pooled at her feet. His thumbs caressed her cheeks and then slid down her neck till his hands rested lightly on her shoulders.
Kissing, as far as she recalled, had never felt this good or this right. Never produced such an absolute sense of belonging. Never made her feel that this was the only place she was ever meant to be. She moaned softly in protest as he finally pulled away, her body tingling with desire.
A gentle breeze swept her hair about her face. The sound of waves and seagulls was utterly over-powered by the pounding of her heart. She breathed deep, looking up into his dark, slightly closed eyes and gave his chest one almighty push so that he fell back spluttering in the waves.
‘I still think you’re a ratbag!’ she laughed and raced off.
CHAPTER 10
‘See! I knew everything was going to work out,’ Lisa exclaimed. ‘How many dates are you up to now?’
‘Six,’ Kate grinned. She’d passed three without even thinking. It had been three weeks since that day on the beach.
Their first kiss.
The first of many.
Everything seemed to be falling into place. She couldn’t understand how she’d ever been paranoid about spending time with Henry. They could talk about almost anything.
‘In fact, the only thing he doesn’t like to talk about much is his writing,’ Kate told Lisa. ‘I don’t know … he just seems kind of self-conscious about it.’
‘That’s an artist thing,’ Lisa was quick to advise. ‘You know … they have to be all mysterious and hush-hush until they’ve got a finished product. I wouldn’t worry about it.’
Kate wasn’t.
It was Saturday morning and that evening she was looking forward to seeing Henry again. For now she was sitting in a smart little café in Paddington, sipping cappuccinos with Lisa. They’d just spent the morning walking up and down Oxford Street in search of bridesmaid dresses. Life was good.
While their hunt through one of Sydney’s most famous retail strips had been more or less fruitless, their spirits were by no means diminished. In fact, Kate could feel her cheeks glowing.
Am I falling for him?
Is it too soon?
‘So when are you seeing him again?’ Lisa inquired.
‘Tonight,’ Kate laughed. ‘We haven’t decided what we’re doing though. I’m waiting for him to call.’ She immediately withdrew her phone from her pocket and glanced at it. ‘Nope, no missed calls.’
‘As if you haven’t had your ear out all morning,’ Lisa scoffed. ‘Girl, you’ve got it bad. I almost don’t recognise you.’
Kate bit her lip. ‘Do you think I’m too excited about this?’
‘No,’ Lisa hastily replied. ‘You deserve it.’
Just then Sophia, Andrew’s boss, walked in with another woman Lisa and Kate didn’t recognise. Both women were carrying three shopping bags each and clearly had the intention of taking a break as well.
Lisa, who saw Sophia first, raised her hand to acknowledge her. But the accountant deliberately turned her face away, following her friend to a table on the other side of the room.
Lisa slowly lowered her hand. ‘That was a snub, right? I’m not imagining things?’
‘No,’ Kate had to concede. ‘That was definitely a snub.’
‘Should I go over?’
‘Wait, she’s going to walk past.’
Sure enough, Sophia had left her shopping with her friend and was approaching the counter to buy coffee.
‘Sophia,’ Lisa tried again as the woman walked past their table. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Fine.’ Sophia’s face seemed frozen. She was about to move on when Lisa stalled her again.
‘Have I done something to offend you?’
‘Not you.’ Sophia hesitated, and then to Kate’s surprise focused on her instead. ‘Look, I wasn’t going to say anything but I really think your boyfriend’s behaviour was appalling.’
Kate blinked. ‘Huh?’
‘At the engagement party,’ Sophia snapped as though Kate was stupid. ‘You know, just because he’s rich and famous doesn’t mean he can go around assaulting whoever he likes. He nearly dislocated Mark’s jaw. My husband was on painkillers for a week!’
‘What are you talking about?’ Kate didn’t know which part of this diabolical little speech to absorb first.
Sophia folded her arms. ‘Don’t play dumb. Mark told me how obsessed you were with his books, now somehow you’ve managed to trap the man himself.’
‘Trap him?’ Kate repeated. ‘Trap who?’
‘Oh, for goodness sake, I don’t have time for this.’ Sophia tossed her head and stalked off.
‘Honestly,’ Kate frowned at Lisa. ‘I don’t know why she thinks Henry assaulted Mark or what this trapping nonsense is all about. The only books I’ve ever been obsessed with are those written by –’
She stopped as a notion, so incredible she nearly dismissed it, occurred to her.
No, it can’t be.
Then, like a checklist, all the things she didn’t know about Henry’s writing lined up. The genre, the publisher, the number of books he’d already written. He’d skimmed over all those details with the finesse of a Russian spy.
It was a bit like having acupuncture. A hundred little needles inserted themselves in her back. She felt the prickles feather up her spine before she went completely numb.
Henry was H. L. Carter.
H. L. Carter was Henry.
But why didn’t he want her to know
?
She choked on her own spit.
Because he doesn’t want you in that part of his life.
She cringed as she pictured herself sitting across the table from him gushing about her favourite writer. A hot flush rolled through her body like a wave. He hadn’t said a word, not one single word about who he really was. He’d just let her talk.
And as for his assault on Mark? When had that happened? Had they spoken of her? Bile rose up her throat. This wasn’t the Henry in her mind.
Was she dating yet another man with a double life?
A man who lied to her.
Kept her in the dark.
Treated her like she was just some trophy he took out for special occasions.
Were rich men all the same?
They thought their money could buy them privileges or take away other people’s.
All she wanted in a relationship was honesty and yet again she had been strung along.
Delusional, naïve, trusting Kate.
So lost in her hurt, it took several attempts for Lisa to penetrate the haze of Kate’s thoughts.
‘Kate, don’t shut me out. Talk to me. What’s going on?’
Kate looked up slowly. ‘Henry is H. L. Carter.’ She hugged her herself, running her fingers up and down the backs of her arms as though she were cold. ‘Oh my God, I think history has just repeated itself.’
Henry glanced down at his phone, a frown creasing his brow.
‘What’s the matter?’ his brother demanded from the couch, beer in hand, pretzel in his mouth.
‘Kate’s just cancelled tonight.’
Tom turned the volume of the television down. They had been watching the footy. ‘Did she say why?’
‘No.’
Henry texted her back.
Do you want to go out tomorrow night?
His phone beeped.
No.
His fingers flew across the buttons.
So when are you free to meet up?
His phone beeped again. Meet up with you or H. L. Carter?
His heart dropped to his stomach. Oh shit. He immediately put the phone to his ear and heard it ringing. He knew she was there. But it went straight to voicemail.
‘You’re killing me here,’ Tom called from the couch. ‘What’s going on?’
Henry looked up, unable to stall a feeling of panic spreading in his chest. ‘This is why I never should have listened to you. She’s found out I’m a millionaire author from someone else.’
Tom nodded. ‘Well, I’m an expert on fraud not relationships.’
Henry walked out onto his balcony and spent the next fifteen minutes trying to get through to Kate. But she’d switched off her phone and after a while he stopped leaving messages.
He came back inside and began pacing the floor.
His brother watched him dispassionately. ‘Still didn’t get through, huh? Did you try the best friend? I assume you still have her number?’
Henry shook his head. ‘Thought of that. She’s not answering my calls either.’
‘Well,’ Tom sat back on the couch and reached for the bag of pretzels, ‘there’s always yoga.’
It had been six days since she’d last seen him. Not that he hadn’t been far from her thoughts. Her voicemail messages were certainly a constant reminder that he was still there waiting in the wings.
She knew she should call him back, tell him it was over and put him out of his misery, but every time she heard his voice a little part of her broke. She couldn’t do it, not until she was stronger – had got over his duplicity a little more and the sound of him didn’t make her want to cry.
She didn’t realise that her ‘building up strength’ period was a mistake until she walked into yoga class on Tuesday and saw him standing there by the shelves housing the mats.
Their eyes locked briefly before she sucked in a breath, turned around and walked right back out.
There was no way she was putting up with this farce again.
‘Kate, wait up! Where are you going?’
She did not slow her pace or look around. She didn’t want to know what he had to say, didn’t want to care.
‘Kate, please.’ He didn’t catch up to her till they were outside in the street. ‘I wanted to tell you. I was just scared to.’
She spun around, her hair whipping against her cheek. ‘Scared of what? That I’d try to go after your money or that I’d embarrass you?’
‘You would never embarrass me.’
‘So it was the money then?’
A muscle twitched in his cheek. He couldn’t deny it and her heart felt like lead. It dropped out of her chest and rattled round her knees. He opened his mouth to say something but she beat him to it.
‘Go swim in your money, Henry. You’re welcome to it.’
She would have started walking again but he slipped his fingers through hers and pulled her off the footpath and under a nearby tree. For a moment she forgot how to speak, the intimacy of the gesture was so intense. The downside of that was that he spoke instead.
‘You don’t understand,’ he began solemnly. ‘That’s all women have ever wanted from me. It was just so nice to be liked for myself and I didn’t want it to end.’
‘But what about how your lies have made me feel?’
‘I know,’ he hastily put in. ‘It was completely unfair to you.’
‘Glad to see you will at least admit that.’ Ripping her hand from his and holding her pride like a beacon before her, she resumed walking. He fell into stride beside her, refusing to let her go without a fight. Her heart rubbed raw against her ribs. She didn’t know whether to be reassured or frustrated by his usual dogmatic persistence.
‘Can’t we at least talk about this?’
She stopped walking again, turned and faced him. His forehead was wrinkled with worry. She blanked out his concern, however, and focused on what she had to say. ‘It hurts that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me who you were. It hurts that you let me go on and on about my favourite author and still said nothing. And it hurts that you let me find out the truth from someone else.’
‘Kate, I –’
‘But.’ She held up a hand for silence and reluctantly he complied. ‘But do you know what hurts the most?’
He was silent, simply waiting for her to speak.
‘The fact that I started to like you. I fell for that stupid smile of yours and the way you stuck up for me at the engagement party. Hell,’ she looked heavenward, blinking rapidly to stop smarting tears, ‘I’ve told you things about Mark that I’ve never discussed with anyone.’ She hardened her features. ‘But I don’t know you, do I, Henry? I didn’t know you at all.’
‘Kate, you do know me.’
‘Yeah.’ She tipped her head to one side. ‘You’re the egotistical celebrity who values his privacy so much he doesn’t even reveal himself to the woman he’s dating.’
‘It wasn’t an ego thing.’ He sucked in a breath. ‘I’ve had a number of girlfriends in my time and they were all with me because they wanted a piece of H. L. Carter, nothing else.’
‘That’s insane.’ She dismissed his remark with a wave of her hand.
‘Insane but true.’ Henry licked his lips. ‘In fact, I’m pretty familiar with women with that attitude. My mother and father separated when my father’s business went bust. She couldn’t handle being poor and left him for a richer man.’
Kate covered her mouth. ‘That’s why they got divorced? That’s why she wasn’t around for you when you were a kid – because you were poor?’
‘Pretty much,’ Henry told her bitterly.
‘But I thought you said you were building a relationship with her again. When did she come back into your life?’
‘When my first book became a New York Times bestseller.’
‘Oh.’ Her voice dropped as she connected the dots.
‘To be honest,’ he admitted, ‘when she got in touch with me I was really happy about it. I thought she’d changed. I was wrong. She l
eft town with her new rich benefactor a week ago. I wasn’t even invited to the wedding.’
She remembered then, that day on the beach when he’d seemed a little down, and his story clicked into place. No wonder he was so paranoid. A mother like that would give anyone a complex. If his own mother had given him such a distrust of woman, and the women in his life so far had done nothing to dispel his fears, she couldn’t really blame him for being cautious.
He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and hung his head. ‘I’ve always thought it was fate that brought us together. The fact that you love my work so much and I fit the description of your imaginary boyfriend. It seems like we were always meant to be, we just had to wait for the stars to align.’
His words spoke directly to her heart. She couldn’t deny what she had started to believe herself.
He looked up. ‘I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through, but I promise you it will never happen again. If you’ll give me a second chance.’
She hesitated under the weight of his sincerity. They were both coming from places of distrust and pain. There were bound to be residual issues to work out. It wouldn’t be fair to run at their first fight, would it? The force field around her heart started to lower.
She folded her arms, trying not to show that she was weakening. ‘I need you to be honest with me from now on, Henry. No more secrets.’
He nodded.
‘And no more lies.’
‘Come over to my place tonight.’ He took her hands. ‘You said you wanted to meet H. L. Carter. Well, here I am. You can see where I live and ask me any questions you like. I won’t hold back.’
She hesitated.
‘Come on.’ That smile of his melted her bones. ‘What do you have to lose?’
She looked at her feet. More than you know.
But she had no willpower when it came to Henry. Even now she found herself replying, before she realised she’d even made the decision.
