It was a calm late summer afternoon, the light mellow and kind. He took a few pictures of the cloud patterns on the sea but he struggled to get the right shot. Deep down, he knew he was only putting off the moment when he had to make his call.
He sat down on a lump of granite. With his heart beating fast, he dialled her number but it went straight to answerphone.
‘Fuck.’
One of the cows lifted its head as he swore.
He left it a few minutes, staring out over the sea, willing Poppy to pick up her phone, but his next two calls also met her answerphone. He stabbed the off button but then thought she might worry something dire had happened to him or the studio if he didn’t at least leave a message, so he called back a fourth time and left a message.
‘Poppy. It’s Jake. Nothing to worry about but I thought I’d let you know that Grandpa’s back on St Piran’s. I hope you’re OK … Call me if you can …’ He shoved the phone in his pocket. ‘Shit.’ He could email her or WhatsApp her when he got back to the studio. But no, this can’t be done in a message, he thought.
A second cow stared at him. A cow with impressive horns.
‘I know, I know. Another mad human talking to himself. Bet you get a lot of that,’ Jake told the cow. ‘Maybe I should go and see her face to face,’ he said, then dismissed the idea. He couldn’t leave Grandpa until Fen came home. ‘I can’t just turn up on her doorstep without warning her. What if she’s with him – Dan the Man?’
The cow had stopped listening and was munching the grass. Jake sighed. The cow obviously thought it was a rubbish plan too. After another few minutes of staring at his phone, willing it to ring, he pushed himself up and strode back towards the cottage.
‘Grandpa …’ Jake called softly as he let himself into the hallway. He didn’t want to startle his grandad or wake him unnecessarily.
Jake pushed the sitting room door open a crack and peered round it. Archie’s favourite chair was empty.
‘Grandpa!’ He checked the kitchen before trotting upstairs to see if Archie had gone for a lie-down in his room. There was no sign of him in the cottage, so Jake went back down and out into the garden. A few minutes later, he was beginning to worry a little. Archie hadn’t left a note.
He went out onto the harbourside to see if he could spot him, and Trevor saw him.
‘Good to see Archie back,’ he said.
‘Have you seen him, then? I’ve been for a walk and he wasn’t in the cottage.’
‘Yes, not ten minutes ago. He went into the Starfish. Do you know when Poppy will be back by the way?’
‘No, sorry,’ said Jake, as his unease made his stomach clench.
He found the door to the studio unlocked and guessed that Archie had used his own keys. Sure enough, Archie was standing in the work area.
‘Grandpa! I didn’t know you were up and about or I’d have come back from my walk sooner.’
‘I couldn’t wait any longer to see the old place and I thought you’d be busy. Did you speak to your girl?’
‘She’s not my girl, and no. I did try, but she wasn’t picking up her phone …’ Jake noticed that the drawer to the worktable was open and then realised that its contents were spread over the table.
‘Has anyone been in this drawer?’ Archie asked.
Jake winced. ‘Yes. We were looking for a list of artists and suppliers and I found a spare key … so we sort of opened it.’
‘I see.’ Archie ran his fingers over the paperwork and sheets on the worktable, spreading them apart. ‘And did you find anything?’
Jake hesitated. Although he and Poppy had come across the sketches by accident, he did feel he’d pried into a very personal aspect of his grandpa and Fen’s lives, but there was no use denying he’d seen the sketches now. ‘I did. We did. Poppy and I found some old sketches of Fen in the dunes. We didn’t know what to do with them because they seemed kind of … personal, so I locked them in the bureau in the cottage.’
Archie sat down on the stool. ‘Oh, you did, did you?’ he said quietly.
Jake perched on the seat opposite Archie. ‘I guessed they were important to you and Fen so I thought it was best to put them somewhere safe. I hope you’re not too upset?’
Archie shook his head. ‘No. No. I’m not upset. I should have moved them anyway, but I’d half forgotten they were even in there until this afternoon when you told me you’d opened the crate.’
‘I’m glad I opened it now. It did help me, even if you hadn’t intended me to.’
His eyes lit with hope. ‘Really, boy? I wanted you to love St Piran’s again, then Fen told me you seemed to be getting on with Poppy and so I also thought it wouldn’t do any harm to stay away from the island a little bit longer to give you time together … You falling for Poppy was a bonus I’d never reckoned on.’
Jake shook his head but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face either. Grandpa Archie was a crafty old devil.
‘As for the sketches, I knew you’d find them one day,’ Archie went on. ‘Of course, I have a past, Jake. So does Fen. None of us are perfect. Nobody is. I made mistakes, bad decisions – just like you seem to think you have.’
‘You don’t have to feel guilty; whatever happened with you and Fen is none of my business.’
Archie grabbed his arm. ‘I want to tell you! I know you weren’t happy with Harriet, not as happy as a couple about to spend the rest of their lives together should be. You needn’t hide it, Jake, I could tell from the final time you visited me with her.’
‘I … we were trying to work things out between us.’ Jake had never admitted to anyone that he and Harriet had been having problems. A pang of grief and guilt clutched at him. This was a difficult conversation but one that he couldn’t, and now realised he didn’t want to avoid.
Archie’s voice had taken on a passion Jake had rarely heard him use. ‘What goes on between lovers should stay between them, but you may as well know, as you’ve probably guessed, that Fen and I – well, we have been more than friends.’
Jake prickled with discomfort. It felt wrong to hear the details of his grandparents’ private lives and he definitely didn’t want to be told that his beloved grandfather might have hurt his grandmother. ‘I’m not sure you should be telling me this,’ he said softly.
‘Are you afraid to hear it? Well, don’t be. None of us is perfect, but if you’re worried that I had an affair with Fen behind Ellie’s back, you can rest easy. Fen and I have always had a fondness for each other that went beyond friendship, that’s true. We all knew each other at school, you know. Fen and Ellie were in the same class at St Piran’s primary school, back in the day when the island had a school. I was couple of years above them. We grew up together.’ Archie paused and pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed his eyes.
‘Don’t tell me this if it upsets you,’ said Jake.
‘Or you?’ Archie came back. ‘I’m sorry, Jake. I didn’t mean to be harsh but I need to tell you in case I never get another chance, so please hear me out.’
‘OK,’ said Jake, moved by the intensity of his grandpa’s tone.
‘I loved your grandma and I loved Fen, but I had to choose one and I chose Ellie. When we left school, and I’d started to make enough to support a family with my fishing and my painting, I married her and we settled down. I still cared for Fen, but I was never tempted to do anything about it, even though she lived so close. We kept the way we felt about each other deep inside and I hope Ellie never knew.’
Archie paused for breath before going on.
‘I’ll admit that after she passed away, I tormented myself for years that she might have guessed I also loved Fen and suffered silently. I hope not. Fen had her own private life, and she and I stayed friends. It wasn’t until after your grandmother had been gone a year that Fen and I became close again.’
‘That’s when you did the later sketches,’ said Jake, still uncomfortable with such private details but realising that his grandpa needed to get this hu
ge burden off his chest. He’d probably never told another person how he felt in his whole life.
‘Yes. It must have been a shock finding them.’ A smile touched his lips.
Jake had to smile too. ‘It’s OK, Grandpa. I’m a photographer – I’ve seen racier stuff.’
Archie chuckled. ‘But nothing so personal?’
‘No. Probably not,’ said Jake, recalling the shock of seeing the drawings again.
‘I was young once and I am an artist, so I’ve seen and experienced a lot more than you imagine. Although life drawings aren’t my strong point.’
Jake let him pause, then voiced the thing he had to ask. ‘There was another drawing, Grandpa. Fen seemed a lot younger in that one.’
Archie nodded. ‘Yes, I did that picture of her too and in the same place, but that early sketch wasn’t meant for me … Like I said, nothing ever happened between Fen and I while your grandma was alive. But it’s not my business to tell you. It’s Fen’s.’ He leaned forward and put his hand over Jake’s. ‘What’s important and what I’m trying to say is that I know you feel guilty about what passed between you and Harriet before she died and it’s held you back from finding happiness elsewhere. You’ve punished yourself by hating this place and staying away from here and from anyone else you might have found comfort with.’
Jake had to remind himself to breathe. The memories of the weeks before Harriet died were vivid. Part of him was angry with Archie for dragging them up, but his grandpa was right. He had used his guilt as an excuse to cling on to the past and beat himself up. If he’d been able to admit that to himself, he might have fought harder to stay with Poppy.
‘You’re right. It’s been hard to forgive myself. I’m not sure I ever will, but I do want to be happy again. I want to let Poppy know how I feel, but it might be too late. I don’t know if we can work things through.’
Archie shook his head. ‘Jake, boy, I’m glad my misfortune has given you the chance to see things differently. Move on – things will never be perfect. If you think they’re even half perfect with Poppy, then let her know and don’t let her go. Hold on and make the most of every moment. Fight for her.’
Chapter 32
Poppy hitched a lift back to St Piran’s on Kelly’s workboat and squeezed in between the packs of electrical supplies and roof tiles. It was lucky she’d spotted Kelly and her workmate as she was on the quayside because her phone battery had died hours before in the airport at Newquay.
But – deep breath – she was finally back at the Starfish after a twelve-hour journey by train, bus and plane from the Midlands. She put the key in the lock of the door and her stomach flipped. It was already open. She’d definitely left it locked, but – she let out a sigh of relief – of course, the Cardews wouldn’t have bothered to lock it while they were keeping an eye on things. It was only Poppy’s city paranoia.
Her anxiety evaporated once she was inside because the studio looked fine – it looked amazing, in fact, compared to the tired and crumbling space she’d been confronted with on that first day back in May.
She headed upstairs to the flat, plugged her phone into the charger in the kitchen and looked out of the window. It was a still evening, the waves gently lapping the shore next to the harbour and a few people were still around, loading fish off boats. She recognised every one of them and it reminded her of how much she’d missed Fen, Kelly and her friends on the island … and she’d missed Leo.
As for Jake, she’d tried very hard not to miss him, but it had been impossible. She hadn’t heard from him for almost a week now, the longest he’d been out of communication since he’d left. She hoped he was OK.
Her phone went nuts as a string of text messages came through. There were two from her mum and one from Zoey. She picked up the phone, still connected to the wall, and texted her mother with a rapid: ‘Home safe, TTYL’, just as several messages came through from Jake.
‘Where are you? J x’
‘Back on St Piran’s. R U at home? J’
‘Need to talk to you. Call me’
There was an answerphone message from him too. With a pounding heart, she listened to his voicemail.
‘Poppy. It’s Jake. Nothing to worry about but I thought I’d let you know that Grandpa’s back on St Piran’s. I hope you’re OK … call me if you can …’
Jake sounded out of breath and there was a noise in the background like a cow mooing. He was back on St Piran’s with Archie? What was going on?
Should she call him? Go around to Archie’s?
She texted him: Back at Starfish. No battery. Do you want to come over?
If he was with Archie, it was better that they had their conversation privately.
She hung over the phone, waiting and willing it to beep.
Five long minutes passed before she heard the door open below in the studio and Jake’s voice call, ‘Poppy? Hello. It’s me.’
She flew down the stairs and almost landed on top of him. He looked – amazing – tall, a little tired perhaps, but very tanned. Every instinct told her to throw her arms around him and kiss him, but his serious expression stopped her just in time.
She stepped off the bottom stair. ‘You’re back.’
Jake hung back. ‘You too.’
‘I hadn’t heard from you for a while … I was a bit worried …’
A trace of a smile touched his lips. ‘That I’d been swallowed by a giant anaconda?’
‘It’s not funny!’
Jake stopped smiling. ‘No, it isn’t. We did have a few hairy moments, but all our comms were out of order and then when I got home … well, I didn’t know if you wanted me to call you.’
‘What do you mean?’
He shuffled his feet, awkwardly. ‘I heard that Dan had been here after his father had died. I’m very sorry. It must have been a massive shock. I assume he wasn’t that old?’
‘Pete was only sixty. I liked him a lot. He was larger than life and he loved a drink and a smoke. To be honest, he was a lot more fun than Dan.’ She sighed. ‘He had a sudden massive heart attack so it was a horrible shock for Dan. He was in a bad way and he wanted my support. I decided to help him.’ She’d been about to say she had no choice, but that wasn’t true. Everything was in her control.
‘I understand,’ said Jake, but there was a tension in his body that said otherwise.
‘Who told you Dan had been here?’ she asked.
He hesitated, then said, ‘Minty.’ He grimaced. ‘And a few other people.’
‘Minty! How did she know?’
‘She said she’d come over to the studio and that Dan had told her you were going back home with him and he implied it might be permanent.’
‘Oh God. Dan … I never said anything about staying away. I admit I was soft with him while he was here. He was in bits, but there was nothing between us – on my side – other than friendship.’ She hesitated. Jake didn’t need to know the details of her conversation with Dan at the café … but he did seem desperate to know she wasn’t staying with Dan. Her stomach flipped. Could this mean that … ‘I left in a hurry,’ she said. ‘But it doesn’t matter now. We’re both back. How long have you been here?’
‘Since this morning … I came straight round to see you. There are things I want to say to you, but I’ll walk out now if that’s what you want. I don’t want to pressure you, not after the time you’ve had with Dan leaving and coming back … He didn’t only ask you to go to the funeral, did he?’
‘What makes you think that?’
‘A hunch. A fear … Why would he come all this way to see you and ask you for support if he didn’t still love you? When I heard you’d gone back with him, even if I dismissed what Minty told me, the odds on you and he getting back together were strong. I didn’t want to pressure you or risk being knocked back. But lately I’ve realised that some things are worth fighting for.’
Poppy listened in amazement. So, it was true. Jake was opening his heart to her after all this time. She hadn’t expecte
d him to be here at all, let alone to tell her that he wanted to be with her. She felt as if she could jump for joy.
‘You-you’d better come up to the flat.’
They sat next to each other on her bed. She could hardly believe that he was only inches away after all this time. She could feel the warmth of his body, the weight of him next to her on the bed. She wanted to reach out and touch him.
‘So, you and Dan,’ Jake began. ‘What happened? I feel sorry for his loss, but why did he come over here? I thought he was with Eve. The Temptress.’
She smiled. ‘He was, but she was tempted by someone else. The baby’s not even Dan’s.’
Jake snorted. ‘Jesus. I’d say poor Dan, if I didn’t think he was a total twat.’
‘He said he’d made a big mistake and he wanted us to get back together.’
‘And were you tempted?’
‘No. It’s funny, but despite how much he’d hurt me, I used to fantasise about what I’d say and how I’d feel if he walked in that door and begged me to take him back. Does that sound mad and sad?’
He shook his head. ‘Neither. Just sounds human, like someone who’s been hurt. So, when he did turn up, how did you feel?’
‘Confused. Angry with him and sorry for him. Disoriented, as if the past few months had never happened. Weird, because he’d invaded my new life. I couldn’t cope with him being in the Starfish, a place I rebuilt – we rebuilt – from the fragments of my old life.’
‘And what about when you went home?’ Jake sounded as if he was teetering on the edge of a cliff, afraid to ask the question.
‘Just as strange. I felt terrible explaining to Dan that our time had passed. I tried to let him down gently, but I don’t think he’d ever have come back if Eve hadn’t left him, and even if Dan had decided to dump her, I still would never have him back. He’s not the person I thought he was and I’m different too now. I’m stronger and more independent than I ever dreamed. I’ve come here and gone home again but I’m back. I’m sticking with St Piran’s and the Starfish.’
Summer on the Little Cornish Isles Page 28
