by T. S. Joyce
Huh. Kurt bit his bottom lip as he watched Colt disappear into the tree line. What he’d said made a helluva lot of sense to Kurt. He was building something special with Ten, something he wished he’d found years ago, long before the end of his life. And now he didn’t have to only find a place for Gunner when he was gone.
He needed to make sure Ten would be okay, too.
****
This body was weak and pitiful. It made Tenlee angry. She scooped another pile of horse crap and hay into the wheel barrow but didn’t make it look pretty. She was sweating, her hair plastered to her forehead, cursing the clothes she had to wear to be proper and not make other people uncomfortable, and she had blisters all over her hands from cleaning out two tiny stalls. But she was no quitter, and this morning had lit a fire inside of her. She needed better control of this body so she could take care of her people. She needed to be strong so she could play with Gunner whenever he wanted, and help Kurt with his chores around the ranch. Like today. He was out with the cattle but would have to come back here after a long day and clean out stalls, and she was bound and determined to make his life easier so his injuries didn’t hurt so much.
Gunner was hanging out with Karis today, but Tenlee wished she was the one who could take care of him while Kurt was out. She understood, though. This body didn’t hold long enough. She didn’t trust it to stay like this a whole day for Gunner yet.
But she would.
Ouch. One of her blisters on her palms ripped against the handle of the pitchfork. Weak body.
Flap, flap, flap.
Tenlee jerked her attention to the rafters above her. And there sat Ramsey in his human form, newly Changed, naked, with one leg dangling down. His eyes roiled black with anger. All of his tattoos and muscles and dominance had never done anything for her. All the females fell all over themselves around him, but Tenlee never had.
He dropped down into the stall with barely any impact on his legs. He cocked his head and dragged his gaze down her body and back up. “I don’t understand you.”
Every instinct inside of her said to run, but the first thing she’d learned during her time with the crows was you never gave them your back. They turn to birds of prey if anyone ran from them. It was the instinct of a monster. “Not surprising. You never did understand me.”
“It’s time to stop this and come home.”
“I am home,” she murmured. Damn her voice as it shook. Weak body. Weak voice. Weak Tenlee. She gripped the handle of the pitchfork and lifted it threateningly as he stepped toward her.
“You’re changing, and I don’t like it. I can feel you turning into someone you’re not. I watch you, and you are changing to match a man who doesn’t deserve your attention. You are a queen, Tenlee. An Origin. He’s a washed-up Alpha on his last legs.” He jerked his head and held out his hand. “Let’s go. Your throne is ready for you.”
“But I was never ready for that throne, Ramsey. I never will be. You don’t get that, do you? It’s something I’ve said to you a hundred times, and it’s like you don’t hear me. You don’t listen.” She lifted her chin and straightened her spine. “I want to be happy.”
Ramsey’s blond brows lowered over those pitch-black eyes, and his lips twisted into a snarl. “You don’t know what that means, Tenlee. You were happy, and you threw it away.”
“I was never happy with you,” she argued softly. Shaky, shaky voice. Her back hit the stall wall as he approached, and she kept distance between them with only the length of the pitchfork.
Ramsey looked so dark. So angry. So much like a crow. She could never go back to that cage—that’s what Red Dead Mayhem had been. Each crow had been an iron bar keeping her stagnant, and she wanted something different. She wanted to move and improve and be a better shifter. A better woman. A better person. A stronger one. “You are right. I’m changing, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t like it. I do.”
Ramsey shoved the pitchfork out of the way and reached for her, but the anger she’d been trying to control blasted through her, and the second he gripped her arm, she turned and bit him so hard her human teeth hurt and her mouth filled with the taste of warm iron.
Ramsey huffed a pained breath and yanked away from her. His eyes were swimming with complete shock as he stared at her, body angled away, holding his bleeding forearm close to his body.
“Don’t you touch me. Screw your throne. I’ll never sit on it.”
There was a small hiss from beside her, and when she looked down, a cougar cub was crouched down beside her ankle, blazing green eyes on Ramsey, his little needle teeth on display as he hissed at the intruder. Gunner. The little badass charged forward a few steps and snaked his claw out. His ears were flattened, his face twisted up in fury.
“Cute kid,” Ramsey snarled. “It would be a shame if anything happened to him.”
Enraged at the threat to her boy—because that was Gunner was, hers—Tenlee gave into the devil inside of her telling her to end this. She adjusted her grip on the handle of the pitchfork, took a step forward, and put her weight into launching those daggers forward. She released the handle just as Ramsey’s eyes went wide, and he imploded, Changed into his crow, and beat his wings, lifting just in time to avoid the weapon she’d thrown like a javelin. Black feathers floated down as the pitchfork slammed into the other side of the stall and stuck, the handle vibrating with the force.
When Ramsey disappeared out the loft window, the hiss died in Gunner’s throat. And as she looked from the ferocious little cub beside her to her hand, the blisters all torn and bleeding from throwing the pitchfork, she had a moment. The type of moment that changed the course of a doomed life. A moment of hope.
For the first time in this body…she didn’t feel weak.
Chapter Sixteen
She had to tell him.
Crap, she didn’t want to tell him, though.
Tenlee paced back and forth in front of the big cabin. The numbers on the house glinted in the sunlight. 1010. She’d seen the Clan make wishes on those numbers too, but she didn’t understand it. What could a number do? She was the wishing squirrel. She was the one who made wishes come true.
But it couldn’t hurt, because she was pretty sure Kurt was going to be really mad. She was clutching a handful of Ramsey’s feathers in her hand and watching Gunner like a hawk. Karis was here too, and Ava, sitting on the porch talking softly, wrapped in blankets on the porch swing. It was plenty big enough for three, but Tenlee would never fit in with them, so she was content to pace the muddy path she’d created in the new grass, check the trees for crows, and watch the horizon for the men…or more specifically, for her man.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” she asked Gunner.
“No, no, I got it. Dad said if I get people to help all the time, I won’t learn it. And I want to grow up big and strong like him.” He was wearing a little cowboy hat and Wrangler jeans, but he had sneakers on and was trying to tie them. Momma Crow had taught her how to tie her shoes. And speak English, eat with utensils, brush her hair, and have manners…mostly. She wanted to teach Gunner everything she’d learned so she could be important to him too, like Momma Crow was important to her.
She squatted down beside him and watched, but he seemed to have it, slowly but surely. Gah, she didn’t want to tell Kurt about Ramsey.
“Gunner? How did you know the crow was in the barn with me?” she asked.
“Well, me and Karis were working in the garden, and I got this funny feeling.”
“What kind of feeling?”
“A mad feeling. I thought maybe you were crying or something because sometimes when you’re sad, I get a sad feeling, too, in my tummy.”
“Okay.” She got that because she got the same feelings when something was off with Kurt or Gunner, or even Colt. “Did you run away from Karis?”
“Yes. When she was puttin’ little carrot seeds in the ground, I ran to the barn. I got madder when I saw that fuckin’ crow bein’ mean to you.”
“Well, Dad, Colt, and Trig say it all the time. I’m gonna be a big mountain lion someday, Ten. I’ll always protect you.”
She really liked when he called her Ten, like Colt did. The whole Clan had started to pick up on the nickname. Scooting closer, she did something she’d never done before. Tenlee pulled him in close, hugged him, and kissed the top of his messy hair, the same shade as his dad’s. And then he did something that shocked her. He went all soft against her and then threw his little arms around her shoulders and climbed her like a tree, like she did to his and Kurt’s pantlegs when she was feeling mushy.
She went off-balance and fell backward and landed on her backside in the dirt. Stunned, she hugged the little boy up as tight as she could and rocked him gently back and forth. “I’ll always protect you, too.” She clutched harder onto the feathers in her hand. Always.
On the horizon were the silhouettes of three men atop tall horses. Hairpin Trigger on his black stallion, Harley, and the Warmaker on Ranger, his bay. And then there was the most important of all. The man who didn’t fit anywhere, just like her. Kurt. Her Kurt. Her man, and though she wouldn’t say it out loud yet, her mate.
And right now, with the men of the Clan, those tough outlaws coming home, Karis and Ava talking quietly behind her, and her Gunner boy in her arms, Tenlee was okay. It wouldn’t be like that forever, but for now, she was really okay, and it was an important moment.
Before she could change her mind, she stood with Gunner in her arms, marched up those porch stairs and to the door. She hugged him tight against her as she pressed her palm against the 1010 and did what the other good shifters of this Clan had done—she made her first wish ever.
She wished she could keep this, right here. All of it.
The people.
This complete, happy feeling.
Her Kurt.
Her Gunner Boy.
The easy feeling in her heart.
Her human skin.
She couldn’t have all of it, but that didn’t stop her from wishing.
She wanted everything, and Heaven help anyone who stood in her way.
Adjusting Gunner to her hip, she offered a shy smile to Ava and Karis, who were staring at her with curious grins on their faces. She didn’t understand what their expressions meant, but she did know she felt braver to tell Kurt what had happened with Ramsey now.
Ramsey coming here wasn’t her fault. It was Ramsey’s. She wasn’t leading him on. He didn’t listen to her, and she was done blaming herself for another person’s actions.
Trig and Colt cut off toward the corral, but Kurt approached as she stepped out into the yard.
His smile took over his whole face and made his eyes dance as he strode up on Remedy. Even under the low brim of his Stetson, she could see the steady approval in his eyes as he looked from her face to Gunner’s and back.
“Well, this is a sight for sore eyes.” He had his jacket zipped, but she could smell the blood from here. Lots of it.
“Smells funny,” Gunner murmured, frowning at his dad.
“Everything’s okay,” Kurt said with a wink for his son, but he was hunched in the saddle as though he couldn’t hold himself upright.
Tenlee was going to have to figure out something fast because Kurt was getting worse. “We have something to tell you,” she said.
“I growled at a crow-man today,” Gunner said, lifting his little chin. “He was being mean to Ten, and I woulda killed that crow.”
The smile fell from Kurt’s face in an instant. “Was he trying to hurt Ten?”
Gunner nodded once. Brave little cougar.
Kurt’s eyes changed from dark brown to silver as he dragged his gaze to Tenlee. “Ramsey came here?”
She nodded. “I was tough. So was Gunner.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Gunner, go on up with Karis and Ava. Let me talk to Ten for a minute.”
“Okay,” his boy said, jumping down from Tenlee’s arms.
“Son?”
“Yeah?” Gunner asked in that squeaky little voice.
“You done good.”
Gunner’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, and then he took off running toward the porch where Karis and Ava were now standing, looking off toward the barn, and talking softly between them.
“Come here,” he murmured, his voice deep and serious. And sexy. He held out his hand and pulled her up into the saddle behind him.
“Whoa,” she said when she was up there, holding on tight to his waist. “I’ve ridden on the backs of motorcycles, but never been on a horse.”
“Really?” Kurt asked, resting his hand over hers. There was a smile in his voice as he aimed Remedy toward the barn. “I like the idea of being your first on stuff.”
“Well…you’re the first man I like-like.” He probably understood but, just in case, she spelled it out for him because, in her experience, men could be dense. “I mean the first man I think I L-O-V-E.”
He chuckled and slid his hand to her thigh and squeezed. She sighed and rested her cheek against his back. The sunset was so pretty with its pinks and yellows and oranges. “This ranch is the prettiest place on earth.”
Kurt looked over in the direction of the sunset, too. “I agree with you on that one. What happened today?”
“Ramsey showed up while I was cleaning out stalls. I was tellin’ him I wouldn’t go with him, and all the sudden Gunner showed up beside me, hissin’ and spittin’, like he had no fear at all.”
“He was Changed?”
“Yeah. Little cougar. He made me braver, and we made Ramsey go away. I brought you these.” She showed him the black feathers. “I don’t really know why. Mostly, I thought you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because I didn’t tell people I was a girl for a long time. And the Clan doesn’t trust me.”
“So you think you need proof for me?”
She nodded against his back.
“Well, you don’t. Not with me. What you say goes. I’m glad you’re okay. If Ramsey comes back? You call out, and he’ll be nothin’ but a pile of feathers, okay? You aren’t alone anymore.”
“Okay,” she murmured, the smile on her face feeling so good.
“How long have you been in this body?”
Well, that drew her up as she did some quick math. “Six hours.”
“Yeah?” He sounded proud, and that made her kind of proud of herself.
“Yeah, I wasn’t thinking about it. I was just waiting with Gunner for you to get home. He Changed back and I…I…didn’t.”
“Thata girl.” There was such approval in his voice that if she died right now, she could do it happy.
“You aren’t mad?”
“At you? Nah.”
“At Ramsey?” she asked.
A soft, long snarl rattled through his body. “You won’t have to worry about Ramsey much longer, you hear?” There was promise in his voice, and it scared her. The crows were merciless, but Colt had told her Kurt was a monster, and she had to trust her man like he trusted her. It was only fair.
He patted her thigh, his work gloves making a clapping sound against her jeans. “I have something I want to ask you.”
“Yes to sex.”
His laugh filled her soul with a smile. “Well, that’s not what I was gonna ask, but I appreciate the go-ahead.”
“Ask me anything.”
“Will you stay the night with me tonight?”
She laid a kiss on his shoulder blade and sighed, then rested her chin on his spine. “What if I can’t keep my skin for a whole night?”
“That’s okay. Won’t matter to me. If you turn squirrel, you can still sleep by me, right?”
She smiled. God, it felt so good to be accepted either way—human or animal. The things she felt insecure about, well…he seemed patient with, so maybe she could go easy on herself, too. But she was still going to try to stay in
this skin when she slept beside him so he could hug her better. His hugs were like medicine. They made everything better.
At the barn door, he climbed off Remedy and smiled up at her, flashing his perfect white teeth. His eyes danced as he took in her face. “You know, that sunset ain’t got nothin’ on you. This place is pretty because you’re here.”
The fluttering sensation erupted in her stomach, and she wrapped her arms around herself to stop it.
“What’s wrong?”
“My stomach is doing flip-flops,” she gasped.
The concern left his expression, and he chuckled, rubbing his hand up her calf. “People call those butterflies. It’s kinda special to get them.”
“Special how? They feel so weird.”
He leaned over and kissed her knee, and her stomach started fluttering all over again. “It means you like the person who gives them to you. You wouldn’t get butterflies otherwise.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. Makes me happy that I give them to you. Real happy.”
Heart full to the brim, she whispered, “I really L-O-V-E you.”
Kurt rubbed the dark scruff on his jaw and shifted his weight from side to side. “I love you too, Tenlee.”
Ooooh, butterflies. There must’ve been hundreds and hundreds and hundreds inside of her. “You make me like this body.”
He bit his bottom lip and looked wicked as sin when he said, “You sure make me like your body, too.”
She giggled and shook her head, cheeks flushing with heat. “You’re such a guy.”
“Come on,” he murmured, reaching for her waist, “I want to show you something.”
Easily, he pulled her out of the saddle and settled her on her feet, then held her hand as he led Remedy into the barn. After unsaddling her and putting the horse in the last stall, he pinned Tenlee against the wall and held a strand of her hair in one gentle hand as he kissed her. And kissed her and kissed her. She didn’t even know what day it was by the time he eased away. She could’ve lived in that moment forever, but he had more surprises and more butterflies to give her.
Smile on his lips, Kurt pulled her by the hand to the red door she’d wished she could go into a hundred times, at least. He pushed it open…and he let her in.
