by Anita Claire
“You know Jax Hammer?” she asks. “His studio is famous! All the hot start-up guys work out there. It’s really exclusive.”
“Brody took me to a party at Logan’s house. All the CrossFit guys were there.”
“Get out of here, you were at Logan Dennison’s mansion!” she screams. “I’ll forgive you for everything if you get me invited to one of those parties. I can’t believe you fell in with one of the ‘Princes.’ And you’re such an idiot, you didn’t even know.” Jazz holds out her hand. “My phone.”
I hand it back to her.
“Are you coming in?”
I shake my head. I need to walk and digest what I learned. Then I wonder what happened to Brody. I pull out my phone and read his messages. He left without me. What kind of boyfriend takes off without his girlfriend? That’s not a nice thing to do.
I head down to the wide sidewalk that rims the Embarcadero. It’s brimming with people. As I lean on the guardrail I stare out at the bay and think about what just transpired. Why didn’t Brody tell me who he was? Why did he leave me here? What kind of guy meets his girlfriend in the city and then takes off?
Ana:Why did you leave without me?
On the ride home, alone on the train, my mind ricochets in a bunch of different directions. But all the directions have to do with Brody. Who is he really? Why wouldn’t he tell me he ran his company? What else is he hiding? He is tied to his phone, but rarely texts me. Now he left the city without me. Rachel’s warnings ring in my brain. Is this a man who would have my back? Is he who I want?
Chapter 29 – Brody – Avoidance
Halfway home I’m feeling hungry, tired, and angry when I finally hear from her.
Ana:Why did you leave without me?
What the hell? I spent thirty minutes circling the block. Why wasn’t she paying attention? How long was I supposed to wait? Did she send this text before or after she and her sister went off to find their next three-way? Who is Ana? Until tonight I thought I knew, but her sister alluded to wild sex and she clearly stated that Ana is looking for someone with money.
Are all my friends and family warnings coming true? Is she playing me? Why did I have to drive in to the city just to walk through some bar to watch Ana flirt and then fight with her sister? Tonight has been a giant waste of time or maybe not. I would never have seen the real Ana if I hadn’t shown up.
***
I’m woken up at a little after five by a call from my office. “All hell's broken loose, we have attacks from three different vectors.”
I pull myself out of my much-needed deep sleep. “I’m coming in.”
Damn. This was the one day I was hoping to catch up on some sleep. My original plan for this weekend was to hike with Ana. But now, because things became weird last night I don’t know where we stand. I’ve never been good at this kind of communication, so I send her a text.
Brody:Got to work.
I get to the office and throw myself into battle. Eighteen hours later I’m sitting at a table in our large conference room, which has been turned into “ClosedDoor Command Central.” We have a stack of half- eaten pizzas, lots of empty soda cans, and a bunch of exhausted people.
“I think we did it.” One of my junior guys declares as he enters the room.
“Don’t be so sure. This reminds me of the surge in Iraq. The bad guys hid in their holes until they thought we were gone. For the next couple of days, we’ll work in three eight-hour shifts. We need to keep everyone fresh.”
“Where can we find you?” one of my guys asks as I get up to leave.
“I’m heading up to my office to take a nap. It’s Saturday night, the bad guys think Americans are soft. I need a couple of hours shut-eye, then I’ll be back down here.” I look around at my employees and point at two-thirds of them. “Go home. Sleep. We are starting eight-hour shifts now. Benson, Cross, Lee, and Park, be back here in eight hours. The rest of you are working four to midnight. Send your teams home or have them find a corner to sleep in.”
***
On Sunday night, as I fly red-eye to New York in my private plane, I take the time to look at my phone. I scroll through a number of texts Ana sent me. I know I’ve been avoiding her. After Friday night, I feel confused. One side of me really likes her, but the other side has a number of concerns. How do you know if a woman is only interested in you for your money? How will I know if it’s real? Since I don’t have an answer, I let fatigue take over, and I don’t respond.
Chapter 30 – Ana – Now What?
Brody:Circling looking for you, text me.
Brody:I’m heading home
Ana:Why did you leave without me?
Brody:Got to Work
Ana:What’s going on?
Ana:Are we going hiking?
Ana:Are you still at work?
Ana:Is everything okay?
Ana:Are we meeting for dinner?
Ana:Are you getting my texts?
Ana:What’s going on?
Ana:Are you still at work?
Ana:Is everything okay?
Ana: Answer me Brody, going silent is not okay
By the end of the day, I have scrolled through and re-read all our messages. We were supposed to be together this weekend. Why hasn’t Brody texted me back?
Friday night runs through my mind. Jazz saw Brody and she started flirting with him. Jazz and I had that stupid fight and Brody took off. What am I missing? He has four sisters. Our fight couldn’t have been that repelling. I thought our relationship was going well. Did he take off because I wasn’t paying attention to him? Is he mad at me? Or am I reading something more into this? He travels so much maybe he was just tired.
Sunday.
Ana:Are we hiking today?
Ana:Are you still at work or are you traveling?
Ana:Should I assume you’re busy?
Ana:I haven’t heard from you since yesterday, is everything okay?
Ana:Don’t shut me out, I deserve a reply.
Monday, I ping-pong between paranoia and anger.
Wednesday, I’m pissed.
Ana:Hey, what’s going on? Why the silence? Can you send me one text to tell me you’re okay?
Thursday, I move from pissed to dejected. I stare forlornly at my phone. I’m not sending him another text until he sends me one.
Friday, I wake to a text.
Brody: Busy
I stare at that text. It’s almost been a week. Is this it, are we over? Is he the biggest jerk that ever lived? Is this the reality of dating a billionaire? Was I a fun diversion for a few weeks? Is he back to working compulsively? He wasn’t at the chiropractor this week. Maybe he’s traveling. If I meant something to him, wouldn’t he find twenty seconds to return one of my texts? Even after our argument he found the time to respond. Is he breaking up with me? Wait, he can’t break up with me I’m breaking up with him. He’s a lousy boyfriend. He doesn’t communicate well and he took off last Friday without me. Do I send a text and tell him I’m breaking up with him? I don’t even know if he’ll read it?
A week passes and I get nothing from Brody. My mood runs from anger to disappointment to depression. Why is this happening to me again?
Saturday morning still finds me feeling dispirited; I update my PowerPoint for tonight’s fundraiser with pictures of our cat and the dumpsite. A tear rolls down my cheek. The pictures make me think of Brody. I thought everything was going so well. Why did he take off and stop returning my texts? Why did he end our relationship? I have no idea what happened.
Chapter 31 – Brody – Decisions
Avoiding Ana isn’t working, her face plagues my dreams. I scan my texts. The day after we met in the city she left me a number of them. But each day there has been less and less. Is this how we end it? Do we just slowly stop communicating? Have I decided to let this relationship go? It would be easy to do. I just have to stop returning her texts. I’m so busy with work and should maintain my focus. Is that what I want? Since I have no answer, I focus on what I can control work.
Two weeks later I wake up at four in the morning and all I can think about is Ana. I’m such a wuss. I can head into battle but I don’t have the balls to talk to her. I pick up my phone and dial.
“Son, what can I do for you?”
“Dad, when you met mom, how did you know she was a good woman and not some Mexican looking for an easy ticket to the US?”
“Don’t ever let your mother hear you say that.”
“I’m not joking, I really want to know.”
“Son, I was some plain Joe officer and she was a beautiful woman. Maybe she was looking for an easy ticket to the US, but does it really matter now? After you’ve had five kids together you’re a team. Who can even remember the reason you first got together. Once you’re married you need to stay focused on the reasons why you want to stay together. Son, find the person you want to stay with.”
“If you fake it long enough you’ll believe it?”
“Yeah something like that. But son, the ‘why someone wants to be with you’ isn’t as important as how it feels to be with them. I always lookedforward to coming home to your mother. We’ve always shared the same values, the same dreams. If you find someone like that, you, too, will be a happy man no matter why she chose you.”
I hang up the phone. It’s not the answer I thought I would get, but probably the answer I needed.
After working for a few more hours, my phone dings from a reminder I set a few weeks ago. I forgot I was supposed to escort Ana to her talk at that museum fundraiser.
Chapter 33 – Ana – Who are you?
I dig through my closet to find my one nice, black dress. It’s more than a few years old and probably out of style. But with my lifestyle, it rarely gets worn. With my flash drive that contains my presentation in hand, I head to the museum. I’m always nervous before giving a presentation. The first ten words are a killer, but then my training kicks in, my nerves go away, and I get caught up in telling my story.
After introductions, I head to the podium and look out at the well-heeled audience. A million technical anecdotes run through mind.Stay focused. I bring up the first set of pictures in my presentation on the large screen behind me. I can feel the audience’s joy when they see the beauty of the mountain lion natural habitat. I show F17 first, strong and beautiful and then mangy. That is followed by the toxic site. Next, I display a map of the mountains that encircle the Bay Area. I use a transparent overIay to highlight the freeways that turn these habitats into islands. My talk moves to the problems of animal inbreeding and ecological collapse due to isolation. I show pictures of the freeway deaths of young, male mountain lions trying to leave their isolated island. I show pictures of car accidents from deer crossing. I end my presentation on a positive note. I show how the maintenance of these ecosystems by creating bridges and tunnels for animals, that connect these isolated islands to each other leads to healthy ecosystems, healthy animals, and fewer traffic accidents.
When I open up the segment of the presentation for questions, Brody takes the microphone. I didn’t see him in the audience. My chest feels tight and my mouth turns dry. A dull ringing sound fills my ears.
“Have they started cleaning up the toxic waste from the pictures you showed us?” he asks.
His voice registers in my heart. A deep pain twists my stomach. I gasp. Then I scream at myself PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! But a deeper voice wants to know what he’s doing here? Is this some kind of cruel joke?
Science always calms my nerves. I focus on the question and the science, not the man.
“Unfortunately, not yet,” I squeak out.Get a hold of yourself Ana, you’re in front of an audience. I take a deep breath and force myself to push on. “I was in that canyon this past week with a Hazmat team who wants to bid on the container removal.” My voice sounds tight as I force myself to continue. “With the rains coming soon, our highest priority is to get the leaky containers out of the canyon. This site is isolated so removal will be very expensive. What we fear is that these toxins have gotten into the soil and the ground water. We’ll need to perform more tests and studies to figure out how to stabilize the area. Whatever the solution, this site is unbudgeted and it will be very expensive.”
His eyes burn into me as I answer his question. I move my gaze to someone else in the room, anyone else in the room. Inside, I feel like I’m imploding. Why is he here? Why did he ask a question?
After another fifteen minutes of questions, the organization’s president takes the stage and thanks me. I leave the stage and head to the back of the room, still feeling unsettled by Brody’s presence. I almost make it to the back of the room when an arm wraps around my waist. I flinch.
“You did a good job. That was a powerful presentation.” Brody’s deep voice reverberates in my ear.
He leads us to the lobby. With each step, I can feel my anger rising. Once we are alone, I push away from him. I’ve always thought those old-time movies with the woman slapping the man across the face were so melodramatic. But for the first time in my life, I understand that sentiment. Anger replaces every emotion I’ve felt over the last ten days. But, instead of slapping him, my hands end up on his chest and I push him back.Hard.
“What?” He seems surprised.
“That’s for leaving me in San Francisco.”
He looks bewildered, so I push him again. “And that’s for not returning any of my texts,” I say.
“I told you I was working.”
“Bullshit,” I push him again. “You’ve been working since I met you. But in the past, you managed to reply. Four words in two weeks is not acceptable. You just dropped out of sight.”
Brody holds up his hands in surrender. “You’re right.”
“That’s it? You’re right?”
“You’re not right?” He hooks me with a smile.
It’s hard to argue with someone who’s being too agreeable. I stare at him, feeling perplexed.
“I’ll try to do better,” he adds.
As anger and confusion collide, the organization's top fundraiser bursts into the lobby. Her eyes are on Brody. “There you are Brody, wasn’t Ana’s presentation inspiring?” she gushes.
Staring at me, he nods.
She moves close to him, way too close for my comfort. “Brody we’re so thrilled with your contribution to the Hazmat clean-up fund. We had no idea you and ClosedDoor were environmentalists. Did you know that Ana was the scientist who found the contaminated site?”
“Really? How did she manage to do that?”
Our eyes connect and I can’t help but smirk. “I had some help. I was out in the field with an idiot who managed to wade through a bunch of Poison Oak.”
“An idiot?” Brody questions.
“Yeah, he’s the kind of guy who’d wade into Poison Oak, try to take off with someone else’s tranquilizer gun, and won’t return any texts.”
The woman eyes both of us.
Brody smirks. “But you still like him?”
“He has this charm. Still, I’m hurt and furious with him for going silent.”
“But I’m here now.”
The woman takes two steps back as her eyes ping-pong between the two of us. “This is private,” she comments as she leaves.
My arms cross my chest in a defensive gesture. Anger, hurt, confusion, and pain swirl inside of me. One side of me wants to scream obscenities at him and storm out the door. The other side wants to know why he left.
“Brody, what’s going on?”
“I…I…I like you, really like you, but…after what your sister said and what my sister said...I started to have second thoughts.”
“What did Jazz say?”
“That you’re looking for a guy with money.”
“She was projecting. Jazz is the one always looking for men with money. She doesn’t understand why anyone would ever date a poor, or even an average, guy.”
“Then why did you get money from your dad?”
“That was back when I was in grad school. Dale and I broke up
. I needed help with first and last month’s rent so I could move in to my own apartment. Money was very tight. I can take care of myself. I’m not looking for someone to underwrite me.”
“And the whole threesome.”
“Some creepy guy Jazz knows asked us if we’d be up for a threesome. I’m not interested.”
“Bella, my twin sister, she’s very protective of me. More than that, she always sees conspiracy theories. I usually ignore her.”
“But this time?”
“This time, I don’t know. There’re so many people who fawn all over me, I’m never sure who’s genuine. I guess fatigue and your sister’s comments made me question everything I knew about you.”
“I didn’t even know you started ClosedDoor until that night. After you left, Jazz pulled articles about you up on her phone.”
Brody extends his hand so his fingers just barely run along my cheek.
I stand like a statue as my skin burns from his touch.
“I missed you,” he whispers.
He shouldn’t be able to render me speechless, but he does. I hear the sound of chairs moving from inside, people will soon be leaving.
Brody tugs my hand. “Let's get out of here.”
I know I shouldn’t go, but my feet follow him. In the courtyard, he stops abruptly. Our mouths are mere inches apart. It would be so easy to kiss him. The desire I have for him eclipses any anger or frustration. The heat ripples off his body. A body I know too damn well.
“Did you really pledge money?” I manage to ask, breaking the moment and saving my soul.
“Do you want that site cleaned up?”
“Of course I do.”
“I like to make things happen.”
A million questions run through my mind. I have no ability to know how to prioritize any of them.
“I read this article. It said you’re net work was …?”
Brody’s jaw clenches. “That’s not my salary. It’s a value of my business that someone made up. It only means something if the company goes public. With all the unicorns tanking, it could be worth a lot less then that stupid story says. Anyway, until I sell stock I’m just a guy doing his job.”
