by Casey Dawes
Maybe her mother had been too nice. From the beginning she’d been a second choice.
Her father had given up on his first love easily.
She was one to talk.
She hadn’t had the courage to fight for Reese twelve years ago. He’d uttered his father’s edict, and she’d accepted it without protest. Like she deserved it.
Just like she accepted what Chris had dished out.
She couldn’t go back and fix the past, but there had to be something to do for the future.
Something to give Kelly Anne a role model of strength.
• • •
“I need some time off next week,” Findlay told her boss. “I need to go to court in Seattle.” Thank goodness she’d told Wayne about her legal problems in the earlier days, anticipating a moment like this.
“How long?”
“Three days.”
“You got it.”
“Thanks, Wayne.” He really was a good boss. As her tenure had increased, so had the difficulty of the assignments. Fortunately, there’d been no more weird incidents of misplaced money recently.
“Hey, lunchtime,” Li said, hanging over her cubicle wall. “You ready?”
“Sure.”
“What’s up?” her friend asked as they made their way to the cafeteria. “You’ve been very quiet.”
“Chris is giving me a problem.” She told Li about the court date.
“You taking Kelly Anne?”
“And risk Chris taking her away? No way. She doesn’t need to be pulled in every direction.”
“Your mom okay with her being there?”
“She is, but she’s not as young as she once was.”
“If she needs relief, I can stop by,” Li said.
“Good to know. I’ll tell her. Thanks.”
Li’s phone rang, and she answered.
“Hello? Yes. Yes. No, I didn’t.” She glanced at her watch. “I’ll be right up.”
“Sorry,” she said to Findlay as she stood. “Something I forgot to do, and the boss needs it now.”
“Of course.”
Li’s musical laugh trailed behind her as she left.
Findlay stared at her half-eaten salad.
“Mind if I join you?” Reese sat down without waiting for answer.
“I was just leaving.”
He gestured at the salad. “Doesn’t look like you’re finished. You need to keep up your strength so you can keep outrunning me next week.”
“I’m not sure I can meet you. I’ll have to catch up on work.”
“The boss driving you too hard?” His voice contained a lightness she didn’t have.
“Something like that.” She stabbed at a piece of lettuce, dropped it in her mouth, and methodically chewed.
Her daughter’s plastic toy bread would taste better.
“What’s up?” His hand edged toward her.
“Not here.” She pointedly looked around the room, particularly at the gaggle of admins laughing around a far table.
“Then let’s go somewhere else—cut class.” He grinned.
She laughed, but it wasn’t from the inside of her soul. If only she could skip parts of her life like she and Reese had snuck out of boring classes on a warm spring day.
“I need to work to get ahead. I have to go to Seattle next week.”
“Your ex?”
She nodded.
“What’s he up to now?”
Didn’t Reese get the message? She wasn’t discussing her problems in a room full of people wondering what was going on with her and the good-looking boss. She’d had enough of whispers and scandals in her life.
“I need to get back to my desk.” She tossed her napkin on the tray and stood.
“Wait.”
She glared at him.
“Come to my office before you go home.”
She swallowed. It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. He was in charge.
“I’ll be there.”
The afternoon squeezed by in an agonizing combination of glacial slowness and light speed. At the end of the day she gathered her things together and trudged down the hallways to Reese’s office.
Jennifer, his secretary, was leaving as she entered the upper management area.
“He’s waiting for you.” The smile was accompanied by a glance of sympathy, surprising Findlay, since she didn’t know the woman.
What had Jennifer heard?
Was Findlay going to be surrounded by gossip all her life?
Her steps slowed further. She poked her head around the half-open door.
“Findlay,” he said.
Nice and professional. But there was undertone of . . . what?
“Why don’t you shut the door?” he said.
Wise move or stupid? What the hell. She closed it gently behind her, keeping her eyes on Reese, waiting for the next signal.
What did he really want? Was he going to succumb to his father’s commands again and fire her?
“Have a seat. And stop looking so terrified. I’m not going to do anything bad. I just want to find out what’s happening. See if there’s any way to help.”
“Oh.” She sank into the amazingly uncomfortable guest chair. His father had probably picked them out. She glanced around the office. Inspirational posters dotted the wall.
Definitely his father’s taste.
“Coffee?” He pointed to the carafe on side table. “Jennifer made it before she left, so it’s drinkable.”
She allowed a smile.
What should she tell him? What could she tell him? How would he react?
“What was the job like in Washington?” he asked.
A lowball. Did diplomatic training teach you as many interrogation techniques as the FBI?
Sometimes it was best to begin at the beginning.
“I got a scholarship to the University of Washington.” She hadn’t wanted to spend any more time in Missoula than she had to. Without the past everywhere around her, she’d be free to make a new life.
“I did well and had a few job offers waiting when I got out. I picked the one that paid the most with the most benefits. I was going to establish a safety net and then start sending money home to my mother.”
She’d had big plans then. Who said life was what happened while you were making other plans? Whoever it was had been dead right.
“Then what happened?”
“I met Chris.”
“And?” Reese got up and moved to the chair next to her.
“He was good-looking, well-established, and nice to me. He . . . he bought me things.” How shallow she sounded. Chris had wined and dined her, lavished her with fine jewelry and amazing getaways. His lovemaking had been slow and considerate. Not that she’d had a lot of experience. A few groping forays in college had left her less than satisfied.
Reese touched her hand, and she started.
“Sorry.” He removed his touch.
“No. That’s okay. I was there . . . that’s all.”
He nodded, but didn’t reinitiate the touch.
“What happened after he married you?”
“He had me then.” He had started work immediately to mold her into the society wife he and his parents expected.
“It was okay, more or less, until Kelly Anne was born. Then everything shifted. It was like I’d fulfilled one purpose, but it hadn’t been perfect.” She dared a glance at Reese.
“She has issues,” Reese said. His eyes were somber.
She nodded and took a deep breath.
“Our relations became brutal. I think his parents increased their pressure. They wanted a new baby—someone more perfect to be the heir apparent. Everything he said to me was negative. I . . . I tried to please him, but I couldn’t get pregnant.” Her voice sounded far away, like it belonged to someone else. “I was a weak nothing . . . ”
He opened his mouth as if to deny her statement, but she held her palm up toward him.
She was just like her father had been.
No. Circumstances had gotten her father. If other people had been fairer, everything would have turned out okay.
“But you got out. That took strength.”
“I had to. He started to tell Kelly Anne that she was worthless; she’d never be anything . . . and then he said he was going to send her away. His parents insisted she’d get better help that way. My beautiful baby girl . . . ” The scab over the dark wound burst open.
“He wants to take Kelly Anne from me.” She spit the words out. “Says he can get her more help. And he’s got the lawyers and money to hire them.”’ She stood, hands clenched. “I’m not going to let him.”
“Why does he want to do that?” Reese asked, accepting her rage in stride. “It would only mean more work for him.”
“To hurt me as much as possible.” Her laugh was hoarse and bitter. “And he won’t be working with her. He’ll carry out his threat to put her in a boarding school.” Her lungs tightened.
“That’s not going to happen,” he said. “You’re too strong for that.”
He pulled a small bottle from the office fridge, uncapped it, and handed it to her. “Unless you want some coffee.”
She shook her head, took a long breath, and sipped.
Never had cool water tasted so good.
“He’s taking me to court,” she said. “Claims it’s a hardship for him to come to Montana to see his daughter. He expects me to take her to Seattle once a month. She’d be so much more vulnerable there. Who knows what he’d do.”
“How can he win? It’s just as much a hardship on you. At the very least it should be split, shouldn’t it?”
“You’re talking about logic.” She shook her head. “And even that doesn’t make sense unless he pays for my trips. He kept all the money when we were divorced. His lawyers convinced the family court the money was his before the marriage, and he’d provide child support once the custody case was settled.”
“And in the meantime . . . ”
“I have to handle everything myself.”
“Geez.” The echo of her anger in his voice pleased her.
“That’s why I need this job. It’s the only way I can hang on.”
“Don’t worry.” He put his hand on hers. “Your job is safe.”
“But what if your father tells you to fire me?”
“I’m not sixteen anymore.” He smiled at her.
She stared deep into his eyes. Was he right? Could he be trusted?
There was no guile written on his face.
Her breath came a little bit easier.
“Take the days you need,” he said. “Don’t worry. Is there anything else I can help you with? Take care of Kelly Anne while you’re gone—take her to a park or something? Give your mother a break?”
“You’d do that?”
“Of course.” He squeezed her hand. “I care what happens to you.”
“Thank you.” She smiled. “Unfortunately, Kelly Anne will need to get to know you a lot better before she will be able to trust you.”
And so will I.
Chapter 9
Reese insisted on taking Findlay to the airport for her evening flight to Seattle. His muscles tensed as he pulled the car into the familiar driveway. The last time he’d been here, he’d been justifiably thrown out.
Mrs. Callahan had aged a great deal in the intervening years—thinner, but just as solid a presence as he remembered from when he was a teen.
“My daughter says I have to let you in.” Her tone was neutral as she held open the door for him.
He slipped past her into the shabby but clean living room, a great contrast to his parents’ recently remodeled space. Somehow, he was more at home here.
Findlay’s mother left him standing there alone.
After a few moments, Findlay came into the room, suitcase rolling behind her.
His breath caught. Even without makeup and with deep circles under her eyes, she was beautiful and vulnerable.
“Let me take that,” he said, grabbing the handle of her suitcase.
“Mommy, don’t go!” A little blond girl ran out from the back hall. When she saw him, she came to a skidding stop and attempted to hide behind her mother’s leg. All he could see was two thin arms encircling a limb.
This must be Findlay’s daughter, Kelly Anne.
“She looks like you.”
“Yes.” Findlay gently removed her daughter’s death grip on her leg and crouched. “Mommy will be back on Saturday. How many days is it until Saturday? Today is Thursday.” She helped her daughter count on her fingers. “Friday, Saturday. How many is that?”
“Two.” A quiet whisper. Kelly Anne peeked around her mother with a frown on her little face. More whispering that he couldn’t make out.
“Mr. Moore is my boss. Can you say ‘hi’ to him?”
She shook her head.
“It’s okay, sweetie.” Findlay kissed her daughter, stood, and turned to him. “It’s not you. Remember I said she doesn’t take to strangers, especially men.”
“No problem. Shows she’s a smart girl.” He looked at his watch. “If I’m going to get you there in time for the security lines . . . ”
Findlay scooped up her daughter and gave her another round of kisses. “You be good for Grandma, okay?”
“We’ll be fine.” Mrs. Callahan stepped back in the room and plucked the girl from Findlay. “You be safe. I’ll be praying everything turns out okay.”
“We won’t know until the judge makes his ruling.”
“I know. I just want you to be safe. I wish someone was going with you, to stand by you.”
“I’ll be fine. It was depending on men that got me into this trouble in the first place.”
Ouch.
“Bye-bye.” Findlay waved at her daughter as they left the house.
“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked as they took the on-ramp to I-90.
“What?” She turned her attention from the scenery outside her window. “Oh. No. Of course not. I’ll be fine. That’s what lawyers are for.”
“I would, you know.”
“That’s nice. But totally inappropriate. You’re my boss. You shouldn’t even be taking me to the airport.”
“I’m more than that, and you know it.”
“Really? What exactly are you, then?”
“A friend . . . remember?” He smiled encouragingly. “And running partner. When you get back, we’ll go running again, and you can tell me all about the big, bad ex-husband.”
She didn’t laugh. Not a good sign.
“Look,” she said. “That’s all very nice, but I buried that pain a long time ago. I see no reason to expose myself to a probable repeat.” She attempted a smile. “Besides, I know what happens. First friendship . . . and then benefits.” At least she was trying to improve the mood.
He gave an obligatory chuckle.
Then she smiled. Not a big one. But a smile nonetheless.
He pulled off the highway, under the bridge, and down Broadway where the too-small airport sat on an open plain. Missoula business was never going to grow unless they could come up with the money to expand the terminal facilities.
When he pulled up to the curb, she placed her fingers on the door handle.
“Thanks for the ride, Reese.” She opened the door.
He got out, retrieved her bag, and put it on the sidewalk for her to roll.
Their hands touched when he gave her the handle, and for a brief moment it was as if they were back in high school, seeing each other for the first time, even though they’d known each other all their lives.
His heart squeezed. Just friends. That’s all they would—should—ever be. She had to take care of her daughter, and he needed to show his father that he was capable of running a company. Still, it would be fun to have someone—just a friend—to share a few good times.
“Have a safe trip,” he said. “Remember—we’re running when you get back.”
“Whatever you say, boss.”
She gave him a quick wave, turned, and disappeared through the sliding glass doors like Alice returning to Wonderland.
• • •
Why couldn’t she wave a magic wand and have everything change? Start over, find a good man in Seattle, and never have to deal with Reese Moore or his father again. Kelly Anne could conveniently see her father, but Findley would retain control without the constant ding of airline fees on her credit card, or reminders of the past.
Coming to Montana, coming home to the big sky and open spaces, had seemed like the right thing to do, but she might have made a strategic error.
As she rolled her bag past the gift store and toward the gates, she spotted confectioner boxes sporting bright orange and black ribbons.
Damn. It was almost Halloween, and she hadn’t even thought about Kelly Anne’s costume.
“They are particularly good chocolates,” a uniformed officer said. The name on his tag said Zach Crippen. “I should know. My wife makes them.”
She smiled. Here was the kind of man she should have married in the first place. Supportive and kind.
A Montana man.
Unfortunately, this one was already taken.
“I’ll try them out. Thanks.”
“Have a good flight.”
On an impulse, she bought a small box then strode toward the security line, which was mercifully short, and took the elevator to the second floor, only to take the stairs back down to the first. The airport could use some serious redesign.
Once they took off, she opened the small box. Chocolates for breakfast. Decadent.
She deserved it.
Her teeth sank into the truffle and flavors burst into her mouth. Oh. My. God. Deep, dark, sinful chocolate. A hint of tart berries. Eternal happiness in a bite.
The fantasy carried her away, far beyond the confines of the aluminum tube, the chattering passengers, and the drone of the engines. It had been so long since she’d had nothing to do. The tray tables were too small for her laptop, and she’d forgotten to bring a paperback.
She leaned back and closed her eyes.
The dreams of what-might-have-been flowed, all gussied up in lace, seen through a misty lens that hid any possible flaw. Reese by her side at her senior prom, the one she’d skipped. Washington Stadium with Reese beside her, cheering on the football team, and the required hikes to the M.
