Becoming your friend was a choice,
But falling in love with you was
Beyond my control.
Anonymous
Fucking hell that was close… to close.
This was not supposed to happen.
I have no idea what the hell he was thinking moving her in with him, he’s falling over his own two feet for some bitch who doesn’t even appreciate him, he deserves to be appreciated.
I know her type, play the little miss innocent act to get him where she wants him ,then bleed him dry once he thinks he’s head over heels in love with her. All she is, is a gold digging whore. She doesn't love him, not like like I do. When you can say you would do anything for a person, no matter the consequences.
That's love. I'm doing this for him... because I love him.
How could he do this to me? And then I go and make myself feel worse by going over to his apartment to see for myself that she was there. Even though I knew she was, I just had to see it with my own eyes.
Just as I was about to cross over to the main entrance of the building I saw her coming out.
Well.. Well.. If it isn't miss prim and proper…. I notice she's not using her crutches, which means I've not done my job right. The one I'm trying so damn hard to complete, but I'm getting knocked down at every turn. This does not make me happy.
I notice her make a right so I follow her, but from a distance, that is until I think she spots me… that's when I make a dash for it.. I don't want my plan to be over before it's even really started….
Patience is not the ability to wait,
But the ability to keep a
Good attitude while waiting.
Connor
Two months she’s been living in my apartment with me, two months of living in heaven and hell.
It's been heaven having her with me and being able to take care of her, all I ever want to do is make sure she’s happy and looked after the way she’s supposed to be. The way she deserves.
I meant it when I told her I wasn’t going anywhere. That I would do anything to make her realize that I loved her more than anything in the world.
It's not been easy, not by a long shot, watching her struggle with the physio. But she did what I knew she would do, she tackled it head on and now she’s ahead with her progress. I couldn’t love her more than I do for her determination.
It’s just now that she’s getting stronger, she’s not going to need me for much longer. Then she’ll be leaving to go back to her own apartment, to Karina and her life. And I don’t want her to go.
It's been the most torturous hell ever, because having her here and not being able to touch, or have her curled up in my bed with me where she belongs feels all kinds of wrong, but she was adamant she was sleeping in my spare room and that she was wasn’t ready for any of that yet. So I've given her the space she asked for.
When I told the doctor to let her home and into my care, I was hoping it would bring us closer together. Although it seems to have done the opposite. It seems to me that she’s here in person and she thanks me for everything I've done for her, but at the same time she’s friendzoned me, and I'm afraid I'm not going to get her back.
So that’s why when I heard her moving around this morning I quickly jumped in the shower, letting her think she was having five minutes peace. When in actual fact I was preparing to show her just exactly what she was missing.
Walking into the living area I stand and watch her for a few moments, taking in how beautiful she is and I remember how close I was to losing her. Permanently.
Shaking my depressing thoughts away I make my way towards her and nonchalantly say.
“Hey, how you feeling this morning?” From behind her making her jump. Then she sees I'm wearing nothing but a towel around my waist. Her face telling me she hasn’t become a nun in the last two months.
Bingo just the reaction I wanted.
Right now she looks very much like a goldfish with her jaw hitting the floor then closing again, and I'm betting she thinks I haven’t noticed. When she couldn’t be more wrong. No one can mistake the look of want in those gorgeous eyes, I've seen it plenty of times before.
My girl wants me. No question about it.
I know I'm being selfish, by hoping if something happened between us then she would welcome me back with open arms. But doing this is the only weapon I have right now… and I'm not ashamed to say it, and I think it might’ve just worked.
“Ermm..” She coughs trying to hide the fact that she was eye fucking me just moments ago. My ego getting the better of me, I try to hide how happy I am as she rambles on.
“Yeah… yeah I'm fine thanks, my leg isn't hurting me that much this morning. So I was thinking I might go for a little walk around the block, I don’t want to do myself more damage but if I stay cooped up in here for much longer I'm going to go stir crazy.”
I offer to get dressed and go with her, which she shuts me down straight away with a resounding no.
I can’t quite figure out if it’s because she wants to be alone, or if she can’t trust herself around me now because I have no clothes on.
Ten minutes later she’s ready and out the door leaving me to my own devices… which means only one thing.
It’s time to start investigating.
Heading into my office, I pick up my phone and dial the one person who’s kept my life in check since I was nineteen.
The phone rings off and I try another three times before the call finally connects.
“Hey Jode, I need you to do me a favour please? I need you to find me a private investigator and quick.”
“Oh hey Con, sorry I was just walking through the door. Yeah that’s no problem but can I ask why you require a PI?”
I know I have the guys who I can tell everything too, but Jodie is the only female other than my Angel who I can trust.
“Yeah, I want to try find out who the hell hurt Allie. She hasn’t said anything to me, and nothing else has happened yet. But I'm not willing to take any risks where her safety is concerned.”
Just as I finish saying the last few words to Jodie I hear the front door slam shut.
She’s back.
Wrapping up my call with Jodie, I head out to the kitchen where I find Allie leaning over the kitchen sink. She looks like she’s seen a ghost. All the colour has drained from her face and she looks petrified.
Rushing over to her I place a hand on her small shoulder causing her to jump back as if I’d burnt her, raising both my hands up in a defencive manner I say.
“Hey Angel, it’s just me I'm not going to hurt you.”
That’s when I notice she’s trembling. Instantly I'm on high alert thinking something may have happened to her.
Lowering my hands I take a step towards her, when she comes rushing at me. She wraps her arms around me, mumbling something into my chest about how she thinks she’s going crazy and seeing things, and that she wishes she had let me go with her when she left.
Wrapping one arm around her, I stroke her hair with the other, as I kiss the top of her head. “Calm down Angel, calm down. You're not going crazy.” Just as I get the last word out, she pulls her head away from my chest and looks up at me with her big blue doe eyes. I can see that she’s scared, but what of? I have no fucking idea. I don’t want to push her incase she runs from me.
“Kiss me.” She demands out of the blue.
As much as I’d love nothing more than to lose myself in her soft lips, kissing her when she’s in this state would be just wrong… even I know that.
“Don’t think Connor just do it… please.” She’s pleading with me now and I'm at war with my heart and my head, my heart’s telling me this is all kinds of fucked up, my head is telling me to go for it. My dicks so hard right now, that it might just explode from the slightest touch of her perfect mouth.
“Angel.” I breath out on a sigh.
The decision is taken out of my hands, when she leans up and plants her lips on mine... kiss
ing me.
God, I’ve missed this.
The next thing I know I'm kissing her back, unable to say no to her.
I'm not strong enough to deny her this. I can't seem to control myself when I'm around her.
Who am I to talk?
Only an hour ago I was parading around half naked wanting her to want me, now that she does I'm questioning it like a big girl.
We can talk about this later. Right now my girl needs something from me, and I'm damn sure not going to refuse her.
Being careful of her leg I pick her up and place her on the kitchen island. Kissing her like I've been dying to since the moment she woke up in the hospital.
And for the first time in nearly three months since the attack... I finally feel I'm where I belong and that’s home.
She is my home.
If you kiss my neck,
I'm not responsible
For what happens next.
Allie
I never planned on demanding that he kissed me. It just happened. It just felt right, and I needed him to help me see that I'm not crazy.
I know someone was watching me.
I saw them… at least I think I did.
My heads all fucked up at the minute, the only thing that’s making any sense is that Connor is kissing me, it’s all that matters right now.
I know he was hesitant to kiss me when I first asked him too, and quite frankly I don't blame him. I've not exactly been forthcoming with telling him where he and our relationship stands.
After a little coaxing he finally gave in and gave me what I wanted. I can tell he's scared he will hurt me when he lifts me gently on to the kitchen island, but it's momentarily forgotten when he steps between my legs and kisses the life out of me. Sinking into his kiss I let myself feel wanted and desired for the first time in what feels like forever. Running my hands over his broad shoulders I dip them lower and grab onto to his solid arse, pulling him closer me if that's even possible.
I've missed this, I've missed him.
Pulling away from me he’s all breathless and judging by his solid erection I can feel him supporting in his jeans, he's very turned on as well.
Round one to me.
Rubbing my nose with his, he breaths out.
“What are you doing to me Angel?”
“I'm doing what I should’ve done the minute you came back for me… I'm so sorry.” Dipping my head in shame at the way I've been distant with him, when all he's done is bend over backwards for me, trying to prove how sorry he is, and how much he loves me.
Placing both hands on my face he raises my head so we can look into each other's eyes he says. “Angel… my dear Angel you have nothing to be sorry for, I get why you have kept a distance between us, I deserved it. Has it killed me not having you close to me? Yeah it has, but I had to let you come to me when you were ready.”
Now I feel like an even bigger bitch… knowing I have to make this right I say the two words I know he wants so desperately to hear.
“I'm ready.”
With no other words spoken he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, the entire time his lips are latched on to mine, I grunt a little when I get a shooting pain in my leg and he rears back, a guilty look on his face.
“I'm sorry Angel, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Resting my forehead on his I say against his lips. “Don’t ever be sorry for wanting me, I'm not made of glass, I won’t break.”
I can see him having a war in his head… one side of him wanting me desperately, the other side of him is scared to touch me incase he hurts me.
Knowing I'm going have to takeover the situation again, I muster up and with the sternest voice I tell him.
“Connor Blackwood if you don’t put me down somewhere with a flat surface and make love to me right now, I will be forced to take things into my own hands, and we both know you wouldn’t want me doing that now would you?”
He clearly gets how serious I am about doing it myself because his lips come crashing back down on mine and we’re on the move with him growling.
“Your pleasure is mine only Angel.”
We make it to his bedroom and even though I've been here the last two months, I've never stepped foot in it and right now I'm too lost in him to take in my surroundings there’s plenty of time for that later.
Unwrapping my legs from around his waist, I slide down his body slowly, making sure that when my feet hit the ground that I don’t jolt my leg, if he see’s me in any pain I know that this will be game over and I won’t be getting any O’s any time soon and that just will not do.
I'm a woman on a sexual edge right now, and only he can bring me back off the ledge and put out the burning need that’s flowing through my body.
Taking the hem of his t-shirt I start lifting it up his body, slowly revealing his magnificent six pack, his delicious V of muscle making an appearance, and I go weak in the knees. Pulling away the only thing that stands between me and his hard body I throw it to the floor, I start exploring his naked shoulders and pecs with my fingertips.
Remembering the drops of water that ran down his body before I left for my walk, I decide to do exactly what I wanted to do to him then.
Placing a small open mouthed kiss on his collar bone, I trace his tattoo all down his top half with little pecks and licks here and there, I get to his V and then I introduce my fingers where I stroke up and down the wall of muscle he’s perfected.
“Jesus Angel, you're enough to make a munk break his religion.”
Chuckling at his expression of me, I brush my hand over his jeans where I notice his dick has got harder, it’s spears me on.
“Now it's my turn.” I don’t even get a chance to take a breath because before I know it, I'm back in my chimp like manner and being placed on what I can only describe as the softest sheets I've ever felt beneath my hands.
That’s when I realise he’s going to want me naked. He hasn’t seen me naked since before I was attacked.
When I wasn’t damaged, when to him I was perfect, and with no scars marring my body.
He’s not going to want me when he see’s the disfigured and bumpy skin, I'm repulsive now when I have no clothes on.
Instantly I clam up trying to figure a way out of this without hurting his feelings and hoping he doesn’t notice my sudden withdrawal.
I have no such luck.
Turning my head to the side so he doesn’t see the worry and panic on my face, a few stray tears leak out and land on his sheets.
“Angel… whatever is the matter?” He asks, concern lacing his voice.
I shake my head as some form of an answer hoping he’ll leave it… yet again I have no such luck.
Picking me up he gets on the bed and shuffles up to the top with his back resting against the headboard, me now cradled on his lap with my head buried in his shoulder, my tears now leaking all over him. I'm a total mess and so unattractive right now.
“Please Allie talk to me, I can’t fix it if you block me out, we’re in this together, you don’t always have to be strong… I'm not your dad I'm not going to leave you or kick you out.”
Sniffing loudly and wiping my nose on the bottom of my top I put on earlier… so unlady like, I lift my head up and go with telling him the truth.
“I can’t take my clothes off Connor, I'm not the same anymore I'm not me anymore, I have hideous scars now. I'm not use to seeing them on my body and when I do see them…. It makes me feel sick. I don't want you to see them and feel the same.”
Pulling me from his lap he places me on my back and plants himself between my legs, taking my jaw with a tender touch, his no bull shit attitude makes an appearence.
“Look you can get that crap out of your pretty blonde head right now, scars or no scars you will always be perfect to me I love you no matter what, now get ready because I'm about to blow your mind Angel.”
With that he removes my leggings, peeling them down my legs at a leisurely pace, when the scars on my le
ft leg come into his view he places gentle kisses over them, swirling his tongue over the ridges.
“Beautiful.” He breathes taking the rest of my leggings with him and chucking them over his shoulder in disgust.
“They have no place on this amazing body.” Crawling back up my body he slips his hands that know how to play my body perfectly under my top and removing it swiftly, leaving me in only my bra and lady boxers.
Lowering his head he nibbles my ear then starts working his way down my neck, running his tongue over the hollow of my throat, making me break out in goosebumps and I sigh in contentment.
“Like that do you Angel?” He says with a smug smile plastered on his face.
Cocky fucker.
Nodding my head for an answer, seeing as speech seems to of currently left me. I moan out loud when he pulls the cups of my bra down and starts lapping at one of my very hard, very perked nipples with his tongue, whilst cupping my other breast and tweaking my nipple with his forefinger and thumb.
I'm in dying need of some friction but trying to close my legs is impossible when I've got a six foot wall of man lying between them but I still try. When he notices the chuckle that leaves his lips makes me shiver all the way down to my toes.
“I see someone needs a little relief.” He softly says as he continues to play my body into a pool of jelly.
“What do you think numbnuts?” I shoot back him.
“Oh I see you're trying to be a little daring, answering me back like that… now what am I going to do with you.”
“Remember what I said… if you don’t do it I will!” I threaten.
“Well that just will not do will it my Angel.”
Finally he stops being a knob and thrusts himself forward, his still jean covered dick giving me the friction I need… finally.
“Arrgghhh.” I screech out.
The smarmy git has the nerve to laugh, until he see’s me scowling at him.
“Ok… Ok I’ll stop winding you up now.”
“About time.” I huff out.
And true to his word he licks his way down my breastbone, then places tenders kisses on my left side where my scars are from the knife wound. “Gorgeous.” He murmurs before carrying on his journey.
Syren's Heaven & Hell (The Syren Series Book 2) Page 6
