Twice Loved

by Wendy Lindstrom

  “All right,” Evelyn said, but she needed to make Radford understand what was happening to his daughter. “I think Rebecca needs a playmate her own age. I know she’s warming up to Papa because he’s so silly, but being surrounded by adults all the time can’t be good for her.”

  Radford planted the tines of the fork in the straw and hooked his palm over the handle. “I know you mean well, Evelyn, but Rebecca wouldn’t play with a child her age.”

  The certainty in his voice piqued her curiosity. “Why not? I think Tom and Martha Fisk’s little girl would be a wonderful playmate for Rebecca. You’ve never met Helen because she was born while you were away, but she’s a darling.”

  “I’m sure she is,” Radford said, “but Rebecca still wouldn’t take to her. She didn’t take to Janie in Boston or Emily in Saratoga Springs. Both girls were her age and Rebecca refused to have anything to do with them. She’s just too shy.”

  “What were those girls like?” Evelyn asked, sure that there was a reason Rebecca shied away.

  “Like little girls.” He raked his hair back. “I don’t know.”

  Evelyn took a step back. “I’m sorry. I know Rebecca’s your responsibility and I shouldn’t intrude, but I can’t stand to see her sitting on her blanket every day. She needs to play and explore.”

  “She will. When she feels comfortable letting me out of her sight, she’ll run off and play as little girls do.”

  It would more likely be when Radford was comfortable letting Rebecca out of his sight, but Evelyn withheld comment. It would do her no good to antagonize Radford further for being a protective father. But she could goad him into getting out of her livery so she could keep her eyes on her work for a change. “Rebecca can’t just sit here every day of her childhood, Radford. Why don’t you go play with her? I can handle chores this morning.”

  “Rebecca knows I have to work during the day and that we’ll have our time together in the evening. She can go play anytime she chooses.” He opened the stall door and glanced back. “Need anything before I go outside?”

  Evelyn shook her head and watched him leave, as Rebecca trailed after him with her ragged blanket tucked beneath her arm, her shoes forgotten by a bale of hay. Evelyn picked them up and took them to the tack room with her, feeling as though she had failed Rebecca. She sat at her desk and placed the tiny shoes before her, studying them with her chin propped on her fists. Why was Radford trying to keep her away from Rebecca? Couldn’t he see that his daughter was brimming with curiosity? The fact that she sat quietly on her blanket each day didn’t mean she wasn’t utterly miserable.

  “Evelyn, are you still in here?” She glanced up at the sound of Radford’s voice. He stood in the doorway, his expression drawn, and Evelyn suspected he’d come back inside to tell her to mind her own business where Rebecca was concerned. “The veterinarian is outside asking for you,” he said, gesturing with his chin toward the front door.

  “Calvin’s here?” she asked with surprise. She followed Radford out of the livery and greeted the short, balding man. Calvin Uldrich had been friends with her father since before she was born, and was one of the only people who still frequented her livery. “What a nice surprise, Calvin.”

  “I wish this was just a social call, Evelyn, but I need your help.” He stuffed his hat back on his head. “I’ve got a stallion that needs some tending, if you have the time.”

  “What’s wrong with him?” she asked, nodding toward the frightened sorrel tied to the back of Calvin’s carriage.

  “Take a look at his neck, but stay back. He’s in pain and pretty wild right now.”

  Evelyn approached slowly, inching forward until she could see his neck. The horse flattened his ears and snorted, the whites of his eyes showing. The instant she saw the injury, rage consumed her. “Who did this?” she demanded, pointing to the stallion’s lacerated flesh.

  “My twelve-year-old grandson. He wanted to help me doctor the animals, but we needed to clean the barn first. He took the horses outside for me, but I didn’t realize he’d chained my stallion until late last evening. By then the damage was done.” Calvin sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “He feels terrible about hurting Gus.” He arched a bushy white brow at her. “I don’t have the time or energy to try and rehabilitate him. I was hoping you might.”

  Evelyn glanced at the stallion in pity. To keep these beautiful creatures in gentle captivity was one thing, but to treat them without compassion, even unintentionally, was the lowest form of cruelty. “I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.”

  “He’s yours if you can rehabilitate him.”

  “What?”

  “You and your father have always lent a hand when I’ve needed one. Now I can finally repay that kindness. Besides, I’m too old for spirited horses. My gentle Nellie is all I can manage now.”

  Evelyn admired the majestic stallion before her. If she didn’t take him, who would in his present condition? Calvin couldn’t sell him, and if he didn’t have time to work with Gus, the horse would remain as wild and dangerous as he was now.

  “All right, Calvin, but let me know if you change your mind.”

  He nodded and untied the rope from his buggy. “I was hoping you wouldn’t be stubborn. Let me help you get him inside before I leave.”

  Evelyn shook her head. “No, thanks,” she said, barely able to drag her gaze from the horse. “It’ll go better if I do it alone.”

  Radford watched the veterinarian drive away and wondered why Evelyn hadn’t accepted his help. The flattened ears of the stallion told Radford they could have used it. He saw Rebecca standing inside the livery door and waved her outside. “Wait on the porch for me, sweetheart,” he instructed, but Rebecca didn’t move. Her gaze was fixed on the high-strung stallion that snorted and sidestepped Evelyn’s slow advance. “Go on now,” he repeated. After Rebecca was out of harm’s way, Radford stepped forward to assist Evelyn. The stallion’s nostrils flared and his head reared up.

  Evelyn held up a hand to stop Radford. “Don’t move. Don’t say anything. And don’t block the door,” she said quietly.

  Intrigued, Radford waited. Evelyn began talking softly to the horse, varying the tone of her voice until the sorrel’s ears flicked. With small steps, she moved toward him, arms outstretched, crooning in a singsong voice. The stallion kept his eyes on her, snorting and prancing, and backing away. When she inched to the right, the stallion adjusted his body to keep her directly in front of him. They continued their face-off for several minutes while she slowly backed the horse through the open barn doors.

  Radford followed along in awed silence, listening as Evelyn urged the stallion on with soothing tones that made him want to follow along as well. After several minutes of her soft murmurs that lured both him and the horse inside, Radford sighed with relief when she finally closed the stall door in front of the stallion.

  Radford had never seen an injured animal handled with such mastery. The stallion had fallen under Evelyn’s spell, just as he had.

  She turned toward Radford with a triumphant gleam in her eyes. “We did it.”

  Radford shook his head, truly amazed at her abilities. “I don’t believe it. I suppose you’ll have him rehabilitated by tomorrow?”

  Evelyn smiled and Radford was drawn by the genuine warmth in it. “Not tomorrow, but give me a month and Gus will be eating out of my hand.”

  He didn’t doubt it. She’d had the same effect on him the other night. “It must be wonderful to feel that kind of conviction.”

  Evelyn glanced at the horse, her eyes lit with purpose. “Papa says you can’t give up and expect success. Gus will be my biggest challenge yet.”

  Radford had heard William’s words of wisdom, but they had been different during the war. He’d told Radford that he couldn’t give up and expect to survive.

  “Radford? Are you all right?”

  Evelyn’s voice startled him. He hadn’t realized that he’d slipped into the quagmire of memories. He drew his watch f
rom his pocket, hoping to distract her. “I was just wondering how I’m going to beat you at cards tonight if you’re able to manipulate your opponent as easily as you did Gus.”

  Evelyn’s lips quirked. “It’s not me you’ll have to worry about. Kyle’s my partner and he refuses to lose.”

  “Then don’t expect me to be merciful while I’m planning my attack.”

  Radford’s eyes were wonderful when he teased, and Evelyn secretly admired the golden sparkle beneath his dark lashes. His hair was damp at the temples and he had a sunburn across the bridge of his nose. She almost asked if it hurt, but changed her mind for fear of exposing her preoccupation with his face.

  “Did you learn how to conquer the enemy in the war?” she asked.

  He sighed and leaned against Gus’s stall. “I learned a lot about surviving. Mostly things I don’t want to remember.”

  “Maybe you could talk with your brothers about it. It might help you get rid of your nightmares.” It also might help Radford and Kyle grow close again, she thought.

  “It’s better if I just lock the memories away and leave them alone.”

  “What happens if they won’t leave you alone?”

  Radford shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  But Evelyn did. He would leave, just as Kyle and her father said he would. Rebecca would sink farther into her silent world, and Radford deeper into his private hell, wherever that was.

  “May I ask you a question, Radford? About your daughter?”

  “You can ask,” he said, indicating that he might not answer.

  Since she’d already stuck her neck out, Evelyn figured she may as well lay it on the chopping block. “Why won’t you let me befriend her? Why do you keep Rebecca away from me?”

  “That’s two questions.”

  “I’m not a very good example for her, am I?” Evelyn watched his eyes while he struggled for an answer. “It’s all right, Radford. You won’t say anything I haven’t already heard from the ladies in town.”

  He captured her hand, his thumb bumping over her knuckles as he inspected her. “Why don’t I remember you better? I keep expecting you to be that little girl with skinned knees who ran around with Kyle, but you’ve changed. Regardless of your boots and britches, you’re not a tomboy anymore, are you, Evelyn?”

  She ducked her head, her lashes lowered in embarrassment. “I couldn’t tell you what I am.” All her life, she hadn’t known where she fit. She felt uncomfortable in her Sunday dress, as though she had no business wearing one after trudging around in britches all week, yet she felt just as awkward wearing her father’s altered wardrobe.

  Suddenly, Evelyn saw herself as Radford must see her, a pitiful girl uncomfortable in her own skin. Desperate to escape his scrutiny, she tried to pull away.

  “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, keeping her hand in his. “Nor am I going to let you go on thinking it’s a shortcoming on your part that’s determining my actions with Rebecca, because it isn’t. The truth is I think Rebecca would become too attached to you.”

  Evelyn’s gaze snapped to Radford’s.

  “I’ve seen her watching you.”

  “Is that bad?” Evelyn asked, wishing Radford would release her hand. She didn’t want his pity.

  He shook his head. “No. But Rebecca is sensitive right now and I’m trying to keep her from getting hurt.”

  “I have no intention of hurting your daughter.”

  “Neither did her first nanny.” Radford finally released Evelyn’s hand. “Rebecca adored Dorothy, and it crushed her when Dorothy married and moved away. I thought Gert, her second nanny, would love my daughter and mother her like Dorothy had. She abused Rebecca. By the time I came home from a trip to Virginia, Rebecca had quit speaking. It took her almost a month to start talking again.” Radford swallowed then released a calming breath. “I’ve never come so close to hitting a woman as I did the afternoon I came home and found Gert asleep on the sofa, and Rebecca tied to the sofa leg with an abrasive string around her ankle.”

  Blood surged to Evelyn’s face. “I hope you shot the woman.”

  “I wanted to, especially when I saw bruises on Rebecca’s arms where Gert had pinched her, but I restrained myself and threw Gert out of my apartment before I forgot she was a woman.”

  “You should have shot her,” Evelyn said, knowing she wouldn’t have been able to keep her hands off the woman.

  “As I said, my actions with Rebecca have nothing to do with your influencing her. It’s just that being motherless makes Rebecca more susceptible to forming attachments that might fall apart later on. I don’t want her to lose another person she grows to love.”

  “Isn’t she suffering as much without any feminine attachments? Without any friends she can play with?”

  “She’ll have that when she warms up to my mother.”

  Knowing Radford’s mind was closed on the subject, Evelyn shook her head. “I know you’re a loving father who’s trying to protect your daughter from the heartaches involved in growing up. There’s nothing wrong in that, but you’re keeping Rebecca from learning to depend on herself. Someday she’s going to want to leave the safe little square of her blanket. What if you’re not there when she does?”

  “I’ll be there,” he said, his expression absolute.

  Evelyn nodded in resignation. “I hope so, Radford. But I think Rebecca needs more than your protective love.”

  His face blanched and he stood with his hands at his sides, eyes dark, his expression so concerned, Evelyn pitied him.

  “She needs to laugh, Radford. Teach your daughter how to laugh.”

  Chapter Six

  Evelyn had been unusually quiet throughout the evening, her gaze escaping Radford’s each time he glanced in her direction. Had their earlier conversation about Rebecca upset her? Did she think she had offended him by showing concern for his daughter? The truth was, Radford found it touching and quite typical of the Evelyn he was coming to know. She was a caretaker to everybody: her father, her horses, and one motherless little girl.

  Unfortunately, Rebecca was too young to understand the difference between a woman’s temporary kindness and a mother’s lifetime love. Radford wasn’t going to watch his daughter learn that heartbreaking lesson again.

  Thrusting away memories that reminded him of his poor parenting, Radford retrieved the jug of chokecherry wine from the corner of the table and refilled his glass as Kyle dealt the cards.

  “Pass that over,” Boyd said. He took the jug and filled the other glasses before topping off his own.

  “Careful, Papa,” Evelyn warned. “That’s your third glass.”

  “Well, I’m thirsty.”

  Radford listened to the chuckles around the table. It had been like this years ago when his father was alive. William and Mary would come over and play cards with his parents, drinking wine and laughing late into the evening while he stood by his father’s knee as Rebecca was doing with him. To his surprise, the memory felt warm and welcome instead of burying him in melancholy because his father and Evelyn’s mother weren’t with them tonight.

  Boyd filled William’s glass and ignored Evelyn’s frown. “My partner is just building his strength,” he said, with a wink at William.

  “More like drowning his sorrows over your poor card playing,” Evelyn said then grinned at Boyd.

  Laughter filled the kitchen and Boyd glanced at Kyle. “It’s not too late to change your mind about marrying her.”

  “Boyd Benjamin!” Radford’s mother covered her eyes and shook her head.

  “If you don’t want Evelyn, I’ll take her,” Radford said, not realizing how his statement sounded until it was out of his mouth. When Kyle raised his eyebrows, Radford scrambled to cover his blunder. “Ah... the way Duke is playing, I could use a new partner.”

  Flustered by the sudden attention, and Kyle’s scrutinizing gaze, Evelyn took a drink from her wine glass. She wasn’t foolish enough to think Radford meant that as a compliment. Not after their ear
lier conversation about Rebecca. He didn’t like Evelyn reaching out to his daughter, but she couldn’t help herself. Rebecca was clinging to the safety of her father and a three-foot piece of cotton the same way Evelyn had clung to her livery. She had felt safe inside those four walls and gave her love to her horses, who wouldn’t hurt her. Now she was a misfit, uncomfortable anywhere else. Evelyn didn’t want Rebecca’s need for security to imprison her—as it had Evelyn.

  “Your turn,” Kyle said, startling Evelyn so abruptly from her thoughts that she nearly overturned her wine glass.

  In her scramble to keep her glass upright, she dropped her cards. They fluttered to the floor at her feet. She leaned over to retrieve them, but saw a pair of tiny, slippered feet step forward and two small hands reach down for the cards she had dropped. Rebecca gazed up at her, her brown eyes dark and nervous as though she was afraid to touch the cards.

  Evelyn nodded for her to go ahead, and Rebecca’s inept fingers reached for the cards, fumbling at the edges until she managed to curl her fingers beneath them. With both fists, she gathered them to her chest, clasping the bent cards for dear life as she stood. Slowly, she moved to Evelyn’s side then leaned forward. “Here,” she said shyly, releasing the cards into Evelyn’s lap.

  A riot of dark curls spilled across Rebecca’s back and rolled over her shoulders. Of its own volition, Evelyn’s hand lifted and stroked Rebecca’s head. “Thank you, sweetheart,” she said, her voice sounding emotional to her own ears.

  Rebecca looked up at Evelyn with a shy smile then stuck her finger in her mouth and took a step back, leaning against her daddy’s knee.

  Radford lifted his daughter onto his lap, drawing Evelyn’s gaze to his. A deep sadness registered in his eyes and Evelyn experienced a sudden urge to put her arms around both of them.

  Evelyn stopped beneath the oak tree with its giant limbs spreading several feet across the yard, one of them still holding her childhood swing that Rebecca now used. “It’s late,” she said to Kyle, who had walked her home after their card game. “I’d better go in.”