by Ted Dekker
“And maybe they’d be right.”
“Maybe, but I can assure you that without my guidance, you’re going to face a terrible fate. You know how concerned Rose is with the safety of this little heaven on earth.”
She was right about that. I didn’t respond, but then she already knew I was agreeing with her, because she could read my thoughts.
“Be careful, Grace. Even here, in a place with perfect laws to keep you safe, there is danger,” Bobbie said. “And more is coming.”
“More? Wolves in sheep’s clothing, you mean? Like the prophecy warns?”
“For now you just need to accept my offer to help keep you safe. Like I said, you’re my charge. I’ve waited a long time to reveal myself to you.”
And yet she could still be the darkness masquerading as light. A Fury who had tricked her way into the gates to sow destruction.
“Really? Me, darkness masquerading as light? It could be anyone, but I promise you it’s not me. My only purpose is to keep you safe. It’s why I saved you from the Fury that would have mauled you and left you to die.”
I was torn, but she made a strong argument.
“What do you mean, the coming threat could be anyone? Do you know who the wolf in sheep’s clothing is?”
She shrugged. “I only know that it could be anyone.”
“That’s absurd! You’re saying it could be my mother? Or Rose? Or Sylous for that matter? Impossible!”
“Not impossible. It could be anyone. My job is to keep you safe. Trust no one or you’ll be in for a very rude awakening when the truth is finally revealed.”
A wave of panic chilled my bones. I couldn’t live this way!
“Ask me to leave, and I’ll go,” Bobbie said.
“Leave,” I said.
Bobbie nodded. “Very well. But if you need me, and you will, just think of me. I’ll be close.” She started toward the door and I gave her clear passage, never taking my eyes off her. She reached for the knob and pulled the door open. It made me wonder why she needed to use the door at all. She’d seemed to appear at will when making her entrance.
She looked at me. “Take care with what you say about me, Grace. There are forces beyond your control at work in Haven Valley. Don’t expose your only true lifeline or it may be taken from you.”
Then she stepped out past the threshold and out of my line of sight. I waited for a couple beats, listening for her footsteps on the stairs, but heard nothing. So I crossed to the door and carefully peered around into the hall. It was empty.
She’d simply vanished, leaving nothing behind but dread.
Chapter
Ten
BEN DROVE DOWN THE LONG, ISOLATED HIGHWAY while Eli slept soundly in the passenger seat beside him. The sun was climbing the sky, streaking the road ahead with early morning rays. He’d been driving all night. Motivated partially by wanting to get to their destination as quickly as possible, and partially because sleeping had become so difficult.
It was mostly the nausea that kept him up. And the aching of his body as the disease ate away at his muscles. Ben knew his time was running out. He’d known it before he’d finally managed to land on a diagnosis. His body had been losing the fight against human frailty for a while now.
He warred with moments of depression, when he lost sight of the truth he’d come to know well. The world had become obsessed with survival. Ben had as well, spending most of his energy avoiding death. He’d always attributed so much power to death, as if it were a god. And in doing so, he’d given the prospect of death all the power it held over him.
He was seeing things differently these days. It was a blessing to know his days were numbered. A blessing he wasn’t sure he would trade for more days. They said hitting rock bottom was required for one to let go. True in his experience.
Eli stirred beside him, the new day’s sunlight bright on his cheeks. He straightened in his seat and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Ran his small fingers through his disheveled hair and yawned. “Are we close?” he asked.
Ben adjusted his grip on the steering wheel and nodded. “Only a couple of days, I imagine.”
Eli slid down in his seat and propped his stocking feet up on the dashboard, letting the sun warm his toes. “Who knew Tennessee was so far away from California.”
“Anyone with a map or GPS,” Ben teased.
Even though he was the butt of the joke, Eli giggled. A welcome change to the steady silence that had accompanied Ben while the boy slept. He could feel Eli’s gaze on him but kept his eyes on the road.
“Yes?” Ben asked.
“How are you feeling?” Eli replied.
Ben took a deep breath and, though he wasn’t sure why, tried to mask the ever-present discomfort. Eli knew he was sick, knew he was dying. There was no reason to hide it from the boy.
“The same,” Ben said. “But before you suggest it, I don’t want to stop yet. I can go a few more hours before I need to rest.”
“Not even to pee?”
“Well, okay. You gotta go, you gotta go.”
“I gotta go.”
“Then we gotta stop. Soon as we find a spot.”
Eli stared at him a moment longer, then turned his attention forward and out the windshield.
Ben’s mind wandered to his lost children. With any luck, he’d see them both in two days’ time. A good thing, considering the fact that his own days were numbered not much more than that. Only a few minutes, that’s all he needed with them. It might be all he’d get.
“She calls her Bobbie,” Eli said.
“Who calls who Bobbie?”
“Grace is calling the one who’s trying to protect her ‘Bobbie,’” he said.
Ben thought about that. Eli rarely spoke about the particulars of the world at large, enslaved to darkness as it was. And Ben had long ago realized that it wasn’t his place to ask for particulars. So much was beyond his understanding. All he knew was to trust in simple truths and leave the details alone. They did little but tie his thoughts into knots.
That Grace was calling someone who was trying to protect her “Bobbie” might be good news.
“Interesting,” he finally said.
“Yup.”
And that was the end of it.
A familiar melody broke through his thoughts. He glanced at the radio. The words Kansas—Carry On Wayward Son scrolled across the digital screen. Eli began to hum in tune, grooving his head back and forth with the notes. He pressed one of the buttons on his door, and the window dropped, letting in the cold morning air. His humming turned to soft singing that quickly became loud.
Ben turned the volume up, cruising down the lonely highway, letting the promise of peace sink all the way into his weary bones.
Yes, he thought, carry on.
Chapter
Eleven
I EVENTUALLY FELL ASLEEP, ONLY TO BE WOKEN BY my mother a couple of hours later. She told me to clean and dress quickly. I was to speak with Harrison and Rose at their house posthaste. No time to delay.
She was in a foul mood, but I expected nothing less.
I was scheduled to stay with Andrew that evening, so cleaning and grooming took more effort than usual. It was important to be clean, but mostly I was eager to be cleansed of the day before. The least I could do was offer a little penance before standing in front of Rose.
Exhausted from too little sleep, I dressed. Nausea knotted my gut again, likely from all the stress. Properly covered by undergarments—a slip without any colorful flowers that Andrew might see and object to—and my long, white dress, I made my way down to the kitchen, where my mother had fixed breakfast and was busy over the sink. The smell of food made me a bit queasy, but I knew I had to eat.
“Thank you,” I said, taking a seat before toast and eggs.
She didn’t respond, but that didn’t surprise me. Jamie and I had put her through hell. She looked as if she’d been up for hours.
I ate quickly and in silence, knowing that any discussion would bri
ng some form of disapproval. Rose would likely give me all I could handle.
I forced down the eggs and stood to carry my empty plate to the sink. Wasting was prohibited, but the toast would keep.
“How’s Jamie?” I asked, no longer able to keep silent.
My mother turned to look at me. Disappointment and anger flashed behind her eyes.
I dropped my gaze and placed my dish in the empty sink. “Please tell me he’s okay.”
Her response was lifeless. “They’ll be monitoring him closely for the next couple of days, but Dr. Charles says he’ll recover.”
I closed my eyes and swallowed. “Thank God,” I whispered.
“At least someone’s looking out for him.”
Meaning I hadn’t been. His injuries were my fault.
“I talked with him this morning,” my mother said, vigorously wiping down the counter.
“You did?”
“He woke up for a bit, but his mind is still jumbled. He lost a dangerous amount of blood, was extremely dehydrated, suffered a concussion.” She stopped short and closed her eyes.
I knew the scolding was coming before she turned glaring eyes on me.
“He nearly died, Grace.”
I looked at the linoleum flooring, wallowing in shame. This was more Jamie’s doing than mine, but I accepted guilt in full. It was always my fault. My mother had rose-colored lenses when she saw her son and dark lenses when it came to me. I knew that and accepted it. Better too much guilt than not enough.
“What happened out there?” she snapped.
I was about to give her an accounting with as little detail as possible, but she cut me off before I could speak.
“Actually, I don’t want to know.” She tossed the rag she’d been wiping the counters with into the sink and turned to leave the kitchen. She made it a couple of steps before turning back toward me. “Your brother asked for you when he woke.”
“He did?”
“He wanted to make sure you are protecting yourself from what’s coming. Do you have any idea what that means?”
What’s coming. Her words dropped like rocks inside my brain. There is danger, and more is coming. Bobbie’s warning.
I shook my head.
“Harrison and Rose will want answers. For the love of Haven Valley, Grace, no more lies.”
And with that, my mother stormed to her bedroom.
TEN MINUTES LATER I WAS SEATED ALONE IN ROSE’S office, the place that had once been my home away from home. It was here I’d been instructed in my role as a woman of the Holy Family, instructed by Rose and some of the books that lined a tall bookcase next to the desk.
Now I felt like an unwelcome sinner, because it was here I’d also copied the schedule that helped Jamie avoid detection each time he ventured out past the perimeter.
The room was cold and clammy, and the ticking clock became a countdown to the judgment that awaited me.
For the love of Haven Valley, Grace, no more lies. My mother’s words haunted me still.
But the warning from my brother and Bobbie haunted me more. Something was coming. What? Or who?
If only they’d let me talk to Jamie before being interrogated. I felt utterly alone in my confusion, without a lifeline or clear understanding.
The door behind me creaked and I stilled. There was no escaping this. Rose stepped in and crossed to the large leather chair behind her cherrywood desk. I sat in one of two smaller chairs opposite the desk. A glass of water sat on the small round table beside me, but I hadn’t touched it.
Rose scooted her chair underneath the desk and placed her palms on the surface. She looked at me as I absently bit the inside of my lip.
“Hello, Grace.”
“Hello,” I said.
“Did you get any sleep?”
“A little.”
She gave me a small smile. I didn’t deserve her kindness.
“Harrison isn’t going to be joining us. I thought it might be better for just us to talk. I’ve always felt we had a connection, you and I.”
“Yes.”
“That’s one of the reasons this has all been so heartbreaking. You betrayed me, Grace. You used the trust I placed in you to undermine me and our community.”
I dropped my eyes to her shoulder, unable to hold her gaze. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Rose considered before she spoke. “Your greatest mistake was trusting your brother instead of the law. I know the sins here are largely attributed to your brother’s curiosity. That doesn’t excuse your behavior, but it does give it a different tone. And yes, we are taught to forgive. But forgiveness is hard and must be earned.”
“Of course,” I said.
“I must admit I care for you a great deal, Grace. I’ve always seen you as part of my family. A daughter of sorts.”
I wanted to weep there in her office. To fall at her feet and beg her to see me as she once had. To swear I would never betray her again. But I wasn’t sure that would be in my best interest. Rose preferred strength over weakness. It was in part why she disliked my mother, I thought.
“It will take time and work,” Rose continued. “All of Haven Valley will need to be reassured of your commitment to them. You are still committed, aren’t you?”
“Always,” I said, looking back up at her.
“Good. Now tell me what happened beyond the perimeter.”
Be careful, Grace. Bobbie’s words filled my head. Even here, in a place with perfect laws to keep you safe, there is danger. Again, I thought of what Jamie had said to our mother about protecting myself from what was coming.
I cleared my throat. “It took us most of the day to reach the cliff from where we could see the city Jamie spoke of.”
“Most of the day? And no danger along the way?”
“Not that we saw. We knew it would have taken us at least another day’s walk to reach the city, so we stopped for the night. Jamie left to get more firewood.” I looked down at my hands in my lap. To lie or not to lie about my encounter with Bobbie? The moment had come.
Be careful, Grace.
And I made a choice.
“I was waiting for a long time and I started to get worried. That’s when I heard his cries.”
“Jamie’s cries.”
“Yes.”
“And you were alone?” Rose asked.
I nodded. Tears stung my eyes as my memory of those awful cries returned to me. “I should have gone out to find him, but I heard movement in the trees, and I just knew they were out there.”
“You saw the Fury as well?”
“No,” I said quickly. Maybe too quickly.
“Why would they attack Jamie and not you?”
“I don’t know.” Another lie. “Maybe because I ran. I found a cave and I hid there till morning. It was terrible. The screams went on all night.” More lies.
Rose leaned back in the leather chair, eyeing me. “You were lucky.”
I nodded.
“Maybe it’s a sign,” she said.
“A sign?”
“Maybe you were meant to return and be the witness. How did you find Jamie?”
“He was on the main path,” I said, going with her theory.
“Where he could easily be found. And how did he get back to the gate?”
“I don’t know,” I said, relieved to be telling the truth.
Rose nodded, keeping her eyes glued to mine. “So you never once encountered the Fury?”
“Never.”
Another pause. She’d always used silence as carefully as her words.
“You shouldn’t feel ashamed for running, Grace. Fear saved your life. Let’s hope Jamie has learned from this as well.”
“I should have done a better job keeping him accountable,” I said.
“True. And you will continue to pay for that sin. Again, I hope you understand that the road to restoration can be long.”
I nodded, knowing that the stain of my indiscretion would always discolor me.
“Y
ou’ll continue to contribute to the Holy Family as before, but know that everyone will be watching you. If there’s a silver lining to this betrayal, it’s the confirmation you and Jamie offer our community. There’s absolutely no more room for doubt in that pretty little head of yours.”
“None,” I said. Another lie, because there was Bobbie, and she’d put some new questions in my mind. What if her claim that I would need her was true? Did I dare rely upon her?
“You were chosen, Grace. Brought into our Holy Family and given the gift of salvation from the Fury along with everyone else. Please do not forsake it. What God gives can be taken away.”
“I understand,” I said. “I’ll never do it again.”
She gave me a shallow nod. “I know how much you love the children, but you won’t be watching them today. You’ll remain at home until it’s time to see Andrew tonight. Use the time to reflect on your denial of God and seek his mercy.”
“I will.”
Rose pushed her chair back and sighed. “This life can be hard on all of us, Grace. But we press on, knowing the inheritance that awaits us. We all learn from our mistakes.” She looked off, thinking, then spoke in a soft voice. “I pray your path is easier than the path I had to take to bring me to obedience.”
Eyes back on me, she wore a gentle, compassionate smile. “You may leave.”
Chapter
Twelve
THE DAY MOVED AT A SNAIL’S PACE AS I KEPT TO MYself in our house, rehearsing Rose’s words of warning. Whatever consequence I would suffer was of my own making because I’d broken the law, plain and simple. Purity came at a cost, and I would have to pay that cost.
Little things led to bigger things, which led to terrible things. God could see even a small amount of selfishness, like painting flowers on my undergarments. Even my stray thoughts of wanting things I didn’t have would cause me suffering. Getting away with those things had emboldened me to help Jamie break the law. And look how that had turned out. What had I been thinking!
