“But Reniel led me to believe that love between humans and angels is forbidden,” Addison replied. This had been bugging her all this time, but she’d never had a chance to ask about it.
“Every creature created by Father has the gift of free will,” Reniel said from his place between Micah and Jackson, Sr. “Even angels. While Sarah did not choose to love Jackson—for no one can choose who captures their heart—she did choose to obey the laws governing angels. Romantic, physical relationships between angels and humans are forbidden, and because Sarah resisted temptation, Father chose to honor her by offering her a mortal life as a Guardian. He saw that an eternity without him would have been like a personal hell for Sarah, and He did not want her to suffer.”
Addison smiled. “What a sweet story.”
Sarah nodded and smiled, too. “I have no regrets, either. I’ve had a beautiful life for the last eighteen years, and I couldn’t ask for more.”
“Some of us took the harder path,” Nathan said.
His whiskey-brown eyes were haunted as they met Addison’s. The darkness about him came back, and she could see in him the same depth of experience with pain and heartache that she saw in Jackson Sr.
“I lost my wings because I wasn’t as strong as Sarah.”
“So you … became a demon?”
“Not exactly,” he answered. Carmen reached over and grasped his hand, giving it a tight, affectionate squeeze. Nathan held on to that hand as if it were an anchor. “I became one of the Fallen, which are angels who have been banished from Heaven. When that happens, you lose your wings and the essence of everything good is stripped away from your soul. At that time, something is planted inside, like a seed. It’s your own personal little demon, sent to torment you until you transition.”
Addison frowned. “I don’t understand. It’s not an instant thing?”
“It would be easier if it were, trust me,” Nathan replied. “But no, it’s not instant. The demon becomes a part of you, in your head always tempting you. Every time you give in to rage, despair, lust, depravity of any kind … he gets stronger and his hold over you grows. Before you know what’s happened, the demon has taken over and you no longer exist. You become one of them.”
Addison’s mouth fell open and she forgot about eating. Her fork clattered to her plate. “That’s awful. How did you beat it?”
“I fought it for seven years,” he told her. “I refused to give in. If Lucifer wanted me, he was going to have to come for me himself. But then, he went too far and sent Eligos to kidnap my son …” he trailed off, his jaw tightening as anger hardened his features.
Addison’s heart plummeted into her stomach. “Eligos?” she whispered.
Carmen nodded. “He wanted Elian for his power. We had to fight to get him back. That is how Nathan earned his chance at a new start. He was willing to trade his soul for Elian, no questions asked. That act of selflessness redeemed him.”
“That’s …” Addison lowered her eyes to her plate, her heart dropping even further into the pit of her gut as she remembered, yet again, that no one in the world cared for her that much. “That’s beautiful,” she managed.
“Lo siento,” Carmen apologized, her wide eyes sympathetic as she watched her from across the table. “We did not mean to make you sad with our story.”
“It’s okay,” she said, forcing a smile. “The stories are all wonderful. I think I get it. Sarah met Jackson when she got assigned to tell him about being a Guardian. They got together and their first mission as Guardians together was looking out for Elian, who was born after Nathan met you and lost his wings. Seven years later, here comes my … Eligos, who kidnaps Elian. You guys fought to get him back and Nathan gets a mortal life with his family. Reniel used to be friends with both Sarah and Nathan when you were all angels, so you’re all close. And because Micah is Jack’s partner, you guys are all like one big family.”
Vivian nodded. “Exactly,” she answered. “But, you know, sweetheart, there’s always room for one more.”
“That’s right,” Sarah added. “We’re all on the same side here, and we have to stick together. Jack has told us a lot about you. I know your life hasn’t been easy, and there’s so much you have to learn, but we want you to know that we’re here for you.”
Addison didn’t know what to say. Trying not to show how much their stories had affected her was hard. Her heart pounded so loud she swore they could hear it. Her eyes stung, and her palms began to sweat. Blinking back tears, she put another smile on for their benefit.
Through the rest of the meal, she remained silent and observant once more. Vivian’s words echoed in her mind, and again, hope flared in her chest. Only this time, it rooted itself, going deep and implanting where she could never pry it loose. Which meant, when her mission ended and she was forced to leave these people behind, she would end up heartbroken.
She made it through dinner with quiet politeness and easy smiles, but it proved hard with Jack sitting beside her, watching her from the corner of his eye. By the time dessert and coffee were served, she couldn’t take it anymore. She excused herself and left the cozy little kitchen and dining room and raced up the stairs, seeking solitude. Once upstairs, she found another set of steps she hadn’t noticed before, leading up to a closed door. She remembered from shows she’d seen on television that most of these city apartments and houses had roof access. Hoping for some fresh air without alerting anyone that she’d left the house, she took a chance on the door and started up.
Sure enough, she found that the unlocked door lead out onto the roof. A wrought-iron rail circled the roof of the Bennett’s townhouse, separating it from the others sandwiching it on either side. The row of homes went on down the block in both directions in an endless line. While New Orleans was a bustling city, Addison found it much different from New York, none of the Southern charm or French influence present here. New York seemed like another world—one of smog-blotted skies, bright lights, and straight, clean lines. Still, it was a pleasant, balmy night, which struck her as vastly different from the stifling humidity of Louisiana.
Leaning against the rail, she stared at the lights stretching out as far as the eye could see. She wondered if she could conjure the power to fly again like she had while fighting those demons. With practice, it’d come like second nature to her.
One thing she would doubtless never learn to do was numb herself against the feeling of being so alone in the world. Clutching the iron bars in a relentless grip, she lowered her head and finally allowed herself to cry.
13
Hope
“Hey, what are you doing out here all by your—” Jack trailed off as Addison spun away from the rail to face him. She lowered her head, hiding her face from him—but not before he caught sight of her flushed and tear-stained cheeks. “Addison, what’s wrong?”
After she’d excused herself from the table and hadn’t come back, he’d grown concerned. He’d gone upstairs to check on her, and became even more worried to find the bedrooms and bathroom empty. Thinking she’d gone up to the roof for air, he had followed her. However, his relief at finding her here had proved short-lived. Seeing her doubled over, arms wrapped around herself as she fought to contain the sobs causing her body to tremble, became more than he could bear.
Closing the door, he crossed the roof in a few quick strides, reaching out for her on instinct. Touching her would be a bad idea … but then, not touching her would also be unacceptable when she seemed to be in so much pain. She fell into him, her face buried in his chest as she sobbed as if her very soul had been injured.
Unsure of what to say, he just held her, his arms tight around her and one hand skimming her back. Allowing her to get it out, he became her rock, giving her someone to rest on for a change. The end of her braid caressed his fingertips, and a few stray strands at her crown teased his jaw. The smell of her shampoo invaded his senses, along with the feel of her against him and her own natural, feminine scent. She smelled earthy and sweet, like
an open field. He didn’t fight the urge to bury his nose in her hair and inhale. His eyes slid closed and he clung to a moment of closeness with another human being—the likes of which he hadn’t experienced in so long. Since Tracy’s death, he hadn’t let himself.
Addison began to calm, her sobs dying away, her trembling shoulders stilling. Once she grew quiet, he grasped her shoulders and pushed her back just enough to get a glimpse of her face. The tears hadn’t let up, streaming down her cheeks and clinging to the line of her jaw before falling away. The sight broke his heart all over again.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
A sound like a half sob, half laugh escaped her lips. She shook her head. “Nothing. Everything. I just needed to be alone for a minute. Being around your family and friends was overwhelming.”
He winced. “Did someone say something that upset you? Look, Nathan doesn’t know Eligos is your father, but he wouldn’t care if he knew. No one here is going to judge you for who your parents are.”
She sobbed again, bringing on a fresh wave of tears. “That’s the thing, Jack,” she cried, swiping at her face with her fingertips. He helped her, using his thumbs to smear away the remnants pooling just beneath her lower eyelids. “Those people down there are amazing. They love you, they love each other … everyone has a place and no one ever has to worry about being alone. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life, Jack. I’ve never had a family dinner before. I’ve never had someone welcome me to a table and treat me like my past didn’t matter.”
He nodded in understanding as revelation dawned. “I’ve been very fortunate,” he admitted. “But your life doesn’t have to continue to be like it was. You can have the same thing.”
“This isn’t my family to be a part of, Jack. I’m just here because someone decided I’m the one who needs to wear this ring. Once all that is over, there’s nothing tying me to them. Everyone here has a history, a thread tying them together. Marriage, friendship, children … and what am I? The outcast demon Naphil that everyone is nice to out of pity.”
“No, that’s not true,” he insisted. “None of that is true. You do have a connection to them. You do have a place here.”
She pulled away from him, turning back to the railing. Her shoulders squared up once again, her back ramrod straight. He’d seen the last of her tears for now. The moment of vulnerability had passed, with Addison erecting her walls once more.
“I don’t have a place anywhere,” she whispered, staring out over the city. “I never did. I know all these years of fighting have been hard on you, Jack. I know you have a hard time understanding where all of this is going, and maybe you resent your Guardianship just a little bit. But you’re so lucky, because at the end of the day, you get to come home to this. You have these people to remind you that you’re loved and a part of something. Don’t take it for granted, because there are people like me who don’t have it and we want it.”
He approached her at a slow pace, drawn forward by the yearning in her voice. It tugged at his heart, making him want to fill every void in her life in any way that he could. Ridiculous. They hadn’t known each other long, and what little he knew of her past wasn’t pleasant. Still, as much as he wanted to be the one to save her, he needed saving just as badly. He paused when his chest was a mere inch away from Addison’s back. His hands braced against the rail on either side of her, trapping her between his arms. She stiffened, sucking in a ragged breath, but she didn’t turn, the only movement that of the wind through her hair, causing a few loose, vibrant strands to caress her face and the back of her neck.
“If you want it, it’s yours,” he murmured, coming even closer.
Their bodies were touching now, the curve of hers fitting so seamless against him that it felt as if something had just fallen into place. Her rigid posture melted, and she leaned back, resting her head on his shoulder. He turned his head, allowing his lips to skim the side of her neck. “You were wrong when you said you had no ties to those people, or that you wouldn’t have a reason to stay when this was all over. So wrong, Addison.”
She sighed as his arms came around her, hands splayed on her stomach. Her flesh felt supple and warm through the thin fabric she wore, a beckoning temptation to his fingers.
“You don’t know what you’re saying. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
He slid his mouth up the column of her neck to her jaw. His lips lingered on the corner of hers, just a breath separating them. “I told you that you mattered to me, and I meant that. I don’t know what this is, Addison. I can’t pretend to know what tomorrow will bring, or even where we’ll be next week. But I can tell you that when this is all over, I’ll still be here. I’ll still care about you, still want you beyond all reasoning. If you need a reason to stay, there’s your reason, Addison. I’m the reason … I … I want you. No, it’s more than that. I think … I need you. Stay for me. Stay with me.”
She turned in his embrace to face him, her eyes wide with shock. “What in the world could you ever need me for?” she whispered. “No one’s ever needed me for anything.”
He grinned. “Isn’t it obvious? This path, this calling … it takes things from you. Sometimes, it takes so much that you don’t even know who you are anymore. Why do you think Micah is the way he is? He sure wasn’t born that way.”
“What did it take from you, Jack?”
He lowered his eyes and sighed. There could be no keeping it to himself anymore. If anyone had a right to know, it was Addison. “Tracy,” he said.
It surprised him how much it hurt to say her name. He’d thought the sharpness of the pain had faded away, but it proved surprisingly acute.
“Micah’s sister?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She was a Guardian, too.”
“I thought Mama said the Guardian gene is passed down by parents to a child of the same sex.”
“Tracy was Micah’s half-sister. Different dads. Micah was older by a few years, and both his parents were Guardians. After his dad left his mother, she remarried, and they had Tracy.”
Addison nodded. “I get it now. So, they must have been close.”
“Like you wouldn’t believe. She followed Micah everywhere. Even though she wasn’t one of the elite chosen to fight Eligos and his ten, Tracy refused to be left out. Everywhere Micah and I went, she went, looking for a piece of the action.”
“What could she do?”
“Tracy was a chameleon. She could blend into her surroundings and pretty much disappear. She was also a prankster, which made her one of the most annoying roommates you’d ever want to have.”
“Sounds like a fun girl.”
He chuckled as memories he’d forced himself to bury along with Tracy assailed him. “She was. Real bouncy and cheerful, always laughing and joking. She and Micah were so close, which was why he stopped fighting it and let her tag along on some missions. I was against it at first, but Micah convinced me that we could protect her from anything that would hurt her. Besides, Tracy could take care of herself. She had quick reflexes and was smart enough to know when to fight and when to run. So, for a while, our duo was actually a trio.”
“Didn’t that ruffle Reniel’s feathers?” she asked. “Ha!” she added. “Feathers … that was funny.”
Jack laughed at her and shook his head. “It did, but by then, he was used to Micah going against the grain. He never did know how to follow the damn rules.”
“So, I take it you and Tracy were a thing. I mean … you cared about her, right?”
“I loved her,” he admitted. “I never saw it coming. The three of us were like best friends, you know? And then one day, it was just the two of us and something clicked. I felt so fortunate to have something within this world of angels, demons, and war that was just mine. Something normal, and simple. It didn’t seem so bad then, the endless demon fights and that feeling of failure, not when I had her. I had this hope, that someday when it was all over, I would have her. In the meantime, she was my piece of normal
… an anchor of sorts.”
“Losing her must have been so hard,” Addison whispered, her voice edged in sympathy. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she eyed him with compassion.
“Not as hard as it was on Micah. Her death destroyed him. He hasn’t been the same since.”
“How did she die?”
“Murdered,” he answered. A shudder raced down his spine at the memory of her lifeless body, splayed in the dark alley between Mama Jo’s and the souvenir shop next door. If he concentrated hard enough, he could still smell the blood … still see the gaping red smile carved into her neck.
Addison gasped, one hand coming up over her mouth. “What? By who?”
He shook his head. “We’re not sure, but we know it was someone on the other side. Not a demon, but maybe someone possessed by one, or even a Naphil. In the weeks leading up to her death, Tracy had been acting weird. Coming and going all hours of the night, and sneaking around. We had a huge fight about it a few days before it happened, because she wouldn’t tell us anything. By then, we were pretty serious, and I was out of my mind thinking there was some other guy she was sneaking off to meet. When she wouldn’t tell me the truth, I outright accused her of cheating to try to get a reaction out of her. She got upset with me, and told me to go to hell. After packing a few clothes, she stormed out of the apartment. She told me I was going to be sorry when I found out what she’d really been up to, and maybe she’d finally get credit for something, for once. She left to go stay at a friend’s, but that was the last time I saw her. We found her in the alley on the side of Mama Jo’s with her throat slit and a pentagram carved into her chest.”
Addison shook her head, disbelief and sadness marring her face. “Oh, my God, Jack …”
“After losing Tracy, I made a decision,” he continued. “My life couldn’t be about anything but being a Guardian. I let myself fall in love with her, and it ruined me when she was gone. I realized that the life I wanted so bad was never going to happen. I was never going to have what I thought was waiting for me at the end of all this, because there was no end.”
Heroines and Hellions: a Limited Edition Urban Fantasy Collection Page 108
