by Emily March
Caitlin pulled away from him and took a step back. “That’s quite a speech, Tarkington. The end of it bordered on insulting, but I do understand why you said what you said. The question I have is where do we go from here? You’re suggesting more than friends, but less than a couple? Do you really think that will work here in Eternity Springs?”
“If we’re careful about it, yes. But only if that’s what you want. If simple friendship is off the table, I’ll accept that too. As long as you agree to my terms, you can call the shots.”
“I think you must have been a battlefield general in a past life, Josh. Or a corporate-takeover specialist. We’re doing a lot of negotiating.” Caitlin stared at him for a long minute. “It could be sort of exciting. The secrecy of carrying on beneath the noses of our friends and neighbors.”
“And family,” he pointed out.
“Definitely, and family,” she agreed with a little laugh. “I’ve never acted illicitly in my life. I’m usually up for a new experience. I think it might be fun, this … what shall we call it?”
“‘Friends with benefits’ is the popular term.”
Caitlin wrinkled her nose. “No. I don’t like that. Too pop culture. You and I, Tarkington, are going to have a friend affair.”
With that, she went up on her toes and kissed him hard, but fast. Then she took off down the hill to finish their run.
Josh had no choice but to follow her.
Journal Entry
Anniversaries. Why do people mark anniversaries? What the hell good does it do to look backward? Can’t turn on the radio or the damn TV without hearing newscasters with their panties in a wad. “Today is the third anniversary of the F5 tornado that cut a fourteen-mile swath across our state, killing sixty-three and injuring hundreds.”
Well, whoop-dee-do. Happy anniversary.
Birthdays aren’t much better. So you were born. Big damn deal. You’re not special. Everybody was born. Everybody dies. Why do those everyday events require flowers on a grave?
Screw that. I’m over it. I’m not looking backward any more. No more rearview mirrors for me, no sir. Someone else will have to put birthday flowers on Kelsey’s grave next week. I’m over it.
I hate anniversaries.
I just placed an order for daffodils.
Chapter Nine
By mutual agreement, Caitlin and Josh went different directions at the bottom of Cemetery Hill. Caitlin’s mind spun as she made her way home. The more she thought about Josh’s experience, the more sober she grew. What a seriously awful thing to have happened to him.
In the past few days, she’d done some snooping around about Josh. Small-town gossip was an extraordinarily powerful resource. With only a few casual questions, she’d managed to learn quite a lot. Eternity Springs labeled him as a nice, quiet, friendly guy who didn’t cause trouble. He was a good neighbor who kept his lawn mowed, and he paid his bills on time. People knew he’d been Brick Callahan’s foster brother, but the circumstances that led to his being in that system remained a mystery. Colt Rafferty had said Josh could make an engine hum, but of course, Caitlin had already discovered that for herself.
He wasn’t a consummate flirt like Brick had been before falling for Liliana Howe, but he could turn on the charm when he wished. Townspeople had general knowledge of his storm-filled past, but she doubted anyone had heard the tragic details that he’d shared with her this morning.
All in all, Eternity Springs had a positive opinion of Josh Tarkington. Caitlin had learned nothing to cause her to change her strategy until he’d opened up to her this morning.
She pondered his revelations as she showered and dressed and watered her houseplants. He’d been sincere. She couldn’t doubt that. Had her impulsive, emotion-based decision to continue seeing him been a mistake? If she went forward, she needed to do so with her eyes wide open. He had meant everything he’d said. That had been obvious. He was more than a guy who’s just gun shy from being hurt in the past. This kind of hurt was more than most people could even imagine. He may never get over it. There was a real chance that she could lose this war. How would she deal with that?
Maybe she should reassess.
Her goals were different from Josh’s. She wanted marriage and children. He absolutely, positively did not. Now that she knew that his position was pretty much chiseled in stone, should she cut her losses? Abandon the whole friend affair idea?
Josh Tarkington could break her heart.
“Wonderful,” she said aloud as she opened her refrigerator and stared at the scant contents. Well, she had gone for a run, hadn’t she? She could justify a trip to Fresh for her breakfast. She’d been craving Sarah Murphy’s croissants for months. Besides, she needed company.
What she needed was a girlfriend to talk to. Unfortunately, her best friend was now also her sister-in-law. She couldn’t confide in Lori, because she wouldn’t ask her to keep secrets from Chase. If Chase found out that she and Josh were having a secret affair, it wouldn’t remain a secret for long. She grumbled, “Brothers.”
She pondered her predicament.
Part of her reason for moving to Eternity Springs had been a desire to expand her circle of good friends. She’d made friends in the city, but not dear, friends-until-you-die friends. Her mother had a circle like that—Nic Callahan, Sarah Murphy, Sage Rafferty, and Celeste being particularly close to Ali—and Caitlin wanted the same thing.
Dad had been right about one thing the day she told them about her move. She did want a lot of the things her mother had.
She glanced at the clock. It was early yet. She didn’t need to be at the house this morning. Jax had the demo well in hand. She might as well use the opportunity to reach out to a potential bosom bud. She grabbed her purse, drove to Fresh and bought four breakfast croissants, then made the short drive to Stardance Ranch.
As Caitlin had hoped, she found Liliana Howe in the camp’s office and general store, restocking the shelves. She’d first met Lili at the Callahan family Fourth of July picnic the summer before last. They’d hit it off immediately, and Caitlin had hopes that Lili could become a dear friend. “Hello, Lili. How is the bride-to-be this morning?”
“I’m doing fabulous, thank you.”
“Are you nervous?”
“A little. I’m worried about the weather, mostly, what with all the family coming in from Texas and Oklahoma. It’d be just my luck to have the first snowfall of the season be a blizzard that closes roads and mountain passes on my wedding day. If we have to delay the wedding again, I don’t think my mother and the Callahan women will survive. They are the planning-est women I’ve ever seen.”
Lili and Brick’s original spring wedding had been postponed due to the decline and subsequent death of Lili’s dear friend, Patsy Schaefer, last spring. Patsy had been the founder and soul of the Tornado Alleycats, the camping club that had brought Liliana and Brick together.
“I don’t think you need to worry about a blizzard,” Caitlin reassured her. “I’ve been keeping an eye on the forecast, myself, because we’re scheduled to put a new roof on Gingerbread House later this week. Saturday is supposed to be lovely.”
“From your mouth to God’s ears.”
“Hey, I’m not going to step on Celeste’s toes.” The two women shared a smile and Caitlin held up her bakery bag. “I come bearing gifts. Do you have a few minutes to visit?”
“I do. Though I shouldn’t go near anything Sarah baked if I’m going to fit into my gown on Saturday.”
“It’s her bacon-and-egg-stuffed croissant. You probably can use the protein.”
“You’re the devil, Caitlin Timberlake. Let’s go sit on the deck, shall we? Want some coffee or orange juice to go with the roll?”
“I’d love a glass of juice.”
A few minutes later, they were seated in deck chairs placed around a fire pit savoring the contents of the bakery sack. “This is nice,” Lili said. “I needed to sit and relax a bit. I’ve been going a mile a minute the past few weeks
.”
“I thought you might need a break, and since I need a friend to talk to, I thought it might work out nicely.”
“Is something wrong, Caitlin?”
“No. I don’t think so. Honestly, I don’t know. Lili, when did you realize you’d fallen in love with Brick?”
“Well … hmm … I was probably nine. Maybe twelve.”
Caitlin knew that Lili and Brick had known each other when they were young. It was one of the reasons why she’d come to Stardance Ranch this morning. “You went to school together?”
“He wasn’t in my class—he’s older than me—but we attended the same school. He and my brother were best friends.”
“Maybe I asked the wrong question. Maybe I should have asked when Brick fell in love with you. He resisted it, didn’t he?”
Lili gave a little laugh. “To use his grandfather’s term, he ran like a scalded dog.”
“So what did you do? How did you handle it? Did you simply have faith he’d come around? Were you afraid he wouldn’t?”
“Are you having romantic troubles, Caitlin?”
“Always,” she replied, a glum note in her voice. “It should be easier than this. Why is it never easy?”
“Because we’re human? Tell me what’s going on with you.”
Caitlin tore a bite from her roll and popped it into her mouth. “Well, there’s this guy…” She let her voice trail off as she searched for the right words.
“Isn’t there always?” Lili said wryly. “Do I know him?”
“He’s not from around here.” The dodge was technically the truth, but since he was in the wedding party, it probably should count as a lie. She quickly forged ahead. “I really like this one. Really like him. I’ve dated a lot of guys, and this one has been different from the very beginning.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“He flat out said he isn’t interested in marriage, and I believe he means what he says. But I want marriage and children. I’m not getting any younger. I don’t know how much time I have to invest in him.”
“That is a legitimate concern,” Lili agreed.
“It is. Maybe I’d be better off stopping things now before I get in any deeper. My head is telling me that’s probably the right thing to do, but my heart … my heart wants to take a chance on him. What do I do?”
Lili considered the question a few moments. “First, you’re far from old, Caitlin. You have plenty of time to marry and make babies. And a lot of guys resist falling until they hit the ground. Maybe your guy is one of those.”
“Maybe, but it’s a risk.”
“There you go. Love is a risk. Risk and reward. But the reward … it’s spectacular.”
Just then, Brick Callahan rounded the corner of the office building, a spring in his step and a shovel over his shoulder. Lili looked at her fiancé and her face beamed with so much love that Caitlin thought she needed sunglasses to shade her eyes.
Having eyes only for his bride-to-be, Brick called. “Hey there, Lili-fair. What are you doing slacking off in the middle of the workday? Think you’ve started your vacation already?”
“I’m not going on vacation. I’m going on my honeymoon.”
“Oh, yeah. Where you going?”
“I don’t know. My hardheaded groom won’t tell me.”
He grinned, winked at Caitlin, then said, “Hello, Ms. Timberlake. Welcome to Stardance Ranch RV Resort. I take it you’re the reason my soon-to-be wife is lollygagging around on this bright, shining morning three days before our wedding?”
“Lollygagging, Callahan?” Lili interjected. “In that case I guess I was too busy lollygagging to figure out the discrepancy in your inventory figures.”
“You found the problem?”
“I did.”
Brick tossed the shovel to the ground, grabbed Lili up and planted a kiss on her lips. “Woman, you are a goddess.”
“I know.”
He set her back on her feet. “Don’t let me interrupt your lollygagging. I need to get back to my chores.”
“What are you doing with the shovel?”
“Off to maintain the dog park. Getting a little hard to walk in there. You girls enjoy your hen party.” He slung his shovel back over his shoulder and sauntered away.
“Hen party,” Lili grumbled. “I hate it when he uses that term. It’s so sexiest.”
“But he sure is sexy when he says it,” Caitlin observed. “That teasing twinkle in his eyes makes your toes curl, doesn’t it?”
Lili heaved a heavy sigh. “It’s a cross I bear. But back to your question. Brick was slow to come around, and I honestly believed he never would. I loved him, but I left him and Eternity Springs.”
“I remember that.”
“So, I did experience the loss, even though it turned out differently in the end.”
“That’s what I want to know about. The time between your departure and his grand romantic gesture … how did you bear it? Did you wish you’d never met him? Never loved him? If he’d never come after you, would you have been glad to have had the experience of loving him? Or was the pain so much that you’d have preferred never to have known him?”
Lili gave the questions serious consideration. “It wasn’t easy, I’ll admit. What made it easier for me is that I stayed focused on Patsy, helping her live the good days she had left the way she wished. But if I’d been all alone during those weeks … well … I don’t recall who said ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,’ but he had it right. I never regretted loving Brick. Love is such a gift. Not just the receiving of it, but the giving of it too.”
“True,” Caitlin agreed. “Celeste once told me that loving is aerobic exercise for the heart. It makes the heart stronger.”
“I think she’s right. A stronger heart survives pain better than a weak one. I know that when we lost Patsy, I took comfort in the fact that I’d loved her fiercely the last ten months of her life. Saying goodbye was hard, don’t get me wrong, but the love I had for her added a layer of protection around my heart.”
“That’s nice, Lili. I’m glad for you that you had that experience.” Caitlin popped the final bite of croissant into her mouth, then licked her fingers. “Thank you. This is what I needed to hear.”
“Are you going to tell me who the mystery man is?”
Caitlin’s smile went a little sly and shy. “No. Not now. For now, he’s going to remain my scandalous little secret.”
“My Scandalous Little Secret. Sounds like a good title for a romance novel.”
“No,” Caitlin corrected. “It would need to be simply My Scandalous Secret. There’s nothing little about my guy whatsoever.”
Lili snorted a laugh and said, “You go girl.”
The conversation returned to the upcoming wedding. Caitlin asked if she could be of any help with preparations, and Lili assured her she, her mother, and the Callahan women had everything in hand.
“I’m looking forward to Saturday,” Caitlin said as she took her leave. “In my experience, any party that involves the Callahans is not one to be missed. I’m sure your wedding will be just the same.”
* * *
Josh gazed around the acres of the North Forty, the Callahan family compound on the shores of Hummingbird Lake, and gave a soundless whistle. He’d been to his fair share of weddings, but he’d never seen anything like this. Not because the event was overly extravagant, but because it had such a festival air to it.
At noon in a mass at Sacred Heart church, Mark Christopher Callahan II had married Liliana Howe in front of family and a few close friends. That was all the church could hold. An hour later, they repeated their vows in an outdoor ceremony at the North Forty attended by almost every citizen of Eternity Springs, and what seemed like half the states of Oklahoma and Texas.
“I’ll bet there’s well over five hundred people here,” Josh observed to Harriet as he lifted two glasses of champagne from a tray offered by a waiter as the reception got underway.
He handed one to Harriet and scanned the crowd for the face he most wanted to see.
“It’s a crush. I thought their Fourth of July parties were large. I’ll bet there’s not an empty hotel room—or campsite—in a two-hundred-mile radius.”
“Nic Callahan said it’s the biggest family event since the brothers reunited. They’re serving beef from their own ranches. And the Tornado Alleycats have come out in force to see Liliana wed. She won the camping club member’s hearts with her devotion to their founder. Look at Liliana. Doesn’t she look fabulous? So radiant and happy?”
His gaze had snagged on Caitlin Timberlake. “Gorgeous. Simply spectacular.”
And he had plans for her during this wedding reception.
Since they’d defined this “friend affair” on their morning run earlier this week, they’d indulged in a few stolen steamy kisses, but nothing more. He had to admit he was enjoying what he considered to be extended foreplay. Caitlin was playful and lighthearted and imaginative about it. The things she could say silently with just her eyes and her lips when they were in the company of others made him want to howl at the moon.
Josh managed to pull his attention away from Caitlin when the groom’s aunt Torie approached to tell him that the Callahan family patriarch requested his presence. She looped her arm through Josh’s, then escorted him through the crowd to a spot where Branch Callahan sat in his wheelchair holding court.
“I found Josh, Branch,” Torie Callahan said.
