He looked at me bewildered. I avoided his eyes, suddenly self-conscious, and took the magazine with the interview, and said, “And I totally agree with what you said here.” I pointed to the passage in the magazine. “A good song is a good song. A simple song with a good melody has the potential of becoming a great song.” I read the sentence out loud, not realizing that, meanwhile, he had crossed the room. He took my face in his hands and looked at me, a smile spreading on his face.
“What?” I asked him, his hands still firmly holding my face.
“I had never been quoted before…”
“Bull! That’s impossible…I’m sure you get quoted all the time,” I replied.
He shook his head no and said, “Not by a beautiful girl I’m crazy in love with.”
My eyes widened, and I licked my lips. Damn, if he wasn’t good with words.
“Ah, well. In that case…you might be right.”
He shut me up and kissed me stupid. The magazine fell to the floor. Oh well, it was pretty battered already, and now I didn’t need it anymore…I had the real thing. I could have handled parting ways with it. His hands skimmed under my t-shirt and started lifting it off me. When it fell to the floor, I started taking off his belt, in the same frantic way. When my hand made its way in his underwear, he said with a chuckle,
“Hold on, sweetheart. If you don’t slow down, it will be over before we even start.”
“Well, I haven’t had sex in more than four hundred and twenty days. Not that I have been counting, of course,” I said with a nervous laugh. “I kind of need to have you right now,” I admitted, my tone needy and desperate.
He laughed softly.
“Lou?”
“What?” he asked, confused.
“This is the part where you tell me you haven’t been with anyone either. I have seen the pictures of you partying with your brother—months ago—and that blonde all over you.”
“What? When?” he asked, amused, the smile never leaving his face. “Do you really think I had anything to do with that blonde from last year? I don’t even remember her face.”
“Well, a little reassurance goes a long way,” I said with a shrug.
“There was only one girl I’ve thought about this entire time,” he said, holding my face in his hands. “I couldn’t bring myself to be with anyone else. I love you, Ella.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“That’s better. Now, show me how much you love me.”
He finished undressing me, with slow movements that made my skin burn with desire, and when we were both naked, his hands ran all over my body, teasing me in all the places that had missed his touch. He laid me down on the twin size bed, covered me with his warm body, and showed me time and time again how much he had longed for me.
“You know what I missed the most about Amsterdam?” he asked, a small grin showing up on his face. My face broke into a giddy smile. After three orgasms and hearing his sweet voice whispering he loved me over and over, I was pretty sure his question had something to do with me.
“What did you miss?” I asked expectantly, looking at him starry-eyed, ready to hear more words of praise.
“Gouda Cheese.”
My face fell immediately.
“You bastard!” I yelled and I raised my hand, trying to slap him playfully, but he caught it, and started kissing it, all while snickering against my skin. His eyes were so bright and beautiful as he looked at me, laughing at his own joke. I couldn’t stay mad for long.
“Of course I missed you. I missed your lips,” he said softly. “I missed everything about you. You weren’t what I missed most about Amsterdam because I didn’t associate you with the place.”
“You didn’t?” I asked him, perplexed.
“No, I didn’t. It’s true this is where we met, but I had so many memories with you in other places,” he said as he took a strand of my hair and started twirling it around one of his fingers. “Truth is, you were everywhere. You were in my memories of Florence and Amsterdam, you were in a fingerprint on my guitar, in a broken string, in a music sheet. I couldn’t get rid of you, not that I was trying to.”
Good.
“I even found a hair of yours in my guitar case,” he added. “I kept it. Does that sound like stalker behavior?” he asked, biting his bottom lip, showing a vulnerability I hadn’t seen before. I shook my head no.
“I wish I could have given you a whole lock of hair, if that would have made you happier.”
“This,” he said. “This makes me happier. You. In my arms.”
I licked my lips and wrapped my legs tighter around him.
“Kiss me again,” I pleaded.
“Sweetheart, there’s no need to ask,” he replied, lowering himself down on me.
I exhaled and took a deeper breath trying to grasp reality.
This had really happened. The man in my arms was not a projection of my fantasy. My heart ached with happiness, and I felt it throb in my throat. I needed to calm down. I replayed every detail of that evening in my head. I had been there, I had been present, and yet I felt like I went through every single motion in a daze. I had played this fantasy in my mind so many times, it seemed unreal. It had finally become true. Thankfully, there were no more stupid tears ruining the moment. Maybe it was good after all that I had burst into tears as soon as I saw him. My heart was still heavy with emotion, but I was smiling now, replaying every word, every sweet thing he had whispered to me.
He told me he came back to what he needed. I was what he needed.
I possibly never wanted to move, but there was someplace I needed to be. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to wake him up. I kissed him on top of his head. He stirred, for just a moment.
“Lou,” I whispered, “we have to get going. There’s somewhere I need to be.”
“No,” he mumbled. “I’m not moving. I...I have...jet lag. You shouldn’t wake me up and you also shouldn’t move from underneath me,” he said slowly, still sleepy, grabbing a tighter hold on me.
I kissed his head again.
“You don’t have jet lag, you’ve been in Europe for days,” I ran my fingers down his spine.
“You said you hadn’t been keeping track of me. You lied!” he teased, looking up at me, an amused smile on his face.
“It was involuntary. I saw you were coming here to play and I looked at your tour schedule. I’m sorry, but I really have to go,” I said, trying to lift myself up. He stopped me.
“You have been using that line since we met, you know that?” he said. “I have to go. I have to be somewhere.” He grunted.
“You’re going to like this, I promise,” I said, squeezing him.
“What is it, anyway? I was hoping I would have nothing to do until my show tomorrow night.”
“Well, you don’t have to play tonight...but I do.”
“Is this where you play?” Lou asked, eyeing the club in front of us. “I thought you just played at Johan’s?”
“Usually. Come on, let’s go inside. I need to find Hendrick.”
“Shit, I should have called Boyd.”
“Boyd? Why? Does he need a play-by-play report?”
“No, silly. You might have not noticed—and I’m glad you only had eyes for me—but Boyd was at the pancake house with me.”
“Jackson Boyd is here in Amsterdam?” I asked, unable to contain the shrill in my voice.
He nodded. “He joined me halfway through the European tour. He had some CrossFit convention thingy going on in Italy. Which reminds me, Giuliano and Michele told me to tell you hi.”
“Oh, I wish I could have seen them. I always think of Giuliano anytime ‘No Diggity’ comes on,” I smiled at the memory.
“Anytime it comes on?” he asked with a chuckle.
“It’s on my phone now. I’m trying to get the rap part down,” I said, swinging my arms around and pretending I had swag. He smiled at me, shaking his head, but then his phone buzzed.
“Boyd just text
ed me he’s inside with Johan and Allyson. Come on,” he said with a brilliant smile. “I want to introduce you to my brother.”
Boyd literally lifted me off the floor when Lou introduced us. He hugged me and raised me off the ground like I weighed nothing.
“You must be Ella,” he kissed me on the cheek, tickling me with his beard. “Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Boyd-Building. Your reputation precedes you!” I said, trying to flatter him. He broke into a huge grin that told me I had succeeded. He put one of his humongous arms around my neck and we both faced Lou. While I was getting ready, he had gone ahead and changed his clothes, but we were in such a hurry, I never got to take a good look at him. He was wearing a long-sleeved white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up; he had paired it with a skinny black tie and sleek black pants. He was wearing the same combat boots he wore the day I met him. He had his hair tied in a low man-bun at the nape of his neck, and even in the dim lights of the club, his eyes shone so bright. I wanted to get Boyd’s arm off of me and just run away with Lou somewhere we wouldn’t be disturbed. However, my fantasies had to wait.
“So, tell me,” Boyd whispered to my ear, lowering his voice. “Are you going to be my little sister?”
“Maybe,” I said with a grin, turning my head to face him. “If your brother plays his cards right.” Boyd cheered me on, but I didn’t quite get what he said, because the first band started playing. Regardless, my eyes, ears and pretty much everything else were focused on Lou. I was never going to let go of him. He’d have to do something monumentally stupid to make me walk away; I was convinced he wasn’t the type to let me walk away twice.
Hendrick found us in the crowd, and after shaking hands with Lou and Boyd, told me it was time for us to get ready.
“Break a leg,” Lou whispered in my ear as I gave him a hug.
Tonight was going to be important, and tomorrow it was going to be official. This was it. I had to give it my all. I wished I could have had Sara with me, but she had gone back to the UK right after graduation. I remembered how she used to prepare each time we had to take the stage throughout the year, and I did the same. Even Hendrick could see I was in the zone, and avoided talking to me so that I wouldn’t lose my focus.
As we took the stage, I suddenly felt naked in my white crop top and white pants, but I had chosen the clothes on purpose, to distinguish myself. I stood as tall as I could, and focused on the task ahead. I met his eyes, and his face broke into a huge smile. I gave him a nod of my head, and took my place at the keyboard.
I avoided looking toward Lou again for the entire set, because I didn’t want to lose my concentration. Plus, between singing, playing and awkwardly dancing to the rhythm of the music, my hair covered my eyes the majority of the time.
But then it was time to play the last song, and I let myself take a breath and enjoy the moment. My last song was the same original song I had played months ago for the assignment judged by Hans Koll. This song was about him, or better yet about us. It was about what he made me feel. He had always made me feel, since the very beginning, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it. As Hendrick started playing the first notes on the keyboard, I found him in the crowd. His beautiful green eyes, deep and warm, were staring back at me with a look of adoration. I would never forget this moment. I would never forget this image of him, in a crowd of strangers, lips slightly parted, eyes bright, silently cheering me on. I smiled back at him, before I started singing the words:
My fears trapped me in an ivory tower
But your love made me a fighter
You got me believing I was
Something wonderful
After all the highs and lows
I couldn’t take the blow
So I had to let you go
But now I realize
The ocean between us has no power
Piece by piece I destroyed my tower
Your love made me a fighter
Now I have nowhere to go but higher
You got me believing
I was standing on the edge
Of something wonderful
Don’t you feel it?
It’s hard to believe it
We’re standing on the edge
Standing on the edge
Of something wonderful
Something wonderful
Something wonderful
I know you feel it
You got me believing
We are standing on the edge
Of something wonderful
The cheers that followed were exhilarating. I thanked the audience, and my eyes fell on him again.
CHAPTER 30
I found Lou talking to Hans Koll after my performance. He was so engrossed in the conversation, he didn’t see me make my way through the crowd of people. I could see he was gesturing animatedly, leaning toward Hans to speak closer to his ear, in the ballroom full of chatting people.
He finally turned my way and saw me, breaking into a smile that lit up his whole face; he gave me a wink and stretched his hand toward me. I took it, and was suddenly wrapped around his side, engrossed in his smell. It still felt so surreal to have him here, flesh and bones, right under my fingertips. All I could think about was that I wanted to sniff him and do other obscene things to him, but first I had business to discuss.
“You were great,” Lou said excitedly. I smiled and gave him a small nod. I wasn’t ready to have this conversation in front of Hans Koll. He could tell me later, privately, how great I was. Right now I was looking for someone else’s approval.
I looked at Hans Koll expectantly. “How was I?” I asked him, my chin tipped up, a defiant tone in my voice.
He smirked and let out a laugh.
“You were...good, Ella.” He had a drink in his hand and he raised it to me. I could see his eyes bright with amusement. Call the presses! Break out the champagne!
“Did you hear, Lou?” I asked him excitedly, unable to contain my smile. “He said I was good. Since we all know how damn stingy he is with compliments, that has to mean I was pretty fucking good. I think he likes me after all.”
Lou laughed, and I felt his body shake against mine. I looked up at him, and he said proudly, “You were...you were fucking amazing! I almost can’t believe that was you up there.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“Ella,” Hans Koll said in a reprimanding tone. Of course, the joyous moment couldn’t last long with him. I thought he was ready to scold me about something, but then I locked eyes with him, and I figured out what he wanted to say.
“Well, I know you might want to celebrate,” he glanced at Lou. The implications of that sentence alone made me want to go hide under a rock. Hans Koll and I never talked about anything besides work. This sentence was like the equivalent of talking to your parents about sex. Awkward.
“But remember,” he continued while my cheeks got redder and redder, “we have a big day tomorrow, I want you rested.”
I nodded, reassuring him. Lou was watching the whole exchange utterly confused. I would have a bit of explaining to do.
“No worries, sir. I’ll be rested and ready for tomorrow.”
“I count on it.” He gave me one final look before diverting his attention to Lou.
“Lou, I have a feeling I’ll see you around,” he said, shaking Lou’s hand and turning to leave.
“What’s tomorrow?” Lou asked as soon as Koll left us.
“The debut of his label.”
“His label?”
“Yep.”
“When did he find the time to do that?” he asked and I shrugged. What could I say? The man was pigheaded, but passionate about music like no one else; also, he was a true workaholic. “That man is sure full of surprises,” he added.
You don’t know the half of it—yet, I wanted to say.
He frowned. I knew he might still been confused.
“What does that have to do with you anyway?”
&nb
sp; I grinned. He didn’t have any idea. This was actually kind of fun. Time to drop the bomb.
“Well, you’re looking at the first artist signed with Koll Music.”
“You?” he asked surprised, a gleam of excitement in his eyes.
“Yep, me,” I announced proudly. “I guess Hans Koll didn’t hate me after all.”
“I told you that, remember?” he said with a smile, before he leaned down and kissed me, his eyes growing dark and lusty. The kiss took me by surprise, slow and building. My lips felt raw from all the kissing earlier in the afternoon, yet I still craved his lips and his tongue, and I was so lost in the taste of him. Suddenly it felt it was just us in the ballroom, while in reality we were surrounded by a loud, sweaty and slightly pushy crowd.
“I remember everything you told me,” I replied.
The words were heavy with implications. I was still reeling from him telling me and showing me earlier how much he loved me.
A song came on through the speaker, slow and romantic. The music was so beautiful, pretty soon we were both slightly swaying, his forehead against mine, his eyes fixed on me. I placed my hand on his heart, which seemed to be beating just as fast as mine was. He mimicked my gesture, and somehow it felt even more intimate than it was. It seemed as if he were reaching inside and holding my beating heart in the palm of his hand. We danced slowly for the duration of the song, our eyes fixed on each other, his other hand in my hair, mine around his neck. The moment was so beautiful, I could have cried with happiness, but thankfully there were no tears, only my heart beating so fast, I could feel it throbbing in my throat.
The gentle, romantic music was over too soon, and was replaced by some loud man speaking in Dutch. The voice was followed by…fast drum beats coming out of a keyboard and…singing.
“What the hell is this?” Lou asked, his body shaking with laughter against mine.
“Welcome to the world of Dutch techno-pop,” I replied with a smirk.
“Let’s get out of here,” he placed a soft kiss on my lips. His lips had magic powers; they were able to make me zone out and forget that my least favorite type of music was playing—rather loudly—over the speakers. After a while, I broke the kiss, gasping for air, suddenly realizing it was just the two of us. Where were the others?
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