by Lissa- Sugar
“You mean, how things might have gone if you’d made a different choice.”
Something that was almost a smile angled across his mouth.
“Not just Psych 101. Philosophy 101.”
“Reality 101. And you keep omitting that other reality. You didn’t walk away from that explosion. You were wounded. Badly wounded.
“My leg,” he said, “and when you get right down to it, all it is, is a leg—and look what a stinking fuss I’ve made over it, as if it’s anything compared to what happened to those three poor bastards.”
“Dammit,” Lissa said heatedly, “don’t minimize your wounds! They’re bad. Physically, they changed your life.”
He snorted.
“Right. No more skiing. No more skydiving. Talk about life-changing shit—”
“That is life-changing.” Her voice softened. “But the real truth is that your leg is a reminder of that day. Of those men. It takes you back each time you look at the scars, or feel an ache deep in your bones. I know it does, Nick. I saw it happen with Jake. My brother. I told you, remember?”
“Yeah. He was wounded in action.”
“You think that made his memories of what had happened easier to handle?”
“Your brother was a hero.”
“He doesn’t think so.”
“Still, he was. And he was more than doing his job; he was risking his life for others. I was—I was just along for the ride.”
Lissa shook her head. “You were doing your job too, Nicholas. One of the things that makes you the actor you are, the man you are, is your ability to see what others see, feel what they feel. You understood that those men were living through something the rest of us can’t begin to comprehend, and you wanted to help. You didn’t have to go to that camp, or climb into that vehicle.”
“Lissa. I know you’re trying to help, but—”
“Nick.” She took a steadying breath. “Your dad hid from life after your mom died. It didn’t bring her back—all it did was hurt you.”
“This isn’t the same thing.”
“It’s absolutely the same thing! You came here to hide from life, but it won’t bring back those soldiers. All it’s done is hurt you and those who care for you. The people in Clarke’s Falls who’ve known your identity all along and choose to protect you by pretending they didn’t. The men who work for you—they know you’re Nick Gentry, too, but they’ve given you space to heal.” Lissa paused. “And me,” she said softly. “Each time I saw the darkness in your eyes I wanted to take you in my arms and beg you to tell me what was wrong, I wanted to tell you everything would be all right, but I knew you’d push me away and—”
A deep, anguished howl broke from his throat. Lissa wrapped her arms around her lover; he wrapped his around her.
“I feel so damned guilty,” he said brokenly, “knowing that I lived, that they didn’t…”
“If you had died that day,” she said, her voice trembling, “how would it have made things better? Four dead instead of three?” She drew back a little, just enough so she could look into his eyes. “You lived. And now you have a choice. You can honor those men by living your life for them as well as for yourself. You have to return to the world, Nicholas. You have to do the work that made millions of people happy, that made those guys happy! If you owe those men anything, you owe them that.”
Tears rolled down her face, glittered in his eyes. They were both silent for a long time. Then Nick drew her hard against him and buried his face in her hair.
“This is the first time I’ve talked about it,” he said. “I couldn’t. Not with the surgeon, not with the shrinks, not with the physiotherapists.”
“You can talk to me about anything,” Lissa said. “Anything!”
“The truth is—the truth is, I miss working.”
“I miss you working, too.”
Nick looked into her eyes, the start of a smile on his lips. “Meaning, you’re tired of having me around?”
“Meaning,” she said, returning that smile with one of her own, “you haven’t had a film out in almost two years.”
“And you know this because…”
She gave a little laugh. “I know it because I’ve seen every movie you ever made.”
Her nose was leaking; Nick drew a handkerchief from his pocket.
“Blow,” he said gently, holding the square of pristine white linen to her nose. She did, and he cocked his head. “Every movie? But you told me—”
“I know what I told you. I lied. I’ve seen them all and I loved them all.” She laughed again. “You are the toughest, tenderest, sexiest cowboy on the silver screen, Gentry.”
“I don’t want to boast, but I’ve also been the toughest, tenderest, sexiest CIA agent and NSA spy and once, the toughest, tenderest, sexiest talking-head-TV-reporter on the silver screen, Wilde—assuming there is such a word as tenderest.”
“If there isn’t, there should be. You are one hell of an actor, Nick Gentry.”
“That’s a matter of opinion,” Nick said softly. “But here’s a fact.” He framed her face with his hands. “Melissa Wilde, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
He kissed her, and she sighed, rose on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck.
* * *
He’d said they’d have twenty-four hours before word of his reappearance hit the news.
Wrong.
Normally, the ranch crew was just finishing breakfast when Lissa came down in the mornings. She might see one of them, perhaps two, but that next morning, all the men were waiting for her and all of them looked solemn.
“What?” she said with alarm. “Ace? What’s the matter?”
“Is the boss comin’ down? Not that I’d think you’d know if he was or wasn’t, Ms. Lissa, but—”
It wasn’t a time to stand on formalities.
“He just let Brutus out,” Lissa said. “Please. What’s wrong?”
“We thought you both should know, ma’am…”
“Jeez, Ace, just say it,” Gus blurted. “There’s a whole line of SUVs and cars comin’ up the road, Miss, every last one with antennas sproutin’ in all directions.”
Lissa felt her stomach drop.
“Up this road? To the Triple G?”
Gus nodded. “Yes’m. I shut the upper gate so they can’t come no further than that, but there’s not much else we can do unless the boss tells us to go out there with shotguns and threaten to run ’em all off.”
Ace cleared his throat.
“There’s more. Esther called. She says to tell you she slammed her door on a reporter at dawn.”
“Oh, hell,” Lissa said, just as the back door opened. Brutus galloped into the kitchen straight to her, with Nick strolling after him. He smiled, but one look at Lissa’s face wiped his smile away.
“Lissa? What is it?”
“We thought we’d have twenty-four hours,” she said softly. “We were wrong.”
“People comin’,” Ace said. “Television people. Gus closed the upper gate, but there’s a bunch of ’em buildin’ up out there.”
“Me and the boys can go out and run ’em off,” Gus said. “This is private land, boss. You have every right to keep it that way.”
“Thank you,” Nick said. “Thank you—but they’ll just head back to the main road and wait.”
“You could phone Hank,” Lissa said. “He could fly you out.”
“They’d be waiting wherever we landed.” He took Lissa’s hand in his. “All of those ifs, remember? This time, they lead to the same place. I can’t escape the outcome, Duchess. It’s time to face reality.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat.
“What shall we do?”
“Not ‘we.’ Me. This is my mess. I’m the one who has to start cleaning it up.”
“Nick. You don’t have to do this alone.”
He brought her hand to his lips.
“I do,” he said softly. “I have to take a step into the world, i
nto living my life.” He smiled. “A very wise philosopher told me how important that was.”
“Still, you don’t have to do it all by yourself.”
Nick’s smile faded. “Yes. I do. The first steps have to be mine.”
His gaze fell to her mouth and he leaned forward and kissed her. It was the first time they’d shared any small sign of intimacy in front of his men, and an audible sigh swept through the kitchen. After a long moment, he turned and looked at them.
“Ace. Gus. All of you. Thank you for your loyalty these past months. There’s not a ranch in all of Montana with a finer bunch of cowboys than you guys. I want you to know how much that’s meant to me—how much it will continue to mean to me, especially now. Those vultures out there are going to try to pick your bones.”
“They ain’t gonna get nothin’ out of us,” one man said, and the others growled their assent.
“I know that,” Nick said. “And I’m grateful.” He cleared his throat. “So, let’s get this over with. Ace, Gus, all of you—just go about your usual day. I’ll make it clear that nobody’s to bother you. I can’t guarantee that’ll keep them from trying—”
“It will,” Ace said grimly, “if we all spend the day shovelin’ manure.”
Everybody laughed. Then, one by one, Nick shook hands with his men and they shuffled out of the house. Ace was the last in line.
“We all wish you only the best, boss. You an’ Ms. Lissa, too.”
Nick held out his hand. Ace took it in a firm grip.
“I know that, and I appreciate it more than you can imagine. And it’s Nick, remember? Just Nick.”
Ace grinned. “I’ll remember that, boss.”
“It’s going to be rough,” Nick said quietly, once he and Lissa were alone.
She put her arm through his and leaned her head against his shoulder.
“I know.”
“There are times I think some reporters would eat their young if they could guarantee themselves a big headline.”
“Wow,” she said, with far more lightness than she felt, “there’s an image for the ages.”
Nick turned her toward him and took her hands. “Stay inside. With luck, maybe nobody figured out who you are.”
“I’m not worried about me! I don’t want you to have to face this alone.”
“And I don’t want you dragged into this. Stay inside. Don’t even go to the window. I’ll deal with them.” He hesitated. “I’m going to call Hank. Unless someone’s found that landing strip, he should be able to touch down and get you out of here, fast. I’ll tell Ace to use his own truck, and to take the back road that goes through the woods.”
Lissa’s heart thudded. “You’re sending me away?”
“Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want you pulled into this.”
“Nicholas—”
“You call me that every once in a while. Nicholas. Is there a reason?”
“Why do you sometimes call me Melissa?”
“That’s a great question. I don’t know. Maybe because nobody else does. Maybe it’s your name just for me.”
She smiled back at him. Then she moved closer, her head tilted back, her eyes on his. “You don’t have to protect me, you know. It isn’t as if I’ve never dealt with the press. Well, not directly, but my father is a general.”
“A general?”
“Yes. Four stars. I’m only telling you that so you understand that I didn’t exactly grow up like a small-town kid. Sometimes, all of us stood for interviews.”
“All of you. Three brothers.”
“And two sisters.”
He gave a laugh that wasn’t a laugh at all. “What a moment for us to be learning about each other.”
“You’re right. But—but there’s time…”
As if in response, a horn blared outside and then another and another until they were enclosed by a wall of sound that seemed to last forever before it finally died.
The waiting crowd was growing impatient.
“Once,” Lissa whispered, “when I was little, my father was on assignment in England. He flew us over and we spent the weekend at an estate in Northamptonshire. The big event was a fox hunt. I remember the sound of the horns, the way they drove the fox into running.”
Nick took her in his arms.
“I know all about running, sweetheart. I ran away from home when I was eighteen, hitchhiked to New York, shared a room in Brooklyn so awful that not even the mice or roaches would come near it, and worked odd jobs while I figured out who I was and what I wanted to do. I ran from the reality of what had happened in Afghanistan.” His eyes locked with hers. “But I’m not going to run anymore, thanks to you.”
“Not me, Nicholas. You did this all by yourself.”
“The hell I did. You’re one amazing woman, Melissa Wilde.”
“And you’re an amazing man, Nicholas Gentry.”
They smiled at each other. Then Lissa’s smile dimmed.
“This is going to change everything,” she said.
He hesitated, but she was smart as a whip. There was no sense in lying to her.
“Yes,” he said. “It will.”
Lissa nodded. She played with the buttons on his denim shirt.
“They’re going to hound you.”
“I’ll answer whatever questions they ask.”
“You’ll tell them about Afghanistan?”
“Yes.” His mouth twisted. “But I won’t talk about those guys, not until I’ve met with their families.”
Lissa smiled. “That will mean a lot to them.”
“I don’t know if it will or it won’t. I only know it’s what I have to do.”
“You’re a good man, Nicholas Gentry.”
The cacophony of horns sounded again. Lissa flinched. Nick wrapped his arms around her.
“There’s so much more I wanted to say…”
The tears she’d tried to hold back fell like rain.
“Nicholas,” she whispered, “oh, Nicholas!”
He kissed her. When he raised his head, she grabbed hold of his jacket.
“No,” she said, “don’t go!”
Nick put her from him. “I’ll call when I can.”
“Nick. Nick, wait—”
“Remember me,” he growled.
Then he left her.
Lissa stood in the center of the kitchen, listening as the sound of his footsteps, the tap of his cane, receded. She heard the full-throated roar of the waiting crowd as he opened the front door, then the slam of that door.
And then, silence.
He’d told her to stay away from the window, but she couldn’t. She twitched a corner of a curtain aside and saw him walking toward the gate and a frenzy of reporters, cameras, flashing lights and microphones. His head was up, his stride purposeful, the limp barely perceptible.
“Nicholas,” she whispered.
The awful finality of his last words echoed in her head.
Remember me. Remember me. Remember me.
“Always,” she sobbed.
Always, and forever.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ace drove her to the airstrip.
Hank and the plane were already there, engines idling. Ace brought the truck to a skidding halt and turned toward her.
“The boys want me to tell you how much—how much we liked havin’ you here,” he said. “Not jes’ the cookin’, though that was great. We liked havin’ you around, Ms. Lissa. You was—you made things better. Happier, especially for the boss.”
Lissa’s throat constricted. The last thing she wanted to do was break down. Poor Ace would be devastated.
“Thank you,” she said. “You tell them that I loved being here. You’re a fine bunch of men.”
“I hope you’ll be back, ma’am. We all hope it.”
She nodded. “I hope so, too.”
Ace stepped down from the truck. So did Lissa. She reached for her suitcase, but he kept a grip on the handle.
“Ma’am?”
“Hurry up,” Hank yelled. “I don’t know how much time we have before some jackal of a reporter finds this place.”
Lissa looked at Ace. “I’m sorry,” she said. “But I have to—”
“What you did for the boss—for Nick—was wonderful. He’s a good man with a good heart. An’ you found that heart inside him jes’ when we all feared he’d forever lost it. We jes’—we all want you to know that.”
Tears rose in Lissa’s eyes. She leaned forward, hugged Ace, kissed his grizzled cheek. Then she grabbed her suitcase from him and ran blindly for the plane.
Hank took her luggage and helped her on board.
“Sorry to rush you,” he said, “but the story about Nick is exploding. He wants you kept out of this. He says if you want me to fly you someplace other than LAX—”
“No. No, LAX is fine.”
It wasn’t fine because Nick wouldn’t be there, Lissa thought as she buckled her seat belt, but where else could she go? El Sueño? Not there. Maybe, if she was lucky, nothing about this would get that far.
She’d go back to her L.A. apartment and wait to hear from Nick.
He’d phone her as soon as he got away from the people Ace had so accurately described as jackals.
* * *
Except, he didn’t.
Her phone never rang during the flight and when she checked for missed calls or messages or texts, there were none.
She understood.
Nick was besieged; he had no time for anything except dealing with the mob camped out on the Triple G. He’d call when he could, and that might take a while.
The question was, how long?
There was still nothing from him when the plane landed, nothing as she hurried from the terminal. She queued up for a taxi and while she waited, she took out her phone again and went online. Why hadn’t she thought of that sooner? There might not be anything there about him, not yet, but still—
Lissa gasped in shock.
Her lover’s face was everywhere. Nick Gentry Found! Nick Gentry Discovered! Nick Gentry, Hiding in Plain Sight!
And then her knees went weak.
Her face was everywhere, too.
Had everybody in that restaurant where she’d so foolishly imagined people were being discreet done nothing all evening except snap cell phone pictures of Nick and her?
