Noah turned to face him, his jeans not fastened. “Is that all you want?”
“Considering I’m naked and my dick’s hard”—Dare glanced at his dick—“or rather, it was, I thought it was a good place to start.” Dare couldn’t contain the frustration in his voice.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
Dare sighed, then flopped back on the bed. “What the hell did you mean, Noah? You’re making this so damn complicated. One minute, I’m giving you a blow job and then you’re running away. The next minute, I ask you to give me another chance, and it looks like you’re about to do it to me again.”
Noah stared back at him but didn’t say anything.
Dare continued. “I can’t keep doing this. Did you think we were gonna pick up where we left off fifteen years ago? Did you think I was going to fall in love with you in a matter of a week and want to shack up and take your name? I’m not that guy anymore.”
And he wasn’t. Or he hadn’t been, right up until Noah had walked into his life and turned it upside down and sideways. Yes, deep down he wanted all of those things, but he knew he shouldn’t. They’d been down this road before. Dare wasn’t willing to jump into something again. Noah might not have been affected by their breakup or the ups and downs of the past week, but Dare had been devastated. He wasn’t putting himself through that again.
“That’s not what I’m expecting.” Noah’s voice held a hint of emotion. “But I’m not interested in a once-in-a-while fuck with you, Dare.”
“Then why the fuck did you come over?” Dare lifted his head and met Noah’s gaze. “If I recall correctly, that’s how you roll, right? I remember trying to push for more and being brushed off like I didn’t matter.”
Shit. Open mouth, insert foot.
As soon as the words were out, Dare wanted to take them back. He knew he couldn’t hold what happened between them a long time ago against Noah forever, but for some reason, he wasn’t ready to let go.
Rather than argue, Noah grabbed the rest of his clothes, tugged them on quickly, and then walked right out the door.
Fuck. This was beginning to get old fast.
As he stared at the door, Dare couldn’t do anything more than sit there, too stunned to move.
Noah was an idiot.
Not for walking out on Dare, but for thinking that they might’ve had a chance at something again. He should’ve known that Dare wouldn’t be able to get over their past long enough to try. That was what Noah had wanted. He’d wanted a chance to talk it out, to even apologize for how things had ended up, but he would never get that now. It felt as though Dare was attempting to punish him, and maybe that was all his fault. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up again.
Noah had just opened the door to his truck when he heard Dare shouting his name. He peered over to see a half-naked Dare coming toward him, wearing only his boxers. He looked pissed.
“Don’t walk away.”
He sounded pissed, too.
“I’m only doing what you want me to do, Dare.” Noah wasn’t sure that was entirely true, but he knew Dare was still looking for a fight, and Noah was itching to give him one. It wasn’t the way they should’ve been handling this.
“I don’t…” Dare walked right up to Noah, putting his arms around him and pulling him close. It was a move that shocked the shit out of him. “I don’t want you to go. Come back inside and we’ll talk.”
Noah didn’t think that was a good idea. Dare had told him how he felt, and Noah wasn’t interested in beating his head up against a brick wall. They weren’t looking for the same thing, and whether Dare knew it or not, Noah had been punished enough for what had happened all those years ago. The downward spiral had started the moment he’d woken up to find Dare gone. It’d grown out of control from there.
Shaking his head, Noah tried to push Dare away. Granted, he didn’t put much effort into the move. “I don’t think this is a good idea. It’s clear we don’t want the same thing.”
“Please don’t go.” Dare’s voice was so low, had he not been talking into Noah’s ear, he wouldn’t have heard him. “Don’t do this to me again.”
Noah sighed.
“What happened to taking things slow?” Dare asked.
Noah couldn’t see his face because he still had his arms tightly wound around Noah.
“I don’t think screwing each other’s brains out is the right way to do that.”
“Maybe not.” Dare pulled back and looked him in the eye. “But right now, I don’t have any other suggestions. Come inside, please. I don’t need my neighbors knowing my business.”
The safe thing would be to hop in his truck and head home, to forget this had ever happened. Except Noah knew he wouldn’t be able to. He would spend the next few days sulking about this until he pissed himself off. At least if he went inside, they could hash it out and either move past it or walk away with some closure.
He damn sure wasn’t looking forward to the latter.
“Fine.”
Dare closed Noah’s door for him, then took his hand and led him back into the apartment.
Once inside, Noah didn’t know what to do or say. Since Dare didn’t have a couch, the only place to sit was on one of the two chairs at the small kitchen table or on the bed. Noah didn’t feel comfortable sitting on the bed—the risk of them getting naked again was far too great—so he opted to lean against the wall.
He was tempted to tell Dare to put some clothes on because seeing him standing there in only his boxers was a distraction he didn’t need. In fact, what Noah needed was a way to turn back time to fifteen years ago so he could change the conversation he’d had with Dare that night.
Much like this one, if he’d only said the right thing, they wouldn’t be here now.
Thirty-Six
If they’d been in the movies, this would’ve been the part when shit got real. Dare had no idea what had spurred him to go after Noah, but he knew that letting him walk away wasn’t an option. Not until they aired things out between them.
Funny how it seemed their roles had been flipped. Noah was now the one wanting something more and would run away if things got tough, and Dare had become the one who didn’t know how to express himself.
And yes, he could accept he had faults. He had many. However, he also had feelings. For this guy. The one standing in front of him, looking completely unsure of himself.
Dare knew how that felt. He’d been there before.
“I don’t know what to say,” Noah muttered.
“I do.”
Noah’s eyes widened as Dare crossed his arms over his chest and stood only a few feet away.
“Yes, it’s true,” he admitted, “I want to fuck your brains out. I want to fuck you a million times in a million different positions. I want to feel your skin on mine, Noah. You do that to me. You drive me fucking crazy. It’s no different than when I was nineteen years old.” Dare dropped his arms. “And no, this isn’t usual for me. I’ve been attracted to guys over the years, but never have I felt this…” He didn’t know how to explain it. “This unruly need to fuck you senseless.”
Noah continued to stare back at him, a line creasing his forehead. Clearly he wasn’t listening to what Dare was trying to tell him. Or it could be that Dare really sucked at this and it wasn’t coming out the way he wanted it to. Taking a deep breath, he tried to gather his thoughts, tried to order them so that they made sense.
When he opened his mouth to speak, he shocked himself as much as he did Noah. “I love you, Noah.”
Noah stood up straight, the defensiveness in his posture draining. “What?”
“You heard me.” Dare wasn’t sure he could say it again. Hell, he wasn’t sure he’d said it the first time.
“You love me?”
“Please don’t make this awkward.” Dare took a step back when Noah took a step forward.
“Tell me again, Dare.”
Swallowing hard, he forced the words past his lips. “I love
you, Noah. I loved you then, and I love you now. If you ask me, it’s too fast, but—”
Noah put his hand over Dare’s mouth. “I don’t think fifteen years is too fast.”
Dare pulled Noah’s hand down. “Now, let’s get something straight. I haven’t loved you for fifteen years.”
“Liar.”
Whatever.
“And maybe you haven’t,” Noah continued, his hand coming to rest on Dare’s cheek. “But I have. I’ve loved you from the moment I met you and through all of the years between then and now.”
“I lied,” Dare said quickly. “I loved you all that time. I win. I loved you longer.”
Noah chuckled and some of the tension eased out of Dare’s shoulders.
“It’s not a competition.”
Of course it wasn’t. “I still win.”
“How do you figure?” Noah’s eyebrows shot downward.
“’Cause I said it first.”
Noah didn’t respond immediately, and Dare suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable standing there. And it had nothing to do with the fact that he was only wearing boxers, either.
“Is this real?” Noah finally asked.
Dare didn’t know what was real anymore.
Noah took a step back, then turned away completely, and Dare felt his stomach plummet. Maybe he should’ve answered.
“I know I hurt you, Dare. During a time when you were open and honest with me, I kept myself closed off.” Noah turned to face him. “I was scared at the time. I knew that I loved you, more than I’d ever loved anyone. And I knew that you loved me, too.”
“Yet you pushed me away.” The pain of that time echoed in his chest.
“I did. I was selfish. I thought I could keep you there without having to commit completely. I took you for granted, so when you disappeared, it felt as though you’d ripped my heart out of my chest.”
Dare knew the feeling. He’d experienced that then, as well, and it had been the reason he’d walked away.
“I’m sorry, Dare. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused. And I do love you. I never stopped. Even when I hated you, I loved you.”
That didn’t make any damn sense, but Dare kept his mouth shut.
“I should’ve come after you.” Noah’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I probably would have … eventually … if my father hadn’t died.”
Dare felt a sharp pain pierce his insides. Noah’s father’s death was his fault.
When he met Noah’s gaze again, Noah was shaking his head. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for that. I don’t. I don’t blame you, and I don’t blame myself. What happened was tragic, and I miss my father every single day, but he didn’t die because we broke up.”
Dare wanted to believe that, but he didn’t know how Noah could look at him every day from here on out and not think about how his father might still be there if Dare hadn’t walked out.
As much as he loved Noah, as much as he was willing to walk through fire for him, he wasn’t sure they’d ever be able to let go of the past.
Not completely.
Noah had come here with the intention of getting things out in the open between them, but he hadn’t expected Dare to tell him that he loved him.
That had changed everything.
It had changed everything fifteen years ago and it changed everything now. The only difference was that Noah wasn’t too young to be grateful for what he had. He wouldn’t let Dare go again. Not if he had any say in the matter.
But he could see the concern in Dare’s hazel eyes. He could see the pain and the fear. The man he had known back then had always worn his emotions on his sleeve. This Dare… He hadn’t changed all that much. And what had changed was only for the better.
Once again closing the distance between them, Noah wrapped his arms around Dare’s neck and held on tight, burying his face in Dare’s neck. “I love you, Dare.”
“I love you, too.” Dare’s words were so soft, his body so rigid.
Noah knew Dare was scared. But so was he.
Lifting his head, he leaned back enough to look Dare in the eyes. “Nothing can change how I feel about you. I damn sure don’t want to spend the next fifteen years hoping someone will come along and make me feel the way that you do. It hasn’t happened yet.” Leaning forward, Noah rested his forehead against Dare’s. “I remember the first day on the ship, I wondered if you were single or not. I assumed you were, but then I realized how stupid that was because some guy should’ve snatched you up by now.”
“Oh, they tried,” Dare said, a small smile on his face.
“I’m sure they did. And then after that first dinner, when I saw you talking to Hudson’s brother, I lost it.” He hadn’t known that was Hudson’s brother at the time.
Dare pulled back, frowned. “That’s why you ran out of there that night?”
“I was jealous.” It was hard to admit, but he knew he had to. “I couldn’t stand the thought of another man having you. Even that day, it killed me to think of you with someone else.”
Dare’s fingers slipped through Noah’s hair. “I’ve tried. Trust me on that. But I’ve never wanted someone the way I want you.”
Noah couldn’t even describe how good that made him feel. “So can we start over?”
When Dare pulled back quickly, Noah dropped his arms and stared at him.
“No.” Dare was shaking his head.
Noah wasn’t sure what to think.
“Okay, yes,” Dare added. “If by starting over you mean you’ll get naked again, then yes. Otherwise, no. I’ve spent fifteen years without you. I’m not willing to go backward this time. I don’t want to start over. I can’t pretend not to love you one day and then admit it the next. I want us to start from right here. And the next step is for you to get naked.”
He couldn’t help himself, he laughed. Dare thought he’d meant they could start over completely.
“I think naked is good.” To prove himself, Noah pulled his shirt up but didn’t remove it because he was distracted by the heat in Dare’s eyes.
“Oh, fuck,” Dare whispered harshly, his gaze raking over Noah’s chest. “Naked is really good.”
“Come here.”
Noah waited until Dare stepped into his personal space before he wrapped his arms around his neck again and leaned in for a kiss. He kept it gentle at first, wanting to linger for a few minutes. He knew where they were headed, and he was no longer scared to go there because he knew this wasn’t the end. It was the beginning. Their second chance.
Dare’s hands cupped his face, holding him still while Dare’s tongue did wicked things inside Noah’s mouth. He tried to keep the contact, but Dare was teasing him, pulling back enough to make Noah beg for more.
“Touch me, Noah. Put your hands on me.”
Noah slid his hands up Dare’s sides, pulling him closer, letting the warm, smooth skin caress his palms. Wrapping his arms around him, Noah glided his hands over Dare’s back, feeling the muscles flex with every move. He dipped his hands into the back of Dare’s boxers and cupped his firm ass, kneading the muscle and listening to Dare moan into his mouth.
Dare nipped Noah’s bottom lip. “I want to feel you against me. Skin to skin.”
Noah freed his hands long enough for Dare to remove his shirt. Their chests came together, heated flesh against heated flesh. Remaining upright became too difficult, and somehow, without releasing Dare’s mouth, Noah managed to guide them both to the bed. He urged Dare backward, crawling over him, never breaking the kiss.
“Noah…”
The way Dare said his name made his body heat. There was so much emotion in that single word.
“We’re gonna do this,” he assured Dare as he stared down at him, “but we’re gonna do this my way this time.”
Dare frowned, his hands gliding over Noah’s chest. “What way is that? There’re are only so many holes.”
Fuck. The man unhinged him.
Smiling, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of Dare’s mout
h. “For every question you answer, I’ll give you more of what you want.”
“Deal.”
Noah smirked. “You don’t even know what questions I’m gonna ask.”
“Doesn’t matter. As long as you keep touching me.”
That he would do.
Noah trailed his mouth over Dare’s cheek, then down his jaw, licking and kissing him while he humped Dare’s thigh. His skin was tight, his emotions on rapid boil. The only thing in the world that he needed right now was to feel Dare against him. Holding him. Kissing him. Loving him.
“Why’d you get your nipples pierced?” He took one piercing in between his teeth and tugged gently.
“I dared Cam to do it,” he explained breathlessly. “I told him that if he did, I would. Bastard went through with it.”
Noah tugged on Dare’s nipple once more before sucking the piercing into his mouth. Dare groaned, his hand going to the back of Noah’s head. He tortured each of them before sliding his mouth lower, running his tongue over Dare’s ribs.
“And the tattoo? Why that one?”
Dare didn’t respond right away, so Noah lifted his head and waited.
“I needed a reminder that I couldn’t stop living because my heart had been broken.”
Noah frowned, lifting his head higher. “But you said you didn’t do relationships after me.”
Dare’s smile was wicked. “I should’ve gotten it tattooed somewhere I could see it.”
Shaking his head, Noah chuckled, then dropped his mouth back to Dare’s skin. He worked his way lower, kissing Dare’s stomach, his sides, loving the way Dare moaned as he did. Rather than go lower, Noah reversed and starting working his way back up, tormenting Dare’s nipples once more.
When he paused to look at Dare, he saw the way his eyes narrowed. He was clearly growing tired of this game.
“I’m no longer enjoying this game,” Dare admitted, his hands sliding to the back of Noah’s head.
“No?”
Dare shook his head. “I need more of you.”
Noah nipped Dare’s chest lightly, working his way back to Dare’s mouth. “I’ll never get enough of you,” Noah whispered against Dare’s skin. “Never.”
Fearless (Pier 70 Book 2) Page 25
