by Jeff Beeman
Finally exhausted and nearly crippled from the cold, she recognized in the dark some land marks which helped her find her way to the park. She was just able to bring in the grill and start a weak fire before she fainted.
She woke up crying and so cold she couldn’t move for a while. Again she was just able to build a life-saving fire, though she knew she could not make it too big or it would burn the house down onto her.
Again she fainted from all that had happened. Slowly she came around due to the sound of scratching at the back door. Weakly she was finally got herself to stand and walk stumbling towards the door. All the time hope and happiness give her the strength because it had to be B.B. and never once did she think it might be a hunting pack or stray moaner. It took a moment, be was finally able to open the frozen door to the night. Weakly limped in the frozen B.B. His fur was caked with frozen foulness and he dragged his left hind leg. He took a moment to smell her then let her lead him to fire. It wasn’t till they returned to the light that she saw he had Bouncy Bouncy gently in his powerful jaw. She sat down and B.B. came to her, sniffing her out. He put Bouncy Bouncy in her lap, then gently laid his head there too. She hugged both of them as best she could and kissed them both several times as she cried and told them how much she loved them and missed them, while B.B. simply weakly wagged his tail. Once she stops to breathe out of her mouth because her nose is full of snot, she is able to see B.B.’s eyes with the light. His eyes only see death now. She sits there with the great dog’s head in her lap as his tail slowly stops moving. She lowers her head and kisses him once for luck, once for sweet dreams and finally once to say good night. B.B. lifts his head up and lovingly licks her tear stained cheek on last time.
*****
Lying down on her left side next to the grave, she lets the sleet fall on her without resistance and just stares blankly at the bare trees, dead grass, lifeless pond, all of which is slowing being covered within new frost as she waits for the darkness to claim her finally. She is so tired of being in pain, hungry, scared and so terribly alone.
The sleet continues to fall unpassionately but she has long since stopped feeling it covering her exposed flesh. Even the cold and hunger have started to become distant things left in the past of the life she has turned her back on.
“What are you doing?” asks a distant voice.
She dimly comes to realize that she has placed Bouncy Bouncy lying on his right side in front of her face where their noses are almost touching. Blurredly and slightly out of focus she looks into his eyes.
Again the voice asks, “What are you doing?”
“Dying” she simply says with only a hint of steam to her breath.
“Why?”
I dully become aware that I have laid there for a moment looking at my sweet bunny’s eyes though my eyesight won’t focus. I know the voice will keep asking until I give it a truthful answer.
“Everyone is gone and I don’t want to be alone anymore.” I softly reply with tiny puffs of steam.
“You have Bouncy Bouncy” the voice says clearly as if the speaker is kneeling next to me.
“It’s not the same” I tiredly reply out loud. The cold is getting farther away and at last darkness approaches.
“Oh really!” rebuffs the voice with mocking humor. Sly and almost like it is checking things off a list it continues, “Who do you hold on to when you’re scared or worried?”
“Bouncy Bouncy” I weakly reply.
“Who do you seek comfort from on sad days?”
“Bouncy Bouncy” I reply as my eyes begin to hurt.
“Who do you share your hopes and dreams with?”
“Bouncy Bouncy” I reply as what feels like fire swells from my eyes and I have to start breathing out my mouth because snot is dripping out my nose.
“And who do you see when you look into his eyes?”
As tears begin to flow from my eyes, I blink and can clearly see into my sweet and good bunny’s eyes.
“You and Momma, Daddy, I see you and Momma” I say as hot tears flow to the cold frozen ground.
“And who else my brave sweet one?”
“I see Papa and all three of the cats”
“Anyone else?”
Looking beyond my tears and deeply into Bouncy Bouncy’s eyes, it seems like a new dawn is breaking past the clouds because I now can see B.B. looking back at me.
“I see B.B. now, Daddy, I see B.B.!” I am able to say before my body begins shaking uncontrollably.
Daddy gently says, “Yes because (Suddenly I feel him touching my chest above my heart) as your mother and I always told you, part of us is with you (I now can feel my hand touch the same place on his chest) and part of you will live here with us always. We are never really apart no matter where we may find ourselves”.
All I can do is shake my head yes as I cry and let out the poison.
When no more tears will come, Daddy says with his authoritative voice, “Now young lady, it is time to get moving!”
My head, right arm and shoulder hurt terribly as I try to up. I move so slowly and hurt all over under my cold numb flesh. My body shakes get worse so it takes a few tries before I can even get up after picking up Bouncy Bouncy.
As I begin the walk to leave the park and head back to the base, I look down to B.B.’s grave marker to which I take the moment and blow my Best Buddy a kiss, before beginning the walk home.
