“Several. I thought they should remain with you, private as they are.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say.” Relief loosened my stiff shoulders that I didn’t have to show my dyslexic cards too soon. “Thank you.” I didn’t want Bastien or Kerdik reading some other dude’s love poems about me, and didn’t want to sit through Lane or Judah’s teasing that a boy had liked me, either. This is the problem with being dyslexic. You don’t get to process something huge like that in private.
Rigby picked up a comb and motioned for me to sit in the golden chair at the table while I sipped my rose-scented tea. The hot liquid smelled comforting, but tasted like the nothing my lunch and dinner had been. He was careful with my curls, taking time on each tangle with no hint of the frustration I usually attacked my hair with. “If I may, your grace. See that you wear your dressing gown only in your bedroom. If the servants see you in this, I fear you may have more attention than you know what to do with.”
I sniggered at his gentle teasing. “Alright. Thanks. There aren’t all that many sleepwear options in Avalon.”
When I finished my tea, I laid my head on the table, letting Rigby brush a scented oil through my waves while I tried to keep my eyes open. When he lifted me from the chair and carried me to the bed, my mouth opened in protest, but that was the most of it. I decided to put my pride aside and let Ribgy take care of me. After all we’d been through, I let myself off the hook for needing a pair of reassuring arms to situate my head on the down pillow.
My mother was dead, and I was starting to feel the low swings of that as my adrenaline and denial began to ebb. The horrible truths threw themselves at me, slamming me in the face as I closed my eyes. I hoped sleep would take me, for no reason other than to mute the onslaught of emotion I could feel beating at my internal walls.
I rolled onto one side, and then the other as Rigby busied himself about the room, turning out the larger lanterns and leaving only one taper by my bedside to light the bags under my eyes.
“Are you alright, your grace? Is the bed not to your liking? I can have the mattress changed out, if you wish. I’m afraid I’ve never slept before, so I cannot attest to its comfort as far as that aspect is concerned.”
I shifted again, trying to shut my brain off, as my exhausted body was screaming at it to do. “The bed is gorgeous. It’s like, bigger than a King-sized. I’m fairly certain I could fit all my problems in here stacked end to end, and still have room left over for a unicorn.”
Rigby pulled a chair over and sat down in it, looking very much like a shrink as he studied the changes in my smile – or the disappearance of it altogether. “Tell me of the problems. It’s my job to make sure the crown is easier to bear.”
I debated going back and forth on the tamer subject matters, but it was late, so I went for the ugliest truth I knew. “I murdered my own mother. I’m afraid I’m turning into her. She saw something she wanted, and she buried her own family to get it. I’m the exact same.”
Rigby didn’t contradict me, which made me feel like he was actually listening. He took the time to process my fears instead of turning into a yes man I couldn’t trust to be anything more than a royalty sycophant.
When he didn’t respond, I pressed further into the wound as my stomach screamed at me for more of Bastien. “I’m a Vampire now, plus I’ve got all these other changes to me that at best, are a mixed bag. My eyeball changed color a little while ago. I don’t know why that makes me saddest. I barely recognize myself anymore. Through all the ups and downs I always had me, right? Now there’s barely enough pieces of me left to point to the original gangsta version.”
“I would imagine those are normal things to be feeling right now. Let me ask, do you regret putting an end to Morgan, knowing all you do about her?”
My stomach growled, making me anxious as I tried desperately to not let the hunger pains taunt me. “I regret that my love did nothing. This small, childish part of me thought that if she just got to know me, all the bad things would stop being true. That we’d meet and we’d be instant girlfriends. She’d stop being a horrible person, and I’d have a mom I didn’t have to steal, all because of my love.” I clutched at my pillow as my stomach screamed once more. “My love was supposed to be special, but in the end it couldn’t even save my own flesh and blood.”
Rigby brought me a roll from my tray. “Here, little dove. Eat something. Maybe that’ll help with the blood cravings. I confess, I don’t know much about Vampires. They weren’t around these parts back when the higher magic roamed free. Master Kerdik explained the basics of your condition, but I’m afraid I’m not much help.” He rolled up his sleeve. “Would you like some of my blood?”
I blinked up at him in surprise. “Are you serious? You’re really offering to let me cut you open and drink your blood?”
“I’m offering to help you with whatever you need. If it’s blood, then take what you like.”
I sat up and motioned him forward. He didn’t renege, not even when I wrapped my arms around him and brought my mouth to the vulnerable spot where I’d feasted on Bastien.
Bastien! Just thinking his name made me hungrier.
Instead of biting, I placed a light kiss to Rigby’s neck. “Thank you, but it has to be Bastien.”
Rigby pulled back to press his lips to my forehead, sealing our re-friendship on a note of trust. He laid me down on the bed, taking my hand and massaging it with oil he found on the nightstand. He sniffed the bottle and grimaced. “I’ll see to getting you new perfume. I don’t want you smelling like Morgan. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Hey, Rigs?”
“Yes, my dove?”
“Tell me it all gets better. I don’t care if it’s a lie at this point.” I let out a whine of pain as my stomach turned, calling for something I couldn’t give it.
He swept the hair from my forehead tenderly. “It will get much, much better. I promise you.”
“Thanks.” My stomach growled, and the pain hit me enough to make me coil into the fetal position. “Have a good night, Rigs. You can go now. It’s just going to be more of this. You don’t need to stay for it.”
Rigby glanced at the door, and then rose to lock it instead of leaving. He surprised me when he kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed, scooting in behind me to spoon my curled body. I was torn between pushing him away and clinging to the life raft, scared as I was. His arm wrapped around me, linking his fingers through mine so I could squeeze him through the painful parts. “Until it all gets better, I’m here,” he vowed.
I closed my eyes, willing myself not to burst into tears. That night, I let Rigby hold me together while my insides threatened to fall apart.
28
The Death of Superman
I awoke to a sharp sting on my hand. When my eyes opened, I realized that I was the culprit. I’d been gnawing on my knuckle like it was a chew toy while I slept, and had finally broken through the skin. Rigs wasn’t in the room anymore, having left sometime in the night, no doubt to attend to more urgent matters than babysitting a grown woman.
Since I was alone and no one could see my crime, I lapped at my blood, noting the taste that wasn’t as good as Bastien’s, but certainly wasn’t as acrid as Kerdik’s. I sucked harder, my eyes rolling back. If this was to be my peanut butter and jelly when I’d been craving a real feast, I would take it. My free hand gripped my pillow while I drank my own blood, cutting a little deeper so I had more to fill my aching stomach.
When I wasn’t quite so ravenous anymore, I got dressed for the day, regretting very much that I didn’t have a spare set of clothes I could actually be useful in. The pink gown that had been laid out for me showed off my shape. It didn’t even have sleeves, but instead had these gold bands that went around my upper arms, with material that flowed down to my thighs. I was only pretty sure I was putting it all on correctly.
When Rigby came with my breakfast, I had already packed up four more boxes with treasure for my dad. I even found a tiny c
loset with his old things in it. I didn’t go through them, but instead put them in the pile in the corner of Morgan’s bedroom – all things to be taken home and given to my dad.
Rigby’s eyebrows tented in the center when he saw me up and about. “Your majesty? I thought you were still asleep.”
“I’m ready to get on with whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing today.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Sorry I sort of lost it last night. This whole Vampire thing is a little rough.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He set the breakfast tray on the table and handed me a bowl of berries. “Here you are. I’ve never heard anyone’s stomach growl quite as loud and as often as yours did last night. Are you quite sure you’re alright? You look less ravenous.”
“I am. Or I’m dealing with it, anyways. Thanks.” I ate half the bowl of berries, wincing at the flavorless food. Though they looked amazing, they tasted like… nothing. Utter and complete nothing. I ate for the sake of caloric intake, returning to my task once I’d finished. “Is Kerdik back?”
“He is. The grave’s been filled, so that’s a relief. He’s… a bit moody, if I may be so impertinent as to comment on it.”
“Kerdik? Moody? I don’t believe it,” I commented with a churlish grin. “I’ll see what I can do, once I’m finished in here.”
I requested the head of castle security be brought in, since Kerdik had vetted the staff for me. I gave him a list of things to see to: gather up the remaining healers and make sure they had all the provisions they needed to treat the wounded, get someone he trusted to start with a census to see how many people were actually still in the province, and organize the army to start with the homes closest to the castle and see that each family had all the help they needed. A message was also sent to Fabian to start making bread, which would be handed out to anyone who needed it while they dealt with the upset their land had suffered.
Rigby devoted the next three hours to helping me with my mother’s things, boxing up gowns and keeping me company while I sussed through the remnants of Morgan’s life.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Kerdik’s sharp voice came to me like the crack of a whip from the entrance to the bedroom. Rigby jumped to his feet and moved to the window, standing at attention.
I looked up at Kerdik from my position on the floor, my dress fanned out around me as I thumbed through a box that held bracelets with jewels of every color in them. The corner of my mouth tugged upward at Kerdik’s lack of a greeting. “Hello, Sunshine. Don’t you look sweet today. I think it’s that smile. Best part of waking up,” I teased.
Kerdik rolled his eyes at me and stomped over to where I sat, hefting me up so he could assess whether or not the floor had… I dunno, broken all my bones or something. He was always so dramatic when I tried to do normal things. His eyebrows were furrowed together in concern. “You are the acting ruler of this province now. Do not test my patience by sitting on the floor like a peasant.”
“You’re such a love bug. It’s nice to see you, too. How’s Dad? Are the others home, yet?”
“They are, but only because I ported them there myself. They were making horrible time. Mortals can be ever so tedious.”
“What’s up in Province 10? Was Dad happy to get all the gifts I sent?”
Kerdik’s expression was cautious. “He was more than grateful. He sent me for a few extra things he wasn’t sure you knew to look for.” Kerdik’s eyes held a guarded note to them. “He said you might like to spend some more time here. After this, you should feel free to go to your home in Common.”
My nose crinkled. “Well, I mean, the plan all along was for me to go back to my regular life. But I’ll go home and say goodbye to him first, of course. What’s going to happen to Province 1?”
“That’s for you to decide, Queen Rosalie.”
I blew out a loud raspberry at the ridiculous address. “Well, that’s terrifying.” Though, as the decision was offered to me, I mulled over the logistics. “Province 5 is closer to this place than Province 10. Plus we’ve got more people in Province 10 than we know what to do with. What do you think of Duke Lot?”
I could hear the pride in Kerdik’s voice that I was taking this seriously. “I think it matters what you think of Duke Lot. Do you think him worthy of ruling over this many people in the throes of such upset?”
“I think if he’s lasted this long standing against Morgan, he’s got a handle on things I couldn’t begin to understand.”
“I think you’re right. Shall I send word to Duke Lot?”
“Really? Yeah, that’d be great.”
I expected Kerdik to ask one of my guards to send a carrier pigeon or something, but apparently he wanted things expedited. “I’ll port there myself. Be back in a few minutes.”
“Oh, seriously? Wow. Thanks, K.” I barely got out the few words before he was gone. He got back just as I was finishing up boxing yet another load of my mother’s things, and wondering how she’d feel about me touching them.
Kerdik frowned at me and lifted me from the floor again. “Honestly, it’s like you want to provoke me. Queens do not sit on the floor.”
“Is that so? Well the jig is up, then. I must not be a real queen.”
Kerdik’s eyes darted to the ceiling and back to steady himself against my flippant response to his scolding. “It’s done. Duke Lot is getting ready to come here to talk about the future for Province 1. He should be here this evening.”
“Oh, wow. That was quick. Thank you.” Relief flooded over me at the thought that most of the loose ends were being tied up and wrapped in a nice, non-cumbersome bow.
“How are you feeling?” He didn’t ask permission, but squeezed my cheeks so my jaw dropped open, peering into my mouth, as if inspecting an animal.
I batted his hand away with a frown. “I’m alright. Found out that if I drink a little of my own blood, I’m not quite so miserable with hunger.”
His eyebrow raised. “Interesting. I didn’t know that.”
“I think I’m going to take a break from packing and go help outside with whatever you’re doing, K. That alright with you, Rigs?”
Rigby bowed. “Whatever pleases you, your majesty.”
I couldn’t help the labored sigh that escaped my lips at Rigby’s complete obeisance. “Cool.”
“No,” Kerdik ruled. “You’ll stay in the castle until it’s time for you to go back to Common.”
I quirked my eyebrow at him, demanding an explanation. “You want to add a ‘this is why I’m acting like a controlling lunatic’ to the conversation? I have to head back to Province 10 after I’m done here anyways. Hello, Judah’s there.”
“I’ll bring Judah to you, and whatever else you need. You’re not to return to Province 10 ever again.”
I balked at the command that made absolutely no sense to me. “Come again? I’m not going to duck out without saying goodbye to everyone. I have friends and family there, Kerdik, plus a little throne that I want to make sure doesn’t need me before I split.”
Kerdik’s face was composed, but I could see a storm brewing behind his eyes. “Lane would lie to you in this situation, but I don’t have a lie you’d believe.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Rigs, could you give us a second?” When Rigby bowed and excused himself from the room, I stared up at Kerdik, arms akimbo. “Alright, then. Out with it.”
Kerdik’s gaze combed my features with a palpable pain, now that we were alone. “Must you always look so stunning when you’re about to hate me?”
“Why would I hate you?” I asked, inching away warily.
“I would hate the person who brought the news that broke my heart.”
“Is everyone okay? What happened? Where’s Lane? Bastien? Is he alright?” Panic flooded through me. “My dad? Judah? Who?!”
“Sit down, darling.”
“No.” I was firm that if my world was about to change yet again, that I face it on my feet.
“Oh, joy. You’re star
ting off stubborn. I can tell this is going to go smashingly.”
I wanted to shake the truth out of Kerdik. “Tell me everything right now.”
Kerdik drew in a deep breath as he fished for the right place to start. Every second that ticked by was one he was seriously gambling on my self-control. I was about to thrash him when finally he began to explain. “Years ago, before the higher magic was bottled up, Faîte had a whole slew of different problems. That’s why Brìghde, Cailleach and I took most of the magic away. We stripped our nations down to the barest essentials so they could see what was important, and not let too many problems cloud what could be great about who they were, and could be.”
“I know all this. Fast forward to the part that’s got my stomach twisting in knots.” My tummy growled for Bastien’s blood, right on schedule.
Kerdik glanced toward the door, as if he’d very much like to make good use of it. “Back then, the darker creatures were known for their basest needs, and not much more. If you were a Dullahan, that’s all you were known as. Those were your contributions to Faîte.” He massaged his temples. “The Dullahan were from Éireland, so mostly harrowing tales of woe traveled here. Avalon got a very stilted view of the dark magic.”
“Dude, I can’t remember what a Dullahan is. It’s like, the thirtieth weird thing we’ve talked about in the last twenty-four hours.”
“A headless horseman. Rides around looking for heads to collect. Once they stop riding on their steed, someone in Avalon dies.” He shook his head at the rabbit trail. “It makes no difference. Those didn’t exist in Avalon, but the fearful tales reached our shores all the same. There are laws – old laws – about such creatures. One is that they’re not allowed on royal ground, which means they can’t be on the palace property.”
Stubborn Girl Page 15
