Finally, finally, the woman raised her head, meeting Ryan’s gaze for the first time. He gasped, awed and humbled, thankful beyond measure. He knew her. Well, he knew her face anyway. Who didn’t? It graced the statue in the Mating Chamber aboard Vengeance and just about every other Transport ship in the Chantrean fleet. What was the Mother Goddess Alana doing on Retribution? Not that he wasn’t grateful beyond measure that she arrived when she had, that she intervened when she did. He had no doubt that without her aid, he would have arrived too late to save Liana from whatever she’d done to harm herself.
“Thank you, Mother, for saving my mate, for keeping Liana alive for me.”
The mother goddess quirked her eyebrows. “Have you forgotten that you severed the Mate Bond between the two of you? My daughter is no longer your mate—by your own hand.”
Ryan winced, but the goddess was not finished.
“And I did not save her for you. She is integral to the salvation of your race. Beyond that, she has suffered enough and I would not see her die, alone when she’d done naught but give of herself, sacrificing her own happiness to ensure my children would thrive in the years to come. Once she awakens, I will take her far from here, where she will have time to heal emotionally from what was wrought here. She deserves that and so much more.”
Again, Ryan’s heart stuttered in his chest. No, she couldn’t take Liana away. How could he stop her though? She was the Mother Goddess of the Chantrean people, the creator of their species according to all their known oral and written histories.
With his hand still buried in his mate’s hair, he bent down and pressed a light kiss to Liana’s forehead, breathing in her scent. Raising his head, he met the Mother Goddess’ penetrating gaze yet again. “Please,” he begged. “Please, don’t take her away from me. I know I screwed up… No one knows that better than I how terribly I screwed up, but I swear, on the lives of my sister and her unborn child which you know I honor above everyone but your own, I will make this right.”
Ryan swallowed past the fear clogging his throat and continued his impassioned speech. “I love her. Without Liana, I’m only half-alive. She is the best part of me and without her, there is no meaning to anything. Please, please don’t take her away from me. Give me the chance to convince her to stay with me, to bond with me again. I swear I will never doubt her or our bond again.”
When the Mother Goddess Alana remained quiet, Ryan bowed his head, closed his eyes and allowed his tears to flow unchecked down his cheeks, heartbroken…just broken all around.
How could he live without her? Until the bond between them disappeared—because of his own stupidity, he admitted—he had not truly known how integral Liana was to his own happiness, his own survival, in fact. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—live without her. If he lost Liana, his life meant nothing to him. Why had he only realized this now, when it was too late to do anything about it? Why?
Chapter Seventeen
Gut-wrenching pain washed over and through Liana, dragging her from the sweet bliss of nothingness into the harsh reality awaiting her aboard Retribution. She knew she was alive simply because she couldn’t imagine the pain of loss and the repercussions of using too much of her own energy to send the package to Amy would follow her into the afterlife. What she couldn’t figure out was how she was still alive.
She’d known that she was dying as she faded into unconsciousness, had actively embraced it, in fact. Keeping her eyes closed, she tried to focus on what was happening around her. She could feel Ryan’s remorse, his guilt, even his fear, so she knew he stood nearby. Not that she needed her Empathic abilities for that because she could smell him. Despite knowing he didn’t trust her, didn’t want her as his mate, her heartbeat sped up just knowing he was close. He wasn’t alone, however. She could smell another—a stranger—yet she could sense nothing of the other person’s emotions, and that left her wary. Her gift for knowing others’ emotions had never failed her before. That they did so now, when she was already dealing with too much after Ryan’s abandonment, left her panic-stricken.
Should she continue to feign sleep and try to overhear their conversation, or miraculously wake up and face the unknown situation head on? Tired of looking weak and cowardly, Liana opened her eyes. She’d face Ryan and the stranger head-on. She’d spent her entire life looking weak because of her gift. She’d not continue to do so—not if she could help it.
What Liana hadn’t been prepared for were the tears running down Ryan’s face as he knelt at her side, nor the ravishing beauty of the woman who hovered over where she still lay on the floor. Uncomfortable in the extreme, Liana scrambled up and off the floor, moving much quicker than she thought should be possible considering she’d practically bled out not too long ago. She shouldn’t be alive, never mind be moving around as if she’d just taken a refreshing nap and had energy to spare.
She’d have to figure that out later. Discovering the identity of the woman in the medical bay and the reason Ryan was on his knees seemed much more important to her suddenly very aware mind—a mind that no longer hurt as if it were being ripped open from the inside out. What had happened once she’d passed out? Something must have!
Wary and confused, she scooted away from the beautiful blond woman and the kneeling male she once called mate. She had dozens of questions rambling around her mind and had no idea where to start, especially when Ryan’s feelings were constantly bombarding her. His fears, his worries, his sadness, his loneliness, his desperation—and all of it centered on his loss of her and their mate bond. If she weren’t so upset with him herself, she might be moved by it, but she just couldn’t think about it, not right now.
Turning toward the beautiful stranger who had hovered over her as she’d woken, Liana tried to figure out where she had seen her before. Her face was so familiar to her, yet she swore she’d never seen her before—not in person anyway.
You know me, child. You’ve always known me.
Liana’s eyes widened. She knew that voice and had heard it in her mind many, many times before, in fact. It could only belong to the voice of the mother Goddess Alana, the original creator of the Chantrean people. “What has brought you here, my Goddess? You honor us by visiting, don’t get me wrong. But I am curious as to what has brought you out here when so many others need you right now.”
“But none more important than you, my child.”
Liana shook her head as she backed up toward the desk, collapsing into the chair. “I don’t understand,” she whispered.
“You, of all of my children, must live. You are the most important of my children. From you all the others will have the future I have foreseen. Without you, eventually my children will die out, in less than two more generations. I cannot allow that to happen, even if that means making sure you live when you would rather not.”
Liana swallowed bile. The Goddess was right. After Ryan had broken their mate bond, she didn’t want to live, would rather have faded into the darkness and gone into the next life with her conscious clear. Across the room, Ryan still knelt on the floor. He gasped, a raw keening sound of agony that pierced Liana’s heart. Did he not realize what his callousness had made her feel? Did he care what consequences his one determined act wrought beyond the obvious, or had he not thought beyond the fact that he didn’t want to feel the bond anymore? Hell, did he even think about what the absence of the bond would even do to him over time, or did he even care about that?
Liana continued to shake her head. “I don’t understand. I’ve done what I needed. I found your cure. You don’t need me anymore.”
“Little one, the cure was only the beginning of the work you must do yet. There is much that you are yet to discover, much yet for you to do before my children are truly safe.”
“What to do you mean?”
The mother goddess shook her head.
“More, I am forbidden to say, my child. In truth, I have already spoken more than I should. Now, do I take you away from here to a place of peace or leave yo
u here with the male who hurt you? I see no reason to leave you here with him if it is your wish to leave him. I can promise that you will not suffer the mourning loss of a mate that would normally happen at the breaking of a mate bond.”
Liana’s heart skipped a beat at the offer. “You can do that?”
“Of course. It will be as if the mating never happened at all. However neither of you may ever find another mate in this lifetime again. It truly is a once in a lifetime occurrence, usually. To find another mate when one passes is truly a miracle and not something that even I can manipulate. I will leave the decision up to you but you must make it quickly. We only have a few more minutes left before I must move on, taking you with me, if that is your decision. Decide, Liana.”
Liana had avoided looking at Ryan the entire time since she’d woken, afraid to see into his eyes. But now, she had a decision to make, a life-altering and permanent one. She couldn’t avoid looking at him now, not with his emotions pounding at the barriers of her mind, all but beating at a way through the walls shielding her. He’d hurt her so damn badly earlier and she still didn’t know why. She didn’t know if she wanted to face him, face the man she thought loved her, when he could turn on her so quickly after telling her he loved her, hell, showing her so thoroughly he loved her. How could she ever trust him again? He had taken someone else’s word—at least that’s what she assumed he’d done—over hers and turned away from her, ripping the mating bond right out of her mind, brutally, cruelly. How?
“How could you have done that to us, Ryan? Without one word to me? Without asking even one question? You believed a communiqué that can be hacked over a mind-bond that allows you to see into my soul and allows me to see into yours? How could you doubt me so easily, so quickly? Did you not love me at all, not even the tiniest bit? Or did you not care that ripping the bond out of my mind like that would kill me?”
Tears continued to trail down Ryan’s cheeks, but he made no move to stand, instead remaining on his knees as she’d seen several Lionese women during acts of submission throughout her stay at the palace on Chantrea. “Why are you kneeling, Ryan? You’re an Alpha Male. You don’t kneel to anyone.” Liana’s eyes widened when he bowed his head and lowered it to the floor at her feet.
“I do when I’ve done a great injustice. I let my past cloud my future. I didn’t trust what was right in front of me and it almost cost me more than I could imagine losing. It almost cost me you. It still my cost me you. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you, Liana. You’re the best part of me. You’re my compassion, my heart, the gentleness I’ll need to be a good person and a compassionate leader. Without you, I’m nobody. Worth nothing. I’m begging you, Liana, read me. See inside me and see if you can find me worthy again. See if I’ll ever make the same mistakes again. Please, I’m begging you on my knees. Please, just search inside my soul. You don’t have to bond with me right away, just give me another chance.”
Liana swallowed, closed her eyes as his impassioned plea battered against her soul. She could feel his honest intent. He truly meant what he was saying—for now anyway. He wanted to get back with her. He honestly didn’t want to live without her, missed her, loved her, didn’t want to sleep in his bed without her. But that didn’t mean she was ready to take him into her arms, either. He harmed her more deeply than she could have ever imagined and it would take time to heal properly from that.
But could she just walk away? Walk away from the best thing she’d ever known, even if it had only lasted a few hours? No, she couldn’t do that either. What was left then? “I will stay with you, but there will be safeguards set up. This time I want to take time getting to know you before we bond again—if we bond again, Ryan.”
“Okay. Anything you want, Liana. I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Then I want us to stay with Amy and Hunter. I’ll feel safer there. Besides, with the Black Rose still out there, someone had to set us up, it’s better to be amongst their guards until we know who wanted us apart to begin with. I’d feel safer staying with your sister.”
If Liana thought Ryan would argue with that condition, she couldn’t have been more wrong. He quickly stood, wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a very long hug, placed a gentle kiss on Liana’s forehead and whispered, “Whatever you need to feel safe, love. Whatever you need.” Then Ryan quietly walked out of the medical lab, leaving the woman he once called mate alone with the Mother Goddess Alana.
Chapter Eighteen
Ryan stared into the viewport, which looked into his sister Amy’s throne room on the Chantrean Home World. “I fucked up, Amy. But I have a chance to win Liana back. It’s risky coming back there. But you yourself said that Liana sent the cure to you. The Goddess Alana said it’s only the first step, though. We must keep Liana safe and she won’t rebuild the mate bond with me until she can trust me again. She wants to be with you. She trusts you. Please help me, sis. I know if I can spend time with her in a secure area, where we can spend time together as a family, the love we feel for each other will bring us back together again. We just need that time—I know that’s all we need. Please. I’m begging you, sis.”
“My Alpha Brother is begging his little sister for help with a girl?”
“Not just any girl, Amy. The girl. This is my mate, Amy. The one I want to—no,” he said, shaking his head, “I need—to spend the rest of my life with. The one I’d already be spending the rest of my life with if I hadn’t totally fucked up. I’m begging here. Do I need to get on my knees with you as I did with Liana? I will. There’s nothing I won’t do for her. Nothing.”
“No. I believe you. We’ll see you soon and have your room ready in the family wing. Good luck, brother.”
Ryan snorted. “I’m going to need it.”
“If there is anything I can do to help ease things between you and your mate, you’ve only to ask, you know that, don’t you, Ryan?”
Nodding, Ryan smiled at his older sister. “I know. Thank you. For everything, but mostly for being a friend to Liana before she even met me. I take it she doesn’t have many friends outside that lab of hers. I’m glad she has you.”
“I’m the lucky one.”
“On that note, we should be there sometime tomorrow if all goes well.”
“Hunter and I will expect to see the Retribution in the Family Landing Pad sometime tomorrow.
“We’ll be there.”
“Don’t be surprised if you find yourself surrounded by several ships of the royal guard on your way in. You’re carrying the lead scientist with important discoveries and immediate families to the heirs to the throne. Your deaths won’t be kept quiet on our watch. Not this time. And doesn’t that sound bad.”
Ryan snorted. “I know what you meant, baby girl,” he said, smiling.
“I haven’t been a baby girl for a long time, Ry,” Amy complained good-naturedly.
“Even your mate would agree that you’re his baby girl. Wouldn’t you, Hunter?”
Amy turned, looking over her shoulder where Hunter came into the room behind her. Ryan’s heart squeezed in his chest when Hunter casually wrapped his arms around Amy’s waist and placed a tender kiss on the tip of her nose. He wanted to be able to do the same thing with Liana. He wanted to share the same simple loving moments as the two so often did. When Hunter placed his large hand over the mound of her belly where Ryan’s niece or nephew was growing, his heart clenched. It was such a loving and possessive gesture. In that single moment, he wanted so much to be holding Liana in that same way, to know that she was carrying his child, his hand guarding it from all danger. He wanted that with a passion he’d never thought possible. He was shaking with it.
“Contessa, Change our heading. Make our way to Chantrea with all due haste. Arrange with Hunter and Amy Shi’Lan’s Security Forces for additional security for the Retribution during our return trip. I’ll be in Medical Bay or with Liana Peterson if there is an Emergency and you need to reach me.”
In a hurry to speak with Liana,
Ryan didn’t even remember how exactly he had said goodbye to his sister, or what he said to Hunter, or even how or when he had left the command deck. Before he knew it, he found himself once again inside the medical bay, not even remembering the trip there.
He had to speak to Liana and he had to speak to her now. They had so much to settle, so many things he needed to make right between them and so little time to do it in. He felt like there was this little clock ticking down in his head and if it reached zero before they got everything cleared up, it would be too late…if it weren’t already too late. He had royally fucked up—he could acknowledge that much on his own, at least.
After making sure his jeans were zipped and his shirt was neat and straight, Ryan knocked on the Med Lab door. He should have asked the computer if Liana had gone to her room but he figured she’d be holed up where she felt most comfortable, and of all places on the ship, the medical bay would be that place for her still—at least he believed it would be so for her.
“Come in, Ryan,” Liana answered.
Her voice was just as calm as he remembered, soothing. Peaceful even. He thought they both could use a little peace right now. He just hoped that he didn’t completely blow this conversation with Liana. How could he possibly explain to her what happened when he didn’t really understand it himself? He was such as ass. He wouldn’t even blame her if she didn’t take him back. By the Goddess, what was he going to do? How could he possibly explain why he’d treated her so wretchedly before, why he lost faith in her when she’d done nothing to deserve it?
You could start from the beginning, with the missive, the Goddess suggested, speaking directly into his mind, once again showing him just how powerful she was, and just how close to the situation she had remained.
Worlds Apart 4: Ryan's Hope Page 11
