No good thing. Did that mean a family someday, a godly wife, and a houseful of children? He closed the Bible with finality. Why was he thinking like this now? He bowed his head and asked God to take these feelings from him. Whatever the future held, he was sure of one thing: Jessica DuBois wasn’t part of it.
§
Robert pressed Jessica’s hand and wished her a good night before slipping off into the dark night. She stood for a moment on the front stoop with Franny in her arms and listened to the crickets. It was a peaceful night, but she felt far from settled. Clay had ruined everything. One look at those broad shoulders and warm gray eyes had shattered her resolve to leave Fort Bridger by whatever means it took. Oh, she still intended to leave with Robert if she could, but her courage was gone. It would be so much harder with Clay here. She would have to fight her feelings for him every minute as well as focus on winning Robert’s affections. Of course, that deed was already well on its way to accomplishment. He had been an easy target.
She had been conscious of Clay’s gaze all evening. She’d tried to act gay and uncaring, but it had all been a facade. She was so tired of playacting, tired of living up to everyone else’s expectations of who and what she should be. She suddenly wanted to sit and talk with her mother, but there never seemed to be any time for just the two of them anymore. One member or the other of her mother’s new family was always demanding her attention. Maybe I should make more of an effort to be friendly with my cousins, she mused. She needed someone to fill this empty ache inside her.
She undressed Franny and slipped her into her nightgown, then read her the Bible verses Clay had prescribed for the night. Every night it got harder and harder to read those verses. They seemed to mock her. She could never hope to be good enough to understand what they meant. Tonight’s verse was a good example, John 3:3: Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. She wasn’t sure exactly what being born again meant, but it sounded life-changing and alarming. She hated being confronted every night by these Scriptures, but she had promised Clay to teach Franny. The problem was it was hard to explain something she didn’t understand herself.
She kissed Franny good night, then went to the stove and heated some water for tea. She missed Ellen. Ellen always seemed to know what to do about everything. She needed a friend. But there was no one.
She jumped when someone knocked at the door. Her heart pounded. Was it Clay? She hurried to the door, but it was Miriam who stood scowling at her when she opened the door. Her cousin pushed past her without a word, then stood and glared at her with her arms folded in front of her.
“Your mother sent me to fetch you,” she said abruptly.
“What’s wrong?” She couldn’t keep the alarm from her voice.
“We’ve been ranked out and have until eight o’clock tomorrow morning to get out!”
“Oh, no!” It was a common practice in the army for a superior officer to demand a lower officer’s quarter on short notice. “Where will you go? The fort is filled to capacity.” Jessica’s thoughts raced as she tried to think of any empty buildings or cabins she’d seen.
“That’s why your mother wants to talk to you. I’m supposed to stay here with Franny.”
Jessica glanced at the little girl and saw she hadn’t been disturbed by the knock on the door. “All right,” she said reluctantly. “I shouldn’t be long. Thanks for staying.”
Miriam looked surprised at the thanks but nodded.
As she hurried across the parade ground, Jessica wondered if the tension between her and Miriam was her fault. Had she been so prickly and unapproachable that the other girl had retaliated in kind? It was something to consider.
The DuBois residence was a bustle of activity when she entered. Caleb and Uncle Samuel were piling boxes and crates in the hall, while her mother and Bridie packed breakables in wooden crates filled with hay. Her mother looked up and saw her, then burst into tears.
“Jessica, you must help us!” She fluttered her hands. “We’ve no one else to turn to.”
Jessica was bewildered. “What can I do, Mama? Do you want me to talk to the colonel?” It probably wouldn’t help. He’d lost his interest in her since Major Adams had brought his daughter to the fort.
“We need a place to stay, darling. Can we stay with you?” She saw Jessica begin to frown and hastened to add, “Just for a little while. Something else will open up soon.”
“But. . .but, Mama, my cabin is tiny!” Her thoughts whirled as she tried to think where she could put all of them.
“I know, darling, but there is nowhere else for us to go.” Her mother looked at her piteously and more tears trickled down her cheeks. “We can’t sleep on the streets.”
Uncle Samuel cleared his throat gruffly. “Your mother is right. I’ve searched high and low for a place for us. It’s either your cabin or a tent.”
Jessica couldn’t imagine her mother in a tent. “I don’t suppose I have a choice,” she said grudgingly. “But I have no idea where we can put your things.”
“I’ve already thought about that,” Uncle Samuel said. “I’ve arranged for some tents for the majority of our things. We’ll set up camp outside your back door for easy access to our possessions. All we’ll bring inside are the beds and necessities.”
“I suppose that will work.” She still wasn’t happy about it. The freedom of her own place was one of her only compensations for her new life. Now she would have to put up with Miriam and the rest of them. She sighed.
Her uncle didn’t wait for her to change her mind. “Caleb, come with me and we’ll see about setting up the tents. Bridie, you go spell Miriam with little Franny and let Miriam help Letty with the packing for a while. Once the tents are set up, Caleb and I will bring the beds over. Jessica, you rearrange your things to find room for us and we’ll be over soon.”
She bristled at his order, but said nothing. She knew he was right. But if he thought he would talk to her like that all the time, he would find out he was wrong. She sighed again and went to make room for her unwelcome visitors.
nine
The tiny cabin was packed with beds and people. Clothing hung from nails on nearly every available bit of wall space. A three-quarter-size bed was pushed into one corner for Bridie and Miriam to sleep on, a small cot for Caleb crouched behind the front door, and Uncle Samuel’s four-poster bed hid behind a makeshift screen in the corner furthest from the door. Jessica had taken down Franny’s cot, knowing that the little girl slept with her much of the time anyway. Their bed was repositioned along the wall by the bed for Bridie and Miriam. There was barely enough room to walk around all the beds.
Franny had awakened during the commotion of moving but soon fell back to sleep when everything settled down. No one else had slept much, though. Breakfast had been a fiasco with everyone cross and irritated with one another. Jessica had barely had enough bread to feed them all toast. She seethed with resentment when her uncle made a pointed comment about a good housewife always being prepared. How was she supposed to know she would suddenly be feeding an additional five people? She held her tongue, though, knowing they were all tired. She didn’t want to add to her mother’s burden.
After breakfast, she stood and tied her hair back in a kerchief. “I’d better get to work. Bridie, would you want to help Franny with her lessons this morning?”
Bridie looked up in surprise, but she didn’t object. “Where are her books?”
Jessica sighed. “I have no idea. The last time I saw them, they were under her cot, but I don’t remember where we moved them last night when we took the cot down. She’ll help you find them.” She looked around at the rest of the family. “Anyone want to help with the laundry?”
Miriam sniffed disdainfully. “Not me. I’m meeting my friends at the millinery shop about ten.”
Her father frowned. “I think not, young lady. Your mother will need your help to get all this stuff sorted out.”
“She’s not my m
other. She’s my aunt.” Miriam scowled.
Jessica’s mother fluttered her hands. “That’s fine, Samuel,” she murmured. “I can get things done by myself.”
Jessica’s simmering temper boiled over. “Mama, there is no reason for you to have to do everything by yourself! Everyone lives together, and everyone needs to share in the responsibility.” She began to angrily push boxes out of the middle of the floor. “Miriam, you start unpacking these boxes. Caleb, get some money from your father and run to the sutler’s store for some more flour and any other supplies Mama thinks we need.” She turned to Bridie. “We’ll forget Franny’s lessons for today. I wasn’t thinking about just how much needed to be done.”
Miriam put her hands on her hips and tossed her head. “You can’t tell me what to do. You unpack the boxes yourself.”
“Fine,” Jessica said sweetly. “You do the men’s laundry, then.”
Miriam stared at her for a moment, then turned and began to empty the nearest box with angry, jerky motions.
Uncle Samuel cocked an eyebrow. “Changing your tune a bit, aren’t you, missy? Where were you when your mother and cousins were doing everything without your help?”
Jessica shrugged. “We were living under your roof then, but now we’re under mine. I’ve realized how hard a household is to run. I’ve grown up some, I guess.”
“It’s about time.” He turned and went toward the back door.
Jessica flushed hotly at the reprimand. “You’ve got a lot of nerve criticizing me when you married my mother just to have a servant. Why don’t you try treating her like a wife for a change?”
Her uncle turned scarlet with rage, but she didn’t wait for a response. She had work to do. Her back stiff with anger, she slammed the door behind her and went to the laundry tent.
She had just hung up her first load of laundry when Clay strolled up. Her mouth grew dry at the sight of his broad shoulders.
“Hey, Red, what’s going on at your place?” He took his hat off and raked a hand through his hair.
“Mama and Uncle Samuel were ranked out last night.” She turned her back to him and proceeded to dump another load of dirty clothes into the steaming tub of hot water. Her hands were trembling, and she hoped he didn’t notice. She wished she didn’t feel like this every time he was near.
He whistled softly. “Bet your uncle is madder than a bear with a sore foot. Where’d you put them all?” He put his hat back on his head and followed her when she ducked inside the tent for more soap.
She sighed. “It was hard to find room. We’re all falling over one another.”
“I can imagine.”
His intent gaze made her flush, but hopefully, he’d assume it was from the fire.
“Robert seems like a nice guy. How long have you known him?”
“What is this, an inquisition?” she snapped. She brushed past him abruptly.
He held up a placating hand. “I didn’t mean it to sound that way. I was just interested.”
“Well, get uninterested. My relationship with Robert is my own business! You can keep your nose out of it.” She saw his nostrils flare, but he managed to control himself. Jessica was impressed with his restraint. Why was she trying to goad him into losing his temper? Was it because she wanted him to show some sort of jealousy? She almost laughed out loud at the thought. There wasn’t much chance of that.
“Let’s start this conversation over,” he said finally. “I really wanted to just come by and see how things went with Franny while I was gone. Did you have any problems? How are you for money?”
“Fine,” she said shortly. She softened her sharp tone. “Franny can say all the alphabet and seems to be sleeping better. She doesn’t cry out for her mother in the night as much as she did.” She snapped a wet sheet briskly and hung it on the line. “As far as money goes, I’m about out, but I get my first army paycheck tomorrow. We’re doing fine.”
“What about her spiritual education?”
She glanced up at his anxious tone and was snared by the warm look in his eyes. She was lost in the depth of his gaze for a few long moments. Did he feel anything for her? Anything at all? She swallowed the lump in her throat and dropped her eyes.
“I’ve read the verses you picked out every night. Now that you’re back, we’ll attend the service tomorrow.” She looked up and was surprised at the look of amazed happiness on his face.
He dropped his gaze and hooded that expression of incredulous joy. “I thought I might have to threaten and beg to get you to come.”
“I’m not a complete heathen,” she said. “I may have trouble believing all that stuff myself, but I want Franny to have the best of everything.”
His expectant look faded. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He stepped toward her and tucked a stray curl back up into her kerchief.
Her breathing quickened at his nearness. She inhaled the clean, male scent of him. For just a moment, she thought he might kiss her, but he stepped back and tipped his hat. “Sit in the front row. It will inspire me.”
As he walked away, her breathing returned to normal. She was determined not to let him see how much he affected her. She’d better invite Robert to attend the service with her so Clay wouldn’t suspect how much she cared. She’d had all the humiliation she could take.
§
Clay straightened his cravat and slicked down a stray cowlick. The last few services he had held before he had to go on to Colorado had been well attended, and he hoped this one would follow the same pattern. What he was nervous about was whether Jessica would really come with Franny. He wanted her to love and know his God so badly. He shied away from examining just why it was so important to him. He loved sharing God’s love with people, but he wanted this for Jessica even more than usual. He tried to tell himself it was for Franny’s sake, but was that the only reason? He shook the thought away, clapped his hat on his head, picked up his Bible, and walked across the parade ground to the unmarried officers’ quarters. The meeting room already had soldiers milling around near the door. He tipped his hat as he entered the room.
He walked up the aisle created by the benches the men had hauled in. Please, Lord. Please let her come today. Let her hear something that creates a hunger in her heart to know and love You.
When he looked up, Jessica was coming down the aisle on Robert’s arm. They looked like a happy, prosperous family with little Franny in tow. Clay’s insides clenched strangely, but he wouldn’t let himself think about how he felt. He had to put those feelings behind him. They sat right in the middle of the front row, but he couldn’t read Jessica’s face at all this morning. She looked like the cool, self-possessed young lady he’d first met all those months ago. Perhaps it was only wishful thinking to imagine he saw a change in her.
He welcomed the worshipers to the service. As he looked around, he estimated the group at about twenty-five, a respectable showing for a busy fort like Bridger. He led the group in two hymns then opened his Bible. “Turn to Proverbs 6,” he told them and began to read. “ ‘These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.’ ” He saw Jessica’s eyes widen as he read the verse.
He plunged into his sermon, and it was as though he preached to her only. As he talked of sin and forgiveness offered by God through Jesus Christ, he felt a connection with her he’d never felt with anyone before. It was almost as though he could see right into her soul and see the pain and longing she had to be clean and forgiven. Her eyes grew huge in her face, and he thought there might be tears hiding there. When the service ended, he tried to make his way to her, but several soldiers hurried forward to talk to him, and she left before he was finished. He rejoiced at the soldiers’ response to his message, but he was frustrated that he couldn’t talk seriously with Jessica. Mayb
e he could catch her alone after lunch.
§
Jessica could barely keep her face in order following the sermon. She trembled all over but was careful to hide it from Robert and her family. She just wanted some time alone, but where could she find it? Every square inch of her cabin was filled. Her mother began to prepare lunch while Jessica got Franny out of her good dress and into her everyday one. Her mother urged Robert to stay for the meal, and he accepted quickly. Jessica was almost glad for an excuse to avoid dealing with her thoughts for a while.
After the meal, Robert asked her to take a walk. She caught up her wrap as a barrier against the autumn wind and followed him out the door.
They left the confines of the fort and followed the river past the old corral. Robert took her hand and stopped in the middle of the path. He raised her hand to his lips and looked at her intently.
“We haven’t known one another very long, my dear girl, but my time here is short and I feel I must speak. I believe we would deal very well together. I could provide a good home for you and Franny.” He pressed her hand ardently. “I have the highest regard for you, and I’m asking you to consider becoming my wife.”
This was exactly what she’d hoped for; a man who would care for her and Franny, someone with wealth and prestige, someone kind and easygoing she could manipulate to her will. She regarded him thoughtfully.
He hastened to sweeten the deal. “I plan to build us a lovely home by the sea in San Francisco where you can entertain whenever you want. As my wife, you’ll be respected and revered. Please say you’ll come with me.”
Why was she even hesitating? She smiled at him. “Let me think about it.”
He frowned. “Of course. I know this is very sudden, but surely you must have had some idea of my intentions.”
“I can’t say I’m surprised, but marriage is a big step.”
“True,” he admitted. “But winter will be here in a few weeks, and we must move quickly.”
“Give me until tomorrow.” She knew she was going to accept; it was the only solution for her and Franny, but she saw no reason to give Robert the upper hand. She must begin as she intended to go on. If she accepted his proposal, she intended to be firmly in control.
The Heart Answers (Wyoming Series Book 3) Page 11
