Rhys is still following Stephanie around like a lost puppy dog, and it’s really cute. Rhys is the epitome of a rock star. He can have any damn woman he wants, and he exercises that right frequently. It’s quite entertaining to see him chasing after Stephanie, and my bitch doesn’t pull punches. She gives it to you straight up. Kip attempts to talk Samantha into trying a man for a change. That doesn’t end well for him if the permanent-marker penis on his face is any indication. Rhys and Griffin are still meeting me in Memphis on the ninth, and I remind myself the day will be here before I know it.
The Saturday night after the show, we board the bus and head to Little Rock, Arkansas. Jagger and I eat on the bus and then crash in his bunk. He brings his iPod with us, and we play different songs that remind us of our childhood. I really like that being with him is so easy.
“Will you listen to something for me?”
“Sure. What is it?” I ask.
“It’s a song I wrote about you. It’s on our last album. I think the guys knew it was about you, but it’s never been announced.”
I get all teary-eyed, and I wish I could tell him how many of the songs I wrote are about him. I don’t want to seem obsessed though, so I don’t tell him. How long have I really been in love with this man? Maybe since we were kids?
“Hey, why the crocodile tears?” He wipes one that spills over.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” I say, and he kisses me softly.
“I thank my lucky stars every day that you are in my life. You have no idea how good it feels to be able to tell you I love you,” he says.
“I’m far from perfect. I was a broken mess for a long time. That is hardly perfect.”
“Do you know that I was intimidated by you for so long? I still am sometimes. It takes balls to step away from your grandfather’s shadow and break out on your own without his help. I know he respected you for it. Hell, the entire world did. It takes strength to throw yourself out there and make it on your own. Then you had even bigger balls when you named the band Abandoned Shadow. That shit isn’t lost on anybody. You abandoned the shadow you and Koi lived under for so long and said ‘Fuck it, I’m doing this my way.’ When you were criticized for some of your lyrics because some found you too abrasive or unladylike, you found a shorter dress, higher heels, and said ‘fuck’ as many times as you wanted to. You never apologized for being you, and that is so incredibly sexy. When other musicians find out I grew up with you, they have this idea of you in their head. They ask a million questions about what you’re really like. They want to know if you are as amazing as the stories are. Before Caleb, I told them how amazing you are. You truly are the most amazing human being I have ever met. After Caleb, I told them the same damn thing, but I added how you are just a human being like the rest of us. You hurt, cry, bleed, laugh, get angry, and, most of all, you love. You aren’t broken, baby. You are human.”
I kiss him with everything I have in me. At that moment, I stop looking at myself as broken. I’m strong, and I made it through losing the person who understood me on every level.
“Are you going to let me hear my song?” I ask. He smiles and turns the iPod on.
A piano opens up, and it is a sweet, gentle sound. Then an electric guitar vibrates and adds a sound quite contradicting to the piano. Jagger begins to sing, and the drums pick up pace after the first stanza. When the bass enters, the piano is almost drowned out. It’s a ballad with dark undertones, and it conveys a man who struggles with a longing in his heart so deep, it consumes him. It also offers insight into a man’s heart, a heart that beats for the chance to love one woman.
You are standing there all alone
And they are screaming your name
But, they don’t know the girl from home
They only know the fame.
The first time I saw you, your eyes shone so bright
I never wanted to look away
I watched you grow and rise
Wonder if you know I wait.
I wonder if you know
You own the heart in my chest
I wonder if you know
I was yours from when we met.
I wonder what you would do
If I kissed your lips.
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I wanted more than friendship.
They only know the fame,
But I know it’s not the same.
Your heart beats for the song,
I hope it beats for me ere long.
I want to give you the world,
And protect you from it too.
Let me love you for everything I’m worth.
We can live the dream, just us two.
I wonder if you know
You own the heart in my chest
I wonder if you know
I was yours from when we met.
I wonder what you would do
If I kissed your lips.
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I wanted more than friendship.
One day I’ll tell how I feel
I’ll lay my heart out for you to see.
You will see my love is real.
I need you to set me free.
Free my heart from this longing.
Kiss my lips, so I can finally breathe.
Let me hold your heart, I will so carefully.
All I need is for you to love me.
I wonder if you know
You own the heart in my chest
I wonder if you know
I was yours from when we met.
I wonder what you would do
If I kissed your lips.
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I wanted more than friendship.
Tears run down my face as I listen to him pour his heart out, and Jagger wipes them away. “I love you. You have my heart, Jagger. You always have.” He climbs on top of me and shows me how much he loves me.
BROKEN ACCESS plays Little Rock, and then St. Louis. When we arrive at St. Louis, the fans are outside the hotel. Sweet Baby Jesus, there are so many of them. Randy calls security to beef up our own, but there are only so many staff members that can get us in. The bus parks as close to the hotel door as physically possible, and we quickly tear through the crowd. I make it into the lobby when a woman pushes through security enough to grab a handful of my hair.
She launches into a scream, “He’s mine, you stupid bitch. You can’t have him. Jagger loves me! You wait and see. Once he lays eyes on me, you will be old news.”
She tugs and tugs, but I can’t turn around to get my hands on her. The guys pull at me as they scream for her to let me go. Our security intervenes and I’m suddenly released, only to be pushed forward by security, then more fans enter from outside and erupt in screams. They push and push. My attacker is pushed toward me, and her weight causes me to fall hard because she lands on top of me. Realizing it’s me beneath her, she rears back to throw a punch. Security grabs her fist before she can connect, and hauls the crazy bitch off me. A guard picks her up and another helps me up.
I can hear Koi and Jagger screaming for me. Security waves the guys over. Jagger rushes to me, scoops me up, and runs into the hotel bar with me. He places me in a chair and frantically looks me over.
“I’m fine. Just tell me she didn’t actually pull my hair out because it hurts like a bitch.”
Koi checks my hair, “No, baby girl, it’s all there. But your scalp is bright red.”
“Go get a medic,” Kip orders to someone I can’t see.
“It’s fine,” I say. I’m just a little beat up.
“Henley, you aren’t fine,” Jagger says, and he looks at me as though I’ve been shot.
&nbs
p; The guys are giving each other worried looks. I look back and forth between them and decide to show them I’m fine. They really are being over-dramatic, so I stand, but the room spins. I try to sit back down, but everything goes dark.
I HEARD A BEEPING sound, and the damn thing is screaming. What the hell is that noise, and would somebody shut it the fuck up? I can hear people shouting, and the urgency in their voices is clear. Jagger is shouting my name. I wish he would stop. My head is killing me. Koi is screaming at someone, but I can’t make out what he’s saying. It all goes black again. Along with the black comes quiet.
The next thing I hear is a man yelling. He is asking for someone to pass him something. I open my eyes, but all I can see is a blurry white light. I hear voices I don’t recognize shouting my name. Jagger shouts my name, and a woman yells at him to get back.
Jagger? Where are you? Blackness comes again.
I can hear people whispering. Thank fuck they stopped shouting. I can’t make out who it is or what they are saying. I pry my eyes open and can’t register the surrounding things. My vision is blurry.
“Welcome back, Ms. Hendrix. You gave us quite a scare,” a chipper female voice says.
“I can’t see well.”
“That’s normal, sweetheart. You took a pretty nasty hit to the back of your head, and a small bruise formed in your brain. It’s called a cerebral contusion. It’s not causing a great deal of swelling, but you will need to be monitored closely until the bruise subsides.”
“How long have I been out?” I ask.
“You have been in and out of consciousness for about eight hours,” she says.
“Is that bad?” I ask.
“It’s pretty normal with the impact you took. I’m Mary, your nurse. I’m going to let the doctor know you’re awake. Do you need anything?” she asks.
“Is there a group of men here anywhere? They may have come in with me.”
“You mean those tattooed, mouth-watering rock stars who we forced to go find food about twenty minutes ago?” She giggles.
“Those would be my boys.”
“Henley, they haven’t left your side until I set Nurse Sally on them. She is about sixty, and she pulled Kip out by his ear for some inappropriate language. She threatened to take him over her knee.”
I laugh the smallest laugh, I can muster, “Please tell me someone captured that on video.”
Mary leaves me, and a doctor returns with her shortly.
“Ms. Hendrix, I’m Doctor Vaughn. It’s good to see your eyes open.”
He performs a few tests with lights in my eyes and asks me to push and pull with my limbs.
“You have a small bruise on the back of your brain. We need to watch the swelling on your brain since that can cause all sorts of life-threatening issues. I would like to keep you for at least a couple of days for observation.”
“I understand.”
“Are you in any pain?”
“My head is pounding,” I confess.
“That is pretty par for the course with a head injury. I’m going to write an order for pain meds, and you let the nurse know if they aren’t working. I want to keep you as comfortable as possible.”
Shortly after the doctor exits, Jagger, Kip, Cam, and Koi enter my room. Their eyes are full of concern.
“I’m all right,” I assure them.
They surround my bed, and my assurance does nothing to alleviate the concern in their eyes.
“How are you feeling?” Jagger asks.
“My head hurts, and my vision is blurry, but I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would. What I want to know is how Kip’s ear is feeling?”
The group chuckles and recounts the entire incident with vivid detail. Mary returns with pain medication and gives me something for my headache. She asks my friends to let me rest, and they all settle in on the couch and chairs in my room. Jagger remains by my side and holds my hand.
It isn’t long before Koi and my friends are lightly snoring. Jagger is holding my hand, and I look down at him when he rubs his face scruff on top of my hand.
“I was so scared, Hen. You were talking and not making any sense. Your eyes were unfocused, and breathing was crazy. When you passed out and didn’t wake up for so long, I was terrified. I’m so sorry I let them hurt you, baby.”
“Jag, it wasn’t your fault. I know as well as anyone how crazy fans can get. I’m going to be fine, love.”
He lightly brushes his lips against mine, smooths my hair down, and watches my eyes get a little heavier by the second.
He laughs. “Your eyes are the size of a pinhole right now, and you have this glassy look in your eyes. You must feel pretty damn good.”
“Mmm,” is all I can muster before I can no longer fight impending sleep.
When I awake several hours later, my head is throbbing, and my boys are all fast asleep scattered randomly around the room. My vision is a bit better, but I still can’t see one-hundred percent. I fumble for a button on the rail of my bed, just hoping a call button is somewhere on the damn thing. Jagger shifts beside me and notices I’m awake.
“What do you need, baby?”
“My head hurts really bad. I need medicine. Please, find my nurse.” I feel the tears in my eyes about to spill over. The pain is dreadful.
Jagger must’ve found a call button because a voice comes over an intercom, and he informs the voice that I’m awake and in a great deal of pain. After the call, he crawls onto my bed and envelops me in his arms. He runs his hand through my hair and kisses my forehead. He doesn’t know how else to help me, so he showers me with affection and love. The nurse looks disapprovingly at Jagger when she enters the room until she sees the tears in my eyes, and she smiles a sympathetic smile.
“I’ll give you something to take the edge off. Radiology will be here soon to transport you to MRI,” the nurse says, and then inserts a syringe into my IV line. Within moments, I feel the numbness wash over me.
When I wake again, my parents are sitting beside my bed, and I see instant relief when my eyes open. I’m told throughout the day that touring is not an option for the next thirty days. I will need to consult with a local Georgia doctor as soon as I arrive home so that he may keep an eye on the bruise and swelling. I’m also ordered to stay with my parents or someone who can observe me for the first week. As long as my brain continues to show no swelling, I can be released tomorrow and board the first flight back to Atlanta.
Broken Access must board the bus tonight in order to reach their next show by tomorrow. Koi and the boys attempt to cancel a few shows and follow me home, but I won’t have it. I’m hugging each of them goodbye, and Jagger pouts as they all exit the room to give us a few moments alone.
“It doesn’t feel right to leave you and tour,” he says.
“I would feel the same way if it was you, but you would also tell me to go. Cancelled shows mean angry fans and potential lawsuits from the venues. I will stay home for a month and then meet up with you on the road. We’ll talk every day. We can text, Facetime, email, and talk on the phone. I will be fine, love.”
He crawls into the bed with me, scoops me into his big arms, and holds me tightly.
“I just got you back, baby.”
“And you still have me, Jagger. The doctor just wants me to be close to a hospital at all times, and I can’t do that on tour,” I run my fingers through his short hair in an attempt to comfort him.
He pulls back and kisses me softly on my lips, and then on my cheek.
“I love you. Promise me you will get better fast,” he says.
“I love you too, and I will heal quickly and be back before you know it.”
He kisses me softly again and manages to force himself to exit the room.
I sleep most of the evening and wake to a text at midn
ight.
Jagger: I miss you already. The bus is boring without you, and the guys are all depressed too. I love you.
Me: I love you too, baby. Tell the boys I will be back soon. Enjoy the music, and it will fly by before you know it.
Chapter 17
RHYS IS WAITING for me at my parent’s home when I arrive. “I’m going to be the hottest nurse you have ever had,” he says.
“You as a nurse, frankly, scares me,” I respond.
“Fo’ sho’.”
Rhys stays with me almost every day during my recovery. He takes me out to eat several times a week for lunch. We often hit the Rookery in downtown Macon, which is one of our favorite places to eat. Anyone who lives in Macon, Georgia, has a favorite Rookery burger. My personal favorite is the Johnny Jenkins burger. It’s smeared with pimento cheese and topped with bread-and-butter pickles. It’s served with battered fries that are to die for. We also often eat at Roasted or Ingleside Village Pizza when we visit Redemption Ink Tattoo Parlour, also in downtown Macon. Chris, Stephanie, and Trey have the most amazing courtyard behind their shop. We often shoot the shit while lounging under the Christmas lights.
After a few weeks’ home, I decide it is finally time to get another tattoo. This one will be for Caleb. For many years, I have thought about the perfect tattoo to remember him by. I finally decide on a Pikorua. It is a fern found in New Zealand and has a twist that entangles itself so tightly, there is no way to decipher a beginning or an end in the twist. It symbolizes friendship and two interwoven lives, much like mine and Caleb’s lives. Chris draws the Pikorua and lays it on my rib cage under my heart. I have decided to include the last part of Jagger’s Hands Down song under the Pikorua so that it runs the length of my right side and stomach.
I will wipe your tears away.
Broken (The Guitar Face Series Book 1) Page 17
