by Lee Wardlow
“After Fionn and Aine’s kid, I’m going to give birth to your next grandchild,” I told Stevie not loud enough that she could hear me of course and your son doesn’t remember our night together, I added silently in my head.
Opening the door to my sister’s house I shouted, “Ry?”
“In the twin’s room.” Then she met me in the hallway. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, why?” I gazed at her in confusion waiting for Ryan to respond.
“I don’t usually see you during the week.”
“I’ve moved home from main campus,” I explained.
“Mom said you aren’t doing the ceremony. She really wants you to though.”
“Not happening,” I argued. “Four hours is too long. High school graduation was enough for me.” I would have to pee several times throughout that ceremony and that just wasn’t going to happen. How could I explain that one?
Ryan chuckled. “I remember. At least let her throw a party now that Ronan is home.” I had put off the party because of Ronan’s overdose. Now Mom was hounding me again about scheduling a date for my graduation party since I didn’t want to do the actual graduation ceremony.
“I need to talk to you,” I told her at the mention of his name.
Now to just get the words out. My sister rubbed her hand up and down my arms. Ryan knew that something was wrong. “It’s okay. Just tell me Skylar.” I could see the concern on her face. She could obviously see the panic in mine.
“I stopped by the farm on the way here. I wanted to see Ro. I feel somewhat responsible because I saw him downtown four months ago and he was pretty wasted. I knew that night it wasn’t just alcohol.”
“Oh Sky, that isn’t your fault,” Ryan interrupted me.
“That’s what he said. He was pretty shaken up because he didn’t remember me taking him home.”
“Oh that’s not good,” Ryan replied.
No it wasn’t. “Ryan, when I took him home…”
“Yeah,” my sister responded. I knew that Ryan wouldn’t be expecting this. No one in the family would especially Ronan who never treated me as anything other than his sweet, little sister.
“I spent the night or most of it at least. I left before he woke.”
“Did he need you? Was he in that bad of shape?” She asked, her brow winkled up with concern. For a really brilliant woman, 4.0 in her engineering classes she was dumb as dirt. She was a natural blonde and at times she acted like the stereotype but she was smart as hell.
“No Ryan, he didn’t need me to take care of him. At least, not like that.”
A look of horror crossed her face as the reality of my words settled in her brain. “You slept with Ronan?”
“Is that a question?” I asked scrunching up my nose not wanting to respond.
“Did you?” My sister was more than horrified, I realized.
“I did and he doesn’t remember it at all.” I sniffed back tears.
“Then just forget it.”
That was Ryan’s brilliant solution if only I could. I unzipped my hoodie showing her the tight tank top beneath and the roundness of my pregnant belly that I wouldn’t be able to hide much longer. Her eyes traveled down to my stomach. Her mouth formed a perfect O but no words came out of her mouth. Then her eyes came back to my face.
“Oh sweet baby Jesus,” she said then nothing else. Ryan put her hands on top of her head and everything in her body became tense and face scrunched up in horror. “You didn’t happen to show him that did you?” One hand dropped from her head and she pointed at my belly.
“Uh no,” I replied. “He’s only been out of the hospital a week. They revived him twice. I don’t really want the paramedics to be coming to the farm to revive him again.”
The screen door slammed shut behind Ciaran causing us both to jump in fear. “We need his input,” Ryan told me pointing at her husband.
“No, we do not.”
“Yes, we do. You can trust Ciaran.”
The twins came running out to the living room to see Ciaran. “Daddy,” the identical little girls shouted. Two perfect little girls with their Daddy’s beautiful, golden hued skin. An eye color that was somewhere between his and my sister’s. Eyes that were just amazing. A watery, blue-green. Long dark lashes and wavy, nearly black hair. They weren’t like Gracie who inherited the height from Fionn they were more petite like the O’Halloran girls, at least for now.
He scooped them up in his arms and chaos ensued while the two of us argued over whether or not Ciaran needed to be told. He walked over to us with a child in each arm and kissed Ryan. I glared at my sister. “What is going on?” He asked. I pulled my hoodie closed and zipped it back up before he could see the product of my night with his brother.
“Honey, will you see if the twins can eat with your mom and dad tonight?” Ryan asked. “We need to talk to Skylar without them.”
“Sure,” he replied. I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Ciaran was laid back and didn’t like getting involved in other peoples’ business. He would really not like this situation involving me and his twin brother.
While they went outside, one twin in each of his big arms Ryan led me to the kitchen. The island in the middle of the room reminded me of the house next door where his mom and dad lived. I was at their house as much as I had been anywhere. The Moores had a pool. Many of us kids spent a lot of time at Stevie and Declan’s house so we could swim in the summertime. The triplets taught us to swim.
I plopped down on the stool and leaned back. “Have you seen a doctor?” My sister was pacing. She was nervous. Nervous equaled pacing in Ryan’s world.
“I have. I’m not stupid Ryan. I’ve seen you, Aine and Sophia have children already.” I laid my crossed arms over my small belly.
“You’re okay?” She stopped pacing and looked at me with compassion, fear, regret. All of the above. Nothing more than what I was feeling, myself.
“I am. We both are,” I replied.
“Do you want to keep it?”
“I hope you are talking about adoption?”
“Of course I am.” She scowled at me.
“I do want to keep it,” I replied. I couldn’t keep the softness out of my voice. I loved this child. “I’ve felt it move Ryan. It’s my baby as much as his.” She smiled at me even she could hear the love in my voice.
I didn’t know that Ciaran had returned. Ryan’s eyes traveling over my head to her husband’s face alerted me that he heard my exclamation about the baby. He walked slowly into the kitchen and stood by me. Then he placed his hand on my shoulder. “You’re pregnant?”
“I am,” I groaned. I really didn’t want to do this. I wasn’t sure how I was railroaded into this but it was not going to be good. If Declan Moore had been hostile when Ciaran had gotten Ryan pregnant he was going to be downright livid when he discovered what happened between me and Ronan the night I took him home.
“Ask her who the father is,” my sister told Ciaran.
“Ryan,” I snapped at her.
“He doesn’t remember,” she informed him.
I glanced up at Ciaran who was confused. “He doesn’t remember what?”
“He doesn’t remember having sex with her,” Ryan told him.
Ciaran looked down at me then he walked around and sat next to me. “I think I need to sit.” His arm never left my back. He was comforting me. “Why don’t you tell me what is going on. And you,” he said to his wife. “Why don’t you be quiet for a minute.”
She made a huffing sound at him. Her arms folded across her ample chest. My sister had a killer body even after giving birth to the twins. She said it was from running after the girls all the time. I thought it was just good genes. She was built like my Aunt Scarlett.
I felt tears stinging my eyes. I couldn’t do this. “Ronan,” I said only his name. Ciaran’s eyes got wide. Then they became angry.
“How Skylar?”
“He doesn’t remember it Ciaran,” I explained. “It isn’t his fault.
I knew what kind of shape he was in when I took him home. I should have stopped him.”
“He shouldn’t have touched you to begin with,” he declared.
“Ciaran, if you and Ryan hadn’t gotten together we wouldn’t have James and Annie,” I reminded him. He flushed to the roots of his hair.
“It’s different.”
“How?” I didn’t think so.
My brother-in-law cupped my cheek. “You know it is.” I guess but I didn’t see it that way because my stupid heart thought otherwise. “How pregnant are you?” He asked me.
“I’m pretty pregnant. Four months,” I replied. “I have felt it move.”
He shook his head then looked across the island at Ryan then back at me. “But you didn’t tell anyone for four months?”
“Ciaran, it’s Ronan. I realized right away that he didn’t remember and I was humiliated. How could I tell anyone? Then he almost died and I thought I have to tell him. I just don’t know how.”
“We’ll help you. He has to take responsibility for this like the other bonehead screw ups in his life.”
I looked at him. “I don’t think my baby is a screw up,” I protested with a sadness at his words because I knew then that is how everyone else would look at it too.
Ciaran gazed at me for a moment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell anyone,” I sniffed back my tears. “I thought I could just forget about that night when he didn’t remember it.” I glanced between my brother-in-law and my sister. “Then I found out that I was pregnant.”
“Yeah, this baby,” Ryan agreed. “Will he marry her?”
“Ryan, I’m humiliated enough that he doesn’t remember creating this kid with me I don’t really want him to marry me. It’s not the same as with you and Ciaran or Aine and Fionn.”
“Mom and Dad are going to flip the fuck out,” Ciaran said rubbing his hand across his face.
“Yeah, they are and so are my parents.”
Chapter 6
For two weeks now, I had been working with Fionn on the farm. They wouldn’t let me work too hard. Get too hot. Overdue it, fearing I would drop dead. I had not joined any groups for recovering addicts, I could see the disappointment in my friends and family’s faces. I didn’t see myself as an addict. Although, the urge to smoke a little weed was overwhelming at times. It calmed me and right now I was definitely wrapped tight from not sleeping. I didn’t realize how dependent on the pills and weed I had become in order to sleep.
Sunday dinner today was serving as a dual graduation party for Skylar. I don’t think they told her ahead time. I still had money saved from working over the years so I went shopping and bought her a present that I thought she would like. The girl needed a new iPad. Hers had a cracked screen from carrying it around campus with her. I saw it on more than one occasion. We had lunch on campus together a lot while I went to law school and she was finishing her education degree. It was wrapped by Aine and waiting on the gift table. Thank God for Aine because I was a lousy wrapper.
I went downstairs dressed in khaki shorts, flip flops and a cotton t-shirt. Today was pretty casual. I went to the kitchen asked if I could do anything to help. Mom and Dad were already there. Along with Teg and Rhett. Shay and Bobby. Shay pulled me down to her level for a kiss then went back to what she was doing. That was her way of saying I love you kid without words.
The ladies were bustling about the kitchen trying to finish up the last minute preparations. “No,” Mom told me. “Just go outside and get out from underfoot.” She was always saying that when we were kids. Then she shooed me out of the room.
I joined my father, grandfather and Teg O’Halloran at the picnic table. The June day was cool with highs in only the upper seventies which is unusual for Ohio. I hadn’t seen Sky since that day she dropped by the farm to see me. She was making herself scarce from the family dinners. “Skylar is coming isn’t she?” I asked as I sat down.
Teg chuckled. “Yeah she is. She’s been volunteering at the animal shelter and Sundays are a big day for them. That’s why she hasn’t been here. She’s been pretty scarce at the house actually…staying with Ryan and Ciaran a lot.”
“That’s odd,” Dad responded. He looked at Tegan.
“Yeah it is. She has some news for everyone. She just told us this week so I’ll let her tell you when she gets here.”
Dad glanced over at Teg. “Everything all right?”
“More drama,” he replied shaking his head. Then Teg took a swig off his iced tea.
I turned my head and saw my brother Liam’s car coming down the lane followed by Jamie, Seth and Sophia. They were all coming at once. Ciaran and Ryan. Liam brought the nurse Harley from ICU. Talk about awkward. Was he seeing her? She had seen all of me and I do mean all of me. She put my catheter in while I was in ICU. He brought her to the picnic table and introduced her to everyone.
“Harley Gable, this is my father, I think you might remember him from the first night my idiot brother was in ICU. Declan Moore,” Liam said.
My dad rose to his feet. “Nice to officially meet you,” he said extending his hand to her.
“Nice to meet you Mr. Moore.”
“Call me Declan.” Dad sat back down and introduced everyone else. “This our friend Tegan O’Halloran. He’s the father of two of my daughters-in-law Aine and Ryan,” our father explained.
“I’m Ryan,” she said from behind me. Both Liam and Harley turned. “Mother to the two heathen daughters of Ciaran.” She rolled her eyes as the girls walked with Ciaran looking nothing like heathens. I wondered what they had done now. “We are never having any more children, Declan Moore. Those two girls are awful. Did Stevie tell you what they did with my new bras from Victoria’s Secret? They were expensive.”
“She told me,” Declan laughed. “Maybe they are going to be fashion designers like the Olsen twins.” Ryan glared at him.
Ryan stepped closer to me and slapped me in the back of the head. I frowned at her. She glared at me. “What was that for?” I asked.
“Because you are an idiot.”
I hadn’t seen her since I first got out the hospital. Then everyone was so relieved that I was alive they were all emotional and teary. I guess that has worn off. The twins ran to me and I picked them up. They were beautiful girls. Identical in every way. I didn’t know which one was which. Ryan didn’t dress them alike so we could tell them apart. We just had to know which one was which first. “Who is who?” I asked. The girls frowned at me.
“Pink is James. Purple is Annie,” Ciaran responded. “How are you Ronan?”
“Working with Fionn now so I’m doing great.”
“Did you begin counseling?” Ryan asked.
I frowned at her. “I did not.”
“You might want to.” I frowned at her again not really understanding her statement.
The Murdochs arrived in droves. Then the rest of the Martins. The Gatlins. Jessie my old high school football coach and my great-aunt’s husband walked over to the picnic table and sat next to me.
“I want to talk about something with you,” he said.
“Sure, what is it?” I let my nieces go so they could play on the swing set.
“Seems like you aren’t going to take the bar exam right away.”
I shook my head no. “We could use substitute teachers especially at the high school level. You would be good at that Ronan.”
“Me? Why?” I was surprised by his suggestion.
He gazed at me for a moment. Then he responded. “You helped me last summer with football camp. You helped the younger teams’ coaches with their summer camps. You would be good at it. Dale Mitchelson had a heart attack, I could use you as an assistant coach. He’s not coming back for a while. You could teach his history class too.”
I rubbed my jaw thinking about the possibilities. “What about the fact that I just OD on some major drugs.”
“I think the kids could give you
some perspective as well. It’s funny when you’re looking to find your way in life Ronan a kid who needs you more than you need them can help you realize what your purpose is.”
He gave me the specifics for getting on the substitution list. I could still help Fionn and Gramps on the farm, a lot. Work with the kids. Figure out what I wanted to do with my life that I tried to royally screw up.
The Blacks arrived. They were the last ones that needed except for Charlie and Skylar. Aine stuck her head out the door and shouted, “Is Skylar here yet?”
“No,” Teg responded. “She and Charlie are both running late.”
Mom and Rhett came out of the house and sat beside their husbands. Rhett looked across the table at me. She visited me in ICU too. She saw me at my finest. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “Are you all right?” I asked.
“No Ronan, I’m not,” she said. “It’s been a rough week and then I close my eyes and I keep seeing you with all these tubes and wires coming out of you and I keep wondering why? I haven’t slept well since you were ICU.”
I hung my head towards the table. “I screwed up Rhett.”
“You definitely did. I held your Mom’s hand Ro for the first forty-eight hours, praying that you would make it. I have to admit you still look like hell.”
“Thanks.” I wasn’t back to full strength. I was still a little pale. I had lost weight but I was getting better.
Tegan cleared his throat. “I guess everyone is forgetting that I too spent several days in the hospital for something equally stupid. Shawn saved my ass.”
I turned my head and looked at Shawn standing next to Bronagh. “We stopped on a county road because he wasn’t breathing,” Shawn explained. “I did CPR on him in the back of a truck.”
“What?” Ryan tilted her head to the side. “When did this happen?”
“Before your Mom and I got married. We tried to get back together, broke up again. I wasn’t handling it too well.” Dad clapped Tegan on the back then gave his shoulder a squeeze. My Uncle Noah sat down. So did Shawn. We carried him out of one truck and put him in another. “Scarlett was pregnant at the time with her first. A long time ago.”
