by Lee Wardlow
“I know,” Aine replied. “You can talk to him later.”
“Did he hurt you?” Declan asked.
Stevie swatted her husband in the stomach. “Declan.”
“She’s pregnant. He’s damn near a foot taller than her and was apparently so wasted he didn’t remember being with her. Skylar didn’t want to talk to him. She obviously didn’t want to come today. What else am I supposed to think?”
“I feel,” I stopped to collect myself. “I feel more responsible about this than he should. I knew he was drunk or high. I knew it was more than alcohol. I worried about him for months then I heard about his overdose and felt guilty for not telling anyone about that night but I didn’t want anyone to know. That is all. Ronan didn’t hurt me. I was humiliated that he didn’t remember it.”
Declan dropped onto a bench. He rubbed his forehead tiredly. “I hate that this happened.”
“I don’t,” I told him. I stepped out of Aine’s arms and went to my car where my purse was. It held my ultrasound pictures.
I knew they were all watching me. I wiped my nose on my sleeve as I walked back to my family. My aunts and uncles, my grandparents, Ronan’s family, our friends all watching me. I took out my ultrasound pictures and handed them to my mother first. Stevie glanced over her shoulder at the picture.
“It’s a little boy. I’ve heard his heart beating.” Ryan stepped over to me and hugged me. I was still angry at her for announcing that Ronan was the father at our Sunday dinner but I didn’t shove her away like I wanted to.
“She went alone,” Ryan told them. I scowled at her for telling them that too. My sister needed to learn to keep quiet.
“I feel him moving all the time now. He’s really active. I’ve been calling him Luke but I couldn’t really tell anyone his name without giving away who his father was. I needed to find my courage to tell Ronan first what happened between us but I couldn’t shut somebody up today until one after another heard who that was.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryan apologized.
My mother handed the pictures to Dad and Declan. Delcan glanced at them but couldn’t bring himself to look long. Dad looked at them for a long time. “A grandson.” I could hear the happiness in his voice. At least someone was pleased.
My mom glanced down at him. “Finally, you’re getting that boy you’ve always wanted Tegan.”
He chuckled. Then he glanced up at me. “Skylar, you know that we love you and we love Ronan too.” Declan rose from his seat and walked away. “He loves you both too. He’s just upset right now,” he continued. “I’m not really sure what you were thinking when he was in such bad shape but we can’t go back so I’d like to say that we will support you both through this.”
Mom sat next to him. Stevie beside her.
Adam came from the house. No one noticed that he disappeared. No one knew why until he spoke. “I’d like for somebody to take me to the cabin.”
I wiped my hand across my face. “I will Gramps,” I responded. I really needed to speak with Ronan. I pushed him away terrified by what he was thinking. The implication of my actions crushed him. I saw it in his face and I needed to straighten things out with him.
He tossed the keys in his hands to his grandson Jamie. “Sounds good. I think you and Ronan need to talk.” I grabbed the ultrasound pictures from my dad. He stood and hugged me.
“Pop, what are you thinking?” Stevie asked.
“Ronan is vulnerable right now. I’d just like to be sure that he’s all right. I know what it feels like to try to bury your pain in alcohol. I watched Joey do it to himself too until he finally put it down.”
She nodded. “Don’t you want to go too,” Rhett asked Stevie.
She shook her head no. “I don’t. I told Ronan if he did this again he was on his own. He needs to figure out who he is and what he wants to do with his life. I think Dec and I need to cool off a bit before we talk to him.”
“Stevie,” she said her friend’s name. “Skylar, text me and let me know he’s all right.”
“I will Mom.”
I followed Adam to the car which was smaller so for the six foot five giant of a man to fit in the passenger seat of my little sedan I knew he was cramped and probably uncomfortable. I laid my purse in the back seat. I was looking for a place to lay my ultrasound pictures when he took them from me.
“My eyes aren’t as good as they used to be Sky. What have we got here?” He asked squinting at the picture.
“That’s my son, Gramps,” I told him. “Your great grandson, Luke.” He smiled at me.
“So you and Ro are having a boy. The first one.”
“He’s really upset,” I said. I glanced between the road and Adam Moore.
“He is. His father said some harsh things to him. Declan is forgetting all the dumb things he did as a young man.”
“I just wanted to be with him. I wasn’t thinking of the consequences Gramps.”
“I wasn’t saying you were dumb Skylar. I heard what you were saying about your baby. I could hear how much you want the little man.” I could hear the kindness in Adam’s voice. “We’ve all said and done some stupid things in life including Declan Moore. The important thing is what your Daddy said. We love you and Ronan. We’re here to support you.” He was quiet for a moment then he stated, “You have some feelings for Ronan, I think.”
I nodded.
“You know he cares about you Skylar. You should have told him when you found out you were pregnant. The one person you need to be able to count on right now is him.”
I was so humiliated when I realized that he didn’t remember our night together. I couldn’t see myself going to him and saying guess what, I’m pregnant. So now everything is a mess. I shook my head agreeing with Gramps.
Turning down the lane, we could see that Ronan wasn’t at the cabin yet. “Go to the bar in town,” Adam told me. I didn’t want to think that he would have gone there to drown himself in alcohol but after what happened with the heroin anything was possible. I turned around in the drive and headed to town. His car was in the lot in front of the bar. We parked and as we got out I grabbed my pictures.
The lights over the front blinked Mac’s although Mac died many years previously. The interior was just the same as it was when my parents began coming here when they were my age.
We walked up the steps to the porch of the bar. Gramps opened the door and waited for me to go inside first. The front bar was nearly empty, just a few familiar faces that Adam mostly recognized. My crowd was hitting the downtown bars. The younger crowd was here on live band night and karaoke night during the week which was held in the middle part of the bar where he was guiding me now.
It was a Sunday night in Point Royal. Only the regulars were here. Then we entered the back part of the bar where the pool tables were. There sat Ronan. I stopped walking and looked up at Gramps. “Why don’t you go to talk to him. I’ll sit at this table and if you need me, wave to me.”
I was a little nervous. I walked across the bar and stood next to him. Ronan was staring off into space, rolling the beer bottle between his fingers. Laying my purse on the bar caught his attention. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and then looked at me long and hard when he realized it was me. “Just tell me one thing,” he said.
“What?”
“I didn’t hurt you or force you, did I?”
I laid my hand on his shoulder and leaned my chin on top. “Do you really think that you are capable of that?” I kissed his cheek then. He hung his head low. He was so despondent at the moment I did what I could to reassure him. I leaned back and laid a picture of our son in front of him. His eyes traveled to it. “This is Luke,” I told him. He scrubbed his hand across his face. “That’s his leg,” I pointed to the picture. “He looks kind of small. I hope he’s not my height.”
Ronan chuckled. “I’m so sorry Skylar.”
“What are you sorry about? I’m not sorry Ronan. I’ve heard our baby’s heartbeat,” I said softly. “I fe
el him moving inside me and I’ve fallen in love with him. I’ve never been the party girl, you know that. It’s not like he’s making a big dent in my life. Do you know how often I go out?” I glanced up from the ultrasound picture and Ronan’s eyes met mine. “I’m not sorry at all. We can be great parents to him together.” I looked at his half full beer bottle that he stopped twirling.
“You are the only one who has faith in me right now,” he said to me which broke my heart. He was underestimating himself.
“Ro, how many beers have you had?”
He tilted the bottle towards me then his eyes looked into mine. “This is it. I’m not sure that I even want to finish it.”
“Good,” I replied. “Why don’t we leave here so we can talk.”
“I’ll meet you at the cabin,” he suggested. Then he pulled out his wallet and laid money on the counter. He said goodbye to Tony behind the bar.
“Have a good night, you two.”
Then Ronan rose from the stool where he sat and turned putting his hand on my back to guide me towards the door. Ronan glanced down at me. “So you brought reinforcements?” He asked.
I looked up and smiled at Ronan. “Nope, Gramps was worried about you too. He just wanted to come along for the ride.”
Chapter 8
My grandfather rose from his chair and waited for Skylar and I to meet him at the doorway that led to the middle section of the bar. I went to him and he opened his arms to me. I hugged him hard.
“Thanks Gramps,” my voice was soft when I spoke.
“For caring about you?”
“I guess.”
He didn’t understand. Mom was firm about me screwing up again although she wasn’t expecting this. Dad made his thoughts on the matter very clear. I had my own regrets at the moment that I was trying to deal with. I had to take care of Skylar and our baby. I didn’t know if Coach still wanted me but that was a good place to start, I thought.
“Monday morning, I think you need to make that appointment for the counseling either with someone private or with the group. We could never get Joey to do it. He didn’t think he needed help. Chance paid the price for his stubbornness by not having a father.”
I glanced over my shoulder at Skylar. “I will Gramps.”
We left the bar together. Skylar dropped Gramps off at my Uncle Noah’s. He and Aunt Lexi were home so one of them would take him to the farm. Then she followed me back to Coach’s cabin. I climbed out of the truck and waited on her. She was texting, I assumed by the tilt of her head. I leaned against the truck and watched her.
Not knowing what happened that night was hard. I could see the result of it. The baby we created growing inside her. It bothered me that she brought me home and I didn’t remember a thing about that night. I knew I was naked in my bed the next morning. That niggling fear had been on my mind since she told me that she brought me home, something I couldn’t remember. I was afraid that I hurt Skylar.
I kicked my toe around in the dirt. Finally, she climbed out of the car. “Everything okay?” I asked.
She nodded. “Mom made me promise to let her know you were okay.”
I snorted. “She doesn’t hate me?”
“No,” she reassured me. “Neither does my dad.” She wrapped her arm through mine and we walked in silence up the stairs to the cabin door. My hands were shaking as I tried to unlock it. Sky took the keys from me and unlocked it herself.
We went to the sofa and she sat down. She dropped her purse on the table and laid the keys beside her purse. She was already kicking off her shoes which made me chuckle. “Getting comfortable Ronan. This is going to be a long night.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
“I’m good.”
I nodded at her. Skylar sat close to me. That wasn’t unusual. We sat close to each other when we went to lunch. “Tell me what happened that night. Please Sky, I don’t like it that I don’t remember.”
She laid her hand on my thigh. My eyes traveled down to where her thin fingers rested on my leg. I grabbed them in my much bigger hand and squeezed them tight. I needed her now.
“I ran into you at Hot Shot,” she said. “You were there with your usual crowd. Skylar turned sideways on the sofa. She drew her feet under her. I released her hand and rested my palm against her belly. It was intrusive and intimate but I had to do it. She covered my hand with hers. I sighed with relief. She didn’t mind. Then she moved it a little to the right. “Feel him?” She asked me and I nodded.
I was quiet absorbing the emotions of feeling this child move inside her that we created. I waited for her to finish telling me how because I didn’t remember a goddamned thing. I moved my hand a little where I thought he was moving still and felt him again.
“Ronan, you were drunk that night but you were high too.” I nodded.
“I was,” I agreed. We smoked weed before we left Stokes’ apartment. We were doing shots all night. Then Mickey slipped us some coke at the nightclub. Maybe even some other shit that I couldn’t remember. I was messed up and amazed that I could even get it up to get her pregnant. We’d been partying for days. It was spring break and there were no classes. I had been busting my ass for weeks; hitting the books prior to break. It was a blessed relief to have time off.
“I was just going to say hi and you wrapped your arm around my waist. Practically groping my ass.” I looked up at her. My eyes never leaving her face. “You told me how beautiful I looked. Introduced me to everyone. Stokes made his usual crude comments. You told him I was special and off limits.”
I chuckled. She was. I wouldn’t let any of those bastards touch her but I had. Look at her now. I sighed heavily. “Then what?”
“You kissed me.”
She made it sound sweet and loving. Her eyes were sparkling. Skylar looked happy. How could she be happy about this? I couldn’t remember a damn thing about that night.
“You took me to a table away from them. You sat down on a stool and pulled me between your legs kissing me like you wanted me. Then you whispered in my ear, Skybug, take me home.”
“So you took me home,” I stated.
“I did,” she agreed. Her voice was soft as she remembered. “I should have stopped you Ronan. I was in control of my faculties. You clearly were not. You lifted me against the door. Your palms were pressed into my ass and one kiss led to another then we were in your bed.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t even remember kissing her. What clothes she was wearing. What it felt like to hold her.
“I liked it Ro,” she told me. My eyebrow shot up. “We were breathless, kissing each other. A pile of clothes remained in the living room while you carried me to your bedroom.”
“I found my shoes and shirt there the next morning and wondered about it.”
“Most of mine were there.”
Damn. “Were you a virgin?” I asked.
She smiled at me. “No, you weren’t my first. I didn’t have a lot of experience but you weren’t the first.”
“Thank god.”
“Ronan,” she scolded me.
“I have enough to feel guilty about,” I told her.
“Ronan we went to your room, had amazing sex in your bed and then you passed out cold after ten minutes of spooning with me. I left you snoring, face down on your mattress.”
“Not my finer moment.” I smiled at her with self-deprecating humor.
“I did say the sex was amazing Ro.”
This young woman was amazing. I watched her grow up. Protected her since she was born from boys and men just like me and then I fucked it up. I rubbed my eyes hard then I looked at her. “So now what, Skybug?”
“We figure out how to be really great parents, Ronan.”
She made it sound so simple. I began to realize that the drugs were definitely a problem. All week, I had been thinking about just taking a hit off the weed I knew I could find in one of my socks. It was in a box that my brothers brought to the farm from my apartment. My stash. Drugs and alcohol had c
aused my blackout leading to this serious situation we were facing. I leaned over on my knees and ran my hands through my hair. First thing Monday I was making an appointment or signing up for a meeting. I needed to get my head on straight.
A knock on the door startled us both. I rose to get it leaving Skylar leaning on the back of the sofa watching me. I glanced over my shoulder at her before I opened the door. Aine and Fionn were there. Ciaran and Ryan too.
“We brought some stuff to you,” Fionn said by explanation.
“I’m not sure Coach intended for me to move here.” Although the cabin was cool and it was peaceful.
“Actually, he does. He’s still at the farm with Mom and Dad. Rhett and Tegan. Lexi and Noah since they brought Gramps home and Grandpa and Gram,” Aine replied. “He said this was a perfect spot for you since you’ll be working with him on the football team? He says it’s a great place to find your inner peace.”
I chuckled at Coach’s words. He didn’t look like the kind of man who did this sort of thing but he had taken up meditating when we were teenagers. He preached it a lot. I nodded. Then I explained his offer. I was going to need it now that I was going to be a father. I sat by Skylar and the girls went to chairs near the sofa while my brothers carried my boxes inside.
“Fionn, I’ll still help you on the farm as much as I can when I’m not working with Coach.”
“No problem,” he replied then headed out to get another load.
Fionn and Ciaran finished the last load putting everything in the first bedroom on the right which was fine with me except one of those boxes had weed in it. I rose from the sofa. Skylar watched me go down the hall. Hell they all were watching me and wondering.
I went into the bedroom where my boxes were located and rooted through them until I found my socks where my tiny bag of weed was hidden inside a folded up sock. I let the bag fall out then I realized that someone was standing right behind me. I turned and looked into the eyes of Skylar O’Halloran, the mother of my child. She reached into the box and picked up the bag.
“Is that all?”
“Yes,” I told her honestly. She nodded at me.
