by Lee Wardlow
“I want you to think about something Skylar.” My words stopped her progression towards the farmhouse. I saw that she was waiting for me to tell her what I wanted her to think about. “I want Luke to have both his parents in a loving, stable home something those kids don’t have.”
She appeared puzzled. “I thought that is what we were working towards Ronan.”
“Let me just be clear about what I’m saying, a loving, married mother and father who will be there for him forever.”
I was firm about that after seeing what Dom was going through, I never wanted Luke to doubt that he was wanted. I could see that she was about to cry. I don’t think she knew what to say. “I don’t want Luke to ever doubt how much he is wanted.”
**
I had to walk away. I knew that he was still looking at me. His eyes were so intense. I still wasn’t sure what the visit with the kids was about but it had affected Ronan. They needed somebody and I enjoyed them and so did he. This kid Dom, was the kid that Ronan talked about the other night.
When Ronan said those sweet words to me, a loving married mother and father…I became a crying mess. I went to the house after he said, I don’t want Luke to doubt how much he is wanted. Whether the words were for me or himself they meant everything to me. He wanted Luke. For the first time since he found out, I thought I finally understood how he felt. I was worried he would feel trapped by this situation and he didn’t.
In the kitchen I grabbed a paper towel to wipe my face. I wasn’t sure how this happened. What made him feel this way but he had given me something I never expected. I was still wiping my eyes when his arm went around my chest. I leaned back into him. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Emotional. It happens to pregnant women.”
“Oh okay.” He chuckled a little. I felt the rumble against my back. I squeezed his forearm and felt his lips caress my head. “We’ll make this work Skylar.”
“Then tonight,” I said, “I sleep in your bed.”
I felt him tense. “I guess that’s the next step,” he agreed.
**
At ten Mom came through the door with Gramps. I met them in the living room where Ronan was stretched out on the sofa with Gracie asleep on his chest. They had been like that for an hour. Gracie was fussy because her mommy and daddy weren’t home. She finally settled down when Ronan laid down on the couch with her. Her head was tucked beneath his chin. His arm wrapped around her so she wouldn’t fall. Both of them were sleeping with their mouths open, slightly snoring.
Mom and Gramps were looking at Ronan and Gracie. Mom put her arm around me. “Did Aine have the baby?”
“She did.” Mom released me and took out her phone. She handed it to me. “And she’s just as beautiful as Grace.”
I smiled at my new niece. “She looks almost identical to Grace.”
We were trying to be quiet but Ronan heard us. He sat up keeping Grace against him. “We have a new niece?” He asked me yawning and rubbing his eyes with his free hand.
“We do.” I went to him and showed him Mom’s phone. “Another Gracie Lou.”
Ronan glanced over at the phone in my hand. “She does look like Grace. How is Aine?”
“She’s fine and so is Siena,” Rhett said.
“Where’s Dad?” I asked.
“Upstairs getting a bag for Grace. We’re taking her home with us. Fionn is staying with Aine tonight at the hospital. They’re fairly sure she’ll come home tomorrow morning.”
“How big is she?” I asked. She looked close to the same size as Grace and she was early.
“She’s exactly same length as Grace. Twenty-three and a quarter inches. Fionn has big children. Hopefully his daughters aren’t six foot six. She’s a little heavier in weight. Grace was early though. Siena weighed ten pounds.”
I cringed. I couldn’t imagine giving birth to a ten-pound baby. Grace was eight and half pounds and that was big. “Good god,” Ronan said. He was looking at me now in near panic. I smiled trying to make him feel better.
“The twins weren’t that big,” Mom reassured him. “Aine is fine Ronan. Don’t panic yet.”
“She’s smaller than Aine,” he said glancing between me and Mom.
“And Ryan is smaller than Skylar. She’ll be fine when the time comes.” Mom leaned over and caressed his cheek. “Trust me Ronan. We O’Halloran’s do just fine having babies.”
He looked at me uncertainly. I didn’t have the words to reassure him so I leaned my head on his shoulder. Just touching him seemed like the best I could do for him at the moment.
Dad came down the stairs carrying a huge diaper bag full of diapers and a change of clothes for Grace. “I’m set.” He looked around at all our faces. “What the hell is going on?”
“Nothing,” Mom said. “Ronan is having first time father fears.”
Dad shook his head. “Just don’t deliver your first child in the car Ronan,” Dad teased him not realizing how concerned Ronan really was at this point.
Ronan groaned. Mom slapped Dad in the chest. “Tegan, I was just reassuring him everything would be fine.”
“Sorry, Ronan. Everything will be fine.” Dad looked at Mom. “It’s been a really long day. I’m ready to go home now.”
“Take Grace from Ronan. I’ll take the bag.” He handed the bag to her and I rose to give her back her phone. She hung the bag from her shoulder and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You look good sweetheart,” she told me.
“I feel good Mom.”
She squeezed me then I stepped over to Dad and he leaned over Grace and gave me a kiss. I placed a kiss on Grace’s cheek too before he headed to the front door. “You guys be careful going home,” Adam told them. “You know these streets.” These streets meant a deer could run out at your car at any time of the night.
“We will Adam,” Mom told him. He kissed the top of her head. Then he walked Mom and Dad to the door. When he returned Ronan and I were discussing whether he should be alone. Neither of us could remember a time in the last two years that he was in this house by himself.
“Do you want us to stay tonight?” Ronan asked him.
His grandfather scrunched up his face and frowned at him. “What for?”
Ro looked at me. “Because Ronan is tired and I would have to drive his truck home. You know how I hate to drive that big truck.”
Ronan glanced at me and licked his lips then he looked at his grandfather. He knew that wouldn’t work. “Nice try Skylar. I know what you’re thinking,” he said with a gruffness tinging his tone.
“What am I thinking?” I asked hands on my hips.
“I haven’t been here alone since Joy died.”
“No you haven’t but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be here alone,” I said. “It is entirely up to you. Ronan asked if you wanted us to stay. We really don’t mind. We can sleep in one of the many guest rooms you have upstairs.”
“It is late,” Adam said. “I’d hate to think of you driving home on the roads the way they are at night. A deer could run out in front of you or something and you’re not used to driving his big truck and all,” he hedged.
“Good, then we’ll stay.”
Ronan was hiding his laughter behind his hand. “Thanks kids. I’m going to head upstairs. Today has kind of worn me out.”
He leaned over and kissed my forehead. Then he patted Ronan’s shoulder. Ronan watched him walk to the entry and disappear around the corner then he looked up at me. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m tired Ronan.”
“Bed huh?” He was already uncomfortable.
“Yep,” I replied and held my hand out to him. He looked at it before he placed his hand in mine and rose from the sofa. He followed behind me holding my hand until we reached the front door. He released it long enough to lock up then he clasped my hand again and walked up the steps with me. At the top, he flipped the light switch to send us into darkness. Ronan guided me down the hall to one of the spare rooms that faced the barnyard.
He opened the door and let me go inside first. Ronan didn’t turn on the light when he shut the door behind us. The soft click of the door shutting caused me to turn and gaze at him. Anticipation hung between us. We were both uncertain. There were many years of friendship between Ronan and me. I waited to see what he would do. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. I was going to have to sleep in my t-shirt but I sure did want to get rid of the bra I wore beneath.
I slipped the straps down my arm after releasing the clasp at my back. I pulled the material out from beneath my shirt giving him a shot of my belly. He smiled at me. I slipped off my shoes. He did the same. Then I watched his long, fingers go to his belt buckle. I was fascinated as I watched him unbutton then unzip his jeans reminding me of the night we conceived Luke. He gazed at me as he let them fall to the floor. Ronan stepped out of them and waited for me. I was busy though. Taking him in. I didn’t move. “Need help?” He asked softly like someone might hear us. His grandfather’s room was at the other end of the hallway.
“No,” I said smirking at him. I pushed my shorts down and let them pool at my feet.
“Sweetheart, you are amazingly beautiful right now,” he told me. “I want you to know that.”
“Thank you Ronan. It’s hard sometimes to feel beautiful when you feel as big as a barn.”
He tugged on me until I was a little closer. He sat on the bed and I slipped between his legs. “This is very weird,” he told me.
I caressed his whisker roughened face. Then I leaned in and kissed his lips surprising him. He didn’t respond at first. His lips were warm and moist beneath my own. Ronan’s hands went up to cup my face holding me to him. When I finally pulled back he looked at me. “Still feel weird?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I just know what I want and don’t want.”
“And what is that?” I asked. I sounded husky, breathy and shit did I want this man again. I wanted him to remember how great the sex was between us. Dirty, hard and loving. He was all three at once.
“I want a life with our child, like our siblings have,” he said softly. His voice husky. “This baby happened for a reason. I wish I remembered that night, Skylar. What I don’t want, is for Luke to ever feel like Dom and his siblings feel. Unwanted. Unloved. I want him. I want to build a happy family for the three of us.”
I nodded. Then I caressed his face. So rough beneath my fingertips. “Let’s lie down Ronan. I’m tired.”
Ronan lifted me in his arms and stood. I wrapped my arms and legs around him reminding me again of that night. Although less passionate, this was more sweet and tender. His hands were holding me carefully. He pulled the blankets back and laid me down. Then he slid in behind me. His arms encircled my body holding me close. Ronan pulled the blankets over us.
“Tell me about Dom,” I said to him. My back was against his front. He tucked his head around mine and whispered to me.
“I want to help him. His mom is a drug addict. He’s raising the two younger kids.”
I nodded. “I like Maddie. Nickolas is something else.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I think he’s scared.” He hesitated for a moment. “You might be teaching him freshman English.”
I turned my head so I could see him. “Scared?”
“Getting close to people,” Ronan clarified.
“What can I do?”
“They go to practice with him. Games. What do you think?”
I was quiet then. “What does their mother do?”
“I don’t know. Their grandparents live in Florida and send money for their care. They don’t want them either.” I was rubbing my feet against Ronan’s hair covered legs. He kissed my temple and held me closer.
“So can I pick up Maddie and Nickolas on Monday and bring them to the farm? Would Dom let me? That is a long day for them to sit in the sun while he practices.”
Ronan turned his head into my neck then and kissed me. His whiskers tickled and I giggled. “All we can do is ask. Thank you Skylar.”
“You’re welcome.”
I was getting sleepy. My eyes were having a hard time staying open. His breath was warm on my neck making it that much harder for me to stay awake. “Skylar, will you marry me?” My eyes popped wide open.
“What? When did you have in mind?”
He sighed against me. “As dumb as this sounds I don’t even know when Luke is due.”
“December fifteenth,” I told him.
School was starting soon. One more week, then we would both be teaching. Ronan was going to teach history until at least winter break. He was also going to be coaching with Coach Gatlin every night and every Friday night he would be at the football games. On weekends he promised to help Fionn. He didn’t want that to change. I enjoyed spending time here with Gramps and Aine while he worked with Fionn.
“What are you thinking Ronan? You became very quiet.”
“I think we should get married next week before school starts.”
I laid my hands over his. “Are you sure Ronan?” I asked.
“I am.” He helped me turn over so that I was facing him. “We have a lot to build on. More than most couples.” His beautiful eyes were searching my face, making it hard to look away. “I’ll take good care of you Skylar. I’ll take good care of Luke too. I just want to be a good husband and father. I feel like this is what I was meant to do.”
I laid my head on his chest. He began to talk about the hospital. Dying. Twice. Feeling like he was actually hearing Liam speak to him. The panic in his brother’s voice. The pain that he was causing his family causing him such distress now. I could hear the heartbreak in his voice. I raised my head and looked at Ronan. There were tears in his eyes.
“When I actually died,” he stopped for a moment to collect himself. “I saw the whole bright light thing. I followed it and saw my grandparents. Joy, Luke, Betsy and Joey. I knew it was Joey immediately because he looks like Chance.”
I laid my chin on my hand and listened to him. He needed to tell me about this without judging him.
“Grams told me I fucked up. They told me this was my chance to stop being a selfish prick, Skylar. I could make a difference. She said something that I didn’t catch at the time.” He stopped. “I don’t remember her exact words but Sky she was talking about this. You and Luke. I know she was.”
I rubbed my hand across his chest. “It’s okay Ronan.”
“Do you believe me? Mom dismissed me. Gramps told me he believed me because if Grams could organize an intervention from beyond she would.”
I smiled at him. “She would and I do believe you.”
Ronan rolled me over and hovered on top of me. My hands rested against his biceps. His skin was golden and warm. I let my arms wrap around his neck and his head dipped to mine. His lips were hesitant at first. His tongue slid between my lips. I wanted this. I just wanted to get closer to Ronan. My heart was doing double back flips in my chest or so it felt like it.
He buried his head in my neck and inhaled. “This is just too weird. You. Me. In my grandparents’ house. I can’t. Not here.”
Of course, I was disappointed. I agreed to marry him. I knew what sex could be like between us. Hot. Like set the sheets on fire hot. He didn’t know that though. “Okay,” I said. I could wait until tomorrow when we returned to the cabin and it was just us but would he still be weirded out like he was tonight?
Chapter 11
“We’re home,” Aine called out.
I raced to the living room as fast as I could on short legs and a watermelon sprouting out of my gut. “Oh let me see her.” I was so excited. Fionn was carrying Siena in a pumpkin seat. He sat her on the floor and unbuckled her so he could lift her out and hand her to me. I cradled her on my stomach.
“She looks just like Grace and Fionn.”
“Yes she does. She was even larger than Grace.” My sister looked good and more importantly she looked happy. Aine took a seat in the recliner. I glanced down at her.
“I heard from Mom and Dad. It freaked out Ronan,” I told her.
I sat down with the baby. Siena was heavy but she was a beauty, I thought touching her fingers. Counting them. Running my finger across her smooth cheek. There was something about a baby. Soon I would have one just like her. I looked up as Ronan came through the door.
“Hey, how are the girls?” He asked.
“This girl is a little tired but happy. That girl sleeps like a dream.”
Ronan sat next to me on the sofa with his arm around my shoulder. He was gazing at our newest niece. Ciaran and Ryan’s twins came screaming through the front door. Gramps was behind them and shook his head when Siena cried. I bounced her in my arms but that didn’t stop her.
“Sorry,” Ryan said when she entered the room. “At some point they might start acting like angels.”
“I wouldn’t count on it,” Ciaran responded.
They said their hellos. Fionn handed me a pacifier which quieted Siena. Ryan decided she wanted a baby which made Ciaran scowl at her. The twins were a handful. Sophia and Seth arrived with their two girls. Everyone wanted to see the new baby.
I glanced at Ronan. “This is why I love our family,” I said to him.
“Why?” He was looking directly at me with his beautiful green eyes.
“Because there is so many of us. Not all connected by one name but we’ve been together since we were small and we love each other.” He smiled at me. “Holidays will be amazing for Luke. I loved coming here when we were growing up. It was so exciting. We each had one gift to open from Grams and Gramps.” I teared up thinking about her loss. Ronan leaned over and kissed my temple as I leaned into him.
I realized when I opened my eyes that everyone was watching us. We both looked up. Liam broke the uncomfortable silence when the screen door slammed shut behind him. He brought Harley with him again.
