“Oh, that was the Tourist Bureau. I don’t really do much for that. I’m Chairman of the Library Guild.”
“How many of these bureaus and guilds are you on?”
“Oh, a few. I try to stay busy. My favorite is the Arts Council. We actually do some good with that one.”
“And you were in school in Baton Rouge.” She nodded.
“I completed my masters degree in finance.”
“You’ve been productive.”
“Yes. I’ve had to be, no choice. It’s how I’ve stayed sane. Images of you with her would flash into my mind at the worst moments. I didn’t know how to keep myself in one piece except through constant activity. Being in school helped.” She smiled, caressing my check with the backs of her fingers. “I applied for the doctoral program. I start in the fall.”
“There are schools in California.” She laughed lightly and eased on top of me. “Come back home with me.”
“No,” she said softly. “You’ll stay down here, with us, and far away from Talise. You’ll keep Josephine for me while I’m in school.” I shook my head. “I’ve worked too hard carving out a place in society here to just throw it all away. Besides, how do I know you won’t take up with the next attractive woman who wants you to model, or needs a place to stay?” She leaned down to kiss me. I stiffened. “What?” Her tone was icy, and intentionally cruel.
“Lara, I’m only going to say this one more time.” Her gaze hardened. “I did not have sex with Talise. She’s my friend.”
“You can’t possibly expect me to be that gullible.” I tried to get up, but she held me there, her weight pinning me to the bed. “It’s all right, baby. I still want you.” She leaned forward to kiss me, her fingertips casually teasing my nipple before moving quickly down my body and roughly pressing into me. “I need to touch you,” she whispered. “And taste your red, sweet lips.” She kissed me roughly, nipping my lower lip with her teeth before pulling back to gauge her power over me as she easily brought me to orgasm.
***
I only had two weeks vacation from work, and I spent nearly the entire time in bed with Lara. She was relentless, peeling my clothes from me at every opportunity, but never relaxing, never letting her guard down with me. Anytime I tried to bring up what we were going to do, she became difficult, aggressive even. By the final evening of my stay I was convinced she would be returning with me. I brought it up again as I lay on the floor in the old barn at the back of her property. She’d wanted to have sex there, for old times sake, she said. I was lying on a dusty burlap sack.
“When are you coming to California?” I asked, getting directly to the point. She shook her head, which was resting against my shoulder.
“I’m not, honey,” she said evenly. “I thought you understood that.”
“I don’t understand anything.”
“I’m getting married in about four months. The governor is appointing David insurance commissioner, so we’ll be in Baton Rouge anyway. I might as well earn my doctoral degree while we’re there. And Josephine will be having play dates with the children of the most influential people in the state. It all fits.”
“And what about us? Where do I fit in this fairytale?” She smiled as she gazed at me.
“With me, of course. David will be too busy to notice us. I’ve already convinced him we need you to care for Josephine. You’ll be with our daughter every day, and have me whenever you want me. You won’t need to work anymore. I’ll give you whatever you want, take care of you.” She reached for my hand and held it. “There’s no reason for you to leave tomorrow.”
“Don’t you know me at all?”
“I know you, Sylvie, better even than I know myself. I know you wish things would go back to the way they were, but they won’t. They can’t.” She snuggled close to me. “You’ll leave tomorrow, but soon, you’ll change your mind and come around to my way of thinking.” I shook my head. “I owe you so much. You saved me, baby. You gave my life meaning when you gave me Josephine. I’ll always love you, but I won’t let anything compromise our daughter’s future. She’ll know the right people, inherit money and power, and have the best education I can buy her. Her father’s name will be on the new children’s wing at the hospital. They start construction this fall. Any other building that donations can secure will have Joe’s name too, and David will only have her to dote on. She’ll know she’s important.” She wrapped a leg across mine. “She’ll have everything you wanted for her. And if I have my way, she’ll take it all for granted.”
“Why?” Lara sighed and tightened her arms around me.
“When I look at her, I see you as a child, a bundle of pure potential. You’re brilliant, Sylvie. You could have been anything, done anything, but your life’s been a struggle. You won’t give in to yourself now because you’ve always had to fight for everything. For a while you relaxed with me, and let me care for you. I thought everything might work out back then, but now you’re the way you were before, fiercely independent, insisting on working and doing everything your way. I want Josephine to have the world handed to her. I want her to accomplish everything she wants without trying, without struggling. I won’t allow the world harden her heart.”
“And you’re going to marry someone you don’t love to accomplish this?” She nodded.
“I like him. I think that may be more important than love in a marriage. I never really liked Joe, but then I never loved him either.” She shrugged. “It really doesn’t matter. I can make David happy, and successful, and we’ll have the life you dreamed up for her.”
“That’s not what I wanted for her.”
“You’re wrong, Sylvie.” She raised an eyebrow, challenging me. “I’ve done precisely what you wanted.”
-CH 9-
October 1980
Though I was nervous about seeing her again after such a long time, I was also excited beyond belief. Lara and Josie were coming to stay with me for three weeks. Irrationally, I thought if they enjoyed themselves enough, they might stay for good. If anything Lara and I were more attached to each other than ever. After all, we were on the phone together five nights a week, and writing letters constantly. She was always begging me to come to Baton Rouge, while I was arguing in favor of San Francisco. I met their plane at the gate, with flowers of course, and my heart hammering through my chest.
After the first few people trickled out of the plane, and I didn’t see Lara, my stomach tightened into knots. I was afraid something had happened to prevent her coming. A hundred different possibilities of disaster struck me at once as I struggled to relax. My whole body tensed until I saw her, an elegantly dressed blond woman leading the most beautiful little girl I’d ever seen by the hand. Though I suddenly felt significantly underdressed, I was light all over, and very near fainting, as I stepped forward to greet them. Lara’s face lit up when she saw me. She took the flowers from my hand before throwing her arms around me. After a moment she pulled back just enough to kiss me warmly. I was shocked. I stepped back from her and looked around to see people staring at us. Lara didn’t seem to notice or care. She grasped my hand and knelt down to address Josie.
“Josephine, honey, do you know who this lady is?” Josie looked up at me and nodded. “What’s her name, honey?”
“Sylvie,” she said quietly.
“And who is she?”
“You very favorite person in the whole world other than me.” Lara grinned up at me happily, still holding tight to my hand. I was certain they had rehearsed the greeting on the plane.
“Do you want to give Sylvie a hug and a kiss?” Josie nodded and stepped forward to wrap her arms around my leg. I squatted down quickly to hug her with one arm and let her plant a loud kiss on my cheek.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” I replied to this greeting. I concentrated not to squeeze Josie too tightly. “You’re getting to be such a big girl, and so beautiful.”
“So are you,” she said sweetly. Lara laughed lightly.
“She certai
nly is, Josephine,” Lara agreed.
We headed down to baggage claim with Lara still holding tightly to my hand while Josie offered me a constant stream of observations about the flight and the people on it. Apparently one of the passengers in first-class had snored throughout the flight, to the endless amusement of Josie.
When we came in view of the car Lara stopped in her tracks. Josie looked from her mother to the parking lot and then to me, confused, until Lara started walking again.
“You still have our car,” Lara observed. I nodded.
“It’s not mine to sell,” I explained. “You never came back for it.” She started moving again.
“Do you mind if I drive?” was her reply.
“No, but this city’s not very easy to navigate through. The traffic can be difficult.” She waved away my warning with a laugh.
“It can’t be as bad as New Orleans.” I shrugged. Never having driven in New Orleans I couldn’t compare the two cities. She took the keys from me and opened the trunk, somehow fitting their luggage inside. I eased into the passenger seat for the first time in over four years and waited as Lara started the car.
“You’ve hardly driven,” she commented. “There are hardly more miles on this car than when I last drove it.”
“I don’t live far from work. I take the cable car to the hospital. It’s easier, and I don’t have to worry about parking.”
“There’s no place to park?”
“I’m a nurse, Lara. I can’t drive a nicer car than the doctors. It would start people talking.” She nodded. “I’ve been pretty content in my work. I don’t need gossip about having a sugar daddy.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Actually, I was promoted recently.”
“Well, congratulations.” She reached over and squeezed my thigh. “More pay?” I nodded.
“I have my own floor.”
“Maternity?” I shook my head no, even though she was looking at the road and not me.
“Psychiatry, actually.” She nodded. “You need to get on the highway up here.” She pressed her lips together and did as I instructed.
“Should I follow the signs for San Francisco?” she teased.
“Yes.”
“Well, I’m glad those poor souls have someone like you to look after them.” She was referring to the patients on my floor. I nodded. “We never seem to talk about your work. I guess that’s just one of many things we avoid.”
“I don’t think we avoid talking about it,” I countered. She shrugged and looked back over her shoulder to see Josie passed out on the little bench area behind us. “I just don’t think about all of that when you call.”
“Have you been seeing anyone?” she asked evenly. I laughed.
“Oh, so you think I avoid talking about all of my girlfriends with you.” I watched her profile. Her expression was guarded, looking straight ahead of her at the road. She was doing everything in her power to appear neutral and open about the information she was fishing for. “You’re right, Lara.” She glanced over at me quickly, and then back at the road. “I avoid talking about it because I don’t have anything to talk about. I don’t have the time or the inclination to date anyone. I work seventy-hour weeks most of the time. I’m too tired when I get off work to even consider giving any more of myself to anyone.” Lara’s mouth loosened from the tight smile she was holding.
“What about Talise?” she asked softly. “Are you two still close?”
“Yes.” Lara nodded stiffly. “I see her less since she moved out. She’s living with this burly Hell’s Angel looking guy named Sid. He’s an artist, like her, and really, despite his looks, a great guy.” Lara nodded again. “You know nothing ever happened between Talise and me.” She waved away my statement.
“Water under the bridge, Sylvie,” she replied. “I figured it out some time ago.”
“Really?” She laughed.
“Yes, really. You aren’t good at deception, baby. You’d never have been able to lie to me so convincingly and for so long. It took me a while to come around though. I guess I needed to live with a good liar, for comparison of course.” She laughed. “I’ve always felt kind of bad about hitting Talise, you know.” She reached her hand to my thigh and squeezed it. “I directed the brunt of my frustration at her.” I covered her hand with mine.
“So, you live with a good liar.” She laughed again and nodded. “I assume you mean David rather than Josie.”
“Yes. He’s the best liar I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something. He’s something else. Truly made for politics. He’s planning a run for state congress. He’ll probably win.” She turned her hand over under mine and wound our fingers together. “As far as I can tell, besides lying, his main talent is chasing skirts.” She laughed softly.
“I’m sure he’s no better at it than you,” I offered, liking the sound of her laugh. She shook her head.
“No. Sylvie, I assure you, David has me beat by a landslide.” She gave me a wry smile. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever chased, you know. I’ve spent a good portion of my life trying to catch you without success.” I laughed at that. “No, baby, David has talent. I just have tenacity.”
“I remember once you told me a good marriage has more to do with liking someone than loving them. Do you still like him?” She bit her bottom lip.
“Let’s not talk about him.” I nodded. “I’m here, finally, with you, in this city you’re so attached to. I want to be with you, and maybe I can fall in love with this crowded, noisy place.” My heart started beating faster. She smiled. “Show my why you live here.” I nodded.
“When do you finish school?” she squeezed my fingers.
“I’m still working on my dissertation, but probably the spring. I may stay on at the university, though. I’ve been offered a position as assistant professor in the business department.”
“That’s impressive,” I replied. I cleared my throat, ready to make my play. I needed to convince her that my city had something to offer her, something more than just me. “I’d like to show you the schools here. You could find a position on the faculty at either UC San Francisco or…” She started laughing.
“I’m aware of the universities here, Sylvie.” She brought my hand to her mouth and pressed her lips to the back of it. “I’ve plotted my escape a thousand times.” I sat up straighter, electricity coursing through my veins, gauging her demeanor. Was she serious? “Tell me though, does it go both ways? Have you even once considered coming to Baton Rouge to be nearer Josephine and me?” she asked quietly. I shook my head.
“You, you know I can’t,” I stammered. She sighed.
“You mean won’t.” I didn’t want to argue with her, so I let her statement stand.
We went to the Fisherman’s Warf for lunch, to Alioto’s # 8. Lara seemed charmed by the place, as was Josie. Afterward we took in the attractions of the Wharf, Josie’s favorite being the wax museum. We spent most of the day there, wandering around that famous tourist trap, finally retiring to my home in the afternoon.
Lara seemed really to like my townhouse. She kept commenting on the colors I’d chosen and the furniture. I was surprised she liked it since her own home was a plantation home decorated with antiques, whereas mine was quite modern in design and decoration. She kept commenting on how comfortable and relaxing my house was. I could tell she wasn’t just being polite. Her compliments made me ridiculously happy.
I knew Lara and Josie would probably be tired from travelling, so I’d arranged to have Talise and Sid come over for an early dinner. Lara behaved herself, but Talise was nervous and kept her distance from both Lara and Josie. I tried to keep the conversation smooth, but when Sid started excitedly telling me about his upcoming gallery show, I couldn’t give Lara and Talise my full attention. That’s when I overheard Lara apologizing to Talise for hitting her all those years earlier. When Talise laughed nervously, Lara shook her head and drew her off to the side. I couldn’t hear the rest of what they were talking
about, but Talise seemed more relaxed with her afterward, and clearly more attentive to Josie. By the end of the evening Talise was carrying Josie around on her shoulders and promising to take her to a pottery studio.
The dinner went well, but I could tell Lara was tired, and Josie had already passed out on my couch, so we called it a night early. When Lara went to wake Josie so she could say goodnight to Talise and Sid, Talise wrapped her arms around me and spoke next to my ear.
“You need some time alone with Lara. You have to take her into the Castro,” she said quickly before stepping back. Lara was carrying Josie as she came to say goodnight.
“I really enjoyed catching up with you, Talise.” Lara smiled and Talise leaned forward to offer an air kiss. Josie stretched out her arms and Talise hugged her. “And Sid. It’s been wonderful meeting you. I’ll have to plan a trip over here for your gallery opening.” He nodded.
“I’d like that,” he said gruffly.
“I’m teaching a pottery class Saturday afternoon,” Talise offered. “It’s hand building, so I think Josie would really like it. Would you mind if she came with me? I could take her for dinner and ice cream afterward.” Josie perked up.
“Please, Mommy. Can I?” Josie said sweetly. Lara laughed.
“That’s awfully sweet of you,” Lara said. “Are you sure you know what you’re getting into?”
“I had three younger brothers. I think I can handle this little scrap.” Lara smiled.
“All right then,” Lara agreed. “I think she’d enjoy it.” Josie reached out to hug Talise again.
“I’ll come by for her around three.”
After they’d gone Lara shifted Josie into my arms “Kiss Sylvie goodnight,” she instructed her. Josie reached her hands to my cheeks and planted a kiss directly on my mouth.
“You’re pretty,” she said sleepily.
“So are you, sweetie,” I whispered.
“Mommy says I have your eyes,” was her drowsy reply. Surprised, I bit my bottom lip and stared at Lara. Lara diverted her gaze. “I have your nose too,” she added. I kissed Josie on the forehead and Lara took her from my arms without meeting my gaze.
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