by Laura Ward
Jon winced, pulling back to look in my eyes. “I’m sorry. That set them off?”
This time I winced. “No, what set them off was when you told them that until they looked like me, they shouldn’t bother hanging around. They were dragging me down since they looked like kids and I… didn’t.”
To this day, I have mixed emotions recalling that night. It was the first time Jon ever acknowledged my looks in a positive way, and after years of crushing after him, that felt really good. But it also started my years of torment. Because as Belinda and Marnie spun to me, they caught me smiling at the attention from Jon. And from then on, I was enemy number one.
Jon’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit. I can totally see myself saying something like that back then. Especially after drinking with Dean. In my defense, I wasn’t lying. You were always beautiful. More so than anyone else.” His hands gripped my upper arms. “But I’m sorry my rude comment got them started.”
“They convinced themselves that what made me look different was bad. That I was fat, heavy, too much of all the parts they lacked. And you were right, I looked odd compared to all the girls in my grade. After a while, when no one else developed at the rate I did, and the mean comments only intensified as boys noticed me, I started to think that maybe they were correct.”
Jon reared back, his mouth opened, but I cut him off. “Not about everything. But that the ideal body was one like Delilah or Dianna had, or even Emma or Grace. Anything but me…” My voice trailed off at the end, but I forced my gaze to stay right on Jon. “And I kept thinking that way until you agreed to help me. You’ve made me feel very special, Jon.”
Jon’s eyes flared, and he crushed his mouth against mine. Our tongues rolled and twisted in ferocious strokes, and a gruff sound came from deep in his chest. My hands slid up his pecs, my fingers linking behind his neck, holding us closer. I met him, kissing him back as hard as he kissed me. I wanted him to know that the past was the past.
And the present was freaking fantastic.
Chapter Thirteen
Jon
WE HEARD FOOTSTEPS coming closer in the corn maze and were forced to unlock our lips. I wouldn’t let go of her hand, however, as we made it through the field.
My chest burned after learning I had set off the bullies. The rational part of my brain knew that with girls as mean as those two, if it weren’t me, it would have been something else. But the fact was, it was me. And I cared about Daisy in a way that I never had with any other girl. I wanted to protect her, shield her, and also make her strong enough to do those things for herself.
Daisy’s phone dinged, and she pulled it from her back pocket.
“Delilah texted me. She checked with Mom and is going to her friend’s house now. Looks like the pumpkin picking’s all on us.” She grinned up at me as we walked toward the wagons filled with various pumpkins in all sizes.
We picked out three that were good for carving and two extra pumpkins for Amy and Izzy. “Mind if we drop them off at their apartment on the way home?” Daisy placed the last pumpkin in the bed of my truck and dusted off her hands.
Having known of Amy in high school, but then spending time with her through Grace and Dean in college, I knew she was a cool chick. If her roommate was anything like her, I’d be comfortable and have a good time visiting them.
“I’ve got nothing going on. Just give me the address.” I opened Daisy’s door, lifting her up and onto the seat. I planted a hard kiss on her lips before moving away. “Thanks for telling me what happened, Sunshine. Trusting me like you do means so much to me.”
Her smile was soft. “Me too.”
We held hands on the short drive to Amy and Izzy’s apartment building. Turning into the parking lot, I pulled the keys from the ignition and hopped out. I carried both large pumpkins while Daisy held a container of apple cider we’d also picked up for them.
Daisy rapped her knuckles on the door and waited. A moment later, the door swung wide open.
“Daisy! Hello!” Amy hugged Daisy and turned to me. “Hi, Jon! It is so nice to see you! Welcome to my apartment.”
Amy’s sweet round face wore a big smile. She pushed her pink glasses higher on her nose and opened her arms.
“Hi, Amy.” I hugged her, and then followed the girls inside.
“We brought pumpkins and cider. We just left Jared’s fall festival.” Daisy explained as we walked into the apartment.
I wasn’t sure what I expected, but it wasn’t this. This place was nicer than my mom’s. I followed the girls through the living room and into the kitchen, placing the two pumpkins on the counter.
“Your home is really nice, Amy. How’s work going?” I asked, resting my hip against the counter.
“I love working at a daycare. The kids make me laugh every day. And I love having my own place. My roommate and I like the same television shows and music. It’s nice to have privacy from my mom and dad.” The three of us laughed as another woman entered the kitchen.
“Izzy, this is my friend, Jon.” Daisy introduced us, and we shook hands.
Both girls had the same short stature and almond-shaped eyes, but while Amy was a blonde, Izzy’s hair was wild, dark, and curly. She also wore a shit-ton of bright makeup and had a heavy hand with the perfume.
Izzy looked me up and down. “Wow. He puts the Italian Stallion to shame, okay? Good for you, girl.”
I looked at Daisy with raised eyebrows, but she shook her head.
“Nope, no congratulations needed. We’re just friends.” Daisy laughed. “Are you two all set for dinner?”
I knew it was her day off, but Daisy was Daisy. Her kindness and generosity extended to everyone she knew.
“Oh, yes. Tonight is salad and tuna sandwiches with chips. No oven used, we promise.” Amy told her with a serious face. “And Izzy told me we have cake for dessert.” Amy’s expression changed to excitement over the sweet treat.
I looked at Izzy, but she was studying the ground, wringing her hands in front of her.
“Great! I’m going to refrigerate this cider for you, and we’ll get out of your hair.” Daisy opened the refrigerator, sticking her head in to make room for the jug.
Her back straightened and when she turned around, she held a round cake in a clear, plastic box.
“Izzy? Why does this cake say ‘Happy Birthday Ralph’ on it?” Daisy’s voice was calm, but she frowned, waiting for Izzy’s explanation.
“I have no idea, okay?” Izzy said with a shrug.
Daisy placed the cake on the counter, shutting the fridge door with her foot. “Hmmm. Where did you buy it?”
Izzy was back to studying the floor, her cheeks turning pink.
Amy’s eyebrows drew together. “She didn’t buy it. We do our weekly shopping with you on Monday. Izzy brought the cake home from work on Friday. Right, Izz?”
Izzy nodded, but wouldn’t look at any of us.
Daisy folded her arms over her chest. “Did someone give you the cake?”
Izzy shook her head.
Daisy sighed, and Amy looked back and forth between them, her face twisted in confusion.
“So you stole it?” Amy asked her roommate.
“No!” Izzy looked at Amy, her face now red. “I found it in the refrigerator at my work. No one was eating it, so I brought it home. You know, so it wouldn’t be wasted, okay?”
Daisy placed an arm on Izzy’s shoulder. “Izzy, there isn’t a slice missing. I don’t think it was forgotten. I’d bet whoever brought it to work was planning on celebrating with Ralph later that day.”
A tear rolled down Izzy’s face. “Oh, no. Okay. I made a mistake. I took someone’s birthday cake.”
Daisy rubbed her hands up and down Izzy’s arms. “All right, you made a mistake. What can you do to fix it?”
I loved that she empowered Izzy to find a solution to her problem. Daisy’s maturity continued to impress me.
“I can return the cake on Monday, okay?” Izzy sniffled, and Amy handed her a tissue.
<
br /> “Right. You two shouldn’t eat it. But what if you get to work and find out who the cake belongs to, but you’re too late? The party is over. What can you do then?” Daisy asked in a gentle voice.
Izzy’s mouth twisted as she thought. “Offer to pay them back?”
Daisy nodded. “I think that’s the right thing to do, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Izzy answered. “But then I might not have enough money for bowling next week, okay?” She frowned.
Daisy pursed her lips and then blew out a breath. “That’s no fun. But when you make a mistake and take something that doesn’t belong to you, there are consequences.”
Izzy’s jaw clenched tight, and she stormed out of the kitchen and down the hallway.
“Do you want me to stay?” Daisy asked Amy.
“No, I will be fine. She is mad at herself, not me.” Amy’s smile was sad, and she waved before walking after her roommate.
I walked over to Daisy, unwrapping her arms from their folded position and took her hands in mine. “You handled that well. That’s tough stuff.”
She frowned, looking out of the kitchen and down the hallway. “This is an ongoing problem for Izzy. If she doesn’t stop, she’ll get fired again. She might have to move out, too. Amy’s parents won’t want Izzy here with their daughter if this escalates. I don’t know how to help her.”
“Keep talking. She’ll come around. You have a way of getting people to open up to you.” I nudged my shoulder against hers, and she laughed softly.
She locked the door of the apartment with her spare key, and we headed for my truck holding hands.
As I pulled out onto the road, I looked over at her. Her head was back against the headrest, and she was staring back.
“What’s up, Sunshine?”
“I was just thinking about what you said. That I have a way of getting people to open up to me.” She bit her lip, a sure sign she was anxious.
I looked back at the road. “Yup. That’s what I think.”
“Open up to me about Collette. She warned me about you when you left, telling me to guard my heart. Why would she say that?” Daisy shifted in her seat to face me.
Saying all of this to her seemed easier since I was driving. I could focus on the truck, on traffic, and not on the impact my words would have on her.
“Well, you mentioned before that I’m experienced with girls. That’s true as far as hookups go, but I don’t date.” I kept my eyes straight ahead, focused on the streetlight turning from green to yellow. I braked, coming to a stop.
“Ever? Have you ever been in a relationship?” Daisy asked in a neutral tone.
I turned to her. “Never. Like I said, plenty of hook ups, but that’s it.”
She tilted her head to the side, studying me. “Why?”
The car next to Daisy’s side moved forward, so I pressed the gas and avoided eye contact once more.
“My childhood was pretty fucked up. Dad left. Wanted nothing to do with me, ever. Mom’s a serial dater. A lot of them were assholes. I don’t want any part of that. People hurt each other when they’re in relationships. Why not just have the fun and not the heavy?” I chuckled, but it was a hard, emotionless sound.
Daisy’s hand covered mine on the steering wheel. “I’m sorry about the way you grew up. But you never want a relationship with a woman? Ever?” Her voice raised slightly. I always figured I was different than my friends in this way. All I knew was that I wanted a life as opposite from my mom’s as possible.
“No.” I shrugged and snuck a quick glance at her. Her eyes were soft and a little sad, if I wasn’t mistaken. “Why risk the pain? Women and men can enjoy each other physically but focus on their careers, friends, and hobbies. That’s my plan.”
Daisy nodded. “Orgasm brain.” Her hand covered her mouth as she blushed.
I turned into her driveway, putting the truck in park. “Excuse me?”
She scrunched up her nose, giggling. She was so fuckin’ cute.
“I never knew why guys were so focused on sex versus love until you gave me my first orgasm. Now I have orgasm brain. Once you start thinking about it… All other systems shut down.” She opened the door of the truck, turning toward me. “But I bet you’ll change your mind one day. You’ll meet the right girl and realize you aren’t your Mom and that you’ve made the life you wanted. ‘Cause you’re amazing, Jon, and I believe your future will be filled with love.” She winked and jumped out, shutting the door behind her.
Every day, Daisy seemed more confident, more playful, more self-assured.
And as she grew into herself, most shockingly of all, so did I. I had to wonder if our time together was one of the reasons for her transformation. She surely was changing me. For the better.
Hell, we were changing each other for the better. And no matter what happened next, that was something I would never forget.
Chapter Fourteen
Jon
NINE YEARS OLD.
Tiptoeing across the living room, I switched on the television, turning the volume down low. Large balloons danced high in the sky of a big city. Thousands of people stood on the sidewalks, big smiles on their faces as they watched floats traveling down the busy street, filled with famous people singing, dancing, and waving to the crowd.
My stomach grumbled loudly. I tiptoed into the kitchen, opening the cupboard. I grabbed a bowl and quietly shut the door. I eased open the utensil drawer and snatched a spoon. The tiny pantry door always squeaked, but I opened it inch by inch, slipping my hand in to grab the only box of cereal. I poured it into the bowl and replaced the box, careful not to leave a crumb on the floor. In the refrigerator, I found beer, boxed wine, soda, butter, some wilted lettuce. That was it. No milk.
Grabbing a soda and my bowl, I made my way quietly back to the television. As I sat down, I glanced at the clock on the VCR. By ten-thirty in the morning, I’d waited as long as I could in my room before hunger and boredom got to me. Mom and Pete fought late into the night yesterday. She cried out a few times, but I knew better than to go out and intervene. Pete slapped me around many times before, and what if I was wrong? What if they were rolling around in bed like the other time I interrupted Mom and one of her boyfriends?
No, Pete would have hurt me if I walked in on that. I stayed in my room, eyes clenched shut until things quieted down and I finally fell asleep. I woke up at my normal time, eight o’clock, to get ready for school before I remembered today was Thanksgiving.
I hated missing school. Leaving my apartment was the highlight of my day. Not only did I see my buddies, Landon, Dean, and Ricky, but I got to play ball and eat food.
I was on the special lunch program at school that guaranteed me a hot breakfast and lunch. With my mom often missing dinner, I learned to cook for myself. Of course, that was when she remembered to go to the grocery store.
The oat cereal was stale, but it did the trick. I focused on the parade, imagining I was there with my dad. Having never met my father, I couldn’t picture him in my dreams. His face was blurred, but his presence was warm. I wondered for the thousandth time if he would have loved me?
“Turn that shit off, boy.” Pete knocked his booted foot against my back, causing me to lurch forward and spill cereal onto the floor. “And clean up your mess.”
I knelt, scooping up the cereal and turning off the television. Pete sat in the faded armchair, his head resting back, eyes closed.
Mom stood in the kitchen, scooping ground coffee from a canister into the chipped coffee maker on the counter. Her cheek was red and swollen, and her hand shook as she filled the pot with water.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.” I tried to sound as happy as possible. Her eyes were rimmed with black mascara, and the circles underneath were dark purple. Her pinched lips turned down into a frown.
Like they usually did.
“Shhhh,” she scolded. “Pete has a headache.”
“Bring me a beer, Peg,” Pete called out.
“Sure, baby.” Mom q
uickly set the coffee pot down, grabbing a can from the fridge and hustling it over to him.
She walked back to the kitchen much slower, her head down.
Rising from my knees, I gathered my dishes and followed her.
“Mom, what are we doing for Thanksgiving dinner tonight?” I whispered, leaning in next to her, hoping to God our plans didn’t include Pete. There were years we visited my grandparents or other relatives, but when Mom had a steady boyfriend, we never saw other family.
Mom’s mouth set in a hard line. “Pete hates turkey. He wants to see a band he likes tonight. Call Landon and ask if you can have a sleepover. Otherwise, you’ll be here alone for a while.”
My stomach dropped. I hated when she asked me to beg my friends to take me in, but I especially hated it on holidays. I felt like a mooch. A schmuck. A loser.
My stomach growled, and I thought of all the commercials on television with families sitting around a dining room table, carving a golden turkey, and passing around platters of food.
I walked to my room, determined that one day I would have enough food to eat and would be around people who liked me and wanted me around.
Even if my family never did.
~~~
No missed calls or texts. I checked one last time to be sure.
Nothing.
Today would be spent with all of the Goldsmiths, playing some football, eating a great meal, and celebrating all that Thanksgiving meant. It would be my first without even seeing my mom, though. Part of me still couldn’t understand how easy it was for her to cut me out of her life. But I was the one who left her. And Mom was stubborn, just like her son. The stalemate would continue for the foreseeable future, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to apologize.
No fucking way.
At least I could be here today. With my friends and my… Daisy.
The past two and a half months flew by. There were a lot of secret kisses, but I hadn’t touched her body since the night of her eighteenth birthday party. It was too damn much. I almost came in my pants. Her body bucking and writhing from the pleasure I brought her was the most breathtaking thing I ever saw. And I relived that scene in my dreams almost every night.
