by Jane Austen
Jane and Lizzy have checked into Longbourn.
Mr. Bennet and Miss Bingley like this.
Jane: Home at last!
Bingley: Hope u got there safely.
To: The Bennet Family
From: Mr. William Collins When: Monday, November 18, at 4pm What: I'm coming over so I can apologize 4 inheriting ur estate as the closest male relative. Sucks that u'll be homeless if Mr. Bennet dies. Can't wait 2 the ! Ur welcome!
cc: Lady Catherine de Bourgh
Mrs. Bennet I HATE that a random relative that we don't even KNOW is inheriting our estate, just bc we don't have any sons. BUT maybe he'll want 2 1 of our daughters.
REPLY
Lydia: is he a soldier?
Mrs. Bennet: Nope! He's a clergyman.
Lydia: swipes left
Mr. Collins Dinner at my future house! #NomNomNom
REPLY
Collins: Lady Catherine de Bourgh, wish you were here!
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: I'm most certainly glad I'm not. --LCdB
Lydia: i wish those soldiers we saw today were here!
Kitty: fans herself
Lizzy: SMH
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: I do not approve of acronyms, improper punctuation, or the silly little pictures you are employing. How do I report? --LCdB
Collins
Mrs. Bennet, I think it's only right 4 me 2 offer marriage 2 one of ur daughters, so that the stays in the once I inherit it. Therefore, I've decided I would be willing to marry Jane. #HumbleBrag
Mrs. Bennet
OoOoOoh, well, that's a very good idea, though Jane is prob going 2 marry someone else very soon. (Bingley) wink wink
Collins
Ah. I see. Well then, how about the next prettiest?
Mrs. Bennet
Lizzy? ?
Collins
Perfect! I'll start looking at venues.
Jane Out and about in Meryton!--with Collins, Lizzy, Kitty, and Lydia.
Denny likes this.
REPLY
Denny: Lydia, I'm in town, getting my redcoat cleaned. Gotta look good in my uniform, right? Get @ me. My friend Wickham's here 2.
Darcy: Wickham?? WTF!
Wickham post: Oh, hey Darcy.
Wickham
Nice meeting you @ your aunt's party, Lizzy. Not to change the subject, but do u know how long Darcy will be in town? #TBT #Awkward
Lizzy
IDK, how do u know him?
Wickham
Long short, we've known each other since we were , when my father was his father's steward.
Lizzy
Is it just me, or does that guy suck?
Wickham
I'm biased, but yeah. Glad you agree! We used to be BFFs. Darcy's father ed me. He promised to help me pay for my dream job in the ! I would have made an awesome pastor. But when he died, Darcy plotted against me and made sure I didn't get it.
Same w/ his sister, Georgiana. I thought we were #Meant2B, but now we don't even talk.
Lizzy
!
Wickham
Yep, but maybe keep it between us.
Lizzy
I feel bad 4 whatever girl ends up w/ him!
Wickham
Yeah, he's supposed to Lady Catherine de Bourgh's daughter.
Lizzy
Oh? I hear she's . That poor girl can't catch a break. #SoSad
Wickham
Yeah...but my story is sadder, right??
Lizzy
I HAVE to tell you what Wickham told me last night.
Hold on. I'll send you the messages....
Jane
OMG, is this true? Could Darcy really have done all those terrible things to Wickham? I can't believe it. Bingley thinks so highly of him.
Lizzy
Why would Wickham make it up? It's DARCY we're talking about. Even you can't deny what a jerk he is!
Jane
Darcy can't be all bad. Maybe it's a misunderstanding?
Lizzy
Bingley Bingley has created an event: Ball at Netherfield.
Mrs. Bennet, Kitty, and Lydia like this.
REPLY
Wickham: Out of town on business--sorry!
Darcy likes this.
Dancer
Elizabeth Bennet's 1st Dance is now available.
Mr. Collins asks Elizabeth Bennet to dance.
Elizabeth Bennet reluctantly accepts. #SwipesRight
Elizabeth Bennet's 2nd Dance is now available.
Mr. Collins asks Elizabeth Bennet to dance.
Elizabeth Bennet very reluctantly accepts. #SwipesRight
Fitzwilliam Darcy askes Elizabeth Bennet to dance.
Elizabeth Bennet accepts to avoid Mr. Collins. #SwipesRight
Mr. Collins: N O O O O O O O O O O
Charlotte
Lizzy, stop being so bummed Wickham isn't here. Don't b stupid & on a guy w/ 10x more just because you have a crush!
Lizzy
Oh, shut up, Charlotte. #AlwaysPractical
Lizzy
So, Darcy, what do u have against Wickham?
Darcy
IMHO he's good @ making friends, but not keeping them.
Lizzy
Too bad he can't just be perfect all the time, like u.
Darcy
Srsly.
Miss Bingley
Hey, Lizzy! So I ur into Wickham, huh? It's none of my business, but just FYI that guy is trouble.
Lizzy
You're right.
Miss Bingley
That he's trouble?
Lizzy
That it's none of your business.
Collins
Lizzy, can I get Mr. Darcy's number?
Lizzy
What? Why? No.
Collins
Nvmd, I can just send him a request on Dancer.
Lizzy
Absolutely do not do that. So uncool!!!!
Collins
Too late!
Dancer
Fitzwilliam Darcy is now available to dance.
Mr. Collins asks Fitzwilliam Darcy to dance.
Fitzwilliam Darcy declines. #SwipesLeft
Collins
Darcy, my boy!
Darcy
Do I know you?
Collins
I'll give u a hint. Check out our mutual friends.
Mr. Collins and Darcy have one friend in common: Lady Catherine de Bourgh
Pretty cool, huh?
Darcy?
Darcy?
Darcy has added Collins to Blocked Callers List.
Mrs. Bennet Mrs. Bennet has created a wedding board:
REPLY
Jane: Mom, take that down!!!! Everyone can .
Lizzy: Srsly, delete this!
Mrs. Bennet: Why?? Lizzy, Jane marrying means u might marry 2! #Blessed
FML. Mom went on and on all night about Jane and Bingley, and how much she hates Darcy. Then Mary got up and sang TERRIBLY in front of everyone. I thought I was going to die. Just when it couldn't get any worse, Collins gave a ridiculous speech. It's like my family is TRYING to ruin my life.
Lizzy Notification: Mr. Collins has asked you to marry him. Do you accept?
YES :) No :(
REPLY
Lizzy
WTF?! Collins, why do you want to get married?!
Collins
I knew u would ask, so I made this .
Reasons 2 Get Married
#1 Lady Catherine de Bourgh wants me to.
#2 Happiness
#3 To set a good example for my parish
#4 FOMO
#5 YOLO
Lizzy
No, I mean...why do you want to get married to ME?
Collins
Lots of ladies want 2 marry me, but since I'm inheriting ur father's estate, I should marry 1 of his daughters to make every1 . I'm such a nice guy, I won't even make him give me a dowry!
Lizzy
Hold up. I'm not marryin
g u. Thx, but no.
Collins
Aw, r u doin that thing where u say no but u rly mean yes? So cute.
Lizzy
No means no.
Collins
But I have ! And connections (LCdB)! And no one else may ever ask you! Your biological is ticking, u know....
Lizzy
Don't make this harder than it has to be. It's not happening.
Collins
Adorable. I will take it up w/ ur parents, then.
Group text: Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Bennet, Lizzy Mrs. Bennet
Lizzy, if you don't marry Mr. Collins I will never you again!!!
Mr. Bennet
Well, you have a difficult decision to make, Lizzy. Because if you DO marry Mr. Collins, I'LL never u again.
Lizzy
From: Caroline Bingley
To: Jane Bennet
Subject: Leaving! Wish u could come, but u can't!
Just wanted 2 let u know we (all of us, including my brother) r leaving Netherfield 4 a long I don't know if/when we r coming back.
--Caroline Bingley xoxo
PS: Hate 2 break it 2 u, but my brother will probably fall in with Georgiana Darcy. Can't blame him, rly. She's beautiful, rich, elegant & accomplished. Their will bring so much 2 so many ppl.
Kk. Buh-bye!
Jane
Lizzy, I just got the worst !
Bingley is leaving and never coming back!
Lizzy
WHAT?! Jane, this doesn't sound like something he would do. I bet his sisters are behind it.
Jane
Maybe, but what difference does it make now?
List of People 2 Marry:
Jane
Lizzy
Charlotte
Mary
Lydia
Kitty
Charlotte Notification: Mr. Collins has asked you to marry him. Do you accept?
YES :) No :(
REPLY
Should I Marry Mr. Collins??
Pros
Comfortable
Connections
Good character
Situation in life
Don't have to become a governess
Cons
Being married to Mr. Collins
Charlotte Charlotte is now engaged to Mr. Collins.
REPLY
Mrs. Bennet: Oh, did you see that, Lizzy? Charlotte is engaged. Charlotte will inherit your childhood home. #SlowClap Lady Lucas: How old is Mr. Bennet, exactly? How's his health? Do you mind if I stop by to take some measurements of your parlor?
So disappointed in my friend Charlotte. Getting to Collins! Our relationship is changed forever.
- Volume 2 -
From: Caroline Bingley
To: Jane Bennet
Subject: London is the BEST
Greetings from London! Bingley is sry he didn't get 2 say a proper good-bye when we left Netherfield (probably 4ever).
Luv ya!
--Caroline Bingley xx
PS: Georgiana Darcy is even prettier IRL than I remembered!
Jane
Bingley's never coming back.
Lizzy
I'm so sorry, Jane.
Ur an . I u. The more I of the , the less I understand it.
1) How could Bingley leave you?
2) How could Charlotte marry Collins? WTF?
Jane
Oh, Lizzy. Don't be so harsh!
Lizzy
I'm not being harsh. I'm being honest!
Mrs. Gardiner
Surprise, Lizzy! Your uncle and I are coming to visit. It's a Christmas miracle!
Lizzy
You're in town?! Hooray! What a good !
Mrs. Gardiner
Yes, and I want to hear ALL your thoughts on Bingley and Jane. Do you think he was really into her?
Lizzy
Definitely! He ignored everyone else and only paid attention to her. When he left, it was so weird.
Mrs. Gardiner
Do you think Jane would come back to London with us?
Lizzy
Good idea! I bet she would.
Mrs. Gardiner
Excellent! And I want YOU to come with us on vacation later this year!
Lizzy
Count me in! Thx, Auntie!
Charlotte Charlotte Lucas is now married to William Collins.
Jane likes this.
REPLY
Jane: Congratulations!
Lizzy: I you, Charlotte! I hope it all turns out like you want it to.
From: Jane Bennet
To: Lizzy Bennet
Subject: Lonely in London
Lizzy!
It's been 4 weeks and I still haven't run into Bingley. His sister waited 2 weeks(!) to say hi. When she did come over, she was so incredibly rude. I don't want 2 b friends w/ her anymore. Maybe she's protective of Bingley?? But that doesn't make sense bc he's completely ghosted me anyway. No , no , no . Nothing. Caroline even said he knew I was here. Maybe I'll never find . Time to start collecting s! Hope things are better on your end.
xox Jane
Miss King Miss King has inherited a lot of .
Wickham likes this.
REPLY
Mrs. Gardiner Wickham is now engaged to Miss King.
REPLY
Mrs. Gardiner
Lizzy, don't you think it's odd that Wickham hooked up with Miss King so quickly after she came into money?
Lizzy
I don't think he's a gold digger, if that's what you're getting @.
Mrs. Gardiner
You said it--not me!
Lizzy has checked into Hunsford Parsonage.
Charlotte likes this.
Charlotte: Thanks for visiting! The next 6 weeks are going to be awesome!!
Collins: Can't wait to show u what u've been missing, Lizzy.
Mr. Collins Mr. Collins has sent an update to all attendees of Dinner at Rosings with Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
Attire: Wear the nicest clothes you have, but don't feel bad if you don't have anything nice enough. Lady Catherine de Bourgh wants people to dress according to their rank anyway.
PS: Don't be late!
REPLY
Lady Catherine de Bourgh
So. Lizzy. How many sisters do you have? --LCdB
Are they married? --LCdB
Are they attractive? --LCdB
Are they educated? --LCdB
What kind of carriage do you have? --LCdB
Lizzy
Oh wow. Where to begin? So many questions!
Pretty sure Lady Catherine de Bourgh is trying to steal my identity.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh
Do you still have a governess? --LCdB
Lizzy
We never had one, actually.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh
Families with even less money than yours train their daughters!
Lizzy
Would you excuse me? My is about to die.
Collins
What did you think? Isn't Lady Catherine de Bourgh the best EVER? You're she talked to you, Lizzy. You're so beneath her, you know.
I've been here for 2 weeks. We have gone to Rosings a # of times, all of which were terrible! But I did get some interesting --Darcy is coming tonight. I don't really want to see him, but it will be good for LCdB to have some fresh meat, not to mention I'll get to see how he acts with his "soul mate," Miss de Bourgh. #OTP Ha!
Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam have checked into Rosings.
Darcy
Just got here.
Lizzy
I saw.
