by Hart, Eve R.
Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
If You Haven't Read Ky...
Two Years of Letters
CHAPTER ONE Ingram
CHAPTER TWO Mouse
CHAPTER THREE Mouse
CHAPTER FOUR Mouse
CHAPTER FIVE Ingram
CHAPTER SIX Ingram
CHAPTER SEVEN Ingram
CHAPTER EIGHT Mouse
CHAPTER NINE Mouse
CHAPTER TEN Mouse
CHAPTER ELEVEN Mouse
CHAPTER TWELVE Ingram
CHAPTER THIRTEEN Mouse
CHAPTER FOURTEEN Ingram
CHAPTER FIFTEEN Ingram
CHAPTER SIXTEEN Ingram
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Mouse
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Ingram
CHAPTER NINETEEN Mouse
CHAPTER TWENTY Mouse
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE Ingram
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO Mouse
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE Mouse
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR Mouse
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE Ingram
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX Mouse
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN Ingram
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT Mouse
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE Ingram
CHAPTER THIRTY Mouse
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE Ingram
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO Ingram
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Find Her
Play List
Other Works
Mouse
A Steel Paragons MC Novel
(The Coast: Book 7)
By Eve R. Hart
Copyright © 2019 Eve R. Hart
All right reserved.
The scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without permission of publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. This book or any portion thereof my not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for brief quotations used in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writers imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is purely coincidental.
Warning: This book is intended for readers 18 years and older. This book contains violence, harsh language, and explicit sex scenes.
Cover image credit Shutterstock.com- Borysenko
Dedication
To everyone that has life kick you in the balls yet you still have the courage to get back up.
To those who find stand up for themselves despite the world around them.
If You Haven't Read Ky...
…or just need a refresher (hey, I get it. I read a lot of books too and I know how they can blend together sometimes).
So, in short. Ky grew up in a cult-like camp, brought there by his parents when he was young. He made his escape at seventeen after they beat his best friend for having a crush on another male in the camp. They left him to die in the middle of the “gathering” area while Ky was chained to a tree to watch him die.
Ky has a sister, Ingram, that is ten years younger than him, so she was seven when he fled. He wanted her to come with him but she wouldn’t. She had been born in the camp and the teaching had been so ingrained in her that she refused to leave seeing the outside world as evil.
Fast forward ten years later, Ingram showed up at the compound, seventeen and pregnant. While the leader that was the head while Ky was there had passed away a few years ago, his son, Timothy, had stepped up to take his place. Ingram had been “chosen” and that was how she became pregnant. She soon realized that things were not right there and gathering all the courage she had, she escaped too. After tracking down her grandmother with the address her mother had given her, she was sent Ky’s way.
Timothy and Ky and Ingram’s parents eventually tracked her down and Ky didn’t hesitate to kill them all.
Ingram had her baby and not long after that, felt like she didn’t know how to handle the world. Mouse found a place called Glow Woods Sanctuary that was set up for people like her. They would help her be “normal,” as Ingram had put it. So, Ingram set off with her son, Chry (for short) to get herself all straightened out.
At the end of Ky’s book, it’s two years later, and Ingram makes her return.
Thank you. I hope you enjoy Mouse and Ingram’s story.
Two Years of Letters
Dear Mouse,
The first month has been a little strange. I’m not the only one that feels a little out of sorts and unsettled. I think Chry misses everyone. Or maybe that’s just me projecting. But either way, he hasn’t slept through the night. Not once. I would be angry if he wasn’t so adorable.
The people here are pretty great. It’s nice to feel not so alone in what I’ve gone through. I have groups sessions twice a week and meet with a psychologist three times a week. Her name is Dr. Walsher. She’s very polite and respectful but doesn’t say much. Sometimes it is a little awkward talking so much. But I think it is helping.
It took a while to get my paperwork sorted out since there was no record of me at all. I didn’t even have a birth certificate. Now everything is good. I didn’t have a middle name and I never knew my last name as it was not ever said back in that place. I called my grandma and asked what her last name was and I went with that. I felt a little bad that I didn’t know it but she was understanding. I think I made her cry when I told her I wanted to use it. I also gave myself a middle name, which felt a little strange.
So we are officially and legally, Chrysander Malcolm Solis and Ingram Lila Solis. It makes things feel more real. Maybe even normal, in a way.
Today I took Chry out to feed the goats. The air is nice here on the farm. It is very fresh, it reminds me of where I came from. I am not sure if that is a good thing or not though. Maybe it is silly, but in a way, it is a little comforting.
I like the nights when I help make dinner. Things aren’t complicated here, which helps, I think.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and that I am doing alright. I hope you are as well.
Ingram.
Dear Mouse,
I forgot to tell you that I addressed the letter to Mr. Mouse because I felt that putting Mouse was too informal. I also got the feeling like you do not use your real name all that much, so I thought better than to put that. I did not want the letter to get thrown away.
Maybe that is such a silly thing to worry over.
My therapist says that I should try these relaxing techniques. That when I start to obsess over things and worry too much if I did something right, that I should close my eyes and count to ten. She said I should also think of something that makes me smile.
I always think of the same two things. The first one is when Ky smiled at me the first time after I came crashing back into his life. The second is when I was in the hospital. I was too tired to hold Chry but I did not want him to be alone. You took him from me and rocked him. I remember I drifted off and woke to you telling him that story about the boy and the beanstalk. Oh, and there was a giant. Do you remember that? Well, for some reason thinking of that helps me relax and let go of what I am worrying about at the time.
I know it has only been three months, but I feel like things are turning around for me. Things have leveled out a little and Chry is sleeping through the night. I can’t believe how big he has gotten.
Ingram
Dear Mouse,
&nb
sp; Chris and Ky came to celebrate my birthday. You probably already know that though. It was a surprise and they got me a cake. It was so wonderful.
Chry is always so happy to see his uncles when they come. They bring him so many things and I’m grateful for it all. However, I’m also worried that I will run out of room to put everything.
Things are going better here. I feel like I fit in even though I feel different most of the time. Maybe that doesn’t really explain it so well. I feel different to the outside world. The biggest thing that gets to me is why all of this happened. I don’t understand the inner workings of the men that ran that place. And how my parents, and others, could fall so easily into the trap. I can’t seem to grasp why I didn’t see that things were wrong. Does that make me weak because I was so easily manipulated to believe every word from them? Did it matter that it was all I’d ever known? I don’t think I will ever have answers to these questions and honestly, I do not know what to do with that.
Dr. Walsher tried to explain it to me a few times but I could not grasp what she was saying. Maybe a part of my mind is still blocked and wanting to believe that all of it wasn’t completely wrong. That my parents did love me. But then I look at Chry and I think of how I could never knowingly let him go through something like what I went through. It hurts a little to know that they didn’t protect me the way they should have and perhaps, I’m a little angry that they brought me into that world knowing the damage it would cause.
I know you must be busy. I hope my letters aren’t bothering you. I understand that you might not have time to write back and that is alright. I’m just hoping that the reason I haven’t heard from you isn’t because you haven’t received any of them. I hope you are doing well.
Ingram
Dear Mouse,
A whole year has gone by, can you believe it? We celebrated Chry’s birthday last week. One of the other girls here took some pictures and she printed out them for me. I’m sending you two of them. The one of Chry by himself is my favorite one. Look at that smile. It always amazes me how happy Chry can be. Even when I’m having a bad day, and I have those often enough, his smile always makes it worth it. I try to focus on the good but that doesn’t always mean that the bad isn’t still there. How do you do it? How do you make it through a bad day?
I suppose things could be worse. I’m alive, my son is healthy, and I never have to worry about going back to that place again.
I think that knowing what happened to me wasn’t okay is sometimes harder than feeling like it was the way things were supposed to be. I don’t know if I am explaining it right. I always had this horrible feeling when it happened but I thought it was because I wasn’t worthy enough. Dr. Walsher has talked to me many times about this. She gets me to open up and I think in the end it is really me who does most of the talking. She is a good listener. In the group sessions though, that is where I really learned the truth of what happened to me. That he took something from me that was not given. I don’t know if having my eyes open is any better though.
Well, I’m not really sure what more I can say.
I think I miss you a lot. I think of you often. I’m not sure if it is the same for you. I still haven’t heard from you and I don’t know if you are receiving these letters. I wish you well but I’m starting to think that maybe the emptiness from wanting to hear back from you hurts too much. Maybe one day I will find that man again, the one that held my hand when I was scared.
Ingram
Dear Ingram,
I have gotten all your letters. It’s good to hear that things are going so well for you. I’m happy that you feel less alone there. I can’t believe how big the little guy has gotten. And that smile, how could you not smile looking at that? Thank you for the pictures, by the way. He looks just like you, especially his eyes.
Not much to tell on my end. Things have been busy but that’s to be expected.
Give the little one a hug for me and take care of yourself.
M.
Dear M,
Today was a hard day. I don’t admit often that I have them and I’m not really sure why. It’s quiet out here, especially when night falls. It reminds me of back there, that place that I want nothing more than to forget. I don’t know why. We are still able to move around but for some reason, it feels strange to leave my room. It’s probably me just being crazy. I know I’m safe and that I will never have to go back there but still, there is something in the back of my mind that holds a deep kind of fear. I feel like the harder I try to shake it, the deeper it burrows into my soul. I wonder if I will ever be normal.
I just keep telling myself that bad days are as beautiful as the good ones. Besides, if everything was all roses and sunshine, then I wouldn’t ever appreciate it.
I.
Dear Ingram,
I have hard days too. Sometimes I feel like I have to hold it all in and stay strong for everyone else. It’s tough to keep your head up all the time and no one would fault you for feeling that way. On days when it gets really bad, I just look around and see all the people that are there for me. Maybe it sounds a little cheesy, but it’s their love that helps lift me up. It reminds me why I wake up every day.
M.
Dear M,
Chry took his first steps today. I was worried that he might not ever do it. He’s been crawling like crazy and it’s exhausting trying to keep up with him. But in a fun way. I never imagined having a kid would take so much. It’s just another reminder of how unprepared I was for this. But I’m doing the best I can and even when it’s frustrating, I love it.
My first thought when he stood and took that step toward me was how I wish you could have been there to see it. I guess that’s kind of strange, right? I feel this connection to you but I can’t explain it. I hope you don’t think I’m crazy or obsessive. I’m not. Maybe it is because you were there when things got a little messed up. You stepped in and took over when I felt lost. You seemed to know what to do and your smile… I remember that it was very kind. I think I’m just trying to tell you that I’m grateful for that. And for your friendship.
My therapist tried to tell me that I have hero worship because you were there that night and you saved me. You also held my hand through the birth of Chry and you stayed after when I felt scared and lost.
I don’t agree with her though. I think you and Chris and Cami and Laurel mean more to me because you showed me kindness. You treated me like I was normal even though we all know I’m not. But you… you are more for some reason.
I should stop trying to explain it because I feel like I’m failing miserably.
Just know, that I think of you. And I miss our talks.
Hope life is well.
I.
M,
I hope I didn’t freak you out with that last letter. It’s been a few weeks and I haven’t heard from you. I’m sorry if I did. Dr. Walsher says that sometimes I don’t have a filter. I think I understand what she means by that. I don’t know if I want to change that though. That is one of the parts of me that I really like, and some days, it’s really hard to find those parts. I don’t think people should hold back. Emotions and thoughts are what makes us human, and what makes us individual. Plus, I’ve seen what trying to hold back your feelings can do to someone. I was there when Ky was trying his best to suppress his feelings for Chris. I thought it was so stupid and they could have had something great even sooner.
But if it was too much, I will try to hold it back for you. I hope you didn’t read too much into that. Unfortunately, I am not all that great with words yet. I’m still a work in progress. Which, today I’m alright with.
I feel like I should apologize but at the same time, I don’t want to apologize for being me. That’s one thing I’m learning here. To stand tall and own who I am.
I hope things are amazing for you.
I.
Ingram,
I’m sorry. Sometimes I might be a shit friend. Honestly, I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that let
ter. I shouldn’t have waited so long but I think there are some things going on with me that I need to sort through. Please don’t think this is on you.
For the record, I miss you too. I know you didn’t say that and I know I couldn’t explain it if I tried. I guess I’m trying to say that I feel it too.
Give that little dude a hug for me.
And know that even if I don’t respond, it doesn’t mean I don’t care.
M.
M,
I waited months to send you something. For some reason, your last letter left me a little sad. It felt more like a goodbye than telling me you understand. I don’t want to push and I’m not even sure if I’m going to send this.
I’m lonely here. I miss Ky and Chris. And you. And Cami. And Laurel. And even the skinny one that makes crude comments sometimes. I miss the feeling of “home” that I had while I was there. I miss the unconditional love that everyone showed me. I miss… pizza and Chris’ tacos and open microphone night. I miss the beach. The sounds. The smell. Even the pesky sand that seemed to always cling to my skin no matter how much I brushed it off. I miss watching the sun rise over the calming waves. I even miss the cookouts. Well, I only went to that one. But I miss the feeling that I had while I was there.
Take care of yourself.
I.
P.S. I guess I’m sending this, after all, I have the envelope addressed and a stamp in my hand.
M,
I feel like I had this amazing breakthrough today but I can’t really explain why. That seems so silly. But I finally closed my eyes and purged everything to Dr. Walsher. All my fears. All my insecurities. All my nightmares. I faced them and set them all free. I felt like this giant weight lifted off of me the moment I let it all go. I know that I’m not cured from all those things but somehow, acknowledging them took some of their hold on me away.
