by Hart, Eve R.
“Hey,” I said as soon as she answered. “I’m back.”
“You okay?” she asked and it wasn’t unusual.
“Yeah. Just a little tired.”
“Okay,” she said and I could hear a distance in her voice.
Maybe I was the one that had been distant. I hadn’t seen much of her over the last few weeks and even then, I had fallen asleep while we watched something. I could see how I’d kind of been an asshole lately, but I hadn’t done it on purpose.
“Carla home?” I asked, ready to get back on my bike despite my sore ass.
Her roommate wasn’t a huge fan of me for some damn reason. I didn’t get it. Carla had been the one to drag Amber to the club-owned bar in hopes of catching some biker dick. And she did. Only I didn’t think she expected Sketch to throw her out on her ass as fast as he did.
Come to think of it, Carla bringing Amber to a biker bar was kind of shitty. That night I could tell that Amber wasn’t all that thrilled to be there but she was trying to be a good friend. She was trying to support Carla and look out for her at the same time.
Then again, I wasn’t sure how much of Amber’s past Carla was clued in on.
So since Carla liked to throw attitude and stomp around when I was there, I tended to avoid the place when I knew she was home.
“She gets off work in about an hour, but I don’t know if she’s staying in tonight or has plans to go out.” Amber sounded a little frustrated but I wasn’t sure why.
“You wanna come over?” I asked in an attempt to get her to see that I wanted to spend time with her and maybe pull her out of whatever funk she was in.
“Whatever you want. It doesn’t matter. If you’re tired, I get it.”
“We can watch that chick movie you keep saying you want to see.” This was my last plead because I really was too exhausted to deal with this.
“Really?” she asked and a hint of excitement rang out in her tone. A small smile tipped up the corner of my lips.
“Sure. And I’ll try not to fall asleep.” I let out a little laugh at my own joke.
“Okay,” she said and I could hear her keys jingling in the background like she was ready to dash out the door this second. “Be there soon. You want subs?”
“Yeah. That sounds great. I’m fuckin’ hungry.”
“Me too. I have this huge craving for a meatball one. But I think I’m going to get mayonnaise and mustard on it. I don’t know, it sounds good in my head.” She let out a husky laugh and it made me smile again.
“Go for it. Get me one too, but just normal. I don’t feel adventurous tonight,” I told her.
We ate and watched a movie. Though we were both on the bed it felt like there were mountains between us. I wasn’t sure why. I wasn’t purposely trying to be standoffish but maybe I was wary from the long ride and all. Fuck, I sounded like a whiny little brat.
“You’re heavy tonight, Mouse,” she told me, her blue eyes cutting to look over at me.
“Fuck,” I breathed out and ran my hand through my hair. She was right but I wasn’t sure why.
“We don’t do heavy, remember?” She gave me a flicker of a smile.
We didn’t do heavy anymore. That was the deal. We talked. We had fun. We hung out. But we didn’t get into the dark shit or the ‘heavy,’ as she liked to put it.
She had spilled her story to me months after we met. I wasn’t sure why but I was glad that she had. It meant something to me and it showed me that she trusted me enough to let me in a little. And maybe, it showed me that we had something more than just a shallow relationship type of thing.
But after she purged all that she could, she told me that we wouldn’t be those people. I wouldn’t try to be her protector and “fix” her or whatever. I wouldn’t try to carry her burden and she wouldn’t help me hold up mine. There were times when things got to be too much, even if we didn’t know what they were, and we found a way to help the other forget. Escape, that was a better word. We never set up expectations and she promised that she wouldn’t hope for more than what we had.
I couldn’t promise that back. It was hard for me not to have this thing between us mean more. But at the same time, whatever was going on here, I found I sort of craved and needed. It was just us here in this… thing, and that had been good enough for me. Maybe in the beginning, I had hoped that it could grow into something more but now, I wasn’t sure that would ever be something Amber would allow herself to have. Especially not with someone like me, living the life of the club and all.
The movie was over and there was no need for me to stay awake.
“You’re right,” I said trying not to sound like an asshole as I clicked off the TV. “I think I just need some sleep.”
I kicked off my pants and got under the covers.
“Okay, I’ll see you later then. Call me when you’re in a better mood.” She made a move to get off the bed. She was only half-pissed and I knew that.
“It’s late. Stay.” I told her, giving her my eyes. “I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”
I tried to lighten the mood.
“And by that, you mean you’ll fix me a plate of whatever Abigail cooks?” She raised a knowing brow at me but there was a smile twitching her lips.
“No. We’ll sleep in. We’ll go down there when it’s quiet and I will actually do the dirty work. I’ll make you whatever you want. Well, I will try my best to.”
“Okay, fine,” she said and stripped down to her panties as she moved to grab one of my clean shirts.
Then she settled down beside me and I pulled her into my side. I needed some kind of human contact right now, but strangely, it wasn’t sexual. She sensed this and gave me what I needed without question.
CHAPTER NINE
Mouse
True to my word, I didn’t wake Amber when my eyes popped open at six in the morning. I was going to let her sleep as long as she wanted. I also wasn’t so sure that I was ready to deal with another person quite yet. Nothing against her, I just woke up already lost inside of my head.
She’d rolled away from me sometime in the middle of the night and had taken the covers with her. Which wasn’t such a bad thing because I woke up sweating like a whore in church. I didn’t have an explanation for it and since I felt fine, I knew I wasn’t coming down with something.
I let the minutes tick by while I stared up at the ceiling. Then my eyes snapped to the top drawer of my dresser. It was like I was trying to burn a hole into the wood and see what was inside.
The letters.
Why was I thinking about them right now?
And more, why were my fingers itching to touch them?
It wasn’t like I really needed the writing on the papers to know what they all said. I pretty much knew them by heart now.
I carefully rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. The cold shower cooled my skin but not the odd fire running through me on the inside. Stress, I was going to use that as an excuse. Just plain old generic stress.
I was surprised to find Amber awake and getting dressed after I’d showered. I checked the time beside my bed and saw that it was later than I thought. I must have been lost in my head longer than I realized.
“Breakfast?” I asked as I slipped on a fresh pair of boxers and then pants. I dug around until I found a plain black tee.
“You promised,” she said with a smile.
Stuffing my feet into my boots, I tossed on my cut and was good to go.
I took her hand in mine as we made our way out of the room. I knew I’d been distant and I didn’t want her to think that I was pushing her to the side.
But she’d said it the night before.
We didn’t do heavy.
And that was pretty much how I’d been feeling all the time lately.
Like I promised, I set out to make her breakfast in an empty kitchen.
“What would you like to eat?” I asked with a smile on my face. I was prepared to make her anything she wanted, even if it didn’t c
ome out so well.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.
I felt a sigh weighing heavy in my chest but I held it back.
Since she didn’t care what she ate, I made eggs and bacon because I knew I could nail that shit. And I did, presenting her with perfectly fluffy scrambled eggs and crispy bacon. I didn’t even screw up the toast.
As we were just about done, Ky came storming into the kitchen with a little cutie in his arms.
“Hey, Ky. You okay?” I said, smiling and waving at Chry.
“No,” he grumbled looking a little lost. “Ingram had to go into work and Chris is at the bar doing inventory. I have to get to the shop and I don’t know what to do with him.”
Chry was giggling in Ky’s arms as he pushed on his uncle’s cheeks.
“We didn’t think she’d get a job this soon and then she did. Which she’s super happy about. They told her she’d start in two weeks because they had to wait for someone to work out their notice or something.” He was rambling witch told me that he felt a little clueless about what to do right now. “Anyway, they called last night and said they needed her to start right away. I guess the person just walked out.”
“So this was just sprung on you, then?” I asked with a little laugh in my tone. He gave me a look that said yeah.
“I thought maybe he could hang out with me at the garage but obviously I hadn’t really thought that through.”
“Oh, no,” I said, shaking my head frantically. “Not a good idea.”
“You know if Laurel is around? I was hoping she could watch him for a bit until I figured something else out.”
I shook my head because I didn’t have a clue. Though, I imagined that she and B-ry were probably spending time together celebrating their good news.
“Come here, buddy,” I said moving over and taking him from Ky. “Did you eat breakfast yet?”
“Shit,” Ky said, then winced. “I knew I was forgetting something.”
I laughed.
“I got it, brother. I’m sure Ingram has something in here.”
I took the huge bag off his shoulder and set it on the table.
“Oh, how about some oatmeal,” I said with excitement in my tone as I pulled a package out of the bag.
“Oatmeal, yucky,” Amber said as she scrunched up her nose in disgust. “How about some cupcakes!” She looked at Chry with excitement on her face.
“Don’t do that,” I said as I cut my eyes to look at her. “You can’t teach him things like that. He’s young and the examples that we set for him are going to stick. Oatmeal is good for him and you shouldn’t lead him to think that it’s gross.”
Her head whipped back like I’d slapped her.
“Um, yeah. Okay,” she replied. I didn’t get why she was pissed. “I’ve got to get to work. Later.” Then she was gone.
“What?” I said looking at Ky who was doing his best to hold back a chuckle.
“I think she’s pissed.”
“Well, I didn’t mean for that to happen. But we can’t have him thinking that the best way to start the day off is by eating cupcakes. How do you think Ingram would feel about that?” I gave him a pointed look.
“I’m not disagreeing with you. You just, maybe, could have been a little more delicate than that.”
“You think?” I asked, feeling a little bad about it.
“You went all mama bear there.”
“Sh-crap.” See, I wasn’t perfect. I almost said shit in front of the kid.
“You sure you got him?” he asked looking a little skeptical.
“Yeah. Go on. What time is Ingram off?”
“She’ll be here a little after three.”
“Cool.”
He left, but not before taking one long look at me that made me feel a little weird. Like he was pulling out that big brother-slash-uncle protective side.
I fed Chry and it wasn’t as hard as I imagined. Sure, it was messy as hell, but that was partially my fault because I couldn’t stop myself from making him laugh and smile.
We had a good day hanging out, but the dude did wear me out. How the hell did Ingram do this all day, every day? I got a little break after he ate lunch and took about an hour long nap. I was tempted to lay down beside him and close my eyes, too.
Ingram showed up a little after three and found us in my room. I was reading a book to him while he was trying to turn the pages before I was done.
“Hey,” I said as I opened the door, letting it swing wide so it would stay that way.
“Oh, gosh, Mouse,” she said breezing into the room and going over to Chry. I stayed rooted in place right in the open doorway. “How can I ever repay you for this?”
I looked at her like she was fucking nuts.
“Um, no.” I shook my head at her and now she was the one looking at me like I was crazy. “Ingram, we’re family. This is what we do.”
There was something that passed over her face. Relief? Maybe, I wasn’t sure. But she seemed to relax a little as she took in my words.
“I guess I really need to find a daycare. I didn’t think they’d have me start this soon.” She lowered herself down to sit on the edge of my bed.
The fire was back, bringing the sweat that had drenched me this morning. I rolled my shoulders trying to shake off the weird feelings zapping me all over.
Chry wriggled in her arms and she let him free. He climbed across the bed and started playing with the book we’d been reading.
“Fu-forget daycare,” I said, my eyes on the little guy. “I think between all of us we can work something out. I don’t have a set schedule or anything, so I can watch him most of the time.”
Why was I doing this? Something told me I needed to put distance between Ingram and myself, but here I was, inserting myself more into her life.
But it also felt right. I didn’t like the idea of Chry in daycare. If he was here then I could keep an eye on him. That meant that I knew what was going on and what wasn’t. Maybe I needed more trust and faith in the outside world.
“Mouse, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t,” I stated simply. “I offered.”
She opened her mouth to argue and I shook my head.
“What did you do when you worked up there at Glow Woods?” I asked with a raised brow because I already knew the answer.
“There were people there that watched him.”
“But you knew these people, right? And you felt comfortable with them before you let them watch Chry.”
“Yes,” she whispered and her head lowered like she knew I was right and there was nothing more she could say.
“Hey,” I said and moved to sit on the bed beside her. With a crooked finger, I lifted her chin until her hazel eyes met mine. “I just want what’s best for both of you. Besides, I had fun with him today.”
It wasn’t a lie.
“You will let me know if it gets to be too much?” she asked, her voice soft.
“I will.” I gave her a firm nod.
“Thank you,” she said and threw her arms around my neck. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw tears begin to shine in her beautiful eyes.
My lids drifted closed as I allowed myself to return her embrace. And though it was wrong, I inhaled her light, sweet scent for a beat too long.
Clearing my throat, I released her and got to my feet. The room suddenly felt too small and was closing in on me by the second.
“Well, we will leave you to enjoy your afternoon. I can’t thank you enough for this.”
She scooped up Chry and I got his things packed back up in the bag that Ky had brought. Without thinking about it, I took Chry then walked out of the room knowing she’d follow behind me. With careful steps, I walked down the stairs then got him settled in his car seat.
“When’s your next shift?” I asked her.
“Tomorrow at four. It’s only three hours, but they said it was a good time to train me.” She sounded a little nervous an
d her words came out a bit rushed.
“Bring him here. I’ll be in the lounge waiting.”
“Thank you, again.” She flashed me a sweet smile then slid into the driver’s seat.
“Oh,” I said, my hand on her door holding it open. “How was your first day?”
I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t asked that before. I was such an asshole.
“It was very good,” she said and the smile on her face was blinding. “Everyone there is so nice and patient. There is a lot to learn, but I think I did okay.”
“I’m sure you did just fine,” I reassured her.
“I think I’m going to like it there.”
“Good. I’m glad. And if not, you can always find something else.”
I wanted to tell her that she probably didn’t even need to work. I knew Chris and Ky would take care of her in a heartbeat and not think anything of it. Only I knew her, despite the fact that I hadn’t been in her life all that long. I knew that she had to prove to herself and the world that she could care for herself and Chry.
Something in me was determined to help her in any way that I could, even if it was something as simple as looking out for the little guy when she needed.
“Have a good night, Ingram,” I said and closed the door after I made sure it was safe.
She gave me a little wave through the window right before she drove off and I stood there for a long time after she was out of sight staring blindly at the tree line.
CHAPTER TEN
Mouse
A few weeks went by and I watched Chry most days Ingram had to work. Laurel helped out too when Chris and Ky weren’t available. I thought this whole thing was going smoothly. I didn’t want to put too much stress on Laurel but I never voiced that. I had a feeling that not many people knew what B-ry had told me and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up. Though, looking at the brother, you could see it written all over his strangely happy face. I was over the moon for them, they needed some good in their lives. Especially Laurel.
Amber wasn’t a kid person. I’d learned that recently and right now, it was written all over her face as we sat in the dining area while I fed Chry his dinner. I guessed that it might have had to do with the fact that she wanted to go to the beach today and got it in her head before she came over that her and I were going to go. But Chry had a runny nose and had been sneezing all day. Ingram suspected it might be allergies because he didn’t have a fever and since he still ran around like crazy today, I would have agreed that Ingram was right. So because of that, I figured the beach wasn’t going to be a good idea. I didn’t want to make it worse and have the poor guy be miserable. Amber still hung out most of the day and I thought we’d had a pretty good time. Only, as I looked over at her, she didn’t seem too thrilled at the moment.
