by Hart, Eve R.
I giggled again. It felt a little strange but I had a feeling it had to do with the way Mouse made me feel inside.
That’s probably a good idea. I’m sorry about tonight.
I reread his words again though I didn’t really need to.
Can we…
The words sat there waiting for me to finish my thought and I wasn’t sure if I should type out what I was really thinking. With a heavy sigh, I continued, cursing that impatient blinking cursor line.
Can we move forward from all of this, please? I’m not saying that I can easily forget how you made me feel and honestly, you really hurt me. But I don’t want you to keep feeling like you need to say sorry.
I hit send before I could change my mind.
A minute went by then another. I kept touching my screen to keep it lit up. Maybe he’d fallen asleep and here I was acting a little desperate and pathetic.
Then it said he was typing.
I would really like that, Ingram. I need you in my life, and I will take it however you feel comfortable giving it to me. Goodnight. May you have sweet dreams.
I could admit that my eyes filled with a little wetness. I might even admit that a tear slipped down my cheek after I reread his words.
This was the man that I needed in my life. This was my Mouse. My Malcolm.
As much as I might have been trying to force it away right now, this was the man that had a huge piece of my heart.
And I realized just now that I was in no hurry to try to get it back from him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ingram
The next morning I got up and ate breakfast with Chris and Ky like everything was normal. I didn’t bring up the fight again even if the reminder was there every time I looked at my brother’s face.
I couldn’t hold onto the anger. Life was too short and though it might have pained me, I had to admit that his protectiveness was a good thing. He was a good brother.
I thought about all the time we had missed together.
I should have gone with him when he fled the camp. Only I was seven and clueless about anything that had gone on. I knew how I felt when they beat a kid right in front of everyone only to make an example out of him. Then they just left him there to die while Ky was chained to a tree too many feet away to reach out to him. I knew it killed Ky, Brighton was his friend even if we weren’t really supposed to have those there. Brighton had always been nice to me and I couldn’t understand why they had done that to him.
Then Ky was free of his bonds and telling me he was leaving. He begged me to go with him but that place was all I’d ever known. Their words, the only lessons I knew. The outside world was scary and evil and no place for people like us. I didn’t want to taint my soul and never be welcomed again. I mean, that was what I believed back then. I didn’t know how to think any differently.
Looking back, I wish I’d taken my brother’s hand that night and fled with him.
But there was nothing either of us could do to change that now.
I was just glad that I did eventually wise up and escape myself. I hadn’t realized it back then, but I was basically a prisoner. I was free, lived a life where I could move about and and such. Only I wasn’t really free. Because I was only ever taught the things they wanted me to know. I was only able to move around as long as it was inside the compound. And I was only able to do those things when they said I could.
“Ingram,” Ky said and I snapped my gaze to meet his. I guess I’d really drifted off there in my thoughts. I hadn’t realized it. “You okay?”
I gave him a hum of affirmation and my head nodded a few times. I finished up my yogurt though it felt like I was having to force it down.
“Ky,” I said as I set my spoon down. “And Chris. Both of you. I don’t think I ever told you how much everything you’ve done for us means to me. I don’t know that I’d be okay if it wasn’t for you two. Thank you, truly.”
“We’re family, Ingram,” Chris said as one of his sweet, genuine smiles lit up his face.
“That’s what the fuck we do for each other,” Ky piped in and it was almost as if he was finishing what Chris had said. “And I’m really glad you came to me. You never have to thank us for that.”
“I’m happy I’m here,” I told them both.
There was a silence that spread across the table and I got the feeling like we all didn’t know what to say next.
“Ingram,” Ky said softly, almost like a sigh. “Go to him. He’s been going through something and now that I know about the letters, I suspect a lot of it has to do with you.”
My eyes cut over to look at Chris. I’d told him about the letters Mouse and I had sent while I was away but luckily I hadn’t gone into great detail. Not that there was anything to hide, it was more that I wanted to keep those things to myself. And maybe having my big brother know some of the stuff we wrote would have made me feel a little too open.
I sent Chris a small smile to let him know I wasn’t mad that he’d told Ky. I had a feeling he did it because he was trying to help and not trying to start trouble.
“I shouldn’t say this,” Ky went on when I didn’t say anything. “But I think he needs you right now. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you that, or ask you to go to him. Hell, it’s probably one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had.” Chris let out a little snort, to which Ky cut his eyes over at him. “As I was trying to say, I think you both need each other a little. For whatever reason, there is a connection there and not even I should try to get in the way of that.”
Chris and I both looked at him with wide, shocked eyes and slacked jaws.
Was this really my brother?
He cleared his throat and looked a little uncomfortable.
“As friends,” he added sternly. “You know, as friends.”
I laughed softly as I pushed myself out of my chair. A second later I was throwing my arms around his neck.
“You’re special, kid. Don’t ever let anyone make you think differently.”
I pulled back and looked into his eyes.
“I don’t think the kid thing is working anymore,” I said with a laugh that both he and Chris joined in on.
“You’ll always be my kid sister.”
“Yeah, okay,” I said with a huge roll of my eyes.
“Alright, get out of here,” he told me playfully. “Oh, can you take Chry with you?”
“I was going to anyway,” I said and gave him and Chris an overly dramatic wink.
I wasn’t dumb. I knew they needed some alone time every now and then. I was sure it was just a bonus to his little speech to get me running out the door.
Thirty minutes later, we were on the road headed for the compound.
The closer I got, the more nervous I began to feel.
When I got there, I headed for the kitchen to see who was around and maybe even hoped to catch Mouse out of his room. Something about being behind closed doors and alone with him made butterflies swarm in my stomach. I didn’t think I could handle that yet.
“Give me that little guy,” Abigail said the moment she saw me. Her arms went out automatically and Chry practically jumped into them. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for Mouse,” I told her with a smile. I knew her question sounded a little accusatory but she didn’t mean it that way.
“I haven’t seen him all morning. He’s probably still sulking in his room. I’ll watch this dude while you go, if you want.”
I was hesitant only because I needed Chry as a buffer or something. But I could tell she really wanted to play with him so I didn’t have the heart to take him away from her.
“Sure. Thank you,” I replied as I set his bag down on the chair beside us.
“Take your time. I don’t have anything to do for, oh, another five hours,” she said with a laugh and I knew she was talking about making dinner.
With a smile, I left them and headed up to Mouse’s room.
I knocked tentatively almost hoping that he might not
hear it. If he didn’t answer the door then I could walk away and not feel too badly about it, right?
But he must have had bat hearing because a few seconds later, he was pulling open the door.
“Oh, my gosh,” I said in one quick, shocked breath. “Your face.”
His smile was sad like he was trying so hard to make it appear just for me. I realized what I’d said was a little rude but I couldn’t help it.
His eye was swollen and only halfway open. His face was more black and blue than flesh tone. And his poor lip was split open and puffy.
My fingers inched their way to his face but I stopped short because I was afraid I’d hurt him more. But there was something in his eyes that told me he was desperate for my touch despite his wounds.
So, not thinking about it too much, I let my hand lightly cup his face. His skin felt hot to the touch and I almost could have sworn I could feel it pulsing beneath my palm. Maybe that was just my heart beating out of control.
His eyes drifted closed for a second and he calmly leaned into my touch.
With a deep inhale, almost like he had to work up the strength, he carefully moved away, giving me enough room to step inside.
“I’m really happy to see you, Ingram,” he said after he closed the door behind me. “But I’m not all that sure why you’re here.”
“Ky told me to come,” I said and I was trying to be funny. However, as Mouse’s eyes jutted around to look at different points around us like Ky might jump out of a wall or something, I felt like I might have failed. “He’s not here. We had a talk last night and then more talking this morning. My point is, he basically said this is where I need to be. For both of us. Maybe need isn’t the right word…”
I was rambling, I knew it. Sometimes I hated that I couldn’t get my thoughts out the way they sounded in my head.
I flopped down on the edge of the bed and looked at my feet.
“I think he understands that we have something more than… well, I feel like he sees that this is where I belong. For me, you know.”
I still wasn’t saying it right.
“Ingram,” Mouse said and his almost sad tone made me lift my head to look at him. “Thank you.”
I nodded as I tried to hold back the tears.
I hadn’t had many people tell me those words in my life. Not for any of the work I ever did or anything else back at the camp. But here was Mouse telling me them simply for being me. For being here for him. For caring about him even though it wasn’t something I could help.
“So how does this friend thing go?” he asked as he sat down on the bed beside me, leaving enough room to be respectful. “We can start there, right? I haven’t messed that up, have I?”
“We will always be friends Mouse. First and foremost, we will always be friends.” I truly meant those words. No matter what direction life took us, whether it be together or not, we would always be friends first.
His body seemed to visibly relax hearing that.
“Can I clean your face?” I asked because it was clear that he hadn’t done much other than wipe the blood away at some point. There were still a few spots that had dried flecks clinging on for dear life.
“Is it that bad?” he asked with a little humor in his voice. My face must have said it all because he lightly chuckled, then quickly sucked in a breath like it had hurt him to do so. “Yeah. I’ll take all the help I can get right now.”
At seeing the tiny smile on his face, my lips tipped up with one in return.
I cleaned him up, finding everything once he told me where it was all at. He didn’t wince too much and I had to give him credit for that. I imagined that it had to hurt really badly.
After I was done and he found out that Chry was downstairs, we left his room. I had no idea why I had been so nervous about being alone with him. I should have known, I was always safe with him.
I laughed when Chry saw Mouse and instantly ran over to him. I laughed again when Chry pointed to Mouse’s face and said ‘ouchie’ with a scrunched up expression. Mouse played it off well and I was happy that it was soon forgotten. It wasn’t something I wanted Chry to get used to seeing, that was for sure. And I hoped this would be the last time Ky and Mouse would get into it, though I had a feeling the tension would be there for a while. That was just Ky. I had to learn to accept his overly protective big brother ways. That didn’t mean that I had to put up with it when he went crazy.
We stayed for a little bit and hung out. It was nice and I remembered why I’d missed this place so much. Everyone here was so wonderful and open. So accepting and loving in their own ways. I felt like I fit here without having to be someone different.
“So, friends?” Mouse asked once he had Chry buckled up in his car seat. I barely looked to make sure he’d done it right this time. I knew that he had but I still couldn’t help it. Maybe one day, I would be able to let go and trust the world enough to know that I didn’t have to hold everything on my shoulders.
“Friends,” I repeated with a nod and a smile.
“Okay.” His smile was blinding and it wrapped around me like a warm blanket. “I’ll see you soon. Let me know if you need help watching the little guy. I really would like to.”
“Yes. Um, I have a shift tomorrow afternoon. Does that work?”
“Any time you need me, I’m here,” he said and there was this intensity in his eyes that almost made me shiver. I felt the heaviness in his words, I knew the underlying meaning, and I couldn’t say that I hated it.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told him feeling a bit flustered. I couldn’t think of anything better to say.
“Tomorrow.”
He smiled as he held the driver’s side door open for me. After I was settled in, he closed the door again.
I drove away feeling something. Only I couldn’t explain what it was. It felt like it had before, only now it was stronger. I kind of wasn’t afraid of it though. In fact, I wanted to run toward it as fast as I could.
Time and patience.
There was no need to rush it.
After all, good things come to those who wait.
Or so I had heard before.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Ingram
I kissed Chry goodbye and thanked Chris for watching him for a few hours. Then I was out the door. It was one of my days off and I was going shopping with the girls. Poor Laurel said that she desperately needed new clothes because her belly was growing so fast. I could only imagine how big her baby must be, B-ry wasn’t exactly a small man.
I was excited. I’d never really had friends before, let alone girlfriends I could go shopping with. I knew going in that I wasn’t going to go crazy, but I was hoping that I might find a few new dresses.
Most of us met up at the compound and because B-ry was so overprotective, he had— not one, but two— prospects go with us. I didn’t really know these guys but I figured it was alright. Besides, everyone else didn’t seem fazed by it.
To be honest, there were a lot of new faces since I’d come back. Some people that had been prospects before, now had new patches on their cuts. I didn’t even know what a prospect was. I mean, given the name, I could only guess that it was like someone that was a potential member.
I didn’t think it mattered all that much though.
We were getting driven around in one of the club SUVs and it was kind of cool. Almost like we had a chauffeur or something. One that wore faded jeans and a leather vest.
I almost giggled out loud at the thought.
“There is this cute boutique I want to show you,” Laurel said once we were all seated in the SUV and on our way. “They have all these cool accessories. All handmade by local metalsmiths, too.”
To that, my eyes lit up with excitement.
I didn’t have many accessories. My ears weren’t even pierced. But I sometimes wished that I had a few delicate necklaces and bracelets to break up things.
“And there is this new baby store that just opened up a few blocks fr
om that too,” she went on.
They continued to chat but my mind started to drift off.
It had been a couple of months now since Mouse and I started this whole friend thing over again.
Things were actually really good. He was sweet and there for me. He listened when I had a bad day. Chry was with him at least three days a week but Mouse never seemed to mind at all. I could see the love he had for Chry. It was practically bursting out of him.
On nights when I got off early, we would hang out and the three of us would eat dinner at the compound with everyone else. It was great because there was never a lack of conversation.
I was slowly getting to know all the members, or brothers as they called each other. I loved it. I was also taking the time to get to know how everything worked within the club. I mean, not in great detail, of course, but I was catching onto most of the ins and outs. I also quickly learned the dos and don’ts. There was much to learn but I figured the more I was around it, the more it would become like second nature.
As the days slipped by, I realized that things were just the way they should have been.
I was happy. Like really, truly happy.
The vehicle stopped, jolting me out of my head and I instantly looked around. This was what they called the downtown area of the city with all the cute restaurants and shops.
As we got out, so did the prospects. They followed us from shop to shop but didn’t hover over us, which was nice.
“Oh, this would look so good on you,” Bridget said as she held up a flowy dress that looked like it would stop right above my knee. There were little buttons all the way down the front.
“I like that,” I said as I lifted the hanger out of her hand. I held it up to me in front of the huge mirror in the corner.
“That color looks good with your skin tone. And really makes your eyes pop,” Cami said as she stepped up beside me.
It was true. The light teal was a beautiful contrast against my darker skin tone and deep brown hair.
