But sometimes at school, when the other kids in his class would talk about their mothers and the things they did, or on certain days like Mother's Day, Thomas knew it was hard for his son. So he did not mind at all when on nights like tonight his son would ask to hear about his mother, he missed her a lot sometimes. Thomas looked down at his son, whose eyes were already starting to droop, and ran his hand through his hair.
“Of course it’s okay, little man. You missing her some?” he asked.
“Yeah, a little bit,” the boy answered quietly looking at his father in the eyes.
He grabbed his sons hand and thought quietly to himself.
“Okay. Daniel, no problem. I miss her a lot too. Let me think of something good,” he said, looking down at his son.
After thinking for a minute, Thomas began telling his son a story about the first time he and Daniel’s mother went to Seattle. They went and saw the orcas, on one of the orca boat tours based in the Puget Sound. Neither one of them had ever been that close to one of the huge black-and-white whales before. He told his son how much his mother had enjoyed it and how beautiful she looked when the whales splashed water all over her with a flap of their fins and how hard she had laughed every time it happened. Daniel loved whales and Thomas thought he would like hearing this particular story about his mother. Thomas liked talking about her just as much as Daniel liked hearing it. They both missed her terribly and neither of them wanted the memory of her to ever fade. About 10 minutes or so into the story Thomas glanced down and saw that his son was fast asleep. One of his tiny arms was over the side of the lab Harley. Thomas leaned over and kissed his son goodnight, gave Harley a quick pet on the head and quietly left the room, shutting the door behind him after making sure Daniel’s night light was on.
After he took a long shower, Thomas stood in front of the slider in his bedroom. It was wide open; he was holding a cup of tea in his hand and the radio next to his bed was playing a song by Miles Davis. He closed his eyes and breathed in the air. He looked out onto the wide expanse of ocean that was now reflecting some light from the moon that was just starting to come over the coastal mountains and the tree line to the east of their house.
It was a little cooler now than what it had been earlier when he and Daniel were out on the beach. The breeze had picked up somewhat and the surf had gotten much larger. Thomas loved the way the ocean smelled, the way the waves sounded as they hit the rocks and sand that lined the beach; the air smelled clean and new. He loved waking up to these sounds and he especially loved falling asleep to these sounds. It was entirely peaceful and always calmed him down no matter what his day was like or how stressful it was. The sounds of Miles Davis that were floating through the room made it all that much better.
Thomas grabbed the handle for the slider door and pulled it shut almost all the way. He took a sip of his tea, turned towards the bed, and sat on its edge. The huge mastiff Layla, who had been sleeping soundly on it, moved over and put her large head on his lap. He set the coffee cup on the table next to the bed and began rubbing behind the dogs’ ears and on the top of her head. With his free hand, he reached over, grabbed the picture of Sarah off the nightstand, and stared at it.
“Damn, we miss you, baby. Your son – our son – is getting so big and so smart. He is a wise ass sometimes. You would laugh your cute little ass off at some of the things he says,” he said, talking to the picture, something he would do on occasion.
He looked at her picture for a few more minutes and set it back down. He then reached for the other picture that was next to it, the one of the other woman from back in Michigan. He silently looked at it, and rubbed the tips of his fingers gently over her face. He sighed, put the picture gently back on the table, and then adjusted both pictures. He reached over, turned the light off and crawled underneath the blankets. He started rubbing Layla’s stomach after the dog had lain down with her back pressed against his side. He quickly started dozing off and a few minutes later Thomas was fast asleep.
Five
She was lightly tapping her fingertips on the side of the wine glass that she had in her hand. As she looked down at the dark red liquid she sloshed it around inside of the glass, a million thoughts and feelings were going through her heart and mind while she did it. At the same time, she was avoiding eye contact with her friend Karen who sat next to her on the large couch in her living room. Stephanie was not used to having someone be so invasive about her personal business and her past. However, considering what her friend had witnessed earlier in the day while they were at work, Karen was not letting her get out of talking about the man in the picture, the man named Thomas. Stephanie had decided that it was easier to just go along with Karen and not try to fight her.
It was about 8:30 pm now on Monday night; Karen had gotten to Stephanie’s house around 7 pm and brought the Chinese food and wine as promised. As soon as Karen walked into the door, she was asking questions and expecting answers. Stephanie felt bombarded after an already emotional and stressful day.
As they ate, Karen got Stephanie to start opening up ever so slowly about Thomas. They were small questions at first that were easy to answer. Eventually she asked harder and more personal questions, questions that required a lot more thought and explanation on Stephanie’s part; and more honesty. Karen knew how to work Stephanie to get her to talk. Eventually it all started coming out as if a floodgate had burst open in Stephanie’s heart and mind. Soon Karen did not even have to ask Stephanie too many questions at all. Stephanie just talked and let it go and come out naturally from her heart. It had been years since she had been able to talk openly about Thomas with anyone. The few times she had brought Thomas up with her ex-boyfriend Jared it had ended in fights and crying and Stephanie always ended up feeling stupid.
Her life was different now, her mind was different and maybe her heart was different. Moreover, she had a good friend sitting next to her who was truly interested and willing to listen, albeit in a somewhat nosey and forceful way.
Stephanie turned her body and pulled one leg up onto the couch. She put her left elbow on the back of the couch and ran her fingers through her long hair. The wine glass was still in her other hand. She looked at Karen who was staring at her waiting for what was going to come out next. Stephanie sat waiting for another question from her nosey friend.
“Okay, Steph, let me see if I understand this so far, with what you’ve already said,” Karen said as she rubbed her face, took a sip of wine and took a long look at the picture of the man from Stephanie’s past that was sitting in the middle of the coffee table in front of them.
“So this Thomas James guy. Over the course of a few years, he slowly and patiently tried to become a part of your life. You hated him at first and then eventually you ended up caring for him a lot as a ‘friend’,” she said sarcastically.
“But he was someone you talked to about other relationships you had and other guys. He gave you honest opinions and actually talked to you about those things, even though he had feelings for you the whole time. He slowly becomes one of your closest friends, and you became one of his closest friends. You and he talked to each other about everything. When something was wrong, he was the first person you usually called, just as you were usually the first person he called when he needed to talk. He knew more about you, generally, than any man ever has before, and made an effort to learn as much about you as he could. He wanted to know what made you, you basically, and he actually paid attention to you when you were talking. He did everything he could to get you to trust him or at least tried to. He did not lie to you and he did not purposefully hurt you. Am I right so far?” she asked Stephanie.
“More or less, so farm” Stephanie answered quietly feeling like a huge jerk more than she already did.
“Okay, so eventually you and Thomas started spending a lot of time together alone and also with friends. You and Thomas would go for walks, have coffee for hours, and take his dog to the park and things like that. Eventually he admitted
to you that he had feelings for you; then a little later on he told you he had fallen in love with you, correct?” she asked.
“I feel like I’m on trial, Karen,” Stephanie said with a nervous laugh.
“No, not a trial, but I’m thinking you should have gotten a mental exam a long time ago,” Karen said jokingly.
“Ha, ha, you’re a funny old lady,” was all Stephanie could manage as a reply.
“Anyway, he told you he was in love with you. He sent you flowers when you got a new job because he was proud of you, and the card from those flowers you still have over five years later. He was not a bad man, he wanted a family, and he had his own money, he was somewhat successful for someone his age. And let’s not forget he was handsome as hell; at least I think so.
“He took care of his family. His dad thought you were great. He was loyal to the small group of friends that he had. He would and tried to do anything to make you happy and to be good enough for you. What’s more, even after you turned him down multiple times out of stupidity, he never backed away, never stopped loving you, and never stopped trying to prove himself to you. He was still very much in your life when you started seeing other guys, was still in your life when those guys were gone. He made no real attempt at dating other women. He even chose chasing after your dumb, skinny ass when he had the chance to get back together with a woman from his own past. You treated him like crap sometimes, made him feel stupid. Even when you did that, he did not back away, did not treat you like crap back as most guys did; and he just tried harder. He was a complete gentleman. He never tried anything inappropriate or that you did not want, he was never pushy or forceful. He opened up to you in ways that he never had with any other women before you. He did more than any other man ever did to try to win your heart. You and he were in each other’s lives for more or less three years and the last two years very consistently. I think that’s about it so far right?” Karen said as she eyeballed Stephanie.
Stephanie had, by this point, pulled her knees up to her chest and was hugging a pillow feeling horrible.
“Yeah, pretty much…in a much shorter, less emotional version than what I told you – and managing to call me stupid,” she said squinting at her friend as she took a sip of her wine.
“Sweetheart, that’s my job. My job is to make your lonely dumb ass feel stupid so that maybe you do something about it,” Karen said to her friend.
Stephanie sighed, took a sip of her wine, gazed over to the picture of Thomas and lost herself in thought as she looked at it. Karen was watching her as she looked at the picture on the table.
“Okay, the picture then,” Karen started saying, “You said it was taken in Florida when he took you there on vacation, to meet his mom, right, and that was right before the shit hit the fan and it totally ended.”
“So tell me about Florida, tell me what happened down there…or didn’t happen,” Karen said as she went to refill her and Stephanie’s wine glasses.
Stephanie thought quietly for a minute or two as she tried to recall events that had happened years before.
“He was nervous about me meeting his mom, I remember that. I actually brought it up to him a few times before he did it. He and his mom were close. Meeting her was a big deal to him, as well as to her and to me also, for some reason. He did not take it lightly, because he rarely introduced women to his mom. He thought about it for a long time. Then there were a few weeks where we didn’t talk a whole lot because I started spending time with this other guy,” Stephanie said quietly as she looked off into space as she spoke.
“Go figure. I could have seen that one coming,” Karen said.
“Shut up and let me finish!” Stephanie said.
“Okay, okay – fine, finish,” Karen said annoyed.
“Anyway that whole other guy thing ended quickly and turned out to be nothing and Thomas was, as always, still around. We started spending more time together again, and talking more. He asked me if I still wanted to go to Florida with him and meet his mom. I had wanted to for a long time, so naturally I said yes,” she said and before Stephanie could finish, Karen interrupted her with a well-placed jab.
“Yes, naturally… of course you said yes. Because it’s normal and perfectly natural for a woman to go on vacation to meet the mother of a man who’s in love with her that she won’t date,” Karen said, looking away from Stephanie.
“Anyways, Karen!” Stephanie exclaimed.
“We had long talks about it before we actually went there. And things were really great then, but we were still just friends,” Stephanie said as she paused to take a sip of wine, looking up at Karen who had raised an eyebrow at her.
“We went down to Sarasota towards the end of July. His mom Grace picked us up at the airport. She was so sweet and nice and hugged me before she even hugged him. She and Thomas had talked a lot about me and she was anxious to finally meet me. We did all kinds of things down there. We went hiking, and shopping he took me to the Ringling Brothers art museum. We went to little bars on the ocean, we walked around downtown Sarasota, went to different beaches and keys. He took me to this local art show and farmers market in Venice that went down an entire street. We went to different restaurants every day. We spent a lot of time with his mom. I got to hear all kind of stories about him when he was growing up and about his ex-wife and ex-girlfriends, and when she went to visit him out in Oregon when he lived there the first time. His mom had fun trying to embarrass him,” she said.
Stephanie paused, shifted her position on the couch, grabbed a cookie from the table, and took a bite before continuing.
“His mom and he took me to this bar called Captain Kirk’s on Siesta Key that they go to sometimes, to do karaoke. He sang to me in front of everyone, something by Frank Sinatra because he was a huge Sinatra fan. He took me to a different beach every night, slow dancing at sunset out on Blue water Key. It was amazing and truly romantic; we were the only ones on the beach,” she continued to say very thoughtfully as the memories she thought were long lost rushed back to her from somewhere deep in her heart.
She noticed Karen looking up at the wall to her right at a framed picture of Sinatra that was hanging. She smiled as she looked at it too.
“Is that why you have that silly picture of Sinatra then? Because I do not see you as a Frank Sinatra fan sweetheart. And I know for sure that Jared wasn’t. He wasn’t classy enough for that,” Karen said, curious.
“He wasn’t…never will be. Jared hated that picture and the music. Actually, Thomas bought it for me when we were down in Florida. I did not really like Frank Sinatra all that much; I was young and did not like old music like that then, at least not all that much. Nevertheless, he bought it for me anyway because he knew someday I would like Frank’s music…and he was right. Now I love Sinatra and that whole type of music: the Rat Pack, Tony Bennett, all of them. Thomas loved Frank; he loved his style, his voice, his class and his persona. He loved what his songs represented; Thomas was always a cheesy romantic. I kept that picture up to remind me of Thomas, but Jared never knew that,” Stephanie said as she looked up, smiling still at the picture while continuing, “Want to see something?” looking back at her friend who was amazed.
As she slowly got up off the couch, she turned to look over to Karen who had not answered her yet.
“Yeah, sure,” Karen answered, wondering what Stephanie was going to show her.
“Okay, but don’t laugh at me,” Stephanie said as she pointed her finger at Karen in a warning fashion.
Stephanie walked across the room, bent down, and picked up a medium sized box that was lying on the floor next to her stereo. She came back with it, sat back down on the couch, set the box in between her and Karen, and slowly opened it. Inside it was full of CDs and a few old vinyl records; the contents surprised Karen.
“What are these, Steph? Why do you have these?” Karen asked curiously.
“Like I said, at some point I eventually I became a huge Sinatra fan. These are all the CDs I could find
of Sinatra’s, and also a few old LPs that I found at garage sales and used record stores. I had to hide them from Jared for years, because as I said he hated this music. I just brought them out a few days ago,” Stephanie said smiling and rather excited as she thumbed through them.
“Damn Sweetheart, I never knew this side of you,” Karen said still surprised.
“Yeah, no one does,” she replied quietly, “I’m sorry. Anyway, back to Florida.”
“No, it’s fine. Really Steph,” Karen said smiling and mildly impressed then asking, “So after this beach dance episode did you sleep with him?” again with a raised eyebrow and a devious smile to go along with it.
“Yes and no,” Stephanie said.
“What the hell does that mean?” Karen asked, confused and sitting up straight.
“Well, when we left we were not dating or in a relationship. We were still just friends like I said before. Of course, Thomas being the gentleman he is, he willingly slept on the couch and let me sleep on the bed in the spare room. I don’t think he ever assumed anything would happen while we were down there. His mom’s condo was gorgeous by the way.
“That night and after a busy day, I think it was our fifth night there, we were lying on the bed in the spare room talking. It was pretty late and he got up to go out to the couch, I asked him to sleep in there with me. I wasn’t planning on saying it, it just sort of came out.”
“Mmm hmm, and what happened then?” Karen asked with an insinuating smile on her face.
“Absolutely nothing, we didn’t have sex, we didn’t even kiss and he didn’t try. As I said, Thomas was always a gentleman. We changed clothes and kept talking for, I don’t know, another hour and then we started to fall asleep,” Stephanie said as she paused to think, trying to remember more.
Running Northwest Page 6
