"None of us would like to see that young woman hurt anymore," Ruth said. "God knows she's been through enough."
"I don't want to hurt her."
She gave him a pointed look. "Maybe not, but I remember the way she idolized you."
"That was a long time ago. She was just a kid."
Ruth was quiet a moment, then her eyes softened. "Time doesn't change everything."
As the older woman left the room, David began eating. Her last comment played over and over in his mind. She was wrong, he told himself. She had to be wrong. Because if she wasn't, not getting involved with Tanya was going to be harder than he thought. Almost impossible. Hell, every time they were together he wanted to touch her.
He shoved his empty plate away and drained his glass. What was the real reason Tanya hadn't come down to eat? If she hadn't been hungry, she was probably okay. But what if she wasn't? What if she was ill?
Deciding to check on her, he got up and headed for the stairs that led to the bedrooms on the third story of the house.
The staff quarters were at the back of the house on the bottom floor. The second story had been set aside for guests, and the top floor housed family members. At the top of the stairs, he walked down the hall opposite the direction of his own room and stopped in front of Tanya's bedroom.
"Tanya?" Tapping lightly, he waited for her to answer. When she didn't, he reached for the doorknob, then hesitated.
Should he go in? Maybe not. It was possible that she was sleeping, wasn't it? If so, and he knocked again, he'd awaken her.
But what if she was sick? He thought of all those months she spent taking care of his father. If she wasn't feeling well and needed help, she deserved to have someone looking after her.
He wanted to be that someone, but he knew the smartest thing to do would be to walk away. Still, the thought of her being alone and ill made him rap his knuckles against the door.
* * *
Startled by the knock on her bedroom door, Tanya's breath caught in her lungs. She'd left instructions not to be disturbed. Who was it?
David?
Oh, God, she couldn't bear for him to see her like this. If the man knew she wasn't strong enough to handle her grief, he might think she wasn't capable of running the plantation. Then they'd have that argument all over again.
Trying to remain quiet, she buried her face in her pillow to smother the sound of her sobs. Why couldn't she stop weeping? She'd been in her room for hours, her sorrow so overwhelming that she'd cried herself to sleep. When she awoke a little earlier, tears had flooded her eyes yet again. Her heart ached so badly that she felt as if she were coming apart inside. She was so tired of being strong.
When the handle jiggled and the door slowly opened, she knew David was in her room. Hoping he'd leave, she held her breath and tried to remain stone-still. She heard the door close, then his footsteps coming nearer. Her heart began to hammer in her chest. Despite her desire to remain quiet, her sob broke the silence in the room.
"Tanya?" David called as he moved closer. Entering Tanya's bedroom had been an invasion of her privacy, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He wanted to be sure she was okay. Then he would leave.
Turning, he spotted her on the bed. Lying on her side, facing away from him, she was curled into a tight ball, sobbing into her pillow. Stunned, he stared at her, only now beginning to realize the magnitude of her grief.
His stomach knotted as he approached her. Not sure of what to say to ease her sorrow, he sat on the edge of the bed, then gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
"Go away!" Mortified, Tanya shrank from his touch. Even as she did, she was aware of how much she wished he'd put his arms around her. Oh, God, she needed so much to be held, to be comforted and assured that this horrible pain would go away.
"C'mon, Tanya," David coaxed, understanding why he'd be the last person she'd open up to. He silently cursed himself. After what he'd accused her of, she had a right to be upset with him. She probably hated him. And rightly so. That he'd caused her worry while she was feeling such heartache shamed him.
Tanya didn't move. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice muffled.
"I knocked, but I guess you didn't hear me."
"Yes, I did."
David smiled at the petulance in her voice. She didn't want him there. Well, that was tough. Obviously, she was hurting and needed someone. Though he hadn't been around for his father, maybe he could make up for the way he'd been treating her by being there for her. He owed her that, and more.
He sat on the edge of the bed, both disturbed and surprised that he wanted to be there for her. When he touched her shoulder again, she stiffened, but he didn't remove his hand. "Look, I just want you to talk to me."
Tanya sighed as the warmth of his hand seeped into her. Frowning, she thought about how horrible she must look. She sniffed again, then grabbed a few tissues from the box beside her bed and blew her nose. "I'm fine," she lied, tears in her throat. She couldn't bare her soul to David. He hadn't had a loving relationship with his father like she'd had. He'd never understand what she was going through. She fought the urge to tell him how much she ached inside, how much she missed Edward.
How much she wanted, needed someone to lean on.
"Obviously, you aren't."
Rolling toward him, Tanya looked everywhere but at his face. "You can't help me," she whispered, wishing he'd leave and wanting him to stay at the same time.
David studied her disheveled appearance and felt something inside him shift. Despite her tousled hair, her puffy eyes and tear-streaked face, she was beautiful. Realizing he was playing with fire, he gently caressed her shoulder, then felt a fist squeeze his heart when another tear fell. "C'mon, Tanya. Maybe I can." Though he'd never been good at relationships, he felt an overwhelming need to comfort her. "I know you're hurting. I'll admit that I don't feel the same depth of emotion for my father, but despite what you think, I'm not made of stone."
She glanced at him, then sighed deeply. Somehow, she found the energy to get up and sit beside him. Her expression softened when their gazes met, and she saw shadows of deep anguish in his eyes. "I don't think that."
She had wondered. He hadn't even talked about losing his father. Why? Maybe sharing her feelings for Edward could help David heal his own pain.
"I miss him," she whispered, and just being able to say those three words made everything she'd been through since Edward's death come rushing back. She closed her eyes against the pain.
"I know you do." He suddenly felt helpless and wished there was something he could do or say to ease her anguish. Though he wanted to pull her into his arms, he resisted the urge, sure she would reject his offer of comfort. His father had never shown him love, nor had he accepted so much as a hug from him.
"It's especially hard now, when we're in between seasons." She looked away. "With winter coming, there isn't as much to do around here, and I can't seem to keep my mind occupied with other things." With so much time to think, everything around her, everything she did, reminded her of Edward.
"And I haven't been very much help," David admitted, stating what she hadn't.
Tanya bit her lip, not wanting to add to his burden. "I know this hasn't been easy on you, either."
She amazed him. She truly did. Even through her grief, she was thinking of him. He wasn't sure what to think. Or do. No wonder his father had cared so deeply for her. David had promised him that he'd look after Tanya. So far, he'd been distrustful, wallowing in his own misery, and he hadn't done a very good job of keeping his word. But if nothing else, he would keep that promise. "Losing someone you care about is never easy. You spent a lot of time with my father."
Tears glistened in her eyes, but Tanya forced them back. "I loved working with him. I know it was hard for you when you came home and found me here, but your father gave me a second chance. I never forgot that, and I worked really hard trying to please him.
"I know you didn't always get along," she cont
inued, realizing the impact of her words would cause him pain. "I heard you arguing with each other when you came home the summer I arrived here. And in the beginning, your father even kept me at a distance. But I didn't have anything or anyone else to focus my attention on, so I pushed him hard, wanting him to show me a sign, any sign, that he liked me." She chuckled through her tears. "He resisted my attempts for a long time, but I continued to chip away at his bafflers."
"You accomplished something that I hadn't been able to do all of my life," David stated, surprising himself with the admission.
Touching his arm, she said softly, "I'm so sorry." Tanya hadn't been there when David's mother had died. From comments Edward had made, she knew it had been a painful time. It hadn't been right that he'd shut his son out, but that was the one thing that Edward refused to talk about. Trying to talk to him about how he treated David was when she most often encountered Edward's stubbornness. "You'll probably think this is weird, but I sometimes felt that I filled a void in your father's life, that in some way, I became a feminine influence that had been missing."
"I don't think that's weird at all." Actually, when David thought about it, it made a lot of sense. Maybe his father had responded to Tanya on a level that he could never have reached him on.
"At first, because I was female, he restricted me to working in the house. But I wanted to be with him so I bugged him until he let me tag along. After a while, he began giving me more and more tasks around the plantation. Eventually, he let me work alongside him." She looked at David, her smile a little sad. "At night, after dinner, we'd watch television together." Her eyes brightened ever so slightly.
His lips tipped up at the edges. "He did like his television."
"And he loved working crossword puzzles. There are books of puzzles all over the house. Edward worked one every night. I'd … I'd help—" She stopped speaking, her lips quivering as a fresh batch of tears overwhelmed her. Her shoulders began shaking, and she covered her face with her hands.
"Come here, Tanya." David said, and drew her to him. "Shh, it's gonna be okay."
But she continued to cry.
He held her tighter, and she gave in to her grief. When he stroked her hair, she burrowed closer, pressing her face against his chest as her tears ran unchecked. David held her until she finally quieted and became still in his arms.
"I'm sorry," Tanya whispered, her voice barely audible as she garnered the courage to look at him. She couldn't believe she'd let herself break down like that. And in David's arms. She blinked the last of her tears away.
It felt so good to be held by him, to feel his heat and strength surround her. The solid beat of his heart. Night had fallen, cloaking them in shadows from the moonlight outside her window. She was where she'd wanted to be since she was seventeen.
In his arms.
The intimacy of being in her room, on her bed, made her heart stir with a deep-seated awareness that, until now, she'd kept buried inside. Caught by the need aching inside her, she could no longer control her emotions. She lifted her head, and their mouths were so close, so very close. His warm breath mingled with her own. Her gaze met his. Mesmerized, Tanya stilled, unable to move.
"Tanya," he whispered.
There was a question in his soft tone, but she also heard his desire, saw it in his eyes. His gaze searched hers. Tanya couldn't speak. She simply waited until his mouth touched hers … then she sank into his kiss.
Hot flames shot through her as his tongue slipped into her mouth to stroke and taste and devour. Her breasts tightened as passion overwhelmed her sense of reasoning. She moved closer, wanting more, needing more. Their bodies touched, and Tanya forgot what had brought him to her, why she'd been hurting. His hands slid up her back to her neck, holding her head still as his tongue delved deeper into her mouth.
The sheer pleasure of his kiss consumed every fiber of her being. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing closer, needing him so much that nothing else in the world mattered.
David responded with a groan. He lowered her to the mattress, his mouth pressing hot kisses to her face, her mouth, her throat. When his hand slid up her ribs, she trembled. His fingers found her nipple through her bra, and she nearly came apart.
Arching her back, she gave him access to the clasp, and suddenly it was no longer a baffler. He slid her shirt up, baring her to him. His mouth took her breast, and she went up in flames, the pleasure so intense that she cried out.
Tanya froze, the sound of her own voice reverberating through the room. David was on top of her, his mouth on her breast, his tongue doing wonderful things to her nipple.
She needed to deal with her grief, yes, but not by making love with Edward's son—a man who hadn't shown her an iota of respect since he'd come home. This was wrong. So wrong. How could she do this? How could she be taking pleasure in David's arms when she should have been grieving for Edward?
David raised his head and looked at her. Her face flushed with heat.
"David, let me up," she pleaded, her tone desperate. Oh, God, she'd made a fool of herself. Barely able to breathe, she placed her hands against his chest and tried to push him away.
Confused, David stared at her. His gaze found hers, his eyes dark and glowering. He had every reason to be angry, she thought. But she couldn't deal with his emotions now. She had enough on her hands dealing with her own.
"Tanya—"
"Now. Please!"
Without another word, David rolled off her and stood. He reached out to help her up, but Tanya scooted off the bed under her own power. She couldn't bring herself to look at him.
What must he think of her?
Swallowing hard, she bit back a sob. "Please go." Barely able to get the words out, she turned away from him.
"Tanya—"
"Please. Just leave me alone." Squeezing her eyes shut, she wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her head.
David didn't say anything more. A moment later, she heard her door open, then close. Silence engulfed her, leaving her feeling even more alone than she'd been before David had come to her. It wasn't until then that she realized she'd been holding her breath.
Oh, God, what had she almost done?
* * *
Four
« ^ »
Alone, Tanya changed into her nightgown, then practically fell into bed. Despite the exhaustion that made lifting her hand feel as if there was a fifty-pound weight attached to it, she didn't feel at all drowsy. Quite the opposite. Her mind raced with what had just transpired.
For the second time in her life, she'd thrown herself at David. If it wouldn't require so much effort, she'd smack herself in the head. How could she ever explain her actions to him?
You were distraught. It felt good to be held, and he had just been offering you comfort.
Yes, but what had begun as a consoling gesture had spiraled into something much more intimate. Had she been in her right mind, she would never have let him kiss her.
And she definitely wouldn't have kissed him back.
You're lying. You wanted to kiss him.
Her heart stirred as her mind whispered the truth. She really had. She'd wanted so much more than a kiss.
She'd wanted to make love with him. She still did. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. And if she made love with David, what then? He had a life in Atlanta. He'd made it clear that he was only here because he was adhering to the terms of Edward's will. After the year was up, he would leave Cottonwood.
Leave her.
Could she handle his leaving again? Especially now, knowing that her heart was at risk? Getting involved with David would be a grave mistake. Emotional suicide.
He'd hurt her once. Well, yes, she'd been seventeen, young and naive. But it had still hurt when he'd kissed her as if he truly wanted her, then turned and walked away without an excuse or an apology, dropping out of her life for five long years.
Five years that she'd spent hoping with all her heart that he would return. And she'd let that si
lly schoolgirl crush ruin her chances of establishing any kind of relationship with a man. God, she hadn't dated another man more than once or twice, couldn't even remember the last time.
At some point, she'd begun passing up opportunities to see other men. She'd refused an offer to go out with Jack Dawson, a banker from the nearby town of Cotton Creek, only last month. She just hadn't been interested. Her life had been busy enough trying to take care of the plantation and Edward. She hadn't had the time or the inclination for anything else.
But the real reason was that Jack wasn't David.
She curled her hands into fists. Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? Wanting to be with him? The man was infuriating. Not to mention that he didn't even trust her. From the moment he'd arrived, he'd been obnoxious and insulting. Accusing her of an array of wrong-doings. Then, with the cold thoroughness of a businessman, he had busied himself thinking of ways to get rid of her!
Turning on her side, Tanya stared out the window at the moonlit shadows of the magnolia tree outside her bedroom. Face it, she told herself, you're already half in love with him. You've harbored feelings for him for five long years on a single kiss. Lived with the dream that David would come home and make peace with his father, then confess he held feelings for you.
After the way David had kissed her, she suspected that he was attracted to her. She sighed heavily. He probably wasn't any happier about that than she was.
So, what should she do? Continue pulling away? Deny herself an intimate relationship with him?
Rolling over to lie on her back, Tanya gazed absently at the ceiling. Okay, damage control. Though not sure of what to do about her feelings for David, she knew that more than likely she would see him in the morning.
First things, first. She'd face David and apologize for her behavior. That would be simple enough to do, right?
Terms of Surrender Page 4
