by Mandy Baggot
“I have an appointment today, to go through my statement,” Robyn said.
“I’m going to call whoever and I’m going to cancel. You’re not up to that right now,” Nancy said firmly.
“You shouldn’t have to go through all that again, it’s criminal,” Max told her, his eyes watery.
“Dad told you,” Robyn said, looking at the old man.
“Broke down in tears, he did. Said he wished he’d killed this Jason back in the day. I don’t blame him. If I ever see him…” Max began, getting upset.
“Now you listen to me, I don’t want anyone wallowing in upset over this anymore. And I don’t want you to cancel, Nancy. I’m going to give my statement and then it’s going to be over, no matter what. I’ve wasted too much time reliving it; I don’t want to waste a second more,” Robyn said determinedly.
There was a knock on the door and Sarah cautiously opened it and looked in. She smiled at Robyn.
“Hi. I hope I’m not disturbing anything. I just wanted to see…” she began, stepping into the room.
“She’s fine; blow to the head did her the world of good as far as I’m concerned,” Nancy answered smartly, taking hold of Max’s wheelchair.
“We’d better check on your dad. Keep eating the good stuff, girl,” Max said, gesturing to the half-eaten packet of raisins.
“We need to talk about the roadhouse!” Robyn called as Nancy and Max made for the door.
“Later, honey, Milo’s got it covered,” Nancy said dismissively.
“Nancy!” Robyn yelled.
“Rest! Or the doc will keep you here longer. I’ll be back in an hour to check on you,” she replied, and she closed the door behind her.
Robyn let out an irritated sigh and then focused on her friend who was still standing rather awkwardly too far away from the bed.
“We’re fighting, aren’t we,” Robyn said, as if not completely sure.
“Yes. But I don’t want to,” Sarah answered.
“Yeah, well, me neither. I haven’t got the energy,” Robyn admitted.
“I’ve been an idiot. Just, so stupid,” Sarah continued.
“Me too.”
“I’m pregnant, Robyn,” Sarah admitted with a wide smile.
“Oh my God! You’re kidding, right?”
Sarah shook her head, still beaming.
“Oh my God,” Robyn repeated.
“Be happy for me,” Sarah begged, taking hold of Robyn’s hands.
“I am. I mean, I am if you are and you seem like you are. So I’m happy. God, that’s really like—wow—full on,” Robyn said with a loud expiration.
“I know, but it’s just the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t tell you how I feel. It’s just like everything’s clicked into place. I’ve got a purpose now, I know what I’m doing, and I know where I’m going…it’s just incredible,” Sarah announced, her eyes shining with expectant anticipation.
“Have you told Mickey?”
“Not yet.”
“Why not? I mean, if this news doesn’t prompt a proposal then nothing will.”
“I don’t want that.”
“What?”
“I don’t want a proposal. Not now. I would love for us to get back together and be together as a family, but I don’t want us to get back together because of the baby. Every couple that does that ends up hating each other and resenting each other, and I don’t want that for me and I don’t want that for Mickey, either.”
“Jeez, did you get all grown up and sensible while I was being flattened by the big guy from Grand Rapids?” Robyn asked, sipping her coffee.
“I just want to do right by this little person,” Sarah said, rubbing her stomach protectively.
“Man, don’t rub your guts like that, not yet. It’s not natural until you’re at least six months gone and you have a backache as an excuse.”
“Anyway, how are you doing? When can you come home?” Sarah asked.
“Who knows? When they’ve decided whether my body’s still in one piece, I guess. I think it is. I’m just not sure how long some bits are going to stay hanging on for,” Robyn answered.
He knocked a glass slide with his elbow and it smashed on the floor. The sound jerked him awake and Maggie dutifully came running to his side.
“You should go home,” she said, bending down and sweeping up the shards.
“I can’t sleep,” Cole admitted.
“Then you should go to the hospital,” she suggested.
“Robyn needs rest, I don’t want to stop her resting. If I’m there, she’ll have us watching monster trucks and you haven’t seen her when she’s watching monster trucks. It isn’t relaxing,” Cole remarked with a smile.
“Shall I make us some more coffee?” Maggie suggested.
“Sure, that would be great,” he answered.
“Hi, honey! Oh, look at you! You look so pale. She looks pale, Bob. Doesn’t she look pale?” Pam fussed as she, Bob, Sienna, and Sierra entered Robyn’s room.
“She looks a lot better now than she did on that gurney last night,” Bob said, smiling at his niece.
“We bought you a program. Daddy says you like to read the programs and there’s a cool picture of you from the game against Reading,” Sierra announced, holding the brochure out to her.
“Yeah, you’re screaming at Brad. It was right when he gave the puck away and they almost scored,” Sienna added.
“Am I drooling?”
“Almost,” Bob answered.
“What you did last night, Robyn, was really stupid and dangerous and…” Pam started as she sat in the chair next to Robyn’s bed.
“We thought it was amazing. Daddy’s going to put flyers up at school and try and get a girls’ team together,” Sienna interrupted excitedly.
“You are?” Robyn asked.
“Sure, and if there’s enough interest, I don’t mind taking them for practice sessions,” Bob said.
“But that could be a long way off, you know, if nobody’s interested. I mean, when I was your age girls, I liked Barbie and dress up and…” Pam started.
“Jeez woman, they like hockey, get over it. It’s good they have an interest at last,” Bob butted in.
“We can play Barbies too, Mommy,” Sierra suggested.
“Yeah, ice hockey Barbie. We can get her an outfit and pads and she can mash up Ken,” Sienna said a glint in her eye.
“Ssh, not so loud girls. Robyn’s meant to be resting. So, when can you come home, honey? Bob’s redecorated the guest room; I can look after you, and…” Pam started.
“I’m waiting for my meds and then Cole’s coming to pick me up. I’m going home, you know, Woodhams Avenue…with Cole,” Robyn told her.
“But, honey, you need to rest and I can take some time off work and…” Pam continued.
“I don’t do resting,” Robyn said firmly.
“No, but you do have broken ribs and that means you need to slow down,” Bob joined in.
“But it doesn’t mean I have to stop living with Cole. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Why don’t you want me living with Cole?” Robyn asked, narrowing her eyes.
“We like Cole,” Sienna announced.
“He’s hot,” Sierra agreed.
“This has nothing to do with me,” Bob insisted, wanting to avoid confrontation.
“We like Cole, of course we do, but living together? In a relationship? Isn’t it a bit quick, honey?” Pam asked her.
“It’s my business,” Robyn said.
“I know, honey, but we’re your family and…” Pam began.
“I’m twenty-five. Back in England, I’ve been a mistress to a middle-aged car salesman. Do you want to give me your opinion on that too?”
“Cole’s a lot younger and he has really nice hair,” Sienna said.
“And rock hard abs,” Sierra added.
“Girls!” Bob exclaimed.
“I know what I’m doing,” Robyn insisted.
“We just want to look after you,
don’t we, Bob?” Pam continued.
“This has nothing to do with me,” Bob said.
“I can look after myself,” Robyn said with a sigh.
“The jury’s still out on that one,” Pam said, folding her arms across her chest.
“Well, if you really want to help me, you could stop by the roadhouse and see how Milo’s doing. I was expecting a delivery of the jumping castle and the fake plants. He’s no good at decor. Could you give it the once over? Spruce it up a bit? I’m not going to be able to get over there until the morning, and Nancy’s tied up with Dad,” Robyn said.
“Of course! We can do that, can’t we girls? We can get it looking really nice for Robyn,” Pam agreed.
“Do we get soda?” Sierra questioned.
Chapter Forty
“Hello Robyn.”
Trudy Franklin was now well into her forties, but Robyn was almost certain she was wearing the same suit she had worn all those years ago when she had interviewed her following the rape. Her brown hair was graying at the temples and she was wearing silver framed glasses. Standing on the doorstep with her was a fresh-faced female police officer dressed in traditional uniform. She smiled at Robyn, but she looked almost uncomfortable.
“Hi, come in. This is Cole, by the way, he’s my…well, we live together,” Robyn said quickly, grimacing as she led the way into the living room.
Her ribs were on fire, breathing was difficult—walking and breathing was even worse.
“Pleased to meet you. And Robyn, this is Officer Doyle. She’s here to take your statement and make sure I do everything right,” Trudy said, sitting down on the sofa.
“It’s Lisa,” the officer informed her, smiling.
“Shall I make some coffee?” Cole offered.
“Yeah, and chips and dip,” Robyn suggested.
“Not for me, thank you, I just had lunch,” Trudy said.
“Yeah, me too, but you know, dessert can be savory right?” Robyn responded.
She was trying to keep things light-hearted. The last time she had to recount the night of the rape, she’d been in the police station, dressed in clothes that weren’t hers while what she had been wearing was forensically examined.
Trudy smiled at her and then reached forward and took hold of Robyn’s hands.
“It’s okay to cry, you know. You don’t have to be brave with us. I know how hard this all must be,” Trudy said, looking at Robyn intently.
“I don’t want to cry, thanks, but I might if you keep making me lean forward. I had a disagreement with a mountain of an ice hockey player and I’ve got broken ribs,” Robyn informed her, trying to quell the pain.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. Are you sure you’re up to this right now? I mean, we can…” Trudy began, dropping Robyn’s hands and quickly putting a cushion behind her back.
“I don’t want to postpone. I just want to get it over with and get it sorted out. I mean, if Jason didn’t do it, then whoever did is still out there, right? And he could do it again. He might have already done it again,” Robyn said.
“We’re looking into it already. We’re looking into all the unsolved rapes in the state,” Lisa Doyle informed her, getting out her notepad and setting up the voice recorder.
“Right, so, let’s do it—ask your questions,” Robyn said, swallowing the knot of anxiety down as best as she could.
“When were you aware that someone was behind you?” Trudy asked.
Robyn cradled her cup of coffee and Cole sat next to her. The interviewing had barely started and already she was no longer in the room. She was back on the road, that night, the rain splattering her face, the wind buffeting her along, her stomach full of hot dogs, miserable because the Panthers had lost. She was rushing home because she was already well past her mother’s curfew. Eddie had driven her to the game but he’d stayed behind to give the team the talking to of their lives after the poor performance. She had school the next day and unfinished homework. Nothing about that evening had been good.
“There wasn’t anyone behind me. I mean, I didn’t feel anyone behind me and I looked back whenever I heard a car. The rain was in my eyes and the wind was, well, you know what the wind’s like around here,” Robyn said, her eyes glazing over.
“So the first moment you were aware that someone was behind you was when…” Trudy started.
“The bag went over my head. The bag went over my head and he was pulling me backwards, holding onto the bag so I couldn’t get it off. His fists were by my jaw, he was pulling me off the road, down the bank, toward the woods,” Robyn carried on.
“What was the bag made of Robyn?”
“Something like hessian, you know, burlap, I think…it was rough. I had my eyes open, but everything was dark and distorted, I couldn’t see,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes.
“And what happened next?” Trudy asked as Officer Doyle continued to jot things down.
“I was trying to fight him off, but he was strong. He was holding the bag over my head and still managing to push me where he wanted me to go.”
“Can you give me a body type? Tall? Slim? Broad? Anything you can remember.”
“I don’t know, tall, I think, but I’m not sure. He was so strong, I mean, I couldn’t get away. I really tried and I tried to scream. I was screaming the whole time, but the bag and the wind were just taking it away.”
“So how far did he pull you?”
“I don’t know, not far, I guess…a couple of yards, just into the trees…I think, I don’t know. Everything was just happening and I couldn’t stop it.”
“And what happened then? You said in your previous statement he pushed you down on the ground.”
“He did. But he didn’t ever let go of the bag. He pushed me and he kind of came down with me,” Robyn said, staring into the room but only seeing the scene playing in her mind.
“And did he say anything?”
“No. He never spoke. After the initial screaming, I tried to be calm and tried to reason with him. I said if he just let me go, that would be the end of it and I would never tell anyone what he’d tried to do. I wouldn’t go to the police, it would just be forgotten. But he didn’t say anything, and the more I talked, the angrier he seemed to get. Then I was crying and I was screaming again and I was pleading with him to let me go,” Robyn said as the emotion overwhelmed her and she let out a sob.
“Do you really need to do all this? I mean…” Cole started, reaching for Robyn’s hand.
“Please, we don’t want to break Robyn’s concentration,” Trudy told him.
“I know, but…” Cole began.
“You don’t have to stay, Cole. I’ll be okay,” Robyn assured him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I’m not sure I want to hear what he did to you. I don’t want to even think about what he did to you,” Cole whispered to her.
“I know,” Robyn replied, squeezing his hand.
“Shall we take a break?” Trudy offered.
“No, I’m fine. You don’t have to listen, Cole, honestly,” Robyn insisted, looking up at him.
“I don’t want to let you down.”
“You’re not letting me down.”
“When I think about what he did to you, it makes me feel sick,” Cole told her.
“It makes us all feel sick, Cole. In fact, I was sick, all those years ago, right after I interviewed Robyn for the first time. And I thought we had our man…to find out that we haven’t is hard for me, too,” Trudy assured him.
“Go make some more coffee,” Robyn suggested to him.
“No, I want to support you.”
“Then if you want to support me, you’re going to have to hear what he did. Because like it or not, what he did to me is part of me…an unsavory part, but a part all the same.”
“I know that.”
“Good.”
“Okay.”
“But we’re black-bagging the old parts as of today because I’m ready to make new parts now and
I want to make them with you,” Robyn said, holding his hand.
“Then I’m staying and we’re going to finish this together,” Cole said, squeezing her hand reassuringly.
“Take your time, Robyn,” Trudy said when Robyn’s breathing quickened.
It hurt her to remember. Her heart rate sped up, her mind ached with the weight of the memory, and the pain she had felt on that night she could still feel now. It was like she was being raped all over again.
“I could barely breathe, the sack was getting tighter and tighter, and my throat was hurting. I tried kicking, but nothing worked and the pain just got worse. So I stopped lashing out and I thought if I just let him do whatever he wants to do, he might not kill me,” Robyn tried to explain.
“I’m sorry, Robyn; we need to know exactly what he did,” Trudy reminded her.
Robyn took a deep breath and squeezed Cole’s hand.
“He pulled down my jeans and my underwear and he started touching me,” Robyn said robotically.
She had bitten the inside of the bag as hard as she could while he touched her, wishing for it to be over. The wind had howled and she had tried to focus on the storm rather than what was happening to her. Despite the ugliness of the event, his touch hadn’t been brutal.
“He wasn’t trying to hurt me,” Robyn said suddenly, as if waking up.
“What?” Cole asked.
“He touched me, it was disgusting, because I didn’t want it…but it wasn’t rough. Not physically rough. He didn’t want to hurt me,” Robyn repeated.
“You didn’t say this before,” Trudy said, making sure Officer Doyle was noting it down.
“Because I didn’t realize it before. He touched me, then he raped me, and then he left me, but don’t you see? In his mind he wasn’t raping me. He didn’t want it to be violent; he wanted to think it was real,” Robyn said.
“Putting a bag over someone’s head and forcing them to have sex with you isn’t my idea of real,” Cole replied.
“No, but maybe that was the only way I would have sex with him. It has to be Jason. He knew me, he had a crush on me, he liked me, but he knew I would never date him. This is the only way he would ever get to sleep with me and he didn’t want to hurt me. Don’t you see?” Robyn asked them.
