by Mandy Baggot
“Brad’s happened. He’s half flooded the place and he’s pulled the door off of Cole’s locker and he’s thrown our clothes everywhere…” Wade began.
Robyn bit her lip, looking at the mess, sensing his anger as if it were still hanging around the room.
“We’ll clean it up,” Mickey suggested.
“No, leave it,” Robyn said and she bolted from the room.
When Robyn arrived in the main bar, she could see Brad was already on the scotch. Ely, one of the stewards, was chatting to him, and there were a small group of high school girls sitting alongside him, autograph books on the bar.
“Put the glass down, you’re coming with me,” Robyn stated angrily, coming up behind him.
“Oh, here she is girls, the manager of the Panthers. If you want to say anything about her choice of substitution tonight, now would be a good time,” Brad said, turning to face Robyn and smiling at his admirers.
“Get off the stool Brad and come and clean up your mess,” Robyn spoke warningly.
“My mess? Oh no, Robyn, I think you’ve got that all wrong! You’re the one in a mess; in fact, totally freaking messed up,” Brad snarled.
“I’m not going to ask you again,” Robyn stated, her temper rising.
“Good! Because to be honest, I’m sick of hearing anything you have to say!” Brad snapped.
“You either go back to that locker room and clear up the mess, or you’re off the team—permanently,” Robyn said.
“You can’t do that. Eddie’ll be back in a few weeks and, as soon as he is, I’ll be reinstated as captain.”
“You think he’s going to have you back as captain in this state? You could barely skate out there tonight,” Robyn yelled at him.
“You don’t have enough players to drop me,” Brad reminded her smugly.
“Grant’s preparing signing on papers for Jason,” Robyn snapped back.
“You have got to be kidding! You’d have him on the team over me?” Brad exclaimed, swaying unsteadily on his feet.
“Yes,” Robyn answered.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Brad asked.
The tone of his voice had changed. Suddenly, he looked hopeless, the anger gone, his whole body language showing deflation.
“I’m not doing anything to you,” Robyn said with a swallow.
She hated seeing him like this. He was a friend, she had known him forever. But this part of him she didn’t recognize. She had never seen him act this way. She didn’t know the anger or the vulnerability. Was this what he’d been like when Michelle left him and he went off the rails?
“Yes, you are, just like you used to. Always wanting to be in charge, always thinking you’re right, telling me what to do, not doing what you should have been doing,” Brad continued, his eyes glazing over.
It was as if he wasn’t really there. The body looked like Brad, but it was as if it was just an empty shell and the real him was absent from the room.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think you should go home and sober up,” Robyn said, turning her back on him.
“You and Cole, you won’t last,” Brad called out to her.
“Yeah? Why’s that?” Robyn asked, spinning back to face him.
“Because he isn’t me and you belong with me. When you’ve gotten over this temporary infatuation, you’ll realize that,” Brad said with a determined nod.
Robyn gritted her teeth tight together and approached him. Any pity she felt was fast evaporating.
“I wouldn’t be with you even if you had season tickets at the Red Wings and pit passes at the monster trucks. Do you understand that?” Robyn said.
“I don’t believe you,” Brad said almost defiantly.
“I want you out. I want you off of this team and I want you out of my life,” Robyn yelled as Cole, Grant, Bob, Pam, and the twins hurried into the bar.
“Is everything alright here?” Grant asked, stepping up to Robyn’s side ahead of anyone else.
“Is everything alright here? Are you crazy? Your son’s been given my place on the team!” Brad exclaimed, staring at Grant with wild eyes.
“Listen, Brad, I know things aren’t going so well for you right now, but we need you on the team, of course we do. We can talk about things and…” Grant started.
“No, we can’t talk about things. I’ve made my decision…I want him gone, now. I want him out of the bar and out of the arena—gone,” Robyn interrupted savagely.
“Robyn!” Pam remarked, shocked at the bitterness in Robyn’s voice.
“D’you know, Cole? D’you know this marriage stuff has nothing to do with you? You could be anyone. This is the way Robyn deals with things. She gets scared by something, something that happens, maybe a feeling, and then she throws herself headlong into something else, anything else, any project she can. Like the hockey team. Like the roadhouse. Like Eddie. Like you. She knows how she feels about me and it frightens her. It frightens her enough to make out with someone else,” Brad announced to the room.
“You need to leave. You need to go drink some coffee,” Cole said.
“Truth hurt?” Brad said with a sneer.
“Right, we’re done here. Ely, some assistance please,” Bob called to the steward as he took hold of one of Brad’s arms.
“All right! I’m going. But it doesn’t change things and you’ll see that, Robyn! You’ll see that!” Brad told her, looking straight at her.
“Come on, let’s get you a beer,” Cole said, putting his arm around Robyn and shielding her away from Brad.
“She doesn’t love you!” Brad called as he was led away. “She doesn’t know how to!”
Chapter Forty-five
She hadn’t spoken the whole drive and they were nearing home. After Brad had been escorted from the arena, she had drank only four bottles of Bud Light with the team and had turned down Henrik’s offer of shots. It wasn’t like her to turn down the offer of alcohol, and if she didn’t break out the chips and dip when they got home, he was going to be really concerned.
“What he said back there isn’t true, you know,” she said as if reading his mind.
“I know.”
“I do distract myself with projects, I do like to be busy, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you. You know that, right?” Robyn continued, turning to look over at him.
“Sure.”
“I didn’t recognize him tonight. He looked at me like he loved me and hated me all at the same time. I didn’t see Brad, I didn’t know who that was,” she continued.
“If we hadn’t of met, do you think you would have…” Cole started.
“No. No, Cole. I don’t feel that way about him. When we were together before, it was just friends making out every now and then, it wasn’t anything even close to serious—not for me, anyways,” Robyn explained.
“D’you think maybe we should postpone the wedding?” Cole asked.
He looked across the car at her.
“You mean cancel, don’t you? You mean call it off,” Robyn said with an exasperated sigh.
“No, I don’t mean that, I mean postpone it, put it off for a while, until this business with your police case is over at least.”
“You think Brad’s right, you think if I have time, I’ll change my mind or move on to another project,” Robyn said, tears forming at the rim of her eyes.
“Robyn, I don’t think that.”
“Then what?!”
“Look, the clinic in England did keep the information from the abortion. They’re emailing me on Monday,” Cole informed her.
She saw him look for her reaction and she gave it to him. She stiffened and balled her fingers into fists then, stretched her fingers out and balled them up again. Turning her head she looked out of the window.
“Whoever did that to me took away everything I had. They took away my whole life, all my good memories, and they made me leave everything I loved behind. If that was Jason, has he paid enough? If it wasn’t Jason, what do I do then? I’ve spent
the whole time in England thinking I knew who it was, detesting his image, reliving what happened in my dreams. What if I’ve been hating the wrong man?” Robyn asked him.
“That’s why we’re going to find out,” Cole reassured her.
“Maybe I leaned on Brad too much after it happened. Maybe I gave him the wrong impression about my feelings for him. It seems like I’ve ruined his whole life as well. I’ve been in England sleeping with Clive to try and rid myself of the ugly memory of it all, and Brad’s been pining over something I didn’t think we ever had. What if that’s what I’m going to do to you—to us. Maybe I was right all along and I can’t have a real relationship—ever,” Robyn blurted out.
“No, because we’re having a real relationship, right here, right now,” Cole told her.
“Are we? Or are we both freefalling toward each other because we don’t know what else to do?”
She looked over at Cole, checking to see if his expression showed his feelings.
He pulled the car into the drive of his home and turned off the engine.
“Get out,” he said, opening the door of the Mustang and stepping out of it.
She unfastened her seat belt and followed him out of the car.
He leapt up onto the hood and pulled himself up onto the roof, where he lay down facing the sky.
When Robyn lay down beside him, he pointed up to the stars.
“One day, whether we like it or not, you and me are going to be up there, just like Mitzy, Old Man Harrison, and Don Mitchell Ryan—my dad,” he said, drawing a loop between the stars with his finger.
“You think people are going to be climbing up on the roofs of cars choosing stars for us in fifty odd years’ time?” she asked.
“Our grandkids, maybe?” he suggested, turning to her.
“What are you saying to me?”
“Robyn, life’s too short to worry about everything, you know…what people say, what people do, what people think is right or wrong. Some people in life just aren’t going to like what you do. Some people are going to be with you your whole life long and others are going to fall by the wayside for one reason or another. I want to be there your whole life long,” Cole told her.
“But how do you know that already?” she asked him, her voice wavering with emotion.
“Because somehow someone wrote it up there…and I believe them,” Cole said, indicating the dark blanket above them.
Robyn let out an audible cry and burrowed her head into his shoulder. He turned slightly and pulled her into him, protectively stroking her hair away from her face.
“I do need looking after and I eat far too many pickles. I’m going to end up with an ulcer if I don’t get help,” Robyn blubbered, raising her head to look at him.
“I know that, you need me.”
Robyn shook her head and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
“No, I don’t need you, Cole, I want you,” she said with conviction.
“I’ve spent so long trying to honor my dad and please my mom and find a cure for everything, I lost sight of who I was and what I wanted. You’ve helped me get that back. Yes, what I do is important, but it isn’t everything,” he said.
“There’s ice hockey and turkey shoots and the Old Country Buffet,” Robyn reminded him.
“And there’s Robyn Matthers,” he said, kissing her.
When they’d made love that night, she’d cried and clung to him and begged him to never let her go. She trusted him enough to show him her vulnerability and that meant so much. She was sharing everything with him, her past, her fears, and her insecurities behind the tough exterior she’d built up. This relationship that had sprung itself on them was a new beginning for them both in such different ways. But they were embarking on it together, full of hope, full of love, and full of anticipation for whatever was to come.
Chapter Forty-six
Monday arrived before she knew it. Most of Sunday had been spent at the roadhouse. Mickey, Sarah, Wes, Wade, Henrik, and Jon had come in for lunch and no one had seen or heard from Brad. Mickey had called him a “prize wiener,” Sarah had sheepishly said nothing, and Henrik had suggested a night out after the next game. Jason and Grant had also come in for dinner. They had hung around the entrance awkwardly wondering whether they should be there or not until Robyn had greeted them with menus and a rundown of the day’s specials. She had made Nancy serve them.
Now Robyn waited outside the mall in the rain for Sarah, Nancy, and Cole’s mother, Martha. Cole had gone to pick her up from Battle Creek International and was due at the mall any second.
When Robyn saw Sarah, she waved at her frantically.
“Now listen! You’ve spent years walking round these wedding dress shops, have you seen anything good? Because I’ve been having nightmares about pearls and lace and frills and butterflies and giant marshmallows. If Pam gets her way, I’m going to be trussed up in some massive dress and everyone’s going to think I’m a hot air balloon!” Robyn shrieked.
“Where is Pam?” Sarah asked.
“Oh, she’s started already. You can hardly see her arms. She’s loaded them up with frocks like some sort of freaking human clothes horse.”
“Hey, sugar. Sorry I’m late, your dad had to give me a blow by blow account of last night’s Red Wings game. I swear he makes some of it up. I mean, there can’t really be a fight a minute, can there?” Nancy remarked as she joined them.
“Oh, there was last night—it was pure filth,” Robyn replied.
“Is Cole’s mom coming?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah, she should be here any minute,” Robyn said, looking at her watch.
“What’s she like? I mean, am I going to have to speak proper?” Nancy asked.
“Properly,” Robyn corrected.
“Whatever.”
“She’s nice. I mean, how could she not be nice? She’s Cole’s mom.”
“Yeah, but ain’t she also the mom of the brother that did the dirty with his girlfriend?” Nancy asked, chomping on her gum.
“We don’t talk about that. Not today, not ever,” Robyn warned her.
“The brother coming to the wedding?” Nancy wanted to know.
“Shh, there’s Cole’s car. She’s coming. Oh, and by the way, she has a vacuuming obsession,” Robyn said, waving her hands in a bid to silence Nancy.
“Stand up straight, shoulders back,” Nancy whispered to Sarah.
“Was she in the Army?” Sarah asked.
“Hi, Martha. How was your flight?” Robyn asked as she greeted her.
“Bombay mix. Cole’s given me a bottle of water,” Martha said, showing it to her.
“Martha, this is my best friend, Sarah, she’s getting married, too. My Aunty Pam is already in the store neck deep in dresses, and this is my almost step-mom, Nancy,” Robyn introduced with a swallow of nerves.
Martha was wearing a floral shift dress and matching jacket; Nancy was wearing jeans with open zips across the knees and a hoodie with the word “Cougar” written across it.
“Pleased to meet you,” Nancy said first, moving the gum to the side of her mouth.
“And you,” Martha said, smiling at both Nancy and Sarah.
“Nancy helps me at Eddie’s Roadhouse. Eddie’s my dad, I told you about him. He’s had his operation, everything went well. Nancy’s so particular, you know, about cleanliness, particularly vacuuming,” Robyn stated.
“I have a Dyson, too. It’s second-hand, but it still sucks real well,” Sarah chipped in.
“Goodness! People sure vacuum a great deal around here,” Martha said.
“Don’t we all?” Robyn asked, rolling her eyes.
“Well, if you have the time, I guess. I try and avoid it as much as possible now that the boys have left home,” Martha told them.
Sarah stifled a laugh.
“Shall we go in?” Robyn suggested hastily.
“Sure, honey. I have your daddy’s credit card—this dress is on him,” Nancy announced.
&nbs
p; “Oh no, he doesn’t need to do that. I have money,” Robyn said.
“He wants to, honey, almost made me have the PIN tattooed on my butt before I came here,” Nancy said with a cackle.
“Okay, well, let’s go,” Robyn said, leading the way into the mall.
His mom had looked a little tired today. She said she was sleeping, but he wasn’t sure she was telling him the truth. And she hadn’t even mentioned Bryn. Perhaps she had resigned herself to the fact that a reconciliation wasn’t going to happen. The idea of that would be killing her.
Cole picked up the phone and forced himself to press a sequence of numbers. He took a deep breath and looked out of the window at the park. Two boys were chasing each other with small branches from a tree, using them like fencing swords.
“Bryn, it’s Cole. Listen, don’t hang up, I haven’t called to fight. This is stupid. I want to move on.”
“Pam is carrying like ten dresses. Is she expecting me to try them all on?” Robyn asked Sarah.
“I think that’s exactly why she’s holding them,” Sarah said, browsing the racks.
“Can you try some of them on? I mean, they might be perfect for you.”
“They might be perfect for you.”
“I can barely see her under them! There are more pearls in there than in a whole colony of oysters.”
“You can’t see them properly over her arms like that.”
“I can see enough.”
“Well, what style are you looking for?” Sarah asked, looking up at a crystal embroidered bodice.
“I don’t know, I’ve never looked at wedding dresses before.”
“But you must have some idea.”
“Must I? Oh jeez, Nancy’s in the spangly section and Martha’s looking at stoles. What am I going to do?” Robyn asked.
“Suck it up.”
“Like your second-hand Dyson?”
“Robyn, honey! I’ve picked some beautiful gowns for you to try on,” Pam called, waving her arms underneath a blanket of tulle.
“Great!” Robyn said, faking excitement.
