"You don't really want me, Mr. Parker." The formality feels natural to me even after everything we've shared. "I know that this is about something else."
"It's about my desperate desire to fuck you again, Lilly." He doesn't temper his tone at all. "It's more than that though. I've never met anyone like you. I want to know you. I want to spend time with you."
He wants something that is buried just there below the surface where I can't see it clearly. "Is this still about the organ donation app?"
"The app?" His brow furrows. "I told you that I was sorry I'd jumped to the conclusion I had about that."
"What's going to happen if I decide to move forward with it and bring it to market?"
"I would hope that it would become the success I know that it has the potential to be." He rakes his hand through his hair. "It's on the tip of the iceberg for you, Lilly. You're going to do amazing things in your career."
"You're not going to have a team of lawyers at the ready to sue me for some sort of infringement on your sister's memory?" The words sound harsher than the intention that is fueling them. I'm not bitter. I'm simply trying to gain a sense of understanding about where his head really is.
"I will do whatever I can to help you make the app a success. You can use any of my resources." He taps his finger on the edge of the table. "I mean it, Lilly. It's an important undertaking and I know that it's going to make a huge difference in the lives of many people. I'll do what I can to make it happen for you."
I tilt my head to the side to run my hand through my hair in a thoughtless attempt to gather my emotions together. I don't hear or sense any ulterior motive brewing behind the words. He sounds honest and genuine but this is Clive Parker. The man has already proven to me that he can manipulate me in ways I don't see coming. "Would you sign something guaranteeing that you won't sue me over this?"
His shoulders jerk back suddenly. "I don't have any legal right to sue you, Lilly. I'm sorry I threatened you with that."
I feel relief wash over me but the question is still there, lingering in the air between us. "Would you sign something?"
"I will sign anything you want me to." He leans forward in his chair, his hand skimming gently over the top of mine. "I want to protect you, Lilly. If I can prove that to you in any way, I'll do it."
***
"Can I ask you something before you go up?" His hands are tucked into the pocket of his pants, his suit jacket hanging open. "Would that be okay?"
I glance at the door to my building a few feet away. Even though Ben had texted me more than an hour ago apologizing for having to cancel our plans for the night, I hadn't told Clive that. He's still under the impression that I'm in a rush to get home because I have a friend stopping by. The truth is that I'm in a hurry to get upstairs so I can think within the peace that is my apartment. I need to process everything he said to me tonight and I can only do that if I'm by myself.
"What do you want to ask me?" I toss the question at him as I fumble in my large purse for my keys.
"How do you do it?" He sucks in a deep breath before he continues, "I mean, how do you manage as well as you do?"
I stop what I'm doing to look up at his face. I catch the pain that is there the moment his eyes lock on mine. I know what he's asking. I can see it there, hiding behind the sheltered veil of control that is always at the surface of his demeanor. "Do you want to come up for a few minutes?"
"I do." The rasp in his voice catches me off guard. "Please let me."
Chapter 14
"She died more than ten years ago." He teeters on the edge of one of the stools that sits next to the counter in my small kitchen. It's the only spot, other than the bedroom, where I can carry on a comfortable conversation with him.
"You miss her a lot," I say because it's what I see every time I look at him. I know the face of grief. It stares back at me from the mirror on my bathroom wall every day when I'm readying to go to work.
He picks up the glass of water I set on the counter after we'd arrived. I briefly doubted my decision to invite him into my apartment but knowing that he wanted to talk about his sister, I couldn't stop myself. I kept seeing Ben's face in my mind and the comfort that it always brings me when he listens to me talk about my family. Clive needs that and regardless of everything that has happened between us, we do share a common bond that I can't ignore.
"Have you ever met any of the people?" He swallows a large mouthful of water. "Ever since I found out about your family, I've wondered if you've met any of the people who received their…"
"Their organs," I finish for him. "I met two of them. It was years ago and we haven't stayed in touch."
He nods his chin towards my chest. "I see the woman who got Coral's heart all the time."
I've been able to connect the dots enough to know that. In a rare twist of fate, the woman who is raising Clive's nephew also happens to be the same woman who received his sister's heart after the car accident that took her life. "I can't imagine what that must feel like."
"I hate it," he murmurs. "I need it too. At this point we've become friends and I care about what happens to her."
"Is she like family to you?" I ask out of pure curiosity. I've tried to envision the same scenario in my own life time and time again but the situation is so far removed from my own reality that I can't piece it all together emotionally.
"Not exactly like family," he says with a faint shake of his head. "We both care about Cory, my nephew, and we both want what's best for him."
"You love him a lot, don't you?" I smile through the question. I first saw the tender affection Clive has for his nephew in his office when he told me he had to go see Cory because he was feeling under the weather. It sounded as though it was something as simple as a common cold, but the weight of worry was there, pushing on Clive's shoulders.
"He's the only family I have left." His voice is even and steady. "I have other family but they're not like Cory. I feel close to him."
"What about his mother?" I jump to clarify not wanting to assume anything about Sadie. "Your sister is Cory's mother, right?"
"Christina." He fills in the blank effortlessly. "I have no idea where she is. She gave up custody of Cory to chase after her own dreams."
I had read a few articles online about Christina Parker. She's a few years younger than Clive and often popped up in searches related to him. She didn't seem to have any clear direction in life and I have to wonder if it's related to the fact that she'd been in the car the day Coral had been killed. She'd witnessed her sister's gruesome death first hand and I personally know the toll it can take. Judging her isn't part of my agenda.
"I want to know more about you, Lilly." His voice jars me from my thoughts. "I look at you and I don't know how you've accomplished everything you have after what happened to you."
I seriously debate how to respond. I've never liked talking about what happened that night six years ago. Giving voice to it always takes me right back to the moment when I heard my father walk through the front door of our home and methodically start his murderous rampage. "I try to stay focused on the future. I don't like thinking about the past."
"I can't let go of the past." His eyes flash over my face. "I admire you so much."
He says that because he can't see within me. He doesn't know that I'm so badly fractured that I'll never fully heal. I've had enough therapists tell me that the key to moving on is acceptance. It's easy for a stranger to toss that advice out when they have the comfort of a family's loving embrace to retreat to every night after a long day's work. All I have is the memory of my sister's screams, my mother's pleas and my father's vacant stare as he pulled the trigger over and over again.
"I'm trying to let go," I offer back. "I don't think it's possible to ever fully let go."
He leans back on the stool across from where I'm still standing beside the counter. "What if I don't want to let go of Coral?"
The words fall into the space between us and linger there. "I think
you have to at some point, Clive."
"If I do that…" his voice trails as it cracks. He closes his eyes as he pulls in a heavy breath. "If I let go of her, no one will ever remember who she was."
I nod as I try to ward off the inevitable tears I feel flooding through me. "You'll always remember. It's impossible to forget."
Chapter 15
His hands cradle my face as he brushes a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb. "You understand what I feel, Lilly. No one ever has before."
"I know," I say out of a need to express something. He'd pulled me close to him after I started to cry. He didn't say a word. Instead he'd held me against his strong chest while I sobbed for what felt like endless moments. It couldn't have been longer than two or three minutes but the closeness is enough to remind me that I want more than I'm ever going to be able to have with him.
"I really want to kiss you." His eyes lock on my lips. "I've wanted to kiss you for days."
My body is craving the very same thing but if I give in to the want, I'll risk exposing more of myself to a man I'm not sure I can trust. "I can't kiss you."
His lips brush softly over my forehead. "I know that you can't."
I feel bereft at the words wishing in some way that he'd have pushed the issue more. My resistance is waning after listening to him talk about his family. I feel a connection to him that transcends the common denominator of the losses we've both suffered. "I'm tired. I think you should go."
I see his chest heave as he absorbs my words. I doubt that he thought that our deeply emotional conversation would lead to anything intimate. I feel as though I've been put through the paces of a triathlon race. I'm bruised and battered and in need of the comfort and solace of my lumpy new bed. I crave sleep and the escape it's always offered to me.
"Will you have dinner with me tomorrow?" He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. "Let me show you that I respect you, Lilly. Please give me another chance."
My better judgment wants me to tell him that there's no chance that anything will ever happen between us again. I know that it's the safe and logical thing for me to say to him but something has shifted. It may be because of his confession about not wanting another man to touch me. It's likely that it has more to do with our shared moment of grief. Regardless, I know that I'll regret it if I don't at least have dinner with him. "Dinner will work."
The corners of his lush lips pull up into a small grin. "I won't blow it this time."
"It's only dinner." I pull back from his touch. "I just want it to be dinner."
"Dinner is a start." He leans forward to kiss me gently on my cheek. "I'll pick you up at eight."
***
"Do you wear those at your new job?"
"Wear what?" I pull my gaze from the passing view outside the car window to look at him. My breath had caught when I'd walked about the front door of my apartment building to see him waiting in a navy blue suit. I doubt that I'll ever meet a man as devastatingly handsome as him again in my life.
"These." His hand brushes over my right leg, skimming the lace edge of the black thigh high stocking.
I push back into the car seat. I feel my cheeks flush at the knowledge that the driver sitting just a few feet in front of us could have easily gotten a glimpse of the top of my stockings when I slid into the car. I need to start looking down at my lap more.
"Do you dress like that when you go to work?" He can't contain his wide grin.
I twist slightly on my ass, giving me enough room to pull the hem of the dress back down to a decent level. "I wear them there, yes."
"Jesus." He shakes his head. "Thank Christ Hughes is getting married."
I can't help but laugh. I'd met the woman Alec Hughes was crazy about just yesterday. Libby Duncan is beautiful, kind and so welcoming that I'm already planning on going over to the condo they share for a home cooked meal next week. I've found a place at Hughes Enterprises where I not only fit, but I can flourish too. I love it there. "Alec is a great boss."
"Alec is a chump," Clive tosses back the words with a smile. "I had a chat with him the other day about you."
I shouldn't be surprised. Once Clive knew I was working for Alec I expected the two of them to discuss me. "Did Alec call you for a reference? I told him I worked for you briefly?"
"Alec did call me." He taps the leather of the seat between us. "He called me to gloat."
"To gloat?"
"He knows how talented you are." He studies the edge of his fingernails. "I told him he was lucky to have you."
"I'm lucky to work there." There's no malice in the words and I can tell from Clive's expression that he hasn't absorbed them that way at all.
"You're going to do great things for them, Lilly." He reaches to cup my hand in his. "I know that you are."
Chapter 16
"I want you so much." His lips push into mine, the sweet taste of wine lacing his tongue. "I'm so hard, Lilly. You can feel it, can't you?"
"Yes," I say into his mouth. I've felt his erection pressing against me since we arrived at his condo ten minutes ago. I agreed to come up under the guise of a quick brandy but I wanted more. I know that he can tell based on the way his hands have been cupping my ass. He has to know how wet I am already.
"All I think about is the way you taste. I crave the smell of your skin." He runs his lips over my neck, pushing my hair to the side. "I've never wanted a woman this much."
I weave my fingers into his hair, tilting his head so I can claim his mouth again. I deepen the kiss and I'm rewarded with a moan that escapes him and flows right into me. "I want this to be real."
He pulls back abruptly, his hands leaping to my shoulders, pushing me back into the wall. "This is real."
I study his expression trying to pull anything I can from it. "I can't tell if it is."
He takes a heavy step back. "You can't tell that I want you?"
My eyes drop to his crotch, the unmistakable outline of his thick cock pressing against the fabric of his pants. "I can tell that you want to fuck me."
He rakes his hand through his hair, a muttered litany of curse words falling from his lips in a heated rush. "It's more than that, Lilly. Christ. You can't feel it?"
I need to be honest. "I don't know what I feel. I'm confused."
He scoops my hand in his, bringing it to his moist lips in one fluid movement. "Come sit down. Let me tell you something."
I don't resist because I welcome the reprieve from the intensity I've felt since I got into the car with him earlier. We'd flirted shamelessly throughout dinner. I'd watched him staring at me while we traveled back to his place. I knew that he would kiss me the moment we stepped into the elevator as we made our ascent to your condo.
He motions towards a leather armchair. I rest my purse down next to it before I take a seat, carefully crossing my legs as I wait for him to speak.
"I hate that you work for Alec."
The words feel foreign in the context of what's transpired between us this evening. We hadn't spoken about my work since we arrived at the restaurant. "Why?"
"You're too good for them." He shifts back and forth, his shoes tapping out a rhythmic beat on the hardwood floors. "You should be working for Corteck."
It was inevitable that we'd be pulled back into this discussion at some point. I hadn't anticipated that it would be right now though. Not when we'd just shared a very passionate kiss. "I can't work at Corteck."
He slides his suit jacket from his shoulders allowing it to drop onto the couch behind him. "I know that you can't. I respect that."
"Why did you bring it up then?" I ask with an edge of regret. I don't want this conversation to spiral into the many reasons why I can't work for the man.
"I want what is best for you, Lilly." He moves closer to where I'm seated. "I only want what is best for you."
"You think that working for you is what is best for me, don't you?"
"No," he says as he leans forwards, his strong hands resting on the arms of the chair I'm si
tting in. "I don't think it's best for you to work with me."
"You don't?" I cock a brow.
"If you wanted it, you'd have asked for your job back." His eyes scan my body. "I see how happy you are now that you're working with Alec. Why would I want to take that away from you?"
"I want to believe you," I say aloud even though I don't mean to. "I hope that you're telling me the truth."
"I'm losing money by not having you at Corteck." He closes his eyes briefly as he shakes his head. "You could have changed the entire app division. I have no doubt about that in my mind."
"Why haven't you tried harder to get me back?" They're the words a petulant child would say to a best friend who dumped them. I don't want to sound juvenile but I know, right now, I do.
"There is a job at Corteck for you whenever you want it." He leans down to graze his lips over mine. "I'd love to work with you again."
I nod. It's a generous offer and one I won't discount completely at this point. Right now, I'm finding my stride at Hughes Enterprises and I'm not changing that for anyone, not even for Clive. "I'll keep that in mind."
"I need you to trust me," he whispers the words into the still air between us. "I want you more than I've wanted anything in my life."
Chapter 17
The soft brush of his beard against my thigh pulls a shudder from deep within me. He's so close. I can feel his breath on my slick cleft. He's been teasing me for the past ten minutes, inching his lips and tongue down my nude body. I cried out when he bit my right nipple tenderly before blowing a puff of air across it. I moaned loudly when he circled the other with his tongue before pulling it between his lips in a soft, gentle kiss. Now, he's breathing on my sex and all I want is to feel his tongue graze over me. I know that it won't take much for me to come. I've craved his touch since the last time I was in this bed. "Clive, please."
GONE - Part Two (The GONE Series Book 2) Page 5
