“I was thinking about how my motorcycle is in the shop, and how grateful I am to my kind brother for letting me borrow his car today. He’s so caring and responsible.”
I tuck my combat boots neatly together and smiled demurely at the woman. She almost smiled back, but not really.
“Luna, you know why we’re here.”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you tell me in your own words?”
Be normal, be normal, be normal.
“You’re here to determine if my brother and I are stable enough to parent Lydia.”
She blinked her eyes at me. I blinked back.
“Do you think you are?”
“Yes.”
The clock ticked. Inaction makes me fidgety. Personally, I like my idea better, which was to track Sparkles down using dogs or dark denizens of the night, and then beat her to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat.
“What are you thinking now?” she asked me.
“Well, Sheila, I’m putting together a shopping list in order to make a healthful, nutritious dinner. I’m heading from here to work, and then to the store. I find it useful to multitask.”
After wreaking vengeance on Sparkles, I’d drop Lydia off with Seth. While he was busy packing so we could flee, I’d take out Reed Taylor’s mailbox out of spite. Maybe get a hit or two on his bike. Following that, I’d whisper sweet things to Mouth until he was calm enough to be happy and fairly substantial. Then I’d break his legs.
“And what is on your grocery list?”
My eyes gleamed with sincerity. “Broccoli. It’s versatile enough to work in several meals and robust enough to last in the fridge. And I could use the iron. I’m a little deficient.”
While Mouth cursed my existence, I’d head over here and knock Counselor Lady’s block off. Take out all of the windows and definitely that wolf-howling-at-the-moon picture. I mean, seriously? Who decorates like that, for real?
“Tell me about the time you and your brother found your father’s body.”
The mental me immediately ceased all carnage and dropped her baseball bat. The literal me gaped from the couch.
“Wow,” I said. “Way to go for the jugular.”
The counselor arched her brow. “We weren’t getting anywhere with the nicey-nice talk. Iron deficiency? Please.”
I bowed my head. “I concede defeat, my valiant foe. I underestimated you.”
She laughed. “Most clients do. It’s this cursed beige room. There isn’t anything I can do about it. Anyway, tell me about that time, Luna. We won’t have time to get into a lot, and this is just an initial assessment, but I sense that gaining custody of your niece is very important to you, and you don’t seem the type to waste time playing games. Do I have you pegged?”
“Completely. Tell me what I can do to hurry this along.”
“Tell me about that incident.”
I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to lose Lydia, either. I described it tersely. Seth screaming for me. Him holding onto Dad’s legs to support him while I climbed the chair, stood on tiptoes, and sawed at the rope tied around his neck. The letter pinned to his chest, calling us both by name and telling us he was sorry.
The counselor listened carefully. “Surely you have formed some theories as to why your father chose to end his life. Do you feel comfortable sharing them with me?”
“No. Will it help me get Lydia back?”
Sheila smoothed down the arm of her already smooth chair. “Transparency and honesty always work in your favor. If you’re resistant and secretive, others will often wonder what you have to hide.”
I cursed inwardly. This was hitting far too close to home.
“Dad…thought he saw things. Angels and demons.” I chose my words carefully. “I think it eventually became too much for him.”
“Do you believe there is any credibility to these visions of your father?”
This was it, the moment of truth. Do I say, “Heck no, my father was completely bonkers.” It hurt me to even think the words. But the second I said, “Why, sure, I see demons, as well. In fact, your receptionist seems to have a couple locked securely into the back seat of her car,” I could kiss Lydia goodbye.
I thought back to what Seth had told me this morning. “I love you,” he said, and this admission shocked the words out of me. He looked me in the eyes. “Please come across as normal, Luna. It’s the only way I’ll get my daughter back.”
I faced the counselor firmly. “I believe he thought he saw the things that he told us. I don’t think he was lying. But actual beings from another realm?” I shook my head, and felt my heart break inside. “I love my father very much, but I think he was unstable.”
Sheila’s eyes were piercing. “How do you feel about your brother?”
I laughed, but didn’t sound like myself. “Seth is the most stable guy I know. A real 9 to 5, by-the-book type of guy. He doesn’t deal in hallucinations. He took a couple of different jobs in order to support Lydia after Sparkles left. He would do anything for Sweet Girl. He adores her.”
“Why do you think he attempted to end his own life?”
I felt my face change. It felt like steel. “Sparkles came to see him right before. She physically took Lydia away, and told Seth he wasn’t a good father. I think he wasn’t strong enough to handle her on his own. That woman,” I said honestly, “is absolutely demonic.”
“Harsh words.”
“Harsh woman. Seriously, I don’t think she has a soul.”
The counselor blinked owlishly. “And why would you say that? Has she ever mistreated Lydia?”
I picked at my black fingernails. “Mistreated? No. More like ignored. Lydia simply didn’t exist to her. If Sweet Girl was hungry or scared or needed changed, Seth did it. Sparkles brought Lydia out every now and then to get a discount at a store, or look good to somebody, but the second she couldn’t get anything more out of her, Lydia was dropped off with her daddy. Seth was knocking himself out, trying to support the three of them and be a full-time parent. It devastated him when Sparkles left, but I think maybe he was a little relieved, too.”
“Why do you think he might have been relieved?”
I hate biting my nails, which is why I polish them. It didn’t stop me, though. “Sparkles feels…she feels like a storm, right? A big, heavy storm that’s going to blow through and rip everything apart. She’s always building up to a meltdown. And when she was gone, I think maybe Seth could breathe a little. Now he only had to worry about Lydia, not deflecting Sparkles. Does that make sense?”
She didn’t answer the question. Counselors.
“And this is when you moved in? To help Seth care for his daughter after Sparkles left?”
Suddenly I saw myself how she must see me. Dark smudged eyeliner, black hair with streaks of color. I was wearing torn jeans, my favorite pair of boots, and my AC/DC t-shirt. I looked like some ragamuffin from the ‘80s. I didn’t look like I could parent anybody.
“Listen,” I said, and I sat up straight. I wrapped my hands tightly in my lap to hide my bitten nails. “I know I don’t look like much. I come across like some smart aleck wayward child, and I get that, I do. But I love Lydia. I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love anybody. I may not be the best at cooking and, I don’t know, doing those crazy little girl French braids that all of Lydia’s playmates have, but I do my best. I haven’t seen her in a long time, and I miss her. It freaks me out knowing Sparkles took her. I don’t know if she’s left in a dark room somewhere when Sparkles goes out, or if she’s getting enough to eat, or if Sparkles knows she likes to have three songs before bed. Three.” I held up my fingers.
“Which three songs?”
I dashed tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. “Sleep Tight. It’s one my father used to sing to Seth and me when we were little. And then Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. And then How Much Is That Doggy In The Window. All three, in that order. And she’s scared of the dark, so she sleeps with a flashlight. I mean, h
ow is Sparkles going to know that? It’s not like she called to ask. It’s not like Lydia can tell her. I bet she just throws her on the sofa or something and calls it a night.”
“Talking about this is making you emotional.”
I sniffed, hard. The counselor handed me a tissue. I took it grudgingly.
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“I don’t usually cry.”
“Crying is not a weakness.”
“Sure it is.”
“Did you cry when your father died?”
I pursed my lips together. “Are we back to this? Didn’t I just bare all with Lydia? Can’t we talk about my lovely nutritious, broccoli-rich dinner that I was telling you about before?”
“What is your main concern with Lydia?”
I stopped and thought. Did I think Sparkles was really going to physically hurt her? Normally I’d say no, but that glance at her demon made me want to scream and hide under the floorboards. She was unpredictable. She could hurt Sweet Little Girl. I could never see her again. She wouldn’t understand what was going on, why I never came for her.
“I never had a chance to say goodbye.”
“And this concerns you?”
“I don’t want her to think Seth and I just abandoned her.”
“Like your parents abandoned you?”
“That’s different.”
“Tell me about your best friend.”
“Wha—” This broad made my head spin. What was she getting at? “Best friend? I don’t have one right now, I guess.”
“I see. Somebody that you’re seeing romantically?”
“Kinda. We just broke up.”
“Who initiated the breakup?”
I eyed her. “I did.”
“I see. No friends at all?”
I didn’t like where this was going. Did I not sound like I had a strong enough support system? Was I not sounding stable enough?
“Well, I do. Have friends, you know. Acquaintances. And one was pretty close for a while. His name is Mouth, but then, uh…” I looked at the floor. “I sort of drove him off.”
Her lips barely curved, but I saw it. “Has it occurred to you that perhaps you hold people at bay because you don’t want them to leave you? That perhaps you abandon them before they have the chance to abandon you?”
I blinked. “That doesn’t sound stable at all. Am I totally jacked up? Did I screw up Seth’s chance to get Lydia back?”
“Take a deep breath, Luna.”
I shook my head. “No, listen to me. Yes, yes, abandonment issues, okay? I know how it feels to be left behind and Lydia will never, ever feel that way, not if I can help it. I’m a mess, whatever. But just tell me what I need to do. Dude, I’m already coming to therapy. I’ll tell you about my childhood, I’ll take prescribed zombifying drugs. I’ll even move out of the house if Seth is better off without me. But please, let me show you how stable I can be. I love Lydia more than life. I’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy, and if that was with Sparkles, then I would leave her there. But that’s not where she belongs. She belongs with her daddy. Tell me how to bring her home.”
I looked at my nails again. Ragged. Torn. Bitten down to the quick except for the right pinky finger. I hadn’t worked my way there yet.
The counselor was smiling, this time genuinely. “I think that was a very honest, sincere expression of your feelings. It didn’t sound unstable at all.”
“Yeah?” I studied her face and leaned back in my chair. I arched my brow. “You totally pinned me down. I’m not used to that.”
“You mean I called you on your crap?”
I grinned. “Yeah, well, I’ve been told I can be a bit resistant to criticism.”
She looked wry, and suddenly I saw how she might have been in her youth. Somewhat rebellious, somewhat knee-jerk. Somewhat like me.
“Resistance isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” she said. “You don’t want to change for everybody that suggests it. But it’s like the old saying about the wind in the trees. Sometimes you need to know when to bend.”
Chapter Forty
“Therapy must be good for you. You hardly look homicidal at all.”
“Ha ha, big brother.”
I threw myself into an empty chair and tossed the car keys to Seth. He was crouched over the kitchen table, doing his ceaseless paperwork. Filing for custody, filing to see Lydia whenever she was found, doing whatever he could. Truth was, I was feeling pretty good. I wouldn’t say the counselor was playing for Team Luna, per se, but she wasn’t running around with the demonic hordes. That was a step in the right direction.
I looked at Seth. “Don’t repeat this, and if you do I’ll deny saying it, but I think that things might eventually turn out after all.”
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
I was out of my chair so fast that Seth nearly fell over. Papers scattered everywhere. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?” he asked.
Mouth was standing in the doorway. He looked equal parts grim and angry.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. My hands were balled against my sides. “Planning to tell me how worthless I am again? Because I’m warning you, I’m not in the mood.”
“Chill,” he said and glided to the table. He eyed Seth’s papers. “Still doing things the good old fashioned way, huh? Playing by the rules. How noble.”
“Get out.”
Seth’s head snapped back and forth. “Who are you talking to? Who’s here?”
“Cute,” Mouth said and yawned. He put his ghostly feet up on the table. “Your brother thinks you’re losing your marbles right in front of him. Better calm him down before his heart explodes from the stress.”
I rolled my eyes. “Seth, this is Mouth. I’ve mentioned him before. I kind of hate him at the moment. But sit down. I’ll let you know if there’s anything to worry about.”
Seth trembled a minute, then sank down in his chair, looking defeated. I glared at him.
“He’s as real as you are.” I turned to the demon. “You’ve got brass, coming back after your threatening ‘I am a demon of authority’ gig last time. Got something to say? Say it, and then get out.”
“Can it, princess. I’m not here to talk to you. I’m here for your brother.”
“You’re…what?”
“Knew that would get ya.”
“You want to talk to Seth?”
Seth’s jaw fell to the floor. “It wants to talk to me?”
Mouth shook his head. “Are you two dunderheads finished acting related? Because this is important, and we don’t have much time. Luna, you’re going to have to translate. Ol’ unbeliever here gave up his chance at hearing me out a long time ago.”
“Seth, he says that…huh?” My gaze snapped onto Mouth. “What do you mean, gave up his chance?”
“Gave up my chance for what?” Sweat was beading Seth’s face now, and Mouth’s prediction for Seth’s exploding heart didn’t seem too far off.
“Hey, calm down,” I said, and put my hand on Seth’s shoulder. “Listen, I’m mad at Mouth at the moment, but I think I pretty much trust him. For the most part. Kinda. Like, for a demon.” Maybe not as reassuring as I had hoped to be. I rubbed my eyes and tried again. “He’s cool. If he wants to talk to you, I’d do it.” I spoke without looking at the demon. “What do you want me to tell him?”
“Tell him this whole thing has just gone up another level. Lydia’s in danger.”
“How much danger?”
“Tell him.”
I swallowed hard, looked Seth in the eyes. “Mouth said Lydia’s in danger, that everything is stepping up.”
Seth cleared his throat. “What do I do?”
“Tell him there has to be a showdown. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to be ugly. He has to be there for Lydia during this. More than that, he has to be there for you.”
I nodded. “Tough showdown. You have to be there for Lydia and me.” I glanced over my sho
ulder at the demon. “What else?”
His lips were tight. “He has to be strong. Tell him that. He has to be stronger than he’s ever been. It doesn’t matter how sorry he is. That isn’t going to be good enough. He needs power built out of strength, not guilt. Got it?”
“Sure. No guilt strength. But sorry? Sorry for what? It isn’t his fault Sparkles—”
Mouth’s darkness blazed around him, blasted across the room like a bomb. “Just deliver the message, Luna!”
“Okay, okay! Geez, Mouth, you don’t have to be such a… All right, Seth. Mouth here says you have to be strong, and it isn’t good enough to be sorry. Or whatever.”
Seth’s face was a horrifying shade of white. “Sorry for what?” he whispered. “What should I be sorry for?”
I shrugged. “Beats me. Mouth?” I turned toward the demon again, but he wasn’t in his seat. He was half an inch from my face, staring at Seth intently.
“Holy crap, you scared me, you twist!” I shrieked. “And you’re freaking Seth out. Stop being cryptic and just tell me already.”
Mouth slowly turned to me, and his eyes were unreadable. He seemed to be struggling, but not necessarily with himself. He made a choking sound.
“Hey. Hey, are you all right?” I reached for him but there was nothing firm to grab onto. He was all wisp and night mist, gagging on his words and shivering like he was having a difficult time holding himself together. By the way the darkness flowed from him like blood, I think that was exactly the case.
“Tell him…he needs to…”
The shivers turned into convulsions. I grabbed at his arms, tried to cup his face in my hands. “Mouth! What can I do? Tell me what to do.”
“T-tiptoe…” I repeated as the demon spit it out. Something started scratching at the corner of my memories.
“Tiptoe?” Seth sucked in his breath, but it barely registered. The shine of Mouth’s eyes told me that they were rolling back in his head. Can a demon have seizures? Can they kill him?
Nameless: The Darkness Comes Page 17
