America fell quiet. The America I fell in love with would have raked Abby over the coals for being dishonest, but my wife and mother of three tyrants was wiser and slower to anger. She listened more and reacted less. Their friendship had lasted on the basis of full disclosure. How else could they love each other no matter what? But now we were in a time of our lives when we had to put our spouses first. Marriage made friendship—even old ones—complicated.
“Mare,” Abby began. “I wanted to tell you.”
“Tell me what?” America said. Now that the conversation had started, she wasn’t going to let her off too easy.
“About Travis. I just found out myself a few years ago.”
“When did you stop trusting me?” America asked, trying not to sound hurt.
“It’s not about that. He wasn’t cheating or fighting a drug addiction, Mare. He was undercover for the FBI. He was running with the mob, fighting at first, and then shaking down Vegas strip clubs and making threats. I couldn’t call you about it or text. We couldn’t whisper about it like gossip next to the pool while watching the kids play. Travis was being watched. Why would I tell you?”
“So you didn’t have to carry it alone.”
“I wasn’t alone,” Abby said. She looked at Travis with a small smile.
“That morning in St. Thomas?” I asked. “That was when you were recruited?”
“I didn’t have a choice,” Travis said.
I rubbed the back of my head, my thoughts spinning. How had Travis kept this secret all these years? When he was traveling for the gym, and then when he took over Thomas’s job, it was always the FBI. That explained how they bought a house based on his personal trainer wages, but I still couldn’t believe they’d kept it from us.
“So why Thomas?” I asked. “Why did Thomas keep it a secret?”
Travis shrugged. “Mom. She made Dad promise to quit his job as a detective, and that we wouldn’t follow in his footsteps. But Thomas was born to do this job.” He spoke of Thomas with reverence, and I believed him, even though I still didn’t understand the lies.
“Jim would have understood, Trav. Surely, there’s another reason.”
Travis shrugged. “That’s the only reason he’s ever given me. He didn’t want to disappoint Dad. He didn’t want Dad to tell him not to pursue a career he was passionate about.”
America watched Travis speak, her eyes narrowing. She picked up on something I didn’t. “So Thomas knew that you were about to be arrested and talked someone in the Bureau into offering you a job because of your connections with Mick and Benny? Why not Abby?”
Abby chuckled. “Travis was capable of doing things for Benny I wasn’t. And Travis would have never agreed to that.” America nodded, but she still wasn’t satisfied. Something wasn’t adding up. They were still hiding something. “So now Thomas …” America trailed off. She did that with the boys a lot, hoping they would fill in the blanks.
Travis cleared his throat. “Was targeted, yes.”
“And that cut on your head?” I asked.
He traded glances with his wife. “I was, too. That’s why the agents came to Dad’s. That’s why they’re here. That’s why we have to stay together.”
“You automatically assumed they’d be after the rest of the family because they went after you and Thomas?” America asked.
“They weren’t after Travis,” Abby said. “He was in my car. They were after the kids and me.”
America covered her mouth.
Travis’s gaze fell to the floor. “The men who ran me off the road … They were Benny Carlisi’s men. They had pictures of us in the vehicle. All of us, our families, the kids ...”
“Why?” I asked. “Because your cover was blown?”
“I fucked up,” Travis said. “I killed Benny. They’re out for blood.”
“You killed him?” America asked, stunned. “My friend Travis, my husband’s cousin, my best friend’s husband, killed a mob boss? Did we somehow fall into an episode of The Sopranos? How the hell is this happening?”
“He didn’t have a choice,” Abby said. “It was him or Benny.”
“And Mick?” America asked.
“He was in protective custody. He’s disappeared.”
“Disappeared?” America screeched, looking at Abby.
“Keep your voice down,” Travis said.
America stood and began to pace. “So now what? We’ll be prisoners in our own home until they’re all caught?”
“It won’t be long,” Travis said. “I promise, Mare. They gunned down one of our agents—my brother. We won’t stop until they’re locked up or wiped out.” Travis crossed his arms across his chest. As big as he was in college, he was a beast now. His arms were thicker than my legs, his chest almost twice the width it used to be. He was solid muscle. I couldn’t imagine anyone looking at him and thinking it was a good idea to go after his family, and it was hard to believe Thomas had dragged him into this mess.
Travis noticed that I was deep in thought. “What is it, Shep?”
I shook my head.
“Say it,” Travis said.
“You said it was to keep you out of prison. Couldn’t Thomas have done that without asking you to go undercover? Every time you were on an assignment, you were in danger. Why would Thomas do that?”
“It wasn’t an easy decision for him,” Abby said.
“That implies he had a choice,” I said. “Did he?”
Travis shifted his weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.
“What if you weren’t you?” America asked. “What if Abby had been involved with her first boyfriend Jesse, or Parker, or someone not as … capable as you?”
Travis shrugged. “Then if he would have been stupid enough to be involved in The Circle fights and found himself guilty of gathering a hundred students in a small basement with questionable exits, he would have gone to prison.”
“Or bartered with Abby for her cooperation and manipulation of Mick. I just …” I trailed off, hesitant to say anything more to hurt our family. “He could have found another way, if he wanted to. He could have, Trav. I realize it’s probably not the best time to voice that opinion, but I didn’t know back then. So I’m saying it now.”
Travis looked down and nodded, pulling in a breath through his nose. He looked up at me as if I had invited in a truth that had been living in silence on the edge of his conscience. “He knows that. I see it on his face every time he sees me on the job.”
“It seems a little too perfect,” America said. “Thomas is in the FBI, and his brother just happens to be dating the daughter of a man involved with a crime family they’re investigating?”
“Thomas got lucky,” Travis said.
“Lucky?” America snarled. “Did he get a promotion?”
Travis and Abby tensed.
“Did he?” America demanded.
“Yeah,” Travis said. “He did.”
“Un-fucking-believable,” America said, letting her hands fall to her thighs with a slap. “And you were okay with this?”
“No!” Travis said. His patience was running out. “No, I wasn’t okay with it. I did what I had to do.”
“Thomas sold you out,” America said, pointing at Travis.
“So Liis is coming here? Without Thomas?” I asked. “I’m assuming he’s in some secret federal hospital with a ton of security?”
“I can’t talk about that,” Travis said. “Not yet.”
“We’re your friends,” America said. “At least, we thought we were.”
Travis sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s not about how much we trust you. It’s about who’s listening.”
“The truth is dangerous,” Abby said. “The more you don’t know, the better.”
“Abby,” America said, disgusted. “We’re in protective custody. We’re already in danger.”
Travis and Abby traded glances. “There’s not much more you don’t know,” Travis
said.
“Then fill us in,” America said, standing. “I guess I’m missing where we aren’t important enough, or smart enough, or have high enough security clearance to know why someone wants to kill us or our children.”
“Did they … have pictures of our boys?” I asked.
Travis hesitated then nodded.
America retreated to my side, forming a united front. I knew what was coming, and by the look on Abby’s face, so did she.
“You involved us in this without our permission,” America said. “We’ve been behind you since the beginning. We’ve been there for you through everything. Then we find out you’ve been lying to us for years. Okay. I understand the circumstances, but it’s time to be straight with us, now. Now, it’s our business. It’s our problem. Is there anything else we should know?”
She was right. Our boys were sleeping in a waiting room of a hospital, and before that, they were crowded on a makeshift pallet on the floor so we could be under the watchful eyes of the FBI. We weren’t sure how long the Carlisis had been in town, or how long they’d been watching us. We couldn’t protect ourselves or our sons without knowing exactly what we were up against.
“What are you going to do about it, Mare?” Travis asked.
“Trav,” I warned.
“No, I’d like to know. You think Thomas or I wanted any of this? It’s the last thing we wanted. That’s why I’ve been undercover for—”
“Undercover?” America seethed. “Lying to mobsters about your loyalties doesn’t make you undercover, Travis! They knew who you were, who you’re married to, and where you live! We were in Vegas with you. They had photographs of my boys!” she said, her eyes filling with angry tears. “The second you agreed to this, we were in danger. Don’t act like you’re the savior in all this. You and Thomas are the cause!”
“America, enough,” Abby said. “You don’t know everything.”
“Exactly,” she snapped. She grabbed my hand, and we walked together toward the door.
“Shep,” Travis pleaded.
I turned to him. I’d always been on his side, but for the first time, I wasn’t sure if he had my back. I wasn’t sure if I could believe anything he was saying. He hadn’t chosen to lie to us, but he wasn’t in control. “You haven’t even apologized, Travis. I know you didn’t want this, but you brought it on us. And for what?”
“To keep him out of prison,” Abby snapped. “You would have done whatever you could to keep that from happening, too, and you know it.”
“I wouldn’t have painted a target on the backs of my sons,” I said. “You did that.” I glared at Travis and then pulled my wife out the door.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LIIS
VAL LOADED STELLA’S AND MY THINGS into the passenger seat and floorboard of Travis’s truck, except for the pink and gray baby bag Travis had slung over his large shoulder. I smiled for the first time since Thomas had left. Seeing a man as large and intimidating as Travis Maddox carrying anything girly struck me as amusing. Just as quickly as it came, the feeling vanished, replaced by bone-deep pain. I couldn’t believe I was in Eakins, Illinois, with Stella but without her father. The past few days had left me in a daze.
Travis set the baby bag in the back on one side of an already-present rear-facing car seat. He seemed to have a lot on his mind besides the upcoming task of breaking the hearts of everyone in his family.
“I’ll have to tighten the straps,” he said, reaching for Stella. His voice went up an octave when he addressed her. “You’re so tiny, but Carter makes you look like a giant. Yes, he does.”
I walked around to the other side, settling in next to the car seat behind Val. She was already in the passenger side tapping away on her cell phone.
“Carter?” I asked.
Before Travis could answer, Val spoke up. “Why do men act so stupid around babies?”
“Glad to see you, Agent Taber,” Travis said, his voice thick with sarcasm. He knew what to expect next.
“Fu …” Val began her trademark response, but she decided to mind Stella.
“Why does it bother you so much?” Travis asked. “Why go into the FBI if you detest being referred as an agent?”
“I don’t. It’s just an excuse to tell people to fu … you know.”
“Any word, Val?” I asked.
“Significant improvement overnight,” she said, resuming the tapping on her phone. “Also heard from Lena. Operation Coco is a go. She’s in.”
Travis sighed, relieved by both. He secured Stella while making sure she was snuggly tucked in. He kissed her head before manning the driver’s seat, and I froze, remembering that Thomas had done the same thing just a few days before.
Travis closed his door and pulled his seat belt across his chest, fastening it with a click. “All set?” he asked Val. She ignored him, busy communicating with the director. Travis gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead without turning the ignition. “Liis?”
I closed my eyes. “I’m okay.”
“I doubt that.”
I looked out the window. “Let’s just get it over with.”
“You should know. I told them.” Travis spat the words as if they’d been burning his mouth.
“What?” I said.
“What?” Val repeated.
“Most of it came out last night. They know Thomas, and I are Feds. They know my career started with the fire. Dad already knew, Liis.”
“He doesn’t know all of it.”
“I know. But I had to lay some of it out before you got here. Otherwise, it’d be too much for him.”
“And the others?”
“They know, too. Most of it. Except about you and … the plan.”
“I understand,” I said. It was all I could say. How could anyone prepare to tell their entire family they’d been lying to them? That I wasn’t who they thought I was, and neither was Thomas? That he was gone and watch as they processed the worst pain they could possibly imagine?
“I’ll be right there with you,” Travis said.
It took a long time for me to speak. We were already passing through the airport gate by the time I could take hold of my emotions long enough to get the words out. “They won’t forgive me,” I said. Just those few words created a tightness in my throat.
“Yes, they will. They’ll forgive us both.” I’d known Travis long enough to hear when the calm in his voice was contrived. Abby was the better actress, but Travis had honed his poker face over the years. His wife was a good teacher.
“I don’t know if I can do this. My emotions have been all over the place,” I said.
Travis turned to face me. “You just had a baby, Liis. You went from a new family to a single mother in a day. Cut yourself some slack.”
I glared at him, resenting his bluntness. As much as I wanted to hate what he said, it was true. “I’m still the same person. I’m not weak.”
“Fuck no, you’re not. Mothers are damn strong, anyway. And you, Liis? I’ve never seen anything like you.”
I shifted in my seat. His response surprised me. “Besides Abby.”
“It’s not a competition,” he said, offering a small smile.
My shoulders relaxed. Travis had a way of always making me feel safe, just like Thomas. As frightening as traveling with a newborn was, knowing I was going to be with the Maddoxes soon had been a significant comfort. “How are you doing?”
He cleared his throat, putting on the truck’s blinker. “It’s been rough. I’m not looking forward to this any more than you are.”
“Where’s Abby?”
“At the hospital with everyone else.”
“The hospital? Why?” I asked, alarmed.
“The baby came last night.”
Val and I both gasped. Abby was nowhere near her due date. I immediately felt ashamed. Years ago, I’d filled Abby in on the details of Travis’s agreement with the FBI. She already had an idea, and I chose to spare Travis the burden of being the one to breach
his agreement. I wouldn’t go to prison if I told her, but Travis could have. In the end, it saved their marriage. She understood why he was so secretive and leaving so often, but the truth was a burden. From the moment you become aware of a secret, the inevitable question arises: what price will you pay to keep it?
“Are they okay?” I asked.
“Abby’s doing great. Carter will be fine.”
Carter. That’s who he said made Stella look like a giant. She wasn’t yet seven pounds. Carter must have been tiny.
“That’s good to hear,” Val said, sincere. It was her way of apologizing for giving him a hard time earlier.
“Is Abby alone at the hospital?” I asked, startled.
“The whole family is there with a half dozen agents, including Agent Davies.”
“Sorry about that,” I said. “She is the best …”
“I know. You won’t have luck explaining that to Falyn, though.”
“So … they know?”
“They’d figured most of it out. They put two and two together when Agent Davies picked them up from the airport.”
I settled back into my seat, looking at Stella’s peaceful, sleeping face. She was the perfect combination of Thomas and me. She was already on a schedule, sleeping and eating at the same times. She changed every day, and Thomas was missing it.
My eyes felt wet, and I had just reached into Stella’s bag for a tissue when Travis reached back with one.
“It’s going to be okay, Liis. I promise.”
I dabbed beneath my eyes and sniffed. “It damn well better be, or the director will answer to me for a change.”
“Yes, he will. And he knows it, too.”
We drove from the outer edges of Eakins into town. It hadn’t changed much. Only businesses like oil and industrial, gas stations, boutiques, tanning salons, and fast-food chains were thriving. Anything else was pretty much abandoned.
“Is that it?” Val asked as the taller buildings of the college came into view, reaching above the tree line.
“Yeah,” Travis said, unhappy about the reminder. “Yeah, that’s it.”
The burned bricks of Keaton Hall had long since faded and the damage repaired. In the few minutes it took us to pass, Travis didn’t look in the direction of the tiny college once. I assumed it was too much of a reminder of the strange direction his life had taken because of one night—the last time he’d participate in The Circle, Eastern State’s underground fight ring. He looked away from the memories of the fire, of the night he’d nearly lost Abby.
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