Resigned to his fate, Olav shook his head furiously, waving Alarik away in desperation, urging him to save himself and Elienor while he could.
Alarik’s lungs pained him beyond anything he’d ever known, but he dared not give in, nor even loosen his grip upon the mortal weight he clutched.
He peered up wretchedly at fire fading halo of light. It grew more distant with each passing second. How could he simply let go? How could he choose to release his brother—his blood?
Yet in his arms Elienor remained lifeless and he knew he must decide.
With no hands to swim with, and only his feet to propel himself he sank down further still, until he faced Olav in the darkening water.
Olav’s cheeks were bloated, his eyes bulging, set in the deepest scowl Alarik had ever beheld. He struggled against Alarik’s hold. “Go!” he exploded, and the command erupted with a profusion of angry bubbles. By the time the single life-ending word reached Alarik, it sounded no more than a faint rumbling to his ears. Below him, Olav thrashed wildly as he took the burning saltwater into his lungs, and with his last coherent gesture, he jerked his body violently.
Through the fist that held the leather cord around Olav’s neck Alarik felt the spasms that coursed through his brother’s body, and then abruptly Olav, too, became limp and grew heavier, carrying him down... further down...
Still Alarik could not release him, but his strength ebbed, and his fingers went numb about the cold metal ring, and there came a final instant when he knew he could delay no longer. If he didn’t release Olav, Elienor would die for certain.
He could choose life, or he could choose death.
But It was not his destiny to choose at all, for just then Olav slipped from the leather neckband that held him imprisoned in Alarik’s grip.
Pain knifed through Alarik’s chest as he felt the sudden weightlessness—yet he could delay no longer.
His breath exploding from his lungs, he struggled toward the faded light above, leaving a trail of urgent bubbles in his wake.
He only hoped he was not too late for Elienor!
By the blood of the White Christ—what if he were?
His chest burned until it seemed his lungs would burst.
Odin help him—God help him—anybody—the Light was too far!
God, he’d sell his soul to reach it.
He’d take Elienor home, to her uncle, if she wished... if only...
Too far!
His vision faded black momentarily, and then, when it seemed he could hold no longer, he broke through the spume and was breathing once more, gasping for life-saving air.
He’d held Elienor so tightly that even had she come to and been able to take a breath, it wouldn’t have reached her lungs, and he let out a guttural cry as with the last of his strength he hoisted her up into the air.
Vaguely, he was aware she didn’t come back down—and then hands reached down mercifully, seizing him, dragging him from the sea, Elienor’s ring held in a death-grip within his fist.
The impact to her belly as Elienor was hoisted up and down against the ship’s gunwale drove the water from her lungs. She coughed, spewing saltwater. Gasping and choking, she struggled for breath. For the briefest instant, she opened her eyes, saw him not, and cried his name before succumbing again to the blackness that waited to claim her.
CHAPTER 34
With everyone so preoccupied over defeating Olav, they had somehow managed to escape the battle without notice. Fools! For mere hours now the battle had been ended and already there were rumors bandied about that Olav had been spied making away in one of the Jomsviking’s ships.
Alarik knew better.
They’d come straightaway to the steading. For his part, he’d never felt emptier than he did at this moment. And the Gods curse him! He’d never loathed himself more.
Elienor had yet to waken, and for that too he could only blame himself. His chest heaved with emotions he could not express.
If only he’d left her in Francia.
He’d had no right to her then—nor did he have a right to her now!
God—she’d risked her life for him! He could still see the image of her bursting through the flames at him, and the vision would haunt him every last day of his life. She’d taken the blow meant for him, he realized. Had she not leapt at him, shunting his course, twisting his body with the impact of her own, so that it had struck her instead, that axe would have embedded itself between his shoulder blades.
And he would have lain eternally with Olav.
His eyes stinging, he made his way into the dark but familiar skali with Elienor’s unconscious, battered body draped across his weary arms. Alva led the way before him with torch in hand. Sigurd and then Brother Vernay followed solemnly, along with Nissa, her face grave and distressed. Within his chamber he laid her gently down upon his bed, and then turned to Nissa, feeling an anger toward her he could not define. All he could think in that moment was that she’d been the last to see Elienor before her abduction. “Leave us!” he commanded, his voice hoarse.
Nodding anxiously, Nissa fled the chamber.
Elienor lay so quietly and unmoving upon his bed, as pale as death itself, that Alarik’s gut twisted violently at the sight of her.
“For what it’s worth, jarl,” Sigurd proffered, “I faith she’ll heal.” Alarik peered up at him, his dark eyes glittering. “You know how many broken bodies I’ve tended after battle. Her flesh has not the taint of death about it.” He nodded hearteningly, and seeing the longing in his jarl’s eyes, hoped it was so.
Alva shook her head. “‘Tis the truth he tells you,” she added, though with less certainty.
Alarik’s jaw tightened. Closing his eyes, he shut out the raging emotions that battled within him. He could little bear the thought of losing her now—now that he finally knew the depth of his love for her.
Aye, love, he cursed himself! Fool that he was, he would not see it! He’d not lose her now, by God!
Not before he was given the opportunity to make it up to her. He would give her her heart’s desire... send her back to Francia if It was her wish—anything she requested of him.
Anything!
If only she would come back.
Looking into her slumbering face, Alarik felt the moisture well in his eyes. He covered his face with his hands, growing angry with this unwanted turn of fate. His massive hands slid down to shadow his quivering mouth as he demanded between clenched teeth, ‘Is there aught more you could do for her this eve?” His gaze turned from Sigurd to Alva to Vernay. “Any of you?”
Sigurd shook his head, as did Alva and Brother Vernay. “Nay, my lord,” Vernay replied softly, his own eyes watering shamelessly. “Unless she were to... to...”
“Then leave me!” Alarik demanded, refusing to hear the monk out. She’d not die. He’d not let her, by God! “Go!” he shouted when they were too slow to comply. He had no wish to disgrace himself further by weeping like a woman before them. Keeping his tone completely devoid of emotion, he added, “And Sigurd...”
Sigurd turned, though Alva and Brother Vernay did not. The two of them hurried away to give privacy.
Alarik’s voice was gruff. He waited until both had left them and then said, “I’d have you take the watch. I’ve no idea what will come of the battle, but for certain I’ll not let any usurp what is mine.”
Sigurd nodded, his expression as sullen as his lord’s, for though Alarik’s words held every trace of their former strength and determination, they lacked the passion. Never before had he beheld him so crestfallen. “Very well, my lord,” he avowed and again turned to go.
“Apprise me the instant you see Bjorn, will you?” Alarik added grimly. “If he dares show his deceiving face.”
“Would you have me tell him aught?” Sigurd asked, turning at the door to look over his shoulder at him.
Alarik shook his head, trying to think coherently, unable to do so. “Tell him...” He shook his head again. “Tell him nothing. Merely send
the bastard to me when he comes—if he comes...”
Sigurd nodded, departing at last, closing the heavy door behind him.
Alone, Alarik knelt at the bedside, his eyes closed in anguish.
Elienor had been through all this because of him. Only God knew what she’d endured in the last weeks under Hrolf’s hand. “You shall live!” he demanded arrogantly. “You shall!” His gaze softened, moisture burning at his eyes. He squeezed his lids shut and touched his brow, awkwardly beginning the sign of the cross as he’d seen Brother Vernay do so oft.
Odd how he found solace in the ritual when it was done.
After a long moment, he found his voice again, gruff as it was. “I am, Elienor...” He shook his head in self derision. “A stubborn, arrogant, fool! Too long have I felt the need to be as mine sire... so much so that I’ve done as he did to the last; I’ve denied the love of my heart... as did he... as it was his way to deny all emotions not manly.” His voice faltered. “Christ... fool that I am, I believed him. I believed his way was the true way of men. God... I was mistaken, Elienor... forgive me.” He laid his head against her breast. “In the name of your God, open your eyes!” he cried hoarsely.
Elienor remained unmoving, and he lifted his face, vaguely aware that a tear, the first he’d ever shed, rolled down his cheek and fell upon her ashen face. Blinking, he touched the crystalline droplet with a finger, stunned unto death to see it, his heart hammering, unsure what to do next. With a low cry, he swiped it away, and bent to kiss her lips. Taking her head in his big hands, he whispered hoarsely, “Come back to me, Elienor—oh, God, come back!”
For the longest time, he merely gazed down at her angelic face, so pale in the dim, flickering Light of the single torch. He felt like cursing. He felt like howling. He felt like committing murder. He did none of those. Instead, there, upon his knees, he kept a silent vigil, and cursed Hrolf Kaetilson to a death without a place in his precious Valholl! He’d not been able to avenge himself, for he’d not seen Hrolf again, and he prayed Hrolf had died without a weapon in his traitorous clutches.
Losing track of the hours he spent at Elienor’s side, he thought of everything Elienor had endured at his hands, at his men’s hands, and knew that never again would he take man or woman against their will. It was wrong, and looking at her too still form, the wound on her forehead—his finger gently traced the scar that had completely healed, and then moved into her hair to search out the lump caused by the axe handle. There was no open wound, but it could have killed her—might still kill her. And then there were the bums on her legs, not grave, for they’d plummeted into the water well before her dress could fully ignite, yet still there, a loathsome reminder of all she’d suffered for his indulgence.
Every moment, he prayed for her recovery, but with the Light of the new day, it still had not come. In its stead came utter exhaustion. The physical toll of battle and his raw emotions drained him, but he refused to close his eyes.
Nearly asleep upon his knees, he removed his boots and blood-stained shirt, and clad in naught more than his breeches, crawled into the bed beside Elienor.
And still he fought exhaustion as he watched her every unconscious gesture. Reaching out, he grasped a lock of her beautiful hair, and feeling it between his fingers, he again imagined Olav’s red-gold hair within his fist. Felt again the moment his brother’s body slipped from his grasp to the sea, and a hoarse cry escaped him.
More tears.
But he didn’t care.
He’d lost too much to care.
When Elienor had not roused by the following morn, he felt like shaking her awake. His endurance was near to the breaking point. He felt helpless as a babe simply staring. There had to be something he could do to aid her... something...
With that notion he felt compelled to go to the kirken. Elienor had spent so much time within the small building—mayhap there he would find answers. He didn’t bother changing his clothing. Restless as he was, he left his chamber dressed in naught more than his leather breeches.
The instant he walked out of the s kali, Nissa hurried within, toward his chamber.
Alarik didn’t note it And he didn’t bother with his mount.
Instead he ran the distance, releasing his frustrations in the course of it Midway there, he let out a tormented cry and fell to his knees, pounding the ground with his fists in outrage.
“Damn you, Olav!” he shouted to the heavens. “Damn me! Damn your obsession with your God!”
Loki take him, not even Svein Forkbeard, who was well on his way to converting the Danemark, employed such harsh persuasion as had Olav! So absorbed was Alarik in his wrath that he did not hear the approaching footfalls.
He did note the shadow that fell over him, and swung about... to face his brother.
Bjorn’s face was pale, his eyes wide. “’Tis true,” he declared, shaking his head as though disbelieving his eyes. “You live?”
“Aye!” Alarik snarled. “Does it gall you, bastard?” He surged to his feet to face him. Anger and disillusionment burned in his dark visage.
If Bjorn had been relieved at seeing Alarik, his relief faded in the flaring of his anger. “Ya!” he exploded. “By Odin! I am bastard—as you’ve so often reminded me!”
Alarik was momentarily stunned by the accusation, for he’d never used the term in reference to Bjorn before. He’d done so this time only in anger.
“You’ve not heard that from my lips,” Alarik denied. His fists clenched at his sides. “If you have been reminded... ’tis by your own self alone, for you will recall that I am bastard, too!”
“Ya? And what ills has your bastardy brought you, mine brother?” Bjorn countered. “You have had aught in life you’ve desired. I!—I am the one who has had naught all my years! Naught!—do you heed? And for once I had opportunity, can you not see that?”
“I see only a sniveling fool,” Alarik broke in, stalking him now. Bjorn retreated slowly. “A fool who has betrayed kin and country, both! In the same breath—a fool, Bjorn, and naught more! Know you what price you have paid for your treachery? Your honor! Kinship! The Northland’s future—not to mention its king!” He stopped before Bjorn, his stance deathly still yet bespeaking the violence in his heart. “And the knowledge that you carry the blood of brothers on your treacherous hands!” Alarik laughed then, but there was little mirth in the sound.
“You live!” Bjorn pointed out, and the declaration sounded more an accusation. “As for Olav—” His brows furrowed, and he shook his head. “Olav was never mine brother!” Bjorn said vehemently. “Only yours!”
“Spoiled whelp!” Alarik lunged at him, his fury too violent to contain any longer. The two wrestled fiercely, until Alarik, exhausted as he was, could exert no more. He fell atop Bjorn, pinning him beneath him with an arm to his neck, his face crimson with anger. “You think he was not, bastard!” he shouted. “You think not? Is that why he defended your filthy heathen hide to the last? Even in the face of mine anger and accusations, even when I condemned you with proof. Aye, Bjorn, Erik’s son, I know well you met with Hrolf, for I spied you with mine own eyes coming out of the grove! Olav defended you even then!” His voice broke.
“Nei, Bjorn, Erik’s son, art mistaken, for Olav was more your brother than ever you allowed. It was always you who kept the distance! You, by God!” Slowly his anger tempered, mellowed by the sight of his only remaining male kin lying gasping for breath beneath him, tempered by sorrow for what might have been and now would never be. “You and no one else,” he ground out miserably. “Think on that when the nights grow long and you lie brooding in your bed—and you will brood, brother, for ‘tis your way!” He shook his head, removing his arm from Bjorn’s throat.
“What have you to know of my ways?” Bjorn spat, scrambling out from under him to his feet
Alarik’s sigh was deep and full of pain as he rose again to face his brother. “More than you know... more than you know... think on my words if you will—” His eyes were melancholy as he t
urned his back to Bjorn, again making his way to the kirken. “Choke on them, if you would!” he called out after him. “But leave me be—leave Gryting—take Nissa and go. The sight of you sickens me!”
Bjorn stood rooted to the spot. “I wish to stay!” he announced.
Alarik stiffened, turning.
Bjorn sounded as defenseless as the little boy he’d once been, and Alarik found himself remembering wistfully the bragging youth who had followed him so faithfully. When had it ceased to be so? For the life of him, he couldn’t recall. Bjorn had been a shadow to him all of his days. But no more; he’d managed to sever the ties completely with his betrayal. He’d thought his heart could grow no heavier but it did, yet he found he could not hate one who shared his blood.
Mayhap... mayhap still they could find a way back.
“I... I did not intend it to end as it did,” Bjorn appealed. “I…”
“How else could it have ended, Bjorn?” Alarik shook his head morosely. “I cannot decide this now,” he announced before Bjorn could reply. He didn’t wish to hear bloody excuses—could think only of Elienor. There was nothing left to be done for Olav. “Stay for the time,” he allowed with a weary sigh, and then he turned abruptly, again making his way to the kirken.
CHAPTER 35
Mercy, she’d done this before, had she not?
Elienor groaned as pain erupted through her head. She rolled and endeavored to open her eyes, but the light was too strong, and she closed them once more.
And sweet Jesu, but her body felt so tender... her legs... It was as though her ribs and chest were bruised. Nevertheless, she welcomed the pain, for it bespoke life. Precious life!
Taking in a long draught of air, she knew an instant of serenity she’d never experienced before—despite her soreness, despite her confusion—for she sensed the nightmare was ended at last.
“Elienor,” a voice called softly.
Still disoriented, Elienor’s eyes opened, focusing after an interminable moment upon Nissa’s face hovering just above her own. With a startled gasp, she tried to rise.
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