Sylvia gave a derisive snort. “Another month of that Carter. It can’t go fast enough for me.”
Teresa sighed and rolled her eyes. “Ma, why—”
Gianni came into the living room and said, “I’m going out.”
“You just got home!” Sylvia glared at him.
“And now I’m going out.”
“Why don’t you ever bring Angelina over here?” Sylvia asked.
Because he’s not going out with Angelina! Teresa wanted to say it but clamped her jaw tight and turned back to Walter Cronkite as he wrapped up the nightly news.
Gianni gave his mother an embarrassed smile—a look Teresa knew from long experience was completely fake—and said, “We like to be alone, Ma.”
“Did your register come out even?” Lou asked.
“I’ll do it tomorrow,” Gianni said with a wave of his hand.
“How many times I gotta tell you, you do your register at closing every night,” Lou said.
“What does it matter?” Gianni asked. “Tonight or tomorrow. It’s all the same.”
“It matters because it’s part of the job,” Lou said angrily. He turned to Teresa. “Did your register come out even?”
“On the penny,” Teresa said, not looking at her brother. She could feel his baleful gaze directed at her.
“See? Your sister knows,” Lou said. “When it doesn’t come out even, you’ll never remember the next day. Before you know it, you’re short twenty, then fifty. You lose money and you don’t know where it’s going.”
But Teresa knew. She knew every time Gianni overspent his paycheck, an extra twenty or two went from the cash register into his pocket.
“You keep this up, and I’m going to put you back behind the coffee counter,” Lou said, but Teresa knew it was an empty threat. Gianni knew it, too.
If you were going to punish him, you needed to do it a long time ago. Teresa clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from saying it.
Gianni muttered something about the Morningside store being busier and not having time.
“Basta!” Lou said. “You shape up or we’re gonna have a talk.”
Gianni opened his mouth to retort.
“Quiet,” Lou said. “It’s time for Perry Como. Teresa, change the channel and adjust the antenna.”
Gianni stormed out as Teresa got to her feet and played with the rabbit ears until her father said, “That’s good. Right there.”
“He’s in the Holy Land,” Sylvia said reverently, crossing herself as the show opened.
Teresa sat there watching Perry sing until the first commercial break. “I’m going upstairs to read.”
Sylvia reached over and gave Lou a nudge. “Tell her.”
Teresa looked at her parents. “Tell me what?”
Lou cleared his throat. “Your mother and I were talking, and we, uh, we think it’s time you had a raise.” Teresa’s mouth fell open. “You’ve been working hard, and we want you to know we appreciate it. So, with the new year, you’ll get a five thousand dollar raise.”
Teresa didn’t know what to say. “Wow. Thanks.”
“Shhh!” Sylvia flapped her hands. “Perry’s back on.”
Teresa turned toward the stairs, feeling as if a miracle had just occurred. “Thank you, Perry Como,” she whispered.
She went up to her room and closed the door. She turned on the bedside lamp and plumped her pillow against the headboard. From the bedside table she picked up a frame. May the road rise up to meet you… She’d read the blessing so many times, she knew it by heart. Lifting it near, she inspected the intricate Celtic knots Ellie had painstakingly drawn and colored in. Up close, she could see the little imperfections of the hand-inked letters. She did this for me. Never had anyone made something so special, put so much care and attention into a gift just for her. She ran a loving finger over the frame. It felt as if she were holding a bit of Ellie in her hands.
It was Christmas Eve, and the stores were all closing as six o’clock chimed. People hurried home, last minute packages tucked under their arms. Store employees waved to one another, wishing each another a Merry Christmas. Ellie got out of Kaufman’s as quickly as she could and peeked through the glass door of the diner. It was nearly empty. She saw Louise refilling a customer’s coffee at a far booth.
Ellie came in and hopped onto one of the counter stools as Louise put the coffee pot back on the burner. “I’m so glad I caught you before you closed.” She slid a wrapped present across the spotless Formica. “Merry Christmas, Louise.”
Louise smiled. “Haven’t I told you a hundred times to save your money for all those trips you’re going to take?” She reached under the counter and laid a heavy square package in front of Ellie. “Got one for you, too.”
Ellie’s face lit up. “For me? Really?” She stood on the foot rail and leaned over the counter so she could pull Louise into a hug.
“Don’t you even want to see what it is?” Louise said, laughing as she hugged Ellie back.
“I’ll love it, no matter what it is,” Ellie said happily. She released Louise and sat back down.
“You want anything?”
“Just a Coke. You have the kitchen all cleaned up,” Ellie said.
“I kept one grill hot, just for you,” Louise said. “Be right back.”
Ellie pushed off to make her stool spin. One, two revolutions and—she suddenly grabbed the counter to stop her motion. “Teresa!”
Sitting in that far booth, Teresa was watching her with a bemused smile. She slid out of the booth and carried her coffee cup to the counter. “Merry Christmas,” she said as she perched on the adjacent stool.
Louise peeked out from the kitchen. “She’s been waiting to see if you’d come in.”
“You were waiting for me?”
Teresa nodded. “You’re coming to my aunts’ house with me for Christmas dinner tomorrow.”
Ellie’s expression sobered. “No. I can’t—”
With a clatter, Louise set a grilled cheese sandwich down in front of Ellie. “Now, you listen here,” she said sternly. “I’ve invited you home with me for as long as I’ve known you, and you always say no. I’ve let you be, but it’s not right, Ellie Ryan.” She glanced at Teresa. “You got a friend inviting you home with her for Christmas Day. There is no reason for you to spend the holiday alone.”
Ellie looked doubtfully at Teresa. “What about your mother? Won’t she—”
“I talked to my godmother, Aunt Anita,” Teresa said. “I told her you had no family and she insisted you come. She’ll help if my mother puts up a fuss.”
“See?” Louise said. “It’s all taken care of. Eat while that’s hot.” She put a piece of apple pie on a plate and set it in front of Teresa. “And you keep her company while she eats.”
Teresa smiled. “Thank you.”
Louise moved away to clean up.
“Are you sure?” Ellie asked in a low voice. “I don’t want to impose.”
“You’re not imposing,” Teresa said. “You’ll have to put up with about thirty people, so it’ll be crazy. But you’re not imposing. And it’ll make me happy. Nice necklace, by the way.”
Ellie’s hand flew to the heart hanging from the chain around her neck. She met Teresa’s eyes and what she saw in them made her insides tingle. “Okay. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend Christmas with.”
They ate while the last couple of customers paid their checks, wishing Louise a Merry Christmas, and soon they were the only diners left.
“And you’re not doing extras tonight,” Louise said. “We already took care of it. We gave out soup and sandwiches to anyone who wanted some before the dinner rush.”
Ellie’s eyes teared up. “I love you, Louise. Thank you.”
Louise looked at her fondly. “I love you, too, baby girl. You made me realize how ble
ssed I’ve been. Got to help others when we can. You don’t know how much you’ve done.”
When they were done eating, Teresa insisted on driving Ellie home. Ellie gave Louise one more hug and accompanied Teresa to where the VW was parked. She stopped suddenly.
“Listen,” she said. The stores were all closed. Hardly any people were out. A deep hush lay over the city. “Have you ever gone out and just walked on Christmas Eve or early on Christmas Day, listening to the quiet?”
“Are you kidding?” Teresa looked at her watch. “Right now, most of the family is gathered at the aunts’ house for Christmas Eve dinner. They’ll eat on and off all night until midnight Mass. Only after we get home from church will it be quiet in our house. And then tomorrow, it starts all over again. We’ll open presents at our house, and then we’ll go to church and back over to the aunts’ house to start cooking and eating again and opening more presents. We won’t be back home until tomorrow night. Maybe then—if no one got in an argument—will it be quiet again.”
Ellie sighed. “It sounds wonderful.”
Teresa laughed and unlocked the car. “We’ll see how wonderful you think it is tomorrow.”
Teresa drove through nearly deserted streets to Ellie’s apartment building. They sat in the car, neither wanting to say good night. Ellie slipped her glove off and bravely reached over for Teresa’s waiting hand and looked down, half-expecting to see a glow from the heat of their connection. Forgotten was the cold—the VW never could warm the interior up properly. Forgotten, too, was any worry that Teresa’s family might be wondering where she was. For Ellie, the entire world was contained in that small space in that instant. Time ceased to exist as she reveled in the feel of Teresa’s hand in hers. The warmth of that touch spread up her arm to her chest until she wasn’t sure she could contain the joy that blossomed there.
“I never got to thank you for my Christmas present,” Teresa murmured. “I love that blessing. It must have taken you hours to make.”
“It did,” Ellie said. “But I loved doing it. For you.”
“Do you…” Teresa hesitated. “Have you made many of those for people?”
Ellie raised her eyes to Teresa’s. “Only one other.” Even in the dark, she could feel the intensity of Teresa’s gaze. “I should let you get to your aunts’.”
“I guess,” Teresa said reluctantly.
Ellie leaned over to hug Teresa, and the contact of their cheeks felt electric. Ellie froze for a long moment. Almost against her will, she felt herself gently rubbing her cheek against Teresa’s velvet skin. She would never know for sure who initiated it, but she could feel Teresa’s cheek sliding along hers until the corners of their mouths were barely touching. The world seemed to hold its breath for that instant, and then she shifted just a bit more, and felt the incredible softness of Teresa’s mouth against hers. Any fear she’d had that Teresa would pull away disappeared as Teresa’s full lips returned the pressure, yielding, opening to welcome Ellie, to pull her in. Nothing, not even the distant memory of Katie’s kisses, could have prepared her for the power of this touch. Ellie lost track of time and place. She only knew Teresa’s strong arms were around her, and when at last Teresa’s mouth left hers, it was to place feather-light kisses on her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks. Ellie nestled into Teresa’s neck and felt the pressure of her pulse. She’s real. This is real. Ellie raised her face and placed a hand on Teresa’s cheek, drawing her mouth down again. She had no idea how much time had passed when they finally drew apart.
“You have to go now,” Ellie whispered. “Or I won’t let you go.”
Teresa nodded in the darkness. “I know. It will take all my strength to leave you.”
Ellie reached for the door handle.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at twelve-thirty.”
Ellie looked back in a panic. “Are you sure? After we—”
“Twelve-thirty.” Teresa placed a gentle hand on Ellie’s cheek. “Good night.”
CHAPTER 15
Teresa, for the rest of her life, would think of that Christmas as the Christmas she grew up. It was just a kiss, she kept telling herself over the days that followed, but it was so much more. It would be laughable if it hadn’t changed my entire life. It felt as if she had been stuck in a time warp. While everyone else had grown up bit by bit, dating, having sex, getting married, and having kids, Teresa had remained almost as innocent as she’d been at fifteen. With one kiss, she’d been awakened, like someone who had been placed under a sleeping spell in a fairy tale—but even she couldn’t call herself Sleeping Beauty.
In a daze that evening, she’d left Ellie, only to realize that she’d nearly forgotten to leave food for Dogman and Lucy. She quickly detoured by her empty house to get some spaghetti and then swung by the store before going to the aunts’ house, where she found that her family hadn’t really missed her. Dinner—or at least the first round of eating—was done, and people were scattered around the house. Lou and Dom Sr. were snoring loudly from either end of the living room couch while the kids played in the basement. Teresa put a little food on a plate, but had no real appetite. She nearly called Bernie to see if she could go over, but she knew better. Anita had already grabbed Teresa and placed her lips against her forehead—“Are you running a temperature? You’re all flushed.”— and Teresa knew Bernie would immediately guess something monumental had happened.
She had never before appreciated the truth of being lovesick, but that’s how she felt. She felt giddy, feverish, shaky. Every time she remembered the kiss—which was every few seconds—she felt an explosion of feelings she had never experienced before, and not just emotions but physical things. Her face burned just to think of the wetness she’d felt down there. She’d never had an orgasm. She smiled as she recalled how she had stared in horror when Bernie passed her a copy of The Happy Hooker when they were sixteen.
“I stole it from Denny’s closet,” Bernie said. “I think he stole it from Dad. What’s he gonna do? Ask me if I have it?”
“I can’t read this!” Teresa had gasped.
“Why not?” Bernie said. “If some boy is going to do this stuff to us someday, I want to know more about my body than he does. Why should we be ashamed? The hell with Sister Marguerite.”
Teresa had nearly fainted when Bernie leaned close and whispered, “It’ll teach you how to touch down there to make it happen.”
Teresa knew that if she ever did such a thing, she’d have to confess it immediately, and the shame of having to say it out loud to a priest was enough to keep her from ever trying it. But she did read parts of the book, equally fascinated and terrified that her mother would find it no matter how carefully she tried to hide it. She found herself skipping the chapters involving men and looking for the ones describing what happened with other women and remembering Penelope Jones.
Throughout their college years, she’d listened in bemused ignorance as Bernie and other women talked about urges that she’d never felt. Until now. Now she knew what they meant because she wanted Ellie to touch her down there; wanted to touch Ellie, to know that part of her, wanted to kiss her everywhere, not just on the mouth.
Teresa shivered and felt a faint pulsing in her crotch just thinking about it. Startled, she realized she was sitting in her maiden aunts’ dining room, thinking about… this. She looked around to see if anyone had noticed, but no one was paying her the slightest attention. Restlessly, she went outside to pace the sidewalk, waiting until it was time to go to Midnight Mass. All she wanted was to be alone in her room with her thoughts. Mass that night was a blur. As soon as they got home, she excused herself and went to bed.
She hardly slept that night and when she did, her dreams were wild, filled with Ellie doing things that made her wake, gasping. Lying in the dark, she tried to imagine Ellie’s naked body next to her and immediately realized, I’d have to be naked, too. That realization sobered her. Just because Ellie
kissed her didn’t mean she wanted to go any further; but if they did, how would she know what to do? She knew what Bernie’s answer would be. Hesitantly, Teresa slipped a hand down, under her underwear, through the tangle of dark curls to the swollen, wet place between her legs. In wonder, she let herself explore those forbidden folds for the first time. She clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the gasp that escaped when her fingers found her clitoris. Clinically, she knew the terms, knew the anatomy, but oh, my God. She nearly moaned aloud as her fingers stroked. Never could she have imagined what this felt like. She let the sensations build and build into a tension that was almost painful until… she tipped over the edge of her first climax.
Breathing heavily in the dark, she felt the continued throbbing of her orgasm. She tried to imagine what it would be like to have Ellie do that to her. Even alone in the dark, she felt her face burn at the thought. She threw an arm over her face and laughed silently.
The next day, Teresa sat at a light, smiling as she remembered. A horn honked, startling her back into the present. She put the VW into first gear and sped through the intersection.
When she got to Ellie’s apartment, she sat in the car. Suddenly, it seemed risky to take Ellie home for Christmas after what happened last night. Teresa knew she was a horrible liar—her mother had always been able to tell if she tried to fib, and she had a feeling anyone who looked at her would know she was in love, but she couldn’t take the invitation back now. With a deep breath, she got out of the car and went to the stairwell where she nearly ran into Ellie who was running down the stairs carrying a shopping bag.
Teresa stood there, thinking that she’d never seen anything so beautiful. “Hi.”
Ellie looked up at her, but instead of the happiness Teresa hoped she’d see, there was only worry and doubt. “We need to talk,” Ellie said.
“Okay.” Teresa pushed the landing door shut as the blood drained from her face, leaving her feeling cold and empty. You idiot, said a voice in her head. She regrets the kiss. She doesn’t love you. Composing her features, she turned to Ellie.
Cast Me Gently Page 15
