“You’re sure?” Ellie asked doubtfully.
“I’m sure.”
“Where were you until four o’clock in the morning?”
Teresa was too sleepy—and too happy—to be annoyed by her mother as she scuffed into the kitchen in her robe and slippers. She poured herself a cup of coffee.
“You were out until four?” Lou asked, lowering the paper.
“Happy New Year, Pop.” Teresa sat at the table and closed her eyes as she inhaled her coffee.
“Everyone wondered where you were,” Sylvia said. “I kept telling them you’d be there, but you weren’t.”
“But I wasn’t.”
Sylvia’s eyes narrowed at Teresa’s lack of fight. “Were you with a man?”
Teresa laughed. “No. I was not with a man.” She looked at her mother. “Was Gianni there?”
“Well, no,” said Sylvia.
Lou picked the paper back up and hid behind it.
“Did he come home at all last night?” Teresa asked. “Because his room is empty now.”
“No, he didn’t. He was probably with Angelina.”
Teresa nodded, not bothering to argue that tired point. “I’m thirty-four years old. If I want to spend my New Year’s Eve somewhere other than with my aunts and nieces and nephews banging pots and pans at midnight, I think I’m allowed.”
“Well, you slept in so late, you’ll have to hurry to be ready,” Sylvia said.
“I’m not going to Mass today.”
“It’s a holy day,” Sylvia said indignantly. “It’s a sin not to go.”
“And I’m not going to the aunts’ house for dinner,” Teresa added, bracing herself.
“What?”
Teresa took a sip of her coffee and said calmly, “I’m going to Rob’s for dinner.”
“Why?” Lou said, lowering the paper again.
“Because I want to spend the holiday with my brother,” said Teresa. And Ellie, but she thought it best not to add that bit.
“Are you sure about this?” Ellie had asked worriedly when Teresa proposed the idea. It was the middle of the night and Teresa had crawled reluctantly out of bed to put her clothes back on when it occurred to her.
“I want to spend New Year’s Day with you,” she said. “I don’t think it would be smart to have you back over to the aunts’ this soon, but I’ll call Rob. He and Karen are probably staying in. Say you’ll come.”
Ellie, wearing only goose bumps and her necklace as she crawled out of the warmth of the bed, wrapped her arms around Teresa’s neck. Teresa nearly forgot what they were talking about as she kissed Ellie and ran her hands along Ellie’s flank down to her butt and back up again.
“I’d go anywhere to be with you,” Ellie whispered against Teresa’s mouth.
Teresa groaned. “I have to go.”
Too late, Teresa realized her eagle-eyed mother was scrutinizing her face as she allowed those unguarded thoughts to cross her mind. She quickly tried to compose her features into something that only looked tired—which shouldn’t be too hard, considering I’ve only had four hours of sleep, she thought, trying not to smile.
“So you’d rather spend the day with that woman—” Sylvia began.
“Ma, her name is Karen. Rob loves her, and I like her,” Teresa said. She looked at the newspaper hiding her father’s face from view again, but she could see the paper crinkle as his fingers tightened. “If something happened to either of you or Rob, you and Pop would have to live with letting all this time go by and not speaking to him. How would you forgive yourselves if that happened? And you’d have nobody to blame but yourselves.” She stood and pushed her chair back in. “I think y’uns should call Rob and invite him and Karen over for dinner next Sunday.”
She left the frigid atmosphere of the kitchen and went upstairs to call Rob. “Please be awake,” she whispered, using the phone in her parents’ room. “Happy New Year,” she said when Karen answered. “What are you two doing for dinner today?”
“Nothing much,” Karen said. “I bought pork and sauerkraut. We’ll have football on all day. Why?”
Teresa hesitated. “I just wondered if you’d mind two more. I’ll bring extra food,” she added quickly.
“We’ve got plenty,” Karen said. “We’d love to see Ellie again. And you, too, of course.”
Teresa could hear the amusement in Karen’s voice at her clumsy attempt to wrangle an invitation for Ellie. “Great. We’ll see you about noon?”
“Sounds good.”
She called Ellie quickly. “Hey, it’s all set. I’ll pick you up about eleven-thirty. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Teresa could hear KC’s little meow in the background. “I can’t wait to see you again.”
“Me, either. Bye.”
“Bye.”
As Teresa went back to her room, she heard low voices downstairs as her parents talked, but what they were talking about, she had no idea.
A few hours later, after her mother had left for church in a huff —“You call your godmother and tell her why you’re not with us today”—Teresa pulled up at the curb in front of Ellie’s apartment. A thought suddenly occurred to her….
How am I going to look at her now that I’ve seen her naked? Now that we’ve…? Teresa’s face burned, remembering that Ellie had seen her naked, too—well, close enough. “She’s seen parts of you no one else ever has except your doctor.” She chuckled as she reached for the door handle and got out of the car.
“Hey, Teresa.”
She turned to find Sullivan on the sidewalk. “Hi, Sullivan.”
“Here to see Ellie?”
Teresa nodded. “We’re going to my brother’s for dinner,” she said and immediately felt guilty at his crestfallen expression. “I’ll save some leftovers for you.”
He smiled. “Have a good time. I can tell Ellie you’re here.”
“No need.”
They both turned to see Ellie coming down the sidewalk. Teresa was mesmerized. How could she have grown more beautiful in just a few hours? She was radiant as she smiled at Teresa. Sullivan mumbled something about seeing them later, but Teresa wasn’t sure if either of them replied.
They both got into the VW where they sat staring at each other.
“Hi,” Teresa said at last.
“Hi,” Ellie said with a musical laugh. She reached for Teresa’s hand. “Are you okay?”
Teresa nodded. “Yes. You?”
“I’m wonderful.”
Teresa couldn’t remember now why she thought it might feel awkward to see Ellie after last night. She briefly considered calling Rob and Karen to say they wouldn’t be coming over after all.
“We should go,” Ellie said, as if reading Teresa’s mind. “They’re expecting us.”
Reluctantly, Teresa turned the ignition.
“But we can come back here later,” Ellie added with a wicked gleam in her eye that made Teresa blush again.
Lying in bed late that night, Teresa remembered with a pang of guilt that she’d forgotten to go by the store and leave food out for Dogman and Lucy. By the time they left Rob and Karen, Teresa had only had thoughts of being alone with Ellie. They hadn’t gone back to bed, but they had spent a long time sitting on the couch, kissing and holding each other before Teresa reluctantly left for home as they both had to work tomorrow.
She wondered if she should run over to leave food now, but the bedside clock read nearly midnight, and she was tired.
“I’ll leave extra tomorrow,” she whispered, rolling on her side.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, she and Ellie would head back to their normal lives, except nothing felt normal any more. It was hard to quiet the jumble of emotions tumbling around inside her. Karen and Rob had been great—it already felt like they and Ellie were old friends. At one point, Teresa had been stan
ding at the stove, stirring a glaze for the pork roast, watching Ellie from across the room. Ellie and Karen were talking. It had only been a moment. Ellie glanced up and met Teresa’s gaze with eyes so clear and full of love, and it struck Teresa—no one has ever looked at me that way. And no one ever would again. Even if, God knows how, Ellie was no longer in her life somewhere in a distant future, and Teresa met someone else, it would never again feel like this, because I’ll never be the same. Ellie had changed her forever, and it somehow seemed appropriate that this sea change should have happened at the New Year.
Lying alone in the dark, the smile on Teresa’s face slid away as she realized she had no one she could share this happiness with. She, who had never had a secret of her own to keep before, now had one so fragile and so precious that it felt as if her entire world balanced precariously on her ability to keep it safe.
CHAPTER 19
“Damn.”
A couple of rats scurried away as the VW’s headlights swept by the trash can where Dogman’s dinner and Lucy’s bowl of food sat. The rats had been in the food again. It was the fourth night in a row that the food had sat untouched.
Teresa got out of the car and grabbed a broom to shoo the rats away. She scraped the plate into the trash bag inside the can and poured Lucy’s dog food back into the bag in her car.
“I don’t owe them dinner every night,” she grumbled to herself. “Just because I didn’t bring them food one night, they’re punishing me by not coming back?”
But her angry muttering didn’t stop her from feeling guilty about not leaving them dinner on New Year’s Day. She hadn’t seen any sign of them for almost a week.
Still muttering, she unlocked the back security grate and let herself into the store. She went out front and began sweeping the store’s entrance and sidewalk. Mrs. Schiavo came out a few minutes later and handed Teresa the loaves of old bread. The crowd that gathered was much more orderly these days. A couple of times, when scuffles had broken out, Teresa had simply turned around and taken the rest of the bread back inside. “No manners, no bread,” she said over her shoulder, closing the bakery door and locking it. Mrs. Schiavo cackled and shook her head.
This morning, everyone waited calmly for their bread. A few people even said, “Thank you.” Teresa was getting to know their faces. There was a young woman there most mornings, a baby on her hip. Teresa always saved her a whole loaf. There was an old man whose left hand had no fingers, only a thumb; he was grizzled and stooped and Teresa wondered what his story was. She began to wonder what all their stories were.
“No one dreams of ending up on the street,” Ellie had said to her once when she talked about buying extra sandwiches from Louise. “It can happen to anyone. All it takes is one illness—lose your job, medical bills. You get behind on your rent or your mortgage and your life starts to fall apart around you like dominoes, then—one day, you find yourself out here.”
“But isn’t there help?” Teresa had asked. “Shelters? Employment services?”
Ellie had looked at her almost pityingly. “How do you fill out a job application with no address or telephone number? How do you dress for an interview when you haven’t had a shower or clean clothes for weeks or months? Even if you get a job, how do you save for a security deposit for an apartment? Do you have any idea of the deposits you have to put down to get utilities? And some people just can’t handle all that. For them, it’s overwhelming. They’d prefer to be on the street.”
Teresa handed out the last of the bread and took the empty tray back inside.
“It always smells so good in here,” she said as Mrs. Schiavo set a doughnut and a cup of coffee down on a table for her.
“Sit down, Teresa,” Mrs. Schiavo said, taking an adjacent chair.
Teresa sat.
Mrs. Schiavo peered up at her, her crinkled eyes scouring Teresa’s face. “You’re different lately.”
Teresa felt her face get hot under Mrs. Schiavo’s scrutiny. “What do you mean?”
Mrs. Schiavo shook her head. “I don’t know exactly. But you’re different. Is there a young man?”
“What? No,” Teresa said with a laugh.
Mrs. Schiavo’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “I thought maybe that was it.”
“No,” repeated Teresa, gulping her coffee so fast it scalded her throat, making her choke and cough. She took the rest of her doughnut with her. “Thanks.”
She breathed a sigh as she went back over to the drugstore. You’re going to have to be more careful. She wasn’t sure exactly what it was that Mrs. Schiavo was picking up on, but she suspected there must be something different about her. She’d caught her mother staring at her from across the store the last couple of days. The weird part was, she felt no different and completely different—all at the same time.
“I’m the same as I’ve always been,” she would have said if there had been anyone she could have talked to about this—reliable, hard-working, the dependable daughter—and yet, there was a side of her now that only seemed to have come to life since Ellie brought it to life. This side—and Teresa blushed even to think it—felt the thrill of being desired by someone. She thinks I’m beautiful. It made Teresa’s heart leap every time she thought it. That knowledge seemed to stretch her, take her beyond herself and make her feel alive in ways she never had before.
She hadn’t seen Ellie since she’d left her New Year’s night, but it wasn’t by her choice.
“I’d like to see you this weekend,” she’d said to Ellie that night after they’d left Robbie and Karen.
“I’d like that, too,” Ellie said, her arms around Teresa’s neck as Teresa held her tightly. “But we shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
Ellie lifted her face. “Your mother is already upset about you not spending the day with the family. We need to be careful.”
Reluctantly, Teresa had agreed, but she didn’t want to be careful. She felt reckless and defiant—things she had never been, not like Gianni or Bernie—but she knew nothing would get her mother’s attention faster.
“Ellie’s right,” Teresa said aloud now as she turned the lights on and flipped the door sign to open. The telephone rang jarringly in the empty store.
“Benedetto’s Drug Store, how may I help you?” Teresa said as she picked up.
Everything she had just been thinking about being careful was forgotten as Ellie’s voice said, “It’s been four whole days since I’ve seen you. You can help me by coming over tonight, if you’re free.”
Teresa laughed. “I close tonight, but I can be there by eight.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Ellie turned her head and listened to the soft sounds of Teresa’s breathing. The winter sun made its way to the bed where the low slanting rays gilded the tiny hairs on Teresa’s arm as it rested on the covers. Smiling, she nestled closer to Teresa’s back and smelled her hair.
Never had she been happier than she’d been these last few weeks—three weeks, two days and…about six hours, but who’s counting?
And it had taken three weeks and two days before Teresa could bring herself to let Ellie touch her, really touch her.
“Don’t you want me to?” Ellie had whispered in the dark their third time together when Ellie slid her hand under the panties Teresa still refused to take off, fingers moving through the curls there, cupping the warmth and beginning to work their way into the wetness. Each time, Teresa caught Ellie’s hand to stop her. She could tell Teresa wanted it, too, could hear her moan a little from her desire, but Ellie never pushed, only saying, “You know I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
She let Teresa explore her body, feeling a little guilty about the pleasure she was receiving, but she understood. Every now and then, Katie and Father Patrick would pop into her head and she could feel herself close in, like a flower folding its petals against the cold, so she understood why Teresa c
ouldn’t open up. Teresa was learning quickly where Ellie liked to be touched and how she liked to be kissed—featherlight kisses on her ears caused goose bumps to erupt everywhere, and when Teresa flicked her tongue over Ellie’s rigid nipples, there was an explosion of sensation that was almost enough to push her over the edge before Teresa even touched her between her legs.
Last night, Teresa hadn’t stopped Ellie as she tugged Teresa’s underpants down and tossed them to the floor. She hadn’t protested as Ellie hovered over her, gently lowering herself and allowing Teresa to feel their full nakedness, skin to skin, breast to breast, crotch to crotch. Ellie had taken her time, her hands exploring Teresa’s curves while her mouth teased and tickled Teresa’s breasts, kissed her ears and neck. At last, Teresa, biting her lip, had opened her legs, inviting Ellie’s touch for the first time. Tenderly, patiently, Ellie had stroked, waiting for Teresa’s body to tell her what she liked, moving with her as her excitement mounted and hung, suspended for an agonizingly long time before her orgasm shook her. Teresa’s legs clamped on Ellie’s hand, holding it there where Ellie could feel the continued pulsing against her fingers.
She laid her head on Teresa’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” she whispered.
Teresa nodded, wiping tears away, still breathing raggedly. She wrapped her arms around Ellie and held her tightly. “It was just so much more than I thought it would be.”
Ellie moved her hand, making Teresa gasp. “And that was only the beginning.”
Afterward, they’d lain cuddled together, drifting off into a satisfied sleep. Ellie wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she was startled awake by Teresa’s jumping up.
“I’ve got to get home!” Teresa said, looking at Ellie’s bedside clock.
“You could just stay,” Ellie said sleepily. “Tomorrow, or I should say today, is Saturday.
Teresa looked down at Ellie as she held up the covers invitingly. A slow smile broke across her face. “Might do my mother good to think I’m up to no good.”
Ellie sighed now watching the sunlight play on the contour of Teresa’s ear. Propping up on her elbow, she nuzzled into Teresa’s hair and whispered, “I’m glad you stayed, but I don’t want you to be late to work.”
Cast Me Gently Page 19
