by Kit Smart
It’s not like me not to have woken up at having someone come so near me while I slept so I can’t quite figure out how she managed it.
My heart drops into my stomach as I realize that I could have hurt her.
Images of other people I’d hurt because I came out of sleep fighting, flash through my brain and shame washes away the vestiges of sleep in my body in a sick hot rush.
Breathing through it, I push back the blanket and swing my legs over the edge of the sofa.
I am awake now but my body is still heavy with sleep and I brace my hands on my thighs to steady myself, and let my blood recirculate before standing.
Seri looks up from her desk with a smile. “Hi.”
The way she says it, the intimacy of the moment hurts in the face of what I’m feeling and the shame twisting through me ignites into anger. “Don’t come near me when I’m sleeping.” I snap at her as I push myself to my feet. The desire to get away, from her, from the moment, from myself, propels me toward my office. “You know better than that.”
She says nothing just stares at me mouth agape as I slam the connecting door between our offices shut like the asshole I am.
7
———————————————————————————————
From: Serilda K. Hunt
To: Amory Quinn
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 10:14 AM
Subject: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
Question: How many un-caffeinated Stiff’s does it take to reduce an office to chaos and darkness?
Your Faithful Companion in Hell,
Seri K. Hunt
Chief Zombie Wrangler and Soon to be Lunatic in Search of an Asylum
at Courage After Fire
P.S. Where did it go wrong?
_______________________________________________________________
From: Amory Quinn
To: Serilda K. Hunt
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 10:32 AM
Subject: Re: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
Didn’t you just purchase some fancy new organic specialty coffee for the office?
If you’re simply withholding said coffee from the Chief; I pray, for all that is holy, that you will consider the rest of us in all of this, and hook that man to his regular morning caffeine IV stat.
I don’t think I have ever met anyone as morning impaired as your guy.
The Best Back Up You Could Ever Hope For in a Sword Fight,
Amory Quinn
Tigger Wrangler & Velociraptor Hunter Extraordinaire at Courage After Fire
P.S. Is it obnoxious that I am suddenly grateful that my guy doesn’t need to be powered by coffee?
P.P.S. Where did it go wrong? I refuse to believe that your first meeting with the chief was as amiable as you claim. I’ve yet to see the man interact with anyone with anything other than strict professionalism. There’s a reason he’s called ‘The Stiff’. Maybe schedule an appointment to get your head checked?
___________________________________________________________________
From: Serilda K. Hunt
To: Amory Quinn
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 11:15 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
I don’t claim him.
Stop calling them our guys. It makes it sound like we’re dating them or something.
Shudder. To. Think.
He won’t drink the new coffee.
No. Explanation. Given.
Simply. Refused. To. Drink. It.
So, despite the fact that my position here as his executive assistant is a cover story and I am in actuality the director of this organization, and he is the mere figurehead; I am heading out to get him his preferred blend. #UndercoverLife #AnalystLife #WhatAmIDoingWithMyLife
You and the rest of the office may consider yourself free to express your gratitude with various forms of chocolate.
Will be back in an hour. Recommend everyone stay away from Zombie Man in the meantime.
Woman in Need of Chocolate,
Seri K. Hunt
Chief Coffee Fetching Girl and General Office Hero
P.S. It’s incredibly obnoxious to be grateful that your guy is not powered by coffee in the face of my coffee induced pain. However, it is not anywhere near as obnoxious as linking us to them romantically. Again, I don’t claim him.
P.P.S. I don’t need to have my head checked Amory. The man was straight up flirting with me.
_______________________________________________________________
From: Amory Quinn
To: Serilda K. Hunt
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 11:39 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
Right.
Will keep everyone away from your guy ahem, fake boss until you return with preferred blend of coffee.
Will organize appropriately chocolatey expressions of gratitude for your heroic actions in advance of your return.
You must admit that, whatever his faults, your guy ahem, fake boss is a fine looking man.
Your Chocolate Dealer,
Amory Quinn
Tigger Wrangler & Purveyor of Attractive Men at Courage After Fire
P.S. At least they are busy saving the world or whatever it is they do with their secret activities. Can you imagine the horror involved in working for actual useless spoiled, rich, dilettante types?
P.P.S. Flirting? Zombies don’t flirt.
_______________________________________________________________
From: Serilda K. Hunt
To: Amory Quinn
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 11:52 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
I admit nothing.
Is this a case of projection? Is there something you’d like to confess? Something involving your fake boss ahem, guy perhaps?
Do I need to organize some sort of intervention?
Is this how Stockholm Syndrome presents?
I am all curiosity.
Your partner in criminal contemplation,
Seri K. Hunt
Possibly the only sane individual left at Courage After Fire
P.S. It is, most likely, possible, that there are some charitable organizations out there that are run by actual competent, qualified individuals right? (As opposed to useless, spoiled, rich dilettante types and Secret Agent types.)
P.P.S. Nonetheless, there was flirting and humour.
_______________________________________________________________
From: Amory Quinn
To: Serilda K. Hunt
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 11:59 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
Stockholm Syndrome?
Psychology isn’t part of my job description. (It is, in fact, one of the very few things that isn’t.) You’re the one with the psych degree.
It is objectively true that your fake boss is one of the sexiest looking gingers on the planet.
It may be possible that there are some charitable organizations run by actual competent, qualified non dilettante, non Secret Agent types, however, not amongst the organizations participating in this Friday’s Charity Auction.
Your Beleaguered Second in Command,
Amory Quinn
Objective Analyzer of Male Attractiveness at Courage After Fire
P.S. Nothing you can say will ever make me believe that the Chief has a sense of humour.
___________________________________________________________________
From: Serilda K. Hunt
To: Amory Quinn
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 01:03 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
Objectively sexy ginger?
You do realize that you are a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen? (Also, I think you’re biased toward gingers in general my red-haired friend.)
Have successfully gotten the goods and am head
ing back. Let’s grab some tea and sort out the final details of the charity auction. See you soon!
BFF to Lunatic Amory Quinn,
Seri K. Hunt
Extraordinary Chai Tea Maker at Courage After Fire
P.S. Can’t believe the chief has agreed to be auctioned off for charity. He doesn’t exactly scream “good times to be had” these days.
_______________________________________________________________
From: Amory Quinn
To: Serilda K. Hunt
Date: Nov 7, 2018, 01:21 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today’s Good Mood Sponsored by Coffee
Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve side-stepped the issue.
Will put the kettle on for your return.
Second in Command to Seri Hunt; Woman with Objectively Sexy, Ginger Fake Boss
Amory Quinn
Bloodhound-like Super-Woman Easily Worth Two Men at Courage After Fire
P.S. I would like to remind you once again that the chief is an objectively sexy ginger. Also, the man’s a professional spy. I’m certain he can fake a personality for the amount of time it takes to introduce himself and strut down the runway.
P.P.S. I wonder what his idea of a date is? Maybe you should buy him and find out.
——————————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
From: Serilda K. Hunt
To: Amory Quinn
Date: Nov 14, 2018, 02:23 PM
Subject: I Want to be a Nice Person but my Fake Boss is Just so Stupid
Was twenty minutes late returning from lunch because had to rescue stray dog, (because what kind of a monster would just pass by a stray dog?) and now he’s demanding that I check in with him every time I start some kind of project that involves leaving the office.
(As if I knew that it would take 40 minutes of crawling backwards in the dirt to convince the dog to let me close enough to him to get the lead on him.)
I do understand that he was concerned when I didn’t return on time, but turning out the entire office to search for me was a bit of an over-reaction.
Doesn’t this man have anything better to do than monitor my comings and goings?
I mean seriously, we don’t even technically work together. Technically, the only duty I have to him, is to help him appear as though he actually manages this place at public functions.
The rest of the time, he’s off in his secret dungeon playing war, or whatever it is they do in there.
Surely, he understands that he has no right to require that I report to him about every little thing. The man would have to be a complete idiot not to.
It’s fortunate that the man is nice to look at, because he is a complete pain in the ass.
Your faithful companion in Hades,
Seri K. Hunt
Woman in Need of Margaritas at Courage After Fire
P.S. Am keeping the dog. He’s adorable!
P.P.S. Am putting Fake Boss up for Adoption Tonight
________________________________________________________
From: Amory Quinn
To: Serilda K. Hunt
Date: Nov 14, 2018, 02:46 PM
Subject: Re: I Want to be a Nice Person but my Fake Boss is Just so Stupid
A ha! So, you finally admit that you’re attracted to him!
In his defense, he was actually quite concerned about you.
You’re never late.
Hate to say it but his reaction actually makes sense given what goes actually on behind closed dungeon doors around here.
(My guy was concerned as well TBH.)
The reporting every activity sounds like a definite over reaction however.
Maybe you can talk to him about it?
Later. After he’s calmed down… and you’re armed with coffee.
Your BFF,
Amory Quinn
Woman who Knows how to Blend an Amazing Margarita at Courage After Fire
P.S. In case it isn’t understood, I’ll be round to meet the dog after work. Have you got ice?
________________________________________________________
From: Serilda K. Hunt
To: Amory Quinn
Date: Nov 14, 2018, 03:08 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: I Want to be a Nice Person but my Fake Boss is Just so Stupid
Concerned?
The man has no apparent pulse.
And stiffs, as you know, are incapable of emotion.
Aside from his ridiculous demand, he appears in no way, manner or form, ruffled.
How will I be able to determine the difference between calm and not calm?
Also, do I have to?
Surely, that’s not part of my job description. (Either in my capacity as an agent or as the functioning head of this organization.)
Your BFF,
Seri K. Hunt
Proud New Dog Owner at Courage After Fire
P.S. I said he was nice to look at, not that I was attracted to him. You’re clearly projecting your attraction to your guy onto me. Are you ever going to do anything about that?
P.P.S I have ice and frozen strawberries. Do you have any lime?
_______________________________________________________
From: Amory Quinn
To: Serilda K. Hunt
Date: Nov 14, 2018, 03:14 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: I Want to be a Nice Person but my Fake Boss is Just so Stupid
I can think of several ways for you to determine the difference between calm and aroused where your sexy ginger is concerned.
Your Sex Guru,
Amory Quinn
Woman Who Knows ‘All the Things’ at Courage After Fire
P.S. What makes you think I haven’t done anything about my guy?
P.P.S. I have a whole bag of fresh limes. Will bring them with me.
________________________________________________________
From: Serilda K. Hunt
To: Amory Quinn
Date: Nov 14, 2018, 03:22 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I Want to be a Nice Person but my Fake Boss is Just so Stupid
Ewww Amory, only medical professionals use the word aroused in that context.
I hope you’re not seriously suggesting that I walk up to the sexy ginger and stick my hand down his pants or something?
Because as titillating as that image is; I can’t imagine that Zombie Man would in any way, shape, or form enjoy that.
I imagine that all that would get me is fired.
Are you after my job now?
Your Suspicious BFF
Seri K. Hunt
Woman Who is Pretty Sure She Doesn’t Want to Know__ at Courage After Fire
P.S. Bring the Limes
P.P.S. Leave any stories about sticking your hands down your guy’s pants at home. The dog doesn’t deserve to be subjected to that.
______________________________________________________
———————————————————————————————
From: Owen Bishop-MacQuoide
To: Serilda K. Hunt
Date: Nov 14, 2018, 05:46 PM
Subject: A Kiss Will Do
If you feel that sticking a hand down my pants to determine my level of arousal is too forward; I am more than amenable to an exploratory kiss.
