by Cary Hart
Something is going on with Sarah, I just can’t pinpoint what it is. The unsigned papers, demanding more time with Andie, the list goes on and on.
“Can you tell her that I want to live with you in your house?”
“Andie, having you live with me would be the best thing ever.”
“Really?” Her eyes light up. “Cause that would be the best thing in the whole wide world. Then Reeses could come spend the night, and her mommy too, because you guys would get married.”
“Whoa, slow down sport. I like Reece and her mom too, but this talk about marriage has to stop. Just enjoy your friend and I’ll enjoy mine.”
“But I miss being a family and if you don’t want to be a family with Mommy, I want you to be a family with them because they need a family too.”
Her words break my heart.
“Honey, we didn’t stop being a family. Mommy and Daddy just stopped being husband and wife.”
“Well, it’s stupid.” She sits back in her seat, laying her head back down.
“I agree.”
Pulling into Sarah’s, I notice her SUV in the driveway. Black. Maybe that SUV earlier was just looking for someone. I’ve done the same thing a time or two.
“We’re here, munchkin.”
“Daddy can you please stay the night with me?” Andie waits for me to pick her up.
“Honey, I can’t. I have to go home.”
“This is your home, Daddy. I want you to stay. Please.”
As I carry her up to the house, tears stream down her rosy cheeks, kissed by the sun at the park today. Sarah is standing there in a robe, holding the door open for us.
“Her bed is turned down.” She brushes the hair out of Andie’s face to see if she’s asleep and sees the tears. “What’s wrong with her?”
“She wants me to stay the night with her.”
Rubbing my arm, an action I’m no longer comfortable with, she says “You know you can. I wouldn’t mind.”
“Sarah, not now.” I cut her off from saying anything else.
I don’t need to hear the reasons we should stay together, why I should withdraw the papers and live happily ever after.
“Maybe you are just too caught up in your new girlfriend to realize you are ripping her family apart. Do you want her growing up like you did?” She quickly goes in for the kill. “Cause that’s what you are doing.”
“Sarah, I’m going to take our daughter up to her bedroom. I’ll be back down in a few minutes if you have something you want to say to me.” I walk off carrying the one thing she ever gave me that I will always be thankful for.
“Whatever,” Sarah mumbles.
“Daddy, I love you so so so so so so so much.”
“Love you too, munch.” I lay her down in bed.
“Can you tell me a story before you go?” She moves over in her bed, making room.
“Sure.” I grab the book we’ve been reading together and settle in.
It only takes a chapter before she is sound asleep.
Jogging down the stairs, I stop and notice Sarah on the bottom step, waiting.
“Now what is it you want to say to me?” I cop a squat next to her.
“You have someone.”
“So, that was you today at the park?” I feel a little relief knowing it was her and not some random stranger watching the girls.
“What are you talking about? Andie told me all about her friend and her mom. Said you kissed her.”
“I do and I did,” I confess. “Sarah, I wasn’t looking for it, but in all fairness, we were supposed to be divorced. You didn’t sign the papers,” I remind her.
“I didn’t sign the papers because I missed you. I wanted to try to make it work so we could continue to be a family.” She turns to look at me. “I didn’t think about losing the both of you until after it was too late.”
“I can’t get over it. Lord help me, I tried for us. For that little girl upstairs who I miss every goddamn day.” I turn to face her, pointing up the stairs.
“I didn’t think. I just—”
“You just what? Felt the need to fuck your boss instead of your husband?”
She places her hand on my knee. “Drew, come on, that isn’t fair. That wasn’t it and you know it.”
This conversation is the most real one we have had in almost a year, but it’s not going to change anything.
“Sarah, we were a marriage of obligation that just happened to have great sex. I know you didn’t want to be married to me, but I needed to be married to you. I don’t need that anymore.” I sound like a dick, but I need her to see that getting a divorce is what’s best for both of us.
“So, it’s her then? You won’t fight for your family because of her.” She continues to finger point, refusing to take any of the blame.
“I’ve only known her for a couple weeks, but Sarah, she made me feel complete.”
I stand up and head for the door. Hearing her silent cry, I turn and look at the woman I once cared for, but now I feel something totally different.
Sadness.
Her whole life she has searched for happiness, but the one place she failed to look was within herself.
We decide our fate, our happiness, and right now I’m deciding. I’m choosing me, I’m choosing to be happy.
Aubrey
AFTER TUCKING REECE IN tight, I tiptoe down the hall to the family room to wait for Drew.
“Holy shit!” I jump back, striking my best attack pose, when I find someone already there.
“Really? You are going to defend yourself with that?” Drew bursts into a thunderous laugh.
“Shhhhh, you’re going to wake Reece.” I straighten up and head toward the kitchen to get us both a drink. “You want a beer?”
“Sorry,” he says, gaining his composure. “Coors Light?”
“Yep.”
“Yes, please.”
I grab a couple beers, twist the tops off as I go back to the family room, and hand him one. “Tonight was hard.”
“Agreed.”
“Don’t be upset with Andie’s mom. She’s just being protective.”
“Sarah.”
“Sarah?”
“That’s her name. Not sure if I ever told you,” he says, almost irritated.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, I just...I don’t know what I thought really.” I sit down next to him.
“So what happened today? What got you in a tizzy before the park?” He pulls me into his arms.
The feel of him next to me calms me from the day’s events. It’s crazy how his touch affects me.
“Doug came over, saw your truck—”
“My truck?”
“Well, a company truck. He thought it was you.”
“You told him about me?” he asks while he takes a swig of his beer.
“Not exactly. Reece told him about her new friend and her daddy. He put two and two together.” I wait for him to chime in, but he remains silent so I continue. “He got really jealous and tried to tell me he wanted me back.”
“OK.”
“There’s more, and if we want this to work we need to be completely honest with one another. He kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back; actually, I was kind of shocked it was happening.”
“OK.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Drew? OK?” I turn, placing a hand on his chest to support myself.
“Do you want to get back with your ex? Because if you do, I won’t stand in your way, I won’t fight for you if that is what you want.” He removes my hand as he stands up. “I won’t be the one to break up your family, if that is what you want.” He turns his back to me, running a hand through his dark mane. “Especially for something as new as this.”
Confused.
Getting up, I set my drink on the coffee table and go stand in front of him. “Really? That’s how you feel?” I wait for him to look at me. “Look at me, damn it!”
His gaze lands on mine.
“Doug’s jealous. He
doesn’t want me.”
“Do you want him?”
That’s it. Right there is the million-dollar question. Do I want Doug Harris?
“Drew,” I begin, my voice soft. “These past few months have been hard, but I don’t regret them or the decision I made. I wanted this divorce. I wanted it for me, for him, for our family. He felt the same way, that’s why he agreed. He didn’t fight.” I pause, trying to think of the right words. “What we had wasn’t love, it was habit.”
No regrets.
Nodding, he sits back down and pats his lap. “Talking position.”
I get into position one leg at a time, lowering myself to straddle him. “Whatcha wanna talk about?” Being this close to Drew is a delightful kind of torture. I want him bad, I have to fight the urge to rub myself against his body. Not just because of the wicked things it does to my own, but because of what he does to my heart. I’ve never been one to really cuddle, but when I’m in his arms I never want to leave.
“I would have done it. Not fought for you, but just know...every minute that I would’ve sat back and let that happen, a piece of me would have died, but that sacrifice would have been worth it if that meant your happiness. Cause that’s all I want, Aubrey. You happy, with or without me.”
“Drew...” His words light a fire in me. “You make me happy. Only you.” I lean down, waiting, inviting him to take my mouth to show me he feels the same way.
Drew
I SAT DOWN, INVITING her in to talk. Her words, “If we want this to work we need to be completely honest with one another...” echoing in my head.
I owe her the truth, but how can I tell her when she is sitting there, lips parted, inviting me in?
“Aubrey, I don’t deserve you.”
Mouths crashing, tongues tangling, she drinks me down. Sucking, twirling, showing me all the talented things her mouth promises, and I’m instantly hard. A low growl rumbles from my chest, vibrating against hers. She smiles, our lips still touching, and she bites down on my bottom lip, tugging, pulling it into her mouth.
Wrapping my hands around her waist, I dig my fingers into her lower back, pressing her into me.
“Drew...”
Hearing my name, I push up, making her feel how turned on I am. Gasping, she tilts her head back, coming down only to find my neck, kissing her way down.
Licking.
Biting.
Sucking.
“I want you,” she begs.
Running my hands up the small of her back, I gather the bottom of her shirt and drag it up and over, exposing her bra. Unable able to wait, I pull the fabric to the side and take her nipple into my mouth.
“Drew...”
“MOMMY! MOMMY!” Reece cries.
Aubrey jumps off my lap, falling to the floor. Righting herself, she runs into the bedroom and I follow.
“Baby girl, what’s the matter?” She takes a seat on the bed, caressing Reece’s cheek.
I stand there, propped against the doorframe.
“Mommy, I had a bad dream and when I opened my eyes, I saw a monster. IN MY CLOSET.” Reece’s eyes go wide.
“Honey, I’m sure it was just a shadow,” Aubrey tries to comfort her.
“No, Mommy! He was big and he was in my room. HUGE.”
“Well, guess what?” I straighten, walking in the room.
“Drew! Is Andie here?” She’s hopeful, looking behind me.
“No honey, she isn’t.”
“Then why are you here?” She looks toward her mom. “Ohhhh. Are you guys dating? Andie said you guys would date and then get married and then finally we would be sister twins forever and ever.” Turning back toward me, she asks, “Is that why you are here? To make me and Andie sister-twins? Then she could spend the night here whenever we want.”
“I’m friends with your mommy and we needed to talk. Cause friends talk A LOT.” I lock my eyes with Aubrey’s and smile, making her turn a shade of pink.
“Drew, does Andie ever have monsters in her room?” Reece’s sweet little face begs me to help her.
“She used to, but I know how to keep them away.”
“You dooooooo?” She waits for the answer.
“Yes, I do. Would you like me to take a look and monster-proof your room?”
“YES, Drew! Get those monsters. Please.”
Running out to my truck, I grab my work belt and a few monster hunting tools and hurry back in.
“This here is the solution to all your monster problems.” I squat beside Reece’s bed and show her all the tools. “This flashlight is for emergencies. Just in case it’s dark or the power goes out you always have a way to see.” I flick the light on and off. “These things here are monster repellent.” I break open a glo-stick and set it beside her bed.
“Those are glo-sticks. I use them at Halloween.”
“Are they really just glo-sticks? You use them at Halloween and do you get scared? Do you see any monsters?”
“Noooooo...I don’t!” Her eyes are huge, paying attention to every single word I say.
“Here, help me break these. I’m going to put one in your closet, under your bed and where else do you think a monster could hide?”
“In the corner behind that chair and over by Putter’s kennel.” Putter’s ears perk up at the sound of his name.
“What’s this for?” She holds up a pencil and a rolled-up piece of paper.
“Ahhh! That is for our Keep Out sign. This is going to let all those monsters know they can’t come back in.”
“Thank you so much.” She holds out her arms for me to give her a hug. “I’ll never be scared of monsters again.”
“That’s the plan.” I lean down to give her a big hug then look over her shoulder at Aubrey who is fanning herself and mouthing, “That’s hot!”
“Mommy, Drew got rid of the monsters, but can you still sleep in here tonight?” Reece begs.
“Yes, baby girl. Mommy will stay in here all night.” Aubrey lays down beside her.
“Under the covers Mommy, so I know you won’t get back up.”
Grabbing the blanket from under Aubrey, I cover them up, kissing both of their foreheads.
“You guys get a good night’s sleep. I’m going to take Putter out one last time for the night and then lock up.”
I take the dog out then put him back in his kennel.
“Drew, thank you for the great day and for all this.” Aubrey’s words make me think. Today was natural, it wasn’t forced and I wish we had many days like this. Just the four of us.
“I should be the one thanking you.” I turn to walk out of the room, flipping off the light. “Sleep tight.”
“Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” Reece finishes. “Wait, Mommy? Do beds actually have bugs?” I hear Reece ask as I’m locking up.
Tonight is exactly what I needed, what I crave. A family. The only thing missing...Andie.
Aubrey
WHEN I ASKED FOR a divorce after 12 years of marriage, I never thought this is where I would end up. I was lost in playing the role of wife and mom. It’s all I knew, my everyday life...until now.
Independence.
I made a decision to choose me. For the first time in a long time I set out to discover who I am, what I could be when not wrapped up in everyday life. Did I feel guilty? Yes. To be honest, it’s why I stayed for so long. I knew our relationship was based on obligation. Does it mean I didn’t love Doug? No. I did. I was madly in love with the man. He stole my heart, but failed to give me all of his.
Responsibility.
How can you fully love someone if they don’t give you their all? You don’t. I tried everything. I changed me, to save us. That’s what you do right? Change with the seasons of marriage? Kind of. You choose to grow together, become stronger to unify your marriage, but not at the cost of losing yourself or it’s for nothing.
Sacrifice.
Some say asking for a divorce is a coward’s way out, but I call it brave. Making a decision I knew would affect our whole f
amily takes some guts. I swallowed my pride, spoke up and said something.
Courageous.
It wasn’t giving up, it was allowing us to have hope. I was giving us a chance at happiness. Taking a chance knowing we all would survive.
Fighter.
Now, here I am, happy. The B&B is coming together, the house is finally starting to feel like a home and Reece...she is adjusting.
Meeting Andie, her new friend, has been the best distraction. Especially since they are going through the same situation. In the beginning I worried that maybe she would think this is the standard, but that is just normal parent anxiety. We want our kids to grow up having the best family they can and sometimes that means living apart.
Understanding.
Doug, who has always been a great father but lacked the time, is now finding time. Me, I was hanging on by a thread, ready to break at any moment, being carried through life without living it. Now, I’m grabbing it by the balls, ready to try new things even if my fear wants to hold me back. I want Reece to see you can be anything you want to be, even if you are an old mommy like myself.
Discovery.
Now, the shitty part of the divorce. Moving on. To the public it’s not acceptable. People talk, rumors spread. It’s not pretty. I would say the easiest thing to do is ignore it, but you can’t because just when you think your kids are safe, they aren’t. Other parents talk, kids overhear, those kids like to brag that they know something about your kid’s situation.
Reality.
“Hey, what’s going through that pretty little head of yours?” Drew comes up behind the park bench where I’m sitting. Tucking my hair behind my ear, he nibbles on my neck before whispering, “You look like you’re lost in thought. Thinking of last night?”
Turning my head, I silently ask for more. With him, I’ll always want more.
“Mommy and...” Reece sings.
“Daddy...” Andie chimes in.
“Sitting in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes baby in the baby carriage.” They both laugh while making kissing faces.
“Hey now! There is not going to be a baby,” I shout after them as they run off toward the playground.
“Really? No more kids?” He taps my lower back, signaling for me to move forward on the bench so he can climb in behind me.
