by Megan Smith
Mason looks at me like I’m stupid. “Of course I’m coming. We all are, well except Hailey.” Mason whistles. “Man she is not happy about that.”
I chuckle, “I imagine not.”
“Mom is going over to Kenz’s house to watch the babies so she can come too.” He throws his head back and laughs. “You should have heard the conversation that she and Hunter were having when I stopped over the other day.” He laughs again. “Kenz was talking about going out to find something to wear and Hunter was just sitting back not really paying attention. Kenz knew it too but she knew I was listening so she was messing around with him. She started listing off all the shit she had to go out and buy and the second she said black bra to cover the see through dress Hunter’s eyebrows shot up. He turned his neck so fast I was sure he’d hurt himself. They got into an argument about what she was and wasn’t allowed to wear. I got the hell out of there after that.”
“I’m glad she’s Hunter’s problem.”
He chuckles again, “He must not be getting any ‘cause Hunter was pissed when she said that he was cut off longer for talking to her the way he was.”
Leave it to my sister to hit a guy where it hurts. “Sucker.”
Mason and I both walk out of the gym laughing. It feels good to laugh; I haven’t been doing much of it lately. So much is going on I feel like I can’t breathe half the time. It’s good in a way as I don’t have time to dwell on my past and think of Jaylinn. On some of those nights when I wake up too early to go to the gym, or I just can’t fall asleep, my mind wanders and I get lost in my own head. I wish that things could be different for us. I wish I could get over my fear of giving into her and then losing her because she can’t handle it. Damn, I miss her something fierce but it has to be like this. She deserves better, deserves to live in the moment.
“Alright, I’ll see you tonight.” Mason says as he claps me on the shoulder.
“See you tonight.”
The club is opening at nine and Eli and I have been here since five making sure everything is set up and ready to go. The staff, dressed in black shorts and electric blue tops, arrived at seven and they are running over the list of things we left for them to do. The bouncers, dressed in black shorts and black polos with Bouncer in electric blue written across the back, are walking around getting familiar with all the exits and going over the plans if anything were to go down.
Eli knocks on the door to my office a few minutes before we are set to open. “You ready for this?”
I smile, a true smile, because I am ready to do this. It’s a new chapter in my life. This is how I used to feel about leaving for spring training, knowing that I was doing something I loved, but now I’m dreading leaving the club and my life behind. I feel in my element here, like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Do I love baseball? Yes, no doubt about it. I will always love playing baseball but I’m not in love with it the way I used to be. I want what my brothers have. I want to settle down, start a family and grow roots here in Jersey. I’m tired of always being gone and on the road. I’ve had a taste of that future with Jaylinn and now it’s all I want.
“Let’s do this.”
Eli and I walk down the hall and towards Eric, the DJ, up in his booth. Eli claps Eric on the shoulder and he removes his headphones. “You ready?” Eli asks.
Eric tips his head, “Let’s do this.”
“Start it up then.” I reply.
Eric puts his headphones back on and the music fills the silent club. A few of the bartenders and waitress start cheering. The energy is through the roof.
Right at nine we give the bouncers the okay to open the doors. Before Eli came to get me to do one last walk through, I was upstairs and saw that the line was down the street which is great for the first night and it eases my nerves.
Eli agreed he’d walk around the downstairs most of the night while I agreed to do the same upstairs. We felt it was important to show our faces for the first few openings. Eli will be doing this while I’m away for the next few weeks but I’ll pick up when I return.
The second floor is kind of mine, I claimed it with the words that I’m trying to live by now. Inhale your future, exhale your past. Inhaling my future is exactly what I’m doing now. I’m embracing it with opening this new venture. Exhaling my past is still a work in progress. It’s a long bumpy road that I’m trying to navigate through. I’m trying to find that perfectly paved road.
People start trickling upstairs, little groups by little groups throughout the night. It’s a little quieter up here than it is downstairs, even though there are speakers in every corner. Up here you’re at least able to have a conversation without having to yell in each other’s ears. We had a few glass tables and black high back chairs set up recently so that people would have places to sit and talk if they weren’t dancing. There is lighting under the lip on the railing and under the bar, giving it a dark glow.
There is a group of girls sitting in the corner laughing amongst themselves and I see one of the girls pointing to me. I say a few hellos to people as I pass by them on my way over to their table.
As I get closer I look at each girl but none look familiar, which isn’t an uncommon thing. They probably recognize me from being a BlueClaw. I approach their table, “You ladies look like you’re enjoying yourselves.”
The one that was pointing at me bats her eyelashes, “I know who you are.”
Ugh, I hate this part of my career. I’m not ungrateful for what my career has done for me but just once I want to be known as just Cooper Cahill, new club owner.
I act the part and plaster a smile on my face, “I bet you do, sweetheart.” I wink at her. “Everything going well so far?” I ask the rest of the girls at the table, trying to deflect anymore questions from their friend.
“Everything is going great. I really like the setup, it’s not like the other clubs around here.” The pretty blond says.
I smile politely, “Thanks, I’m glad you think so.”
I spot Layla, who Eli hired without my knowledge, walking up the steps with Jackson and Chloe behind her. “Excuse me ladies.” I say as I walk over towards my brother and sister in law.
When I reach them I lean in and kiss Chloe on the cheek, “You’re looking stunning.”
She blushes, “Thanks Coop.” She leans back into Jackson who slid an arm around her waist.
“I like what you did to the place.” Jackson says, looking around. “I’m proud of you Coop.”
He has no idea how much I needed to hear that tonight of all nights. Tonight is an important night for me and it’s nice to know that I have my family’s support. My nerves were starting to get the best of me before they showed up. As I’m standing here talking to Chloe and Jackson someone throws their arm around my shoulder and I relax a little more.
“Hey, bro.” Mason says with a beer in his hand. He didn’t waste any time.
“Hey.” I greet him.
MacKenzie steps around Mason and throws her arms around my neck as he drops his. I pick her up so her feet are dangling in the air.
“How does it feel to have a break, Mama?” I ask when I set her back down.
She looks over to Hunter and I follow her line of sight. If MacKenzie answered me I didn’t hear what she said because I see Jaylinn is standing behind Hunter with Eli’s arm around her shoulder. I’m back on high alert seeing her. Everything that had settled me now has me in one big bundle of fucking nerves again.
“Cooper,” MacKenzie says in a warning tone. “Don’t fuck this up.”
Jaylinn is absolutely stunning in her black, form fitting halter-top dress. She has on black high heels that make her legs go on forever. Her normally straight hair is curled at the end and cascading down her back. Her blue eyes shine through the dark make-up that she’s wearing and her lips, her fucking lips, are colored cherry red. Just the thought of her lips has my dick standing at attention.
Hunter takes a few steps towards me and that’s when I see Eli who is standing there
talking to Layla and Jaylinn. “Just let it be.” Hunter warns as he claps me on the back.
I look back over in their direction and Eli says something that has the both of them laughing. I hate it, jealously is a mother fucker and I’m not a jealous kind of guy. Not normally. When it concerns Jaylinn though, it rears its ugly head. I don’t know what those two are doing but it’s not sitting well with me. Eli would never go after Jaylinn. We set that straight after that little stunt he pulled the night at the bar when I brought Jaylinn along.
I don’t exactly know what to do at this point. Am I supposed to go over to her and say hello? Do I let her make the move? I sigh in frustration. It should be me making her laugh, not my friend, my business partner.
MacKenzie wraps her arms around me. “I love you, Coop. I’m so proud that you and Eli did all of this. To be honest with you, I wasn’t expecting it. ” MacKenzie rambles on.
“I love you for what you’re doing.” I kiss the top of my sister’s head. She’s great at trying to distract me but it’s not working. “To be real honest with you, I’m totally shocked she’s here.”
MacKenzie huffs, “It wasn’t easy that’s for damn sure, but she knows it’s something she had to do. While you guys are fighting or whatever, Jaylinn knows at the end of the day she wants to support you no matter what.”
In the corner of my eye I see Jaylinn take a step towards me. “Cooper,” MacKenzie calls my name. “Please.” She begs.
I smile sweetly at my sister. “Relax, it’s fine.”
“Hey,” Jaylinn says as she steps in front of me and MacKenzie. “Everything looks great.”
I give her a curt nod, “Thanks. I’m glad you came.”
MacKenzie elbows me in the side.
“You are?” Jay asks with uncertainty lacing her voice.
“Of course,” I see Jackie, one of the bartenders, with a line at the bar. It’s a perfect excuse to get the hell away from Jaylinn before I do something I regret. “I have to go help out; I’ll see you all later.”
My heart is hammering in my chest as I walk away. I can’t believe she actually showed up here and was even speaking to me. When she left that night I thought it was final, like that was the end. I wish things could be different for us but they can’t.
As the night progresses things start to settle down and I’m able to talk to my family again. It’s near closing and the DJ has started playing a few slower songs. Hunter and MacKenzie, Jackson and Chloe are dancing closely in their own worlds, oblivious to everyone around them. Jaylinn disappeared hours ago; I’m assuming she’s left and gone home. I don’t blame her, I wasn’t exactly welcoming.
Mason stands from the chair he was sitting on and yawns, “I’m getting out of here.”
I stand up as well and I pull him in for a hug, “Thanks for coming, bro. Tell Hailey I’ll stop by tomorrow to say bye before we leave.”
“Will do, great job on the place by the way.” Mason tells Eli who’s sitting at the table with me.
“Thanks.”
Mason walks over to our sister and brother and tells them goodbye. I sit down at the table and start pulling the label off of Mason’s beer bottle that he left behind.
“Want to dance, handsome?” Jaylinn says as she slides a hand on Eli’s shoulder. I guess she didn’t leave.
Her voice makes my body ache for her, to tell her how sorry I am and that we can figure out a way to get past this road block.
Eli grabs her hand and leads her to the dance floor. They’re swaying back and forth, talking to each other. I keep my emotions in check, this is my friend and my girl, they wouldn’t do this to me, would they? I can’t believe for a second that they would.
Hunter and MacKenzie both give me worried looks and I return the same look back. Jackson and Chloe are both looking like deer in headlights and it makes me chuckle.
“God, I’ve missed that sound.” Jaylinn says, surprising me. I look up and she and Eli are both exchanging a silent conversation.
“Can you take over? I’ve got to go check on things downstairs.” Eli asks.
He gives me a look that settles me. It’s like he knows how I feel without saying the words out loud. He knows what he’s doing is bothering me but by asking me to finish the dance he’s telling me that he’s not going after what I already claimed.
It’s a vast reminder of what could be happening with someone else. Jaylinn could have brought a date here tonight and that would have been a slap in my face but she didn’t.
I lead Jaylinn out on to the dance floor. She’s a little hesitant at first, unsure if this is what she should be doing. She squeezes her eyes shut and when she opens them all her resolves slips away. Jaylinn places a hand on my shoulder and her other one over my heart. My breath catches for just a minute as I nuzzle my nose in her hair, reveling in the smell of her shampoo, it smells like sunshine.
I back away slightly and clear my throat, “How are you doing?”
“Honestly?”
I give her a sad smile, “Always.”
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I’m fine.”
I cock an eye brow, “You’re lying.”
Jaylinn rolls her eyes, “I’m fine, Cooper. I’m not perfect but I’m dealing.”
Satisfied with her answer I bring her head to my chest and we sway back and forth to the beat of the music. She feels so fucking perfect wrapped in my arms. The smell of her hair and perfume settle something deep inside.
“I miss you, Cooper.” Jaylinn looks up to me with unshed tears in her eyes.
I don’t respond because I’m afraid of what I will say. I miss her too, probably more than she misses me. My heart is beating rapidly, I know she feels it. She still owns it and always will.
“I miss what we used to have.” Her voice breaks.
I sigh in defeat because I do too. I miss it so fucking much, “Me too.”
I want nothing more in the world than to claim her as mine but I failed her once and I can’t do it again. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.
“Things aren’t the same anymore are they?” She asks calmly, with no lighting of her eyes, no smile dancing across her face.
I hold her close to me, regretting this dance, this heartache for the both of us, but in a way I feel like it’s the closure we both need, the last play of the game. “People change, Jay. Memories don’t. You’re too good for me.”
She tenses under my hold; I know my words struck a chord with her. There is a chill between us that grows by each second. She turns on her heel and runs to the door that leads downstairs. I stand there and stare at the door she just left through.
It was too soon for this, we’re still too raw.
Hunter comes up beside me, “I’m trying to stay out of whatever the hell is going on with you two but you keep making it hard. Whatever it is, fix it before it can’t be fixed.” Hunter lets out a deep breath. “I don’t want to pick between you and her but I will if I have to.”
Hunter follows behind his sister as MacKenzie walks up next to me, followed by Jackson and Chloe.
“I’m sorry, Cooper.” MacKenzie says as she wraps her arms around my neck.
“Me too. I just don’t know what to do, Kenz.”
MacKenzie puts a hand to the side of my face, “I know that you’re holding back, Coop, but I don’t understand why.”
“It is me, I fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.”
MacKenzie kisses me on the cheek, “You’re the smart twin, you’ll figure out.”
I chuckle, “Leave it to you to make me laugh.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Jackson and I exchange a handshake, “I’ll look out for her while you’re gone. Don’t worry about it, she’ll be fine.”
“Thanks man. I know she will be.”
Chloe kisses me on the cheek and whispers in my ear, “You’re the reason she’ll be okay.”
I wrap my arms around my sister in law, “Thanks.”
&
nbsp; When the door shuts behind them I walk over to the bar and grab a glass to pour myself a drink. What is that girl doing to my head? I thought everything was done and dusted.
Cooper’s been gone for three weeks and I’m barely holding it together. I was doing just fine but that changed the second he left for spring training. There was just something comforting about knowing he was only around the corner if I really needed him. I got my closure the other night at the club, but if I called him I still know he’d be at my side. Now that he’s gone everything in my life feels out of place, like the world has tipped on its axis. I’m not the type of person that gets overwhelmed; I always handle my problems head on, but with every day that passes I feel like the walls are caving in on me. Nothing is going right; nothing makes me happy, nothing is right in my world.
I’ve been hanging out with Hailey more than MacKenzie, Chloe, or even Layla because she can relate to what I’m going through. She’s all alone on bed rest and just as lonely as I am. Plus I live for the phone calls from Mason that she gets. Mason gives her the play by play on how his day is going and I know that Cooper is basically doing the same thing. It’s silly really to latch on to things like that but it’s all I have left.
On the days I have class I normally hang around and wait for Layla to get done with her classes. I’ve more or less become her taxi cab and I don’t mind. It gives me something to do with my time. Layla and I had a heart to heart about Cooper shortly after our “breakup”. I didn’t give her the whole story but enough of it to satisfy her and give her an understanding of what I was going through. When I was done telling her the story, I told her I was over it and ready to move on. She didn’t believe me for a second, I’m not surprised by that either. The more that Layla and I hung out, the closer we became and I realized that in some ways we were a lot alike, but in some we were very, very different.
“You’ve been in a funk since opening night at Fierce.” Layla complains.
It’s true, I have been. I used to feel like I was always moving two steps forward after that horrific night with Kevin. But now with everything I do I feel like I’m taking three steps back.
