by Megan Smith
I’m wrapping crepe paper down her railing when Hailey drops a couple of f-bombs. I’m glad Alex and Ryder aren’t near to hear her. That’s all they need to hear, those little bad asses would definitely repeat it and at the most inappropriate times too.
Chloe ties an umbrella shaped balloon from the railing. She snorts, “Has she been doing that a lot?”
“When doesn’t she do that?” We all found out early on that Hailey hates being pregnant. She loves the babies but just never ever wants to carry them again.
Chloe laughs, “True. Think she’s okay?”
I yell up the stairs, “Hails, are you alright?”
“No, I’m convinced these babies hate me already.” She yelps. “I swear they are going to crack one of my ribs with the way they kick.”
I raise my eyebrows at Chloe, “She’s perfectly happy.”
She shakes her head and goes out the front door to hang more balloons out front. Mom, MacKenzie and Elle are in the kitchen getting all the food prepped for the guests that will be arriving in a half an hour.
The house fills quickly with family and friends. Everyone is standing around chatting and catching up.
MacKenzie comes to stand by the front door, “Mase said they’re around the corner.” She whispers.
“I hope this doesn’t put her into labor.” I look over to MacKenzie hoping she’ll put the thoughts in my head to rest.
“You never know what’ll happen. Look what happened with Ms. Olivia, she couldn’t wait to make her grand entrance.” MacKenzie peeks out the door. “They’re here.”
I run into the kitchen to let Elle know that Mason is here. We all run over to the door and greet him when he opens it. He gives us each a hug before he makes a beeline to his fiancé. This wasn’t part of the plan but there was no stopping him.
The room gets quiet and we all wait for Hailey to notice Mason. MacKenzie grabs a hold of my arm and Chloe takes my other one.
“Oh my…” Hailey starts to cry and I think every female in this house gets teary eyed. We can all hear Hailey sobbing from upstairs.
After a few minutes we gather everyone in the living room. We decide to play a game giving Hailey and Mason a few minutes of alone time.
Eventually they make their way downstairs. We start the party after Hailey has made her way around the room. Mason is holding Hailey’s hand, never letting her get out of reach. He helps Hailey with all the presents that everyone brought for them and the smile that touches his face never falters. It’s nice to see that by the end of the shower, Mason and Hailey are pretty much set for the delivery of the babies.
I’m envious of my friend; she’s living a dream of mine, a dream that is so far out of reach for me right now. I want what they have. The way Mason adores her, the way you can see it in his eyes that nothing means more to him than her. I want the happiness that I see radiating off her, the dreaminess in her eyes that tells me she knows her life is perfect. She has my dream life. Everything I want, she’s living it. It pains me to be jealous of her but I can’t help it, not when I can’t have what I want.
Cooper never showed up at the shower and I assumed that maybe it was because of me. Monday evening rolls around and I’m on my way to the soccer field to meet my group of girls for the first time. I was lucky enough to get my own group this year as opposed to last year when I was assistant coach.
Twelve out of my thirteen girls showed up for practice, a pretty good turnout for the first day. I have them start with a jog around the field to warm up their bodies. Then I send them into the center of the field for some stretching to loosen up. After that we did some dribbling exercises up and down the field. We also took some practice shots from the corner and also six and eighteen yard line shots.
My assistant coach, Kelly, stays back assessing the players and takes some notes on where some girls would be positioned. After about an hour and a half practice is over and the girl’s parents start to arrive to pick them up.
I’m collecting all the cones when I hear my name being called. I turn and see Hunter jogging towards me.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask, surprised to see my brother .
He puts his hands on hips, “We’ve got to go. Hailey’s in labor.”
My eyes go wide in surprise, “Seriously?”
Hunter nods, “Let’s go.”
Hunter helps me carry the cones back to my car and we discard them in the trunk. I look down at my attire, I’m wearing Nike shorts and an old tank top that I’ve been sweating in. I’m not exactly clean and dressed to go to the hospital. “Uh, Hunter, I think I should go home first and change.”
He looks over at what I’m wearing and then down at himself. He’s got a pair of gym shorts and a sleeveless shirt. “I’m not exactly dressed for it either but I don’t want to miss Mason’s reaction when he comes out to tell us what the sex is.”
I smirk picturing the reaction in my mind. “You’re right, let’s go.”
We arrive at the hospital shortly after leaving the field and we find everyone in the waiting room. Everyone is here including the kids, the Cahill’s and McCormick’s taking over the majority of the waiting room. Each person is betting on what the sex is going to be and even passing money around to officially place the bets. Andrew is keeping track for all of us. I guess that they are going to have two girls as did MacKenzie, Hunter and Chloe. Andrew is the only one who said two boys and Jackson, Elle and my mom said one of each.
Three hours later Mason comes walking out the double doors wiping at his face. Andrew walks up to his son and brings him in for a hug. Mason wipes his face again as we all stand there waiting, and not very patiently I might I add.
“Well…” MacKenzie starts to say.
“Alexis Kamryn was born at seven eleven. She’s the smaller one, only five pounds two ounces.” Mason reaches up to wipe another tear away. All the girls squeal. “Caleb Anthony was born at seven twenty and weighs five pounds eight ounces.”
MacKenzie is first to throw herself in her brother’s arms, congratulating him, and then the rest of us follow suit. After a few minutes Mason says to follow him and we do, anxious to get our first glimpse at the new beautiful babies being given a bath in the nursery. They’re both screaming, probably wishing that they could go back in where they came out.
We’re all standing around oooh’ing and aaah’ing and I find myself separated, just slightly away from the group. I have my hands planted on the railing in front of the window as a few tears slide down my face. She has my life, a perfectly fucking gorgeous life. I want that so badly.
Why can’t I have it?
Someone nudges me with their shoulder and I sigh, a smile graces my lips, tender, but there. I don’t even need to look to see who it is because I can smell the dirt and grass mixed with the clean scent that Cooper carries about himself. My body knows he’s close and has me leaning towards him, wanting just a touch, if only brief.
“You okay?” He asks, staring at his niece and nephew. The sound of his voice sends my pulse racing.
“They’re perfect.” I respond because I don’t want to answer his question. I’m not okay.
Cooper mumbles what seems like, ‘so are you’, but I can’t be certain. We stand there for a while lost in our own thoughts but not looking at each other. A few of us at a time stop in and check on Hailey and congratulate her and then, when we’ve all had our turns we each go our separate ways.
Why can’t I have that?
Because I can’t seem to even follow his lead. I could change it right now if I want to. I don’t though. Something is holding me here, living this life because I’m afraid of that other one. I wish I could just let go as easily as he did.
If I ever want that life, I have to live by the saying that’s bared on my soul and inhale the future, whatever it may be. If I want a future with Cooper, what’s stopping me?
Cooper catches me in the lobby of the hospital on my way out.
“Jay,” Cooper jogs over to me. “You
didn’t answer me up there.”
I cock my head to the side, he’s kidding me right? “No Coop, I’m not okay. Do you expect me to be?” My anger slips, I’ve held back for too long. “I’m jealous of my best friends and my brother; they have what I want and can’t have. So, now you know. I’m not okay.” I turn and walk away.
I really hope Eli’s plan works because if it doesn’t I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Being home and in my own bed is the greatest feeling in the world. Well, not the greatest, but it’s pretty fucking good. Despite my best efforts to ignore it, my elbow continued to constantly ache out on the road. In the end, the coaches noticed and made me go have it checked out. Turned out to be a bruise on the bone and some swelling, nothing serious but it hurts like a son of a bitch. I’m glad we have this two week break before the season starts so I can rest it.
Wednesday evening I decide to take my bike out for a ride. The weather is perfect, not too cold, not too hot. It’s probably not the best idea with my elbow pain but I think I can handle it. I need the speed, the adrenaline rush, the wind whipping around me to clear my head.
I know that I want Jaylinn back, I don’t want to be apart from her any longer but I’m not sure how to prove it to her; or even how I go about telling her that. Plus I broke my promise about not telling anyone what happened to her. When she finds that out, it might well and truly be the last inning for us.
I grab the keys to my family’s shore house out in Seaside, figuring I could make a stop there and rest for a little while. It’s a nice long ride, about an hour away, plenty of open roads. More importantly than that, if I get down there and my elbow is too sore to drive back, I won’t be stranded. I could always stay at Fierce but I need quiet to clear my head and I’ll never get that there.
I decide to call Hunter and see if he wants to take a ride with me.
He answers on the first ring. “Hey.”
“I’m taking the bike out, want to go for a ride?”
Hunter moves the phone away from his mouth and yells at Ryder to stop screaming. “Sorry about that. When are you heading out?”
“Now.”
“Ah, sorry man. CC’s at the grocery store and I’m here with the kids.” Hunter clears his throat. “Maybe next time though.”
“Yeah sure. Talk to you later.” I end the call and stuff my phone in my pocket.
I walk into the garage and grab my helmet off the shelf, then reach for my jacket which hangs up over by the door. I place the helmet on the seat of the bike and slide into my black and grey riding jacket. Before I retrieve my helmet a memory of how excited Jaylinn was when she gave it to me comes to mind. I use my finger to trace over the number five that’s custom painted on the top of it. I grab the hem of my shirt and wipe away the finger prints that are all over the flaming baseballs on each side.
If I can just talk to her, like we used to, maybe I can make her see where I’m coming from, and where I’m at now.
Pushing the memories aside I open the garage door and back my bike out. I close the garage door and then slip my helmet on before starting up my bike. Something about the vibrations of the bike settles calms me enough to get my wits about me. It’s the noise that gets me, the steady rhythm that allows nothing but that noise.
As I pull out of my development, something urges me to drive past Jaylinn’s house just to see if she’s there. What would that hurt, right?
I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this, this isn’t me. I’ve never fought against something so hard in my life and yet here I am, practically stalking this girl just for a glimpse.
A few turns later and I’m riding down Jaylinn’s street, what surprises me the most is to see Eli’s fucking truck sitting in her driveway. Eli. As in my friend Eli.
I stop about a block away and pull off my helmet. A few minutes later Jaylinn and Eli walk out of her house laughing about something.
My blood swooshes in my ears and my heart is beating in overdrive. How could they do this to me? Eli isn’t like that; he’d never go after something that’s mine. Or would he? She isn’t mine though, I let her go. I watched her walk away from me. I shake my head trying to clear those thoughts out. I want her. She should be with me, not anyone else.
Part of me wants to demand what they’re doing together right now. The other part knows this isn’t my business. She’s not my business anymore.
Then there’s the part that knows I need to get out of here before I’m seen. I push my helmet back on and make a U-turn, heading back the way I came, my bike screaming as I do so.
Now I need this long drive more than anything to clear my head. They wouldn’t do this to me. Maybe Layla walked out a few seconds behind them and I missed? Yeah that has to be it.
I take the scenic route; needing the speed and control of the open road. The further I travel, the more relaxed I feel. When I get to the house, I park my bike in the driveway and take my helmet off. I walk up to the front door and unlock it. Everything is dark and cold from being closed up all winter. It smells like an attic or a basement that no one ever goes in and everything has settled.
Slipping off my jacket, I hang it on the back of a chair in the kitchen then put my helmet on the table. I walk out the back door, letting the sun warm by body from the chilly drive. It feels nice and relaxing.
The beach is deserted since it’s only April and it’s way too cold to play in the Atlantic. I kick my shoes off and then remove my socks and walk down the steps and past the sand dunes. I find a place in the sand and lay down.
It’s peaceful; the only sound is the waves crashing onshore and a seagull here or there. That’s when my mind drifts.
How did my life get like this? I used to be the player, never wanting to be tied down to one person. The cleat chasers were on speed dial whenever I felt the need for company. The only thing that ever mattered to me was baseball. That’s it.
Life was simple.
Add a girl into the mix and your whole world is knocked out of the park. One girl hit a grand slam and won the game, my heart. One that would forever be in the record books.
I need it back, her back. I’m ready to put the past in the past and start fresh.
My mind continues to spin; I can see our wedding playing out. I can see Jaylinn walking around a house, our house, bare foot and pregnant. I can picture a little girl with dark brown hair, blue eyes and looking just like Jaylinn.
I need that. I want all of that.
I decide to stop at the club and check in on things since I’m in town anyway. I park my bike around back and dig in my pocket for my keys to open the back door. The music is pulsing and I hear people singing along to the music.
I unlock the door to my office and put my helmet and jacket in there along with my wallet and phone. I close and lock the door behind me. I take a few steps down the hall and catch a glimpse of Jaylinn’s long dark hair. I stop where I am and watch her. She’s sitting in a booth with Eli, she leans forward, laughing again I can’t see her anymore so I quietly make my way over to them and step up next to the bar.
And then my heart stops, the world fades away. I try to take a breath but I can’t pull the air into my lungs because they’re frozen like the rest of me. Eli, my business partner and friend, just had his lips on Jaylinn. I grip the edge of the bar as the rage nestles itself deep inside me.
My blood pressure skyrockets, my face turns red and I begin to sweat. My body shakes from the rage fueled anger pulsing in my veins.
Both of them are oblivious to the fact I’m here as they continue to keep laughing at whatever it is they’re saying. Jaylinn’s head turns in my direction and she does a double take.
That’s when her eyes go wide and fear washes over her face, I see it right before me as she turns to Eli. Her lips move, as if she’s telling him I’m here.
My friend, if you can call him that now, looks over and I give a nod with my head for him to follow me. I don’t wait to see if he does because if he’s smart he will. I pun
ch the door before unlocking my office and turn the light switch on.
Eli walks in with his hands on his hips, Jaylinn cowering behind him.
“You want to explain what the fuck I just saw?” I seethe.
Eli cocks an eyebrow. He can’t be serious.
“You were just kissing my motherfucking girl, Eli!” I lose my shit and start spitting words as fast as I can. I’m pissed, beyond pissed. “What the fuck? I leave for a few weeks and you swoop in for the fucking kill?” I bang my fist on my desk. I try to take a few deep breaths. I know I need to calm the fuck down, but I can’t, there’s no calming down from this. No way. Those breaths don’t work and I react. In one swoop I knock all the shit that’s on my desk to the floor. Glass from the picture frames shatter, paperwork everywhere. I don’t care. I hope it’s all fucking trashed beyond repair, just like me.
“Fuck!” I spin on him, getting in his face.
“You fucking promised you wouldn’t ever go after her. I fucking told you shit was complicated between us but you couldn’t help yourself, huh?”
I grip his shirt in my hands, ready to lay shit down when Jaylinn wedges her little body between ours and pushes against my chest.
“Stop it!” Jaylinn yells.
“You’re going to let her defend you?” I fume, not even looking at her. I’m staring at Eli, ready to wipe that goddamn look of his face.
Eli smirks, the mother fucker smirks. “You about done?”
