by Carly White
“Yeah, just give me a minute.”
The tie was not a clip on like I asked for. I still do not remember how they tie and after another few minutes of staring at myself in the mirror and getting no closer to anything resembling what I wanted for a knot, I pulled it off and went into the other room.
“Your coach just pulled up. Is he coming too?”
I looked out to see Coach Steve walking up the steps. I had mentioned something about it to him a couple of weeks ago, but he hadn’t said one way or another if he was going to come or not. I figured that he wouldn’t. I had messed up and asked about his daughter one time too many. I didn’t mean to, but I just had to see her and talk to her. The last time I had talked to him, he had given me a number to call her, though I still hadn’t called her yet.
“I asked him a couple of weeks ago, but he didn’t tell me one way or another.”
“Well I guess he is coming. Go answer the door while I put my earrings in.”
I went to the door and opened it before he could hit the doorbell. “Hey Curt. Looking good. I am glad they went without the robes this year. Suit and tie is always a better choice.”
“You think so? I was hoping for the robes, but either way it doesn’t matter. As long as I get the degree and don’t have to go back.”
“You did good Curt. You should be proud of yourself. I am proud of you.”
“Thanks Coach.”
I moved back to let him in and shut the door after him. He saw the tie in my hand and offered to help. There was a moment, a second that I wished it was my dad asking, but it was gone and I was left thankful for the offer. I was ready to just go without.
“I was just coming by to make sure you were going. I will be riding in with my daughter, so I will see you there.”
I tried to hide the glimmer of hope. It was so not like me. If I wanted a girl, she always wanted me just as bad and I could just take it. Half the time it was offered to me, but ever since I had finally met Lana, she was all I could think about. It was her father though, so I just shrugged and told him I would see him there.
“I thought your coach was here?”
“He was. Just letting me know that he was coming and to wish me luck.”
“That was nice of him. He has always been good to you. Ever since…”
I couldn’t talk about it. “I know. Let’s just get going before we are late mom.”
She took the cue and I followed her out to the car. She insisted on driving with me, so I was forced to listen to her country music the whole way. I wasn’t thinking about her or the radio or even graduation, I was thinking about the soft-spoken Lana that had caught my attention months before. I had admired her from afar and was better off than when I met her. Now all I could do was think about her and since no one else compared, that left me a long time to miss the physical aspects of women. They were all a waste of time though and I hadn’t even tried.
Nick noticed, but after a time, I think he knew. He knew me too well and we had talked about her once or twice. Nick thought I was crazy to talk to the coach about her, thinking that giving me the number was a set up. The piece of paper was in my pocket, had been for a week, still unused.
“You are awfully quiet Curt. Are you sure you are okay?”
“Yeah, just thinking. A lot is going to change. The draft is in a month and then who knows.”
“That is what is exciting about it. I thought you wanted to play football?”
“I do. Of course I do, what else is there? But I don’t know where I am going to go and it just seems like a big change.”
She looked over at me with those sad eyes. “It will be good for you to have a change. I will be doing some traveling and you will be living your dream. I think we should be thankful son, not so stressed. It is all going to be okay.”
It was what mothers said. I knew that, but I really wanted to believe her optimism. I really wanted to believe that is was all going to be okay and work out somehow. I should have been excited, she was right. My life was spelled out for me already. I had a job and salary that was going to be more than anyone else in my town, as well as most of the country. I should have been happy, but there was something holding me back. There was something missing and though I didn’t even say her name in my mind, there was one part of my life that was not where I wanted it to be. What was the point of having everything if I didn’t have anyone else to share it with?
I just nodded to her, lost in my own thoughts and what was going to happen the rest of the day. We arrived on time, which was pretty surprising and even though the outside area was packed with people, my eyes scanned for one girl in particular. When I saw the coach and then Lana, my heart skipped a beat. I got bumped from behind and Nick just shook his head. “Let’s get through this Curt and then you can go over there and embarrass yourself.
“Am I that obvious?”
“To me you are and it wasn’t like you were hiding it when you were asking the coach about his daughter all the time. He gave you her number and brought her here. Looks like a good chance that he is okay with it.”
I agreed, but I was still hesitant of it being a trap. What man would want their daughter with someone like me? The last couple of years I had really lost my way and if it wasn’t for Steve, I probably wouldn’t have even made it to graduation. He had seen my anger for what it was, a cry for help or more specifically, pain seeping out of every part of my being. Now I was feeling better, not just because of him, but his daughter as well.
“Let’s hope so, because I was hoping to ask her out after the ceremony. See if she wants to go with me to the party.”
“I don’t know why you would bring a date. There will be plenty of girls at the party to choose from.”
“Yeah, but they aren’t her.”
He just shook his head at me. He didn’t understand it and if I wasn’t the one feeling goo-goo for her, I might not have understood it as well.
“I don’t know what it is you see in her. She is hot Curt, don’t get me wrong, but look around you man, there are gorgeous girls everywhere you look.”
I looked around with him and what he said was true. There were plenty of pretty girls to choose from, ones that weren’t the daughter of my mentor or too young, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t explain it. I just knew and just being around her and the possibility of her had made me change my ways. How could I know that and not wonder what would happen if I could kiss her, touch her? What more could she do for me with one kiss?
“She is going to be my wife.”
He looked at me and smiled like I was joking. I wasn’t though. Since the first time I seen her from across the field, I knew she was the one for me.
“I am starting to think that you have been hit one too many times in the head my friend.”
“Yeah, that could be it I suppose.”
I took one last lingering look at the one on my mind and then turned my attention to the dean calling all of the graduates to the stage. It was show time and I had to get through this first, before I could talk to her and see if she was as willing as I was.
Following the crowd up the stairs, I looked back out to the visitors and though I had my mind on other things, I knew this was a big moment in my life. I hoped to never need the degree, but I knew that what I had learned would come in handy, the piece of paper a trophy for all of the hard work.
When they called my name, I saw my mom and coach clapping and cheering for me. Next to Steve was Lana and she waved ever so slightly, almost making me trip down the stairs as I exited the impromptu platform. I got a chuckle from the crowd, but it was only one girl in particular that I really wanted to impress. My face was warm as I waited with the rest.
Last commencement speech was done by the president and then in true fashion, everyone threw up their hats in the air. It was one tradition that we hadn’t wanted to break and with the scatter afterwards, it took a few minutes to find the people there for me in the crowd of milling people.
Chapter 5
&nb
sp; Lana
“Congratulations Curt.”
His head snapped around so fast I almost laughed. “I was looking for you.”
“Well here I am.”
Curt didn’t say anything for a moment. I could feel his eyes on me. His scrutiny was hard to take and I was happy that his mom and my dad walked up to fill in the awkward void between us. Dad suggested that we all went out for a celebratory drink and even though I wasn’t old enough, I agreed. Curt’s dark eyes finally left mine long enough to catch my breath. There was a raw energy pulling me to him and I was left unable to fight it, not sure if I even wanted to.
“Sure coach. I thought I would feel different after graduation, but now it just seems like endless possibilities.”
The two men walked off ahead while I stayed behind with his mother Evelyn. She was chattering nervously, as she tried to spot Nick. When she finally saw him and got his attention, he left with us to the bar around the corner. He kept looking at me strangely and as Evelyn caught up with the men, I was left walking next to Curt’s friend. After a few more minutes of him not able to meet my gaze, he finally said something.
“What did you do to my friend?”
I stopped and looked at him, his blue eyes finally meeting mine. “What do you mean?” I hadn’t done anything to him. I may have thought about a few scenarios in my head, but that was as far as it had ever gone between us. How did he even know about me?
“I mean, he is different after he went to dinner at your folk’s house. He plays better, parties less, less drinking. It was like a complete turn around and I just don’t know what you did to him.”
I shrugged and started walking again. While I liked to hear what he said, I still wasn’t sure. We had just talked. That was it. When I told Nick that, he looked at me as if I had to be lying. “I’m telling you. I think my dad invited him to set him up with my old sister. We talked for a few minutes out on the porch and that was it. Maybe he was just ready to get out of his funk.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think so. All I ever hear about is you, so please do us both a favor and go out with him. At least once so he can get you out of his system.”
I slowed down to let him move ahead. The bar was only a few yards away, but I wasn’t ready to go in all of a sudden. I felt all of this pressure and though I liked Curt, felt drawn to him for some reason, I didn’t like all of the pressure heaped on me. What had I done to change him and was it even me? I found it hard to believe that someone that I had only talked to once could have altered themselves so completely. I didn’t want to believe it. Hope being a painful thing if it was put into the wrong person.
Walking in finally, his eyes were on me almost immediately and I moved towards the round table that the others were seated at. “Glad you are here Lana. We are toasting to Curt’s graduation.”
I grabbed the glass that was in front of me and chinked it together with the rest. His mother wanted to say a few words about how proud she was, getting teary-eyed at the end. Then my dad stood up and told a story of the first time he saw him on the field. “Since then, I have always known that you are going to do great things Curt. I am proud to be your coach and I hope that you will keep us in mind when you choose a team. Somewhere close where your old coach can come see you every once and a while. And a free ticket now and then wouldn’t hurt.”
Everyone laughed at the expression and it was Curt that was getting a bit teary-eyed then. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much they cared for each other. There was a kind of father-son bond that I hadn’t really been aware of. It made sense. My father always wanting a son and Curt losing his father so soon, it was bound to give them a bond.
I was pulled both ways. On one hand I was glad for them both. The relationship seemed beneficial, but would it make it strange if something ever happened between us?
Stopping myself, I realized what I had finally said in my head. That something would happen between us. It was what I wanted, no matter why I shouldn’t want him. I didn’t fall very often, but for Curt, the feelings were all new and intense.
Taking a drink of the champagne, I looked around the table. Everyone was talking loud and I just wanted to watch everyone. Pouring another drink before they realized I wasn’t supposed to be drinking, I went to the jukebox to put something on. There seemed to be a loop that played until someone put some quarters in and I was just the sucker to do it.
The jukebox was old and the songs even older. I almost resigned myself to listening to the same song again for the tenth time, but I heard his voice behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and I only had to look over my shoulder to see him. Curt was smiling back at me, looking so damn good in his suit. I think he knew it by the way he grinned. “You don’t want to put on any Steve Miller Band?”
“Who?”
He shook his head and sighed like I was wrong to not know who that was. Curt pushed the button and we both watched the mechanism grab the CD and it started spinning. The song started to play and it almost immediately recognized it. “Oh. Well I don’t know who sings it, but I know the words by heart. It was something my dad always played when we were younger.”
“I could have figured him for a rock man. Let me pick out a few more since you don’t seem to know what you are doing.”
I stood back and let him take the reins. He seemed to like to be in control and I didn’t have any of them that I necessarily wanted to listen to. Just like the song playing, I may like it, but not even know the band names.
Looking back at the table, I caught my dad’s eye for a minute before he looked back towards Nick and said something. Curt was picking the three songs left for my dollar while I leaned against the stout machine.
“Thanks for coming to my graduation Lana. It means a lot.”
“Of course. I am proud of you. It’s a good school.”
“Yeah I came here for to play, but it has been a good college. I am glad I stayed local.”
“Me too.”
There was a moment of silence while the second song started to play. “So what are you doing later?”
I shrugged, not really sure. “Not much. I just got back into town last night, so I haven’t even gotten with anyone yet to figure something out.” I caught myself rambling and stopped, looking back up into his dark eyes.
He kind of chuckled and moved a bit closer. I was aware of the people we came with and tried to gain some distance from him. “If I didn’t know any better Lana. I would say you were nervous.”
Curt was back to looking at me as he had before, already his. I couldn’t hold eye contact and looked down with my cheeks growing heated. “I always get nervous around you. I don’t know what it is. Then I got scolded by your friend over there, so I am trying to be good.”
He took another step towards me, his body blocking my view of the table. No one was paying attention to us last time I had looked over. “Maybe I don’t want you to be good.”
I swallowed hard and put my hand between us, pushing back on his chest. “With parents sitting over there, I don’t think that it is a good time for me to be bad Curt.”
He stepped back as if he had forgotten that we weren’t alone. Like the time on the porch, it was another missed moment and I wished that we could see where it went instead.
“You’re right. Why don’t you come with me to a party tonight? Then we would have a little time to ourselves to see what this is.”
I wanted to say yes, badly, but I wasn’t sure. As he looked down at me, our eyes met and he pinned me there with his gaze. He looked ready to swallow me whole and he did make me nervous. Curt was dangerous in more ways than one.
“I don’t know. Where is it?”
He gave me the directions and I knew the place well. “If I can, I will meet you there later.”
Curt looked disappointed and I told him that I would try to make it. He gave me a time before we walked back to the table. Steve looked over at Curt for a moment and I thought he was going to say something to him,
but he turned to me instead. “Finally something decent to listen to.”
He didn’t say anything else about our time at the juke box and for that I was thankful.
Chapter 6
Lana
I tried on what felt like my whole closet and nothing seemed right. I wanted to look good, sexy, without looking like a slag. When I looked at the clock, I was already running late. I hoped that he would be there when I got there. It was never a party I would go to otherwise. I hardly knew anyone attending except a couple locals, but for Curt I would go. I was still waiting for that kiss that I had been thinking about so much.
Finally I left out the door wearing a short shirt and sleeveless top. I let my hair down, Curt’s comment about it kept it that way and I hoped that he liked what I was wearing underneath more. There was no other decision but to give in to the temptation that I constantly felt. I was sick of waiting or caring if it was sanctioned or right. For just one night I wanted to make a decision that did not make sense. It would feel right, I knew it, whether it really was or not was irrelevant.
When I got there, the place was packed with a whole lot of faces that I didn’t recognize. I knew it was going to be like that, but I wasn’t expecting to feel so overwhelmed by it all. I needed to find Curt and I was starting to think that he wasn’t there. Turning around towards the door, I heard his voice calling my name behind me.
“Giving up on me so soon?”
I didn’t have time to answer, his mouth moving over mine and I heard the soft moan come out as he kissed me. There were people everywhere around us, but in that moment all of the noise fell away and it was just the two of us. I pushed back after a few moments and smiled up at him. “I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”
“Was it as good as you thought it would be?”
“Better, but it makes me want more.”
“Good.”
“Do you want a drink?”
“I thought we were going to find somewhere to be alone?”
“We are, I just thought…”
“I have already decided to, so there is no need to liquor me up.”
