Fragments

by Aya DeAniege

  “I want what I was made to be.”

  “Okay, if you want a companion, so be it, but I’m not participating in anything to do with anal sex.”

  Gerrid considered me for a moment, then looked away. After far too long, he returned his gaze to me.

  “Rachel was pretty turned on by it.”

  “Are you hoping that I’ll enjoy watching you be had?”

  “That could be a turn on,” he said.

  “I’m—no, it’s just not going to happen. And Blane said no talk of anal sex. Your ass is your problem, not mine. I don’t want to hear about it. Stop talking about it.”

  “I’d like you to be comfortable with it.”

  “No. My therapist says it’s a trigger.”

  “A… what?”

  “The word anal is a trigger. She was going through a list of words and seems to think that I became withdrawn at the word. She told me to tell other people that it’s a trigger, but I’m not a fucking princess butterfly. Maybe you should just respect my god damned fucking wishes and not talk about it any more. Why is that so hard?”

  “You’ve been hinting at it, and I continued to push.”

  “You’re right, you did push. It’s your damned fault. I tried to say it in a nice way. Blane even came right out and said it.”

  “That he did, which makes it worse and more my fault, I’m sorry.”

  I struggled to come up with an answer, just watching Gerrid as he seemed uncomfortable. I didn’t understand why he was uncomfortable over the fact that he was apologizing. He had been in the wrong.

  “Why are you uncomfortable now?” I asked.

  The words had come tumbling out of my mouth without my understanding.

  “I’m uncomfortable because the social cue was obvious, and I missed it,” he said. “As I said, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed. You were clear and shouldn’t have had to use the word ‘trigger’ to get my attention.”

  “Fucking rights, I shouldn’t have to.”

  Gerrid watched me, his lips twitching. “And there is the similarity with Rachel.”

  “She curses when she’s upset.”

  “She’s upset a lot.”

  “Maybe you cunts should stop being dick bags.”

  “You’re probably right,” Gerrid said. “She’s had a rough couple years and could probably use someone waiting on her hand and foot, except she doesn’t like help from a man.”

  “That you get, but not bringing up anal?” I countered.

  “I deserve that.”

  “You really, really do,” I said, sitting up as I tugged at my pants and underwear.

  “I said I was sorry.”

  “Your trigger, go.”

  “Wh… what?”

  “What makes you as uncomfortable as you trying to talk me into anal?” I demanded. “Come on, gun to your head, someone throws something out to hurt you. What is it?”

  “Elizabeth.”

  “Who the fuck is Elizabeth?” I demanded.

  “My sister,” Gerrid said, looking uncomfortable as he pulled away.

  “At, no. At your age, your father wouldn’t have been permitted to breed. If he did, she wouldn’t be old enough to cause that connection.”

  “My mother was out with me one day, trying to show me normal. It was before I could be distinguished from normal people. They all thought I was just a little kid, you know, that’s what happens. We were walking by the movie place and this little girl approached us. She was bawling her eyes out. Screaming even. I thought she was such a nuisance.

  “Turns out, she had just witnessed her mother overdose down the alleyway and then have her head bashed in by her dealer who thought she was faking to get out of paying.”

  “Oh god.”

  “Looking back, that’s my reaction too,” Gerrid said with a little nod. “I told my mother to leave her there because she was obviously looking for attention.

  “My mother was not pleased with that answer. She did what a woman should do. She called the police and we waited until they arrived. Then we went home and she told my father. He listened to the whole thing and asked my mother what she wanted to do about it. She told him.

  “Two days later, this girl shows up in my room. Dirty as could be, still stunk of a dumpster, and my father dumps her into my bed, right on top of me. Tells me it’s my job to care for her. Three days after that, I went to my mother and begged for help.

  “About two months after that, I showed her how to do science. It was a new experiment that I hadn’t tried on my own before and it says a great deal of the trust that I put in her, that I did that without testing it first. Three days after that, I received my first death threat.

  “He said he’d rip out her guts through a hole in her belly and make me watch. Because she knew too much.”

  Gerrid lowered his head. He was quiet a moment, but I knew he was struggling with himself. He rubbed at his face, over his eyes, and sniffed. He wouldn’t look at me.

  “She was four years old. Just watched her mother die in a terrible way and we took her in and that. That was how the Alphas treated her because at four, she knew too much so she should die a slow, horrible death.

  “Elizabeth is my sister. She’s not my blood, but she’s my sister. My mother, who was not an Alpha, saved her life and then Blane decided she had to die. Everyone praises him. Everyone loves him, but he was going to murder a child. Over a test that he didn’t even complete properly, or he would have known the results before I found them. He fucked up and was going to kill her over it. Me? I get the threats to my life. I’m an Alpha, that’s a part of what I am, but she isn’t even a carrier.”

  I slipped across the floor and pulled Gerrid into my arms. He latched onto me, holding on for dear life.

  In the awkward silence that followed, I struggled for a gentler way to say what I wanted to say. In the end, however, I chose to be simple.

  “Have you talked to Blane about that?” I asked.

  “No,” he said.

  “Okay, I will,” I said.

  “What?” he asked, startled surprise playing over his features as I pulled away from him.

  “I’m a stab a bitch,” I said as I stood.

  It was not grammatically correct in the least, and I didn’t care. It was straight and to the point so I said it and I don’t regret it.

  “Rebecca, you can’t, he’s a Master,” Gerrid protested.

  “No man deserves the title of Master, if he threatens to kill an innocent over his ego. You have the conversation, or I will.”

  “Fine, I will.”

  “Today,” I demanded.

  “Okay, fine, today.”

  “Good, go do it now.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Gerrid asked. “You asked for a trigger, not to throw me into the fire.”

  “She’s a trigger, and he thinks he can hold her life over you. No. Look, Blane says if someone else steps in, that interferes, right?”

  “It does, yes.”

  “I can, and will, deal with this, but it would undermine you. And you and Blane seem pretty well, I don’t know, even? You should deal with this, but if you won’t? I will. I’m surprised she hasn’t. What’s wrong with Elizabeth that she hasn’t taken Blane on?”

  “He threw acid in her face.”

  “Blane did what?” I shouted

  “No, the dealer,” Gerrid said.

  “You didn’t say she was blind,” I snapped.

  “Well, she is.”

  “And Blane threatened to torture and murder a blind little girl and you didn’t say something before?” I asked. “Also, where did the acid come from?”

  “I don’t know, I just know she was bleeding.”

  “Wow. Alphas are heartless bastards. You saw her bleeding and thought she was lying? Why didn’t… never mind. Doesn’t matter. You or me. Your choice, which will it be?”

  “Me.”

  “Then go and deal with this. Now.”

  Chapter Eleven

  While G
errid went off to talk to Blane, I headed out and then rushed through the estate. I ran headlong into an older man who I didn’t recognize, stumbled back a step and hit the floor. Not knowing who he was, I stayed down.

  “You aren’t Rachel,” the man said.

  His hair was a shock of steely grey, which matched his eyes. There were light lines around his eyes, but if he had dyed his hair, he would have been able to pass for a younger man.

  If not for the scarring down the side of his face.

  “Haven’t met you, makes you Robin,” I said as I stumbled away from him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know the estate, I didn’t know this was yours!”

  “It’s not mine. I was out for a walk,” he said as he approached me. “Why are you panicking?”

  “No, not—okay, I’m panicking,” I said finally.

  “You aren’t Rachel,” he said again. “That makes you Rebecca, what did you do?”

  “I just, it’s just.”

  “What did you do?” Robin demanded.

  “Told Gerrid to confront Blane over his threatening to slowly murder a four-year-old blind girl.”

  Robin stopped mid-step. His foot lowered ever so slowly and settled on the floor. He looked down at me and then looked up and around.

  “I’m sorry, Gerrid’s sister, Elizabeth, is blind?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that’s not Blane’s fault.”

  “He threatened to cut a hole in her belly and pull out her intestines,” I snapped.

  “Alphas.”

  “She was four at the time!”

  “Alphas,” Robin said with a shrug.

  I almost shouted at him. Instead, I made a strangling motion with both my hands. Laying on the floor, on my back, I made a strangling motion toward the sadist who had a glint of destruction in his eyes.

  “Oh,” Robin said, taking a step back. “Gerrid thought he was being serious.”

  “Yes!”

  “Oh dear, no, that is a problem,” Robin said, looking up and down the hallway. “No.”

  “Don’t tell me that!”

  “Blane didn’t mean that as if he would do it. I’m surprised Gerrid sleeps here if he thought that.”

  “I just told him to—”

  “I know. They may end up fighting, which may be a problem,” Robin said. “Can I fuck Gerrid? That would end all fighting then and there.”

  “You weren’t at lunch.”

  “No, I was not.”

  “You can’t discuss anal sex around me.”

  “I never mentioned it, I asked if I could fuck him. You made the connection and implication.”

  “How do you fuck a man without anal sex?” I asked.

  “How do you fuck a man without anal sex?” Robin countered.

  “But, I’d just, and you don’t have the necessary parts to do that.”

  “Oh, honey.”

  “What?” I demanded.

  “I take him in my hand, and he’s tied up. I don’t have anal sex with him, because he’s expecting it. I work my hand, up and down, faster and faster as he moves to that edge, oh so close and, as he’s about to come, I stop. I step away and leave him. Just leave him. When I come back, I grab a fistful of hair and drag him to his knees and present myself to him. He opens his mouth and takes me in because he knows the risk of saying no or biting me, and I shove myself down his throat. I continue to do it until he submits, then I reward him by pressing myself against him and holding us together as we both come.

  “That’s how you fuck a man properly.”

  Robin looked annoyed, then he looked disgusted. He looked down at me and slipped his hands into his pockets.

  “Get yourself up off the floor.”

  I struggled to get up, but finally managed to get my feet under me. As I brushed my backside off and straightened out my clothing, Robin looked me over, then grimaced.

  “I prefer Rachel,” he said.

  Of course, he prefers Rachel.

  Neither of them may have realized it, but Robin and Rachel had similar temperaments. Or perhaps just personalities. Rachel still exploded outward, but I could see her in how Robin moved and spoke. From what she said, the Alphas respected Robin a great deal.

  Imagine him, but as a woman. There’d be no more fighting, they’d be too afraid of bickering.

  “Because she let you do what you wanted with Morgan?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, at least you’re honest,” I grumbled.

  “What do you offer?” Robin asked.

  “I didn’t know I was taking up your man’s time. If I had known, I would have chosen another.”

  “I would not have allowed it. Abraham was the clear choice and he would care for you,” Robin said with a quick finger jab up and down my form. “This, despite belonging to a woman? Needs to be cared for, I get that. Abraham is mine. Lending him to you to help you, was not a pain. When he was done with you, he came crawling back to me. On his knees, begging forgiveness.”

  Robin bit his bottom lip and considered me through half lidded eyes.

  I almost asked, but I had been given plenty of warning about his preferences. I didn’t want to participate in that lifestyle, which meant that I kept my mouth shut and waited for Robin to come out of his wet dream.

  “I beat it out of him,” he said finally.

  “I feel like I should ask if there’s a way I could make that happen again?” I asked.

  Because that would keep Robin happy, and might get Abraham back for running away on me, instead of explaining what was going on.

  “And now I like you more,” Robin said with a little smile. “No, you can’t do anything more for me. Abraham has filed the paperwork, and as much as Blane dislikes it, he has accepted it. I will leave this house with Abraham. Now it only matters the heir.”

  “Uh… you need the heir in place to free Abraham?” I asked.

  “Yes, exactly.”

  “Who is the heir?”

  “I cannot say.”

  “But I could potentially influence the heir?”

  “All might influence the heir,” Robin countered.

  He seemed annoyed at that. It might have been because he wanted to tell me something, because the so-called faeries had been useful in the past. Or he might have been annoyed because I kept asking questions and not accepting his blunt answers as a demand to stop.

  If he didn’t want me poking him with questions, he shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.

  I sighed out. “How can I help if you can’t tell me anything?”

  Robin seemed to consider that point. Then he shrugged just slightly and tilted his head. Considering his lack of sharp words, I took his reaction as meaning that he wanted help, but couldn’t give the details. Which probably meant that I could influence the heir directly but he wasn’t telling me because of something to do with some sort of Alpha tradition.

  “Look. The faeries can’t fucking help you if you don’t fucking give better fucking direction!” I snapped.

  “Such cursing,” Robin muttered, looking off down the hallway.

  “Help me out,” I snapped at him.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

  “No, why would you want to help me?” he asked.

  “See my previous answer, you cunt fucker.”

  “I’ve never been with a woman before, but nice try,” Robin said, looking up and down the hallway.

  “What do you keep looking for?” I asked.

  “Listening for, and sounds of servants running,” he said. “Servants running is a sign of Alphas fighting. They’ll be running toward us, then when they spot us, away. Just in case an Alpha is here hunting. They’d be looking for safe territory. There are specific safe rooms built for them.”

  “Ah, okay,” I said.

  Even though I was utterly confused, I said the words. Robin watched me for a moment, then sighed and looked away.

  “Blane and Gerrid may be fighting
?” I asked.

  “Not a problem.”

  “It’s a problem for me,” I said.

  “I’d offer to bring up the video, except considering those involved, there’s a pretty good chance there’s sex involved. They’ve been fighting the past couple of days but haven’t really hashed things out yet. One confronting the other could result in that.”

  “And?” I demanded.

  “Alpha and Alpha results in anal sex.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yes,” Robin said. “Let us, instead, walk in that direction. By the time we get there, Blane should have come and Gerrid will be a puddle on the study floor.”

  “Who says Blane would win?”

  “Gerrid would explain the issue and Blane, being what he is, would see it. Then they would end up wrestling and Blane would have his way with Gerrid, forcing him to come and as he did, whisper the truth in his ear.”

  “To talk to an Alpha, have sex with him and then tell him what’s going to happen as he comes?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “That’s so weird.”

  “But it works well,” Robin said.

  He offered me a hand and I took it. Robin pulled me toward him and helped me steady myself. He glanced down at my feet, then looked up and tapped my chin with his thumb.

  “Chin up, kiddo, there’s always tomorrow.”

  “Isn’t that from a really old movie?” I asked as he slipped away.

  “It is,” Robin said.

  “Didn’t everyone die at the end?”

  “They did. Slow and horrible deaths. Are you coming?”

  As he walked off, I stared after him in a bit of shock. He said that so cheerily, as if he was hoping we would all die slow and painful deaths.

  Don’t get on his bad side.

  I scrambled to catch up to Robin as he walked away. He glanced over his shoulder several times, I swear he was smiling as he glanced. Robin led me through the estate, back to the room Blane had taken me to the morning I woke up.