He shrugged. Big, muscled shoulders made a casual male movement. It shouldn’t have affected her heart rate, but it did. Her palms got a little damp, too, and she had to worry about the coffee slipping and falling.
“A couple of hours. Mostly I just worked and worried.” He motioned for her to come into the house.
“You’ll be fine,” she said, handing him a cup of coffee as she entered. “It’s not as if you’re going to be on your own. Ronni is going to come by and give you that lesson in basic baby care and I’ll be right here.” She smiled. “Although I do have to warn you I have a couple of patients ready to go into labor. I’m caught in one of those cycles. Currently over two-thirds of my practice is in various stages of pregnancy. I have twelve due in the next four weeks, if you can believe it.”
He glanced at the pager she’d clipped to the waistband of her jeans. Some of the worry left his eyes. “I have one of those too, but when it goes off, it’s just a building crisis. Not one about giving birth.”
“Such are the differences in our professions.” She handed him the bag. “Bagels. Did you eat last night?”
He shook his head.
“I figured you wouldn’t. Men get upset and they stop eating. Most women go in the other direction. I know during finals there were semesters when I felt like I was chowing my way through the entire candy aisle of the student union.”
His gaze brushed over her body before returning to her face. “You’d never know it.”
“That’s because I’m tall.” After a moment of relaxing, she found herself getting nervous again. It was all this body talk. She didn’t know how to handle it. For as long as she could remember, her body had been merely functional. She didn’t think of herself as especially feminine and certainly not sexy. But around Tanner, she remembered she was a woman and she enjoyed the fact.
“I spoke to the hospital this morning,” she said briskly, to change the subject. “Your daughter had a great night. She’s sleeping well, taking formula with no problem and she’ll be released any time after noon. You just have to go pick her up.”
“Okay,” he said cautiously.
“Don’t worry. Ronni will be here in about an hour and she’ll take you over all you need to know. At the hospital, one of the nurses will give you the same lesson, so you’ll have reinforcement. Besides, I’ll be here through the weekend.”
“Yeah, okay,” he muttered, but he didn’t sound convinced. He shifted awkwardly. “I put together most of the baby furniture and some of the clothes.”
“I’d love to see what you’ve done,” she said. “And when we’re finished, we can empty my car. It’s packed.”
The previous evening she and Tanner had loaded as much as possible into his Explorer, then he’d taken Kelly back to the hospital. There, she’d collected her own car, returned to the store and taken the rest of their purchases, which she was delivering this morning. Tanner had looked stunned by the amount they had bought, so she hadn’t had the heart to tell him there was a lot more yet to buy. She figured she would make the grocery-drug store run later that afternoon to stock up on lotions, shampoo, baby wipes, a thermometer and the like.
Tanner took a couple of steps into the house, then paused. “Want the nickel tour of the place?” he asked.
“I’d love it.” She glanced around at the spacious living room. There wasn’t any furniture yet, but the walls had been stripped of wallpaper and she could see that he was in the middle of refinishing the wood around the bay windows. Underneath the drop cloths on the floor, she spotted scarred but still beautiful hardwood.
“I’m working on this room now,” he said. “I’ve been doing a room at a time, mostly because that’s all I have time for. Sometimes I think I should just get a crew in here and finish it, but I like doing the work myself. It’s relaxing.”
He led the way down a short hall. To her left she saw a dining room. The walls were still covered with a flocked print in burgundy and gold. Heavy furniture made the large space seem small and dark.
“I bought that set from the former owners of the house. It’s about a hundred years old. It’s in great shape. When I finish a few more rooms, I’m going to start moving pieces around. The table and buffet can stay in the dining room, but I’ll move the old armoire into the guest room.”
“But you’re keeping the wallpaper, right? I mean it’s so you.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it. A grin tugged at the corners. “You had me going there for a second. I thought you really liked it.”
“Scary, huh? Someone must have liked it. Not only is it in this dining room, but I’m willing to bet it wasn’t ordered custom, which means hundreds of people chose it.”
“You wouldn’t believe some of the ugly stuff I’ve seen in houses I’ve remodeled.” He continued down the short hall, which ended in a bright, open kitchen. “Before I bought the company, they were split about fifty-fifty between residential and commercial contracting. I changed that, making the business one hundred percent commercial. I’d rather work on one big job for four or five months than have sixteen small ones.”
He set the bagels on the counter and took a sip of his coffee. “The kitchen turned out pretty good.”
She turned in a slow circle, taking in the beautifully fitted and finished cabinets, the granite countertops and a large stove that would make any cook weep with joy. “Did you do the cabinets yourself?”
“Yeah. I made them up because it was more fun than ordering them. It took about a year, but I didn’t mind.”
To the right of the kitchen was an oversized family room. There were two sofas and a couple of recliners, along with a movie-theater sized television and more remote controls than she’d ever seen outside of an electronics store. He caught her studying the coffee table and smiled sheepishly.
“Okay, I know. I’m a guy. What can I say? I like my toys.”
“I guess.”
Sliding doors on the far side of the room led to a huge backyard complete with room for a play area.
“This is very nice,” she told him. “You have a beautiful home.”
“Thanks. The baby’s room is upstairs. I’m converting the guest room because that’s where I started remodeling. I needed a small project to make sure I remembered everything,” he said as he led the way up the stairs. “Owning the company has meant spending more time in the office and less time working on the projects.”
At the top of the stairs, around to the left, were a pair of double doors leading to the master suite. Kelly caught a quick glimpse of a king-sized bed, a sitting area complete with fireplace and beyond that, a bathroom to die for. Then Tanner was motioning her across the hall.
The new baby’s room was large with cream colored walls and a bay seat window. Tanner had put together the four-drawer dresser and the crib. The three-drawer changing table was still in pieces, but he’d put the rocking chair into the alcove by the closet and moved in a floor lamp. A couple of bags of bedding and clothes reminded her that she still had a car full of stuff downstairs, but before she could mention that, her gaze fell on the mobile hanging over the crib.
She crossed the thickly carpeted floor and turned the key activating the mobile. Instantly music filled the room and the collection of fuzzy animals began to turn in a slow circle. Of all the items in the room, this was the one that made her realize that Tanner Malone was really going to have a baby in his life. Waiting in the hospital was his own precious child.
So many years had gone by since she’d given up her daughter for adoption. For the most part, the pain of loss had dulled. While she frequently thought about her daughter, she didn’t ache for her very much anymore. Unless something happened—something like seeing someone else have the very thing she’d given away.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That you’re very lucky. You have a lovely daughter.” She gave him a quick smile. “Sorry. I don’t mean to get emotional, it’s just that I always wanted a large family and it doesn�
��t look like that’s going to happen.”
He leaned against the door frame and folded his arms over his chest. “Why hasn’t it? You could have an even dozen by now.”
That made her laugh. “I wasn’t looking for that many.” She paused. “I’m not sure of the reason. Some of it is being a doctor. Medical school, then my residency didn’t leave much time for a personal life.”
“So what’s your excuse now?”
What was her excuse? She couldn’t tell him the truth…that her past made her feel guilty and small. That if any man knew about the flaws in her character, he would never want her. She knew that her sense of lacking worthiness was something she should work on, but she’d never found the time. Somehow it was always easier to get lost in her job.
“I’m not sure I have an excuse,” she told him. “It takes time to get established in a new town. I haven’t met anyone who interests me. You know, the usual stuff.”
He grimaced. “That makes sense. I, on the other hand, have had too many relationships, but that’s going to change now.”
She couldn’t hold back her smile. “Don’t be so fast to think so. Many women will find you even more attractive now that you have a child.”
“It’s not about them,” he said. “It’s about me. For the past few months, I’ve been looking at my life and I’m not sure I like what I see. It was one thing to fool around while I was on my own, but now I have a child to think about. She deserves a father who makes good relationship choices. I want her to be proud of me.”
Kelly couldn’t help thinking that Tanner was much deeper than she would have given him credit for. Between the muscles, the incredibly blue eyes and the smile that screamed seduction, she would have thought him to be a player, with no interest in anything of value. And she would have been wrong.
The doorbell rang.
“I bet that’s Ronni. She probably brought Ryan along,” he said as he headed for the stairs.
Kelly followed him. Ronni and Ryan stood in the family room. Ryan held up a container holding three cups of coffee, and a pink box from a bakery. “I see we both thought to bring breakfast,” he said with a smile. “Great minds think alike.”
“Good to see you both,” Kelly said. “I brought bagels.”
Ronni set down the brightly wrapped gift box she’d been holding and reached for the bag of bagels. “Thank you, Kelly. I’m dying for a danish, but I can’t eat all that sugar on an empty stomach. It makes me queasy. So I’ll have a bagel first. Then a danish. Maybe even two.”
She glanced up and saw everyone staring at her. “What?” she asked, sounding indignant. “I’m eating for two.”
Kelly shook her head. “Fine. Eat for two. But don’t be screaming when you step on the scale for your monthly appointment.”
Ronni pressed her lips together. “Fine. I’ll have half a bagel and then half a danish.” She sighed. “I never knew I’d hate having one of my friends also be my doctor.”
Tanner looked startled by the exchange. “Are all women like this when they’re pregnant? Maybe it was a good thing that Lucy and I weren’t really spending time together.”
Ryan hugged Ronni and brushed his cheek against her red hair. “Pregnancy is full of challenges, but the end results are worth it. Besides, Ronni is an angel.”
Ronni shook her head. “He’s humoring me because he thinks if he keeps sweet-talking me, I won’t throw up later today. My morning sickness tends to hit more mid-afternoon. It’s really fun during office hours.” She shoved the box toward Tanner then reached for the bag of bagels. “Open this, Dad.”
Tanner stared at the box. “It’s for me?”
“No, it’s for your daughter.”
“Oh. Thanks.” He sounded more confused than sincere, then he reached for the box and studied the paper.
It showed pink angels and curly mauve hearts. Tied on top was a small pink rattle. Looking more uncomfortable by the second, he ripped into the paper, then lifted the lid off the square box.
First he pulled out a frilly dress in pale peach. The tiny sleeves had little bows and there was lace on the hem.
“It’s beautiful,” Kelly said. “Ronni, that’s so adorable.”
“I know. I fell in love with it the second I saw it. I adore Drew and Griffin,” she said, naming Ryan’s two boys, “but shopping for them is not as much fun as shopping for their sister. All those lacy, frilly whatevers. It’s great.”
“It’s a dress,” Tanner said doubtfully. “Does she need a dress?”
“All girls do,” Ronni said as she cut a bagel in half and smoothed on cream cheese. “For when you take her out.”
“Take her out where?”
“Anywhere. Don’t you want her to look good?”
Tanner stared at the dress as if it were a subversive plot to overthrow the government. Kelly was worried he might bolt at any moment.
“What else is in there?” she asked to distract him.
“There’s more?” Tanner sounded more alarmed than pleased.
Kelly noticed that Ryan wasn’t saying much, but he appeared to be highly amused by his brother’s apprehension. She studied the two Malone brothers noting the similarities in their dark hair and blue eyes. Ryan was a little taller and more slender, while Tanner was solid muscle.
“Well, this is okay, I guess,” Tanner said, holding up a stuffed bear. Then he glanced at a book touting the joys of having a daughter. “I’ll need this for sure. I’ve finally figured out I don’t know diddly about women.”
“Fortunately she’s not going to be a woman for a long time,” Kelly said. “You will have learned a lot by then.”
“Which reminds me,” Ronni said as she licked cream cheese off her fingers. “I brought my practice baby. She’s in the car, along with diapers and bath stuff.”
“I’ll get it,” Ryan said.
“I’ll come with you,” Kelly told him. “My car is filled with the things Tanner couldn’t bring home last night.”
“Then we’ll all make the trip outside,” Tanner said as he set the gifts on the kitchen counter.
Ronni waved. “You go ahead. I just want to eat more.”
Kelly was still laughing when her pager beeped. She glanced at the display and recognized the number for the hospital. The code following told her that she had a patient in labor.
“I’ll be right with you,” she said as she drew the mobile phone out of her purse. Two minutes later she’d confirmed that one of her pregnant patients intended to give birth later that morning.
“I have to run,” she told Tanner as she walked out toward her car. He’d unloaded most of the bags she’d picked up from the store and was holding an overnight bag. “You might as well take that inside.”
“So you’ll be back?”
She tried not to smile at the panic in his voice. “I promised I’d stay, and I will. I don’t expect this to take too long, so look for me later this afternoon. When are you picking up the baby?”
“Around eleven,” he said. He swallowed. “So you’ll really be back?”
She touched his arm. Through the soft, worn sweatshirt, she felt the firmness of his muscles. She squeezed. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Ryan and Ronni are here. She’ll give you your baby lesson and that will give you the confidence you need to handle this. Remember when you first started working for the construction company? Didn’t you have a lot of things to learn?”
He nodded. “But if I screwed up I wasn’t messing up a kid.”
“You’re not going to mess her up. In fact, I’m willing to bet you’re really going to like being a father.”
“Yeah?”
She released him. “I promise. See you later.”
With that she got in her car and started the engine. As she backed down the driveway, she couldn’t suppress a faint thrill of excitement that she was going to be coming back later. She wanted to spend more time with Tanner. She told herself it was because of the baby and nothing else, but she wasn’t sure that she really
believed that. In her heart of hearts, she knew that somehow it had become something more.
“Okay, I know you’re worried,” Tanner said as he carefully steered his Explorer onto the main road. He had to force himself to merge with traffic when all he wanted to do was drive twenty in the slow lane so he could be sure they got home safely.
At the stoplight, he quickly glanced over his shoulder and saw his daughter sleeping soundly in her car seat. Hope and love and terror battled it out in his chest. He felt like he’d been sucker punched and handed his heart’s desire, all in the same moment. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
“We’ll get through this,” he told her, then returned his attention to the road. “I’ve screwed up more than once in my life, but I swear, I’ll do my damnedest not to screw up with you.” He paused, then cleared his throat. “I should probably start by not swearing in front of you, huh? Sorry about that. See I don’t have any practice at being a father. Fortunately you don’t have any practice at being a kid, either. So we’ll learn together. I’ll be here for you, no matter what. I learned that from my brother. Ryan was always there for me. He did a good job, and he was only a year older than me. I’ve got thirty-seven years on you, kid.”
He looked at her again. “Thirty-seven. Does that sound old to you?” Not surprisingly, she didn’t answer.
He drew in a breath. He couldn’t remember ever being this unsure of himself. He didn’t want to break her or hurt her in some way. How did people become parents more than once? The task seemed so daunting. Maybe it got easier with practice. He could only hope.
He turned right at the next signal and entered his neighborhood. Ryan had wanted to come along while he picked up his daughter, but Ronni had said he had to do this by himself. The sooner he got used to being alone with her, the better for the both of them.
Tanner frowned. “We can’t keep calling you ‘her’ or ‘the baby.’ We’re going to have to come up with a name. I wish you could tell me what you’d like…or at least what you’d hate.”
Their Little Princess Page 5
