“Don’t go there,” she warned as he buttoned Lia back into her sleeper.
“Go where?”
“You’re getting nervous. I can see it in your eyes.”
Her own eyes were a hazel brown, but this close he could see tiny flecks of gold in the irises. They were wide and pretty, and perfectly set off by the fringe of bangs falling almost to her eyebrows. She didn’t wear any makeup that he could see. Even so, her lashes were long and thick, and her skin smooth.
He picked up Lia and held her in his arms. “I don’t want to get it wrong.”
Kelly nodded at the sleeping infant. “So far, so good. Why don’t you set her down and I’ll go put this stuff in her bathroom.”
He watched as Kelly crossed the room and disappeared through the doorway, then he carefully set his daughter into her crib. She barely stirred as he pulled the comforter up to her chest, then checked the baby monitor. Kelly met him in the hall.
“I’ve put the bath supplies on the counter. For the next few months you’ll be using a small baby tub and I wasn’t sure if you’d do that in her room or downstairs in the kitchen sink.”
“The kitchen sink? She’s not a piece of zucchini.”
Kelly grinned. “I know, but the sink is at least at a decent height. With the bathtub, you’ll be all bent over.”
“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.” But then there were dozens of things he hadn’t thought of yet. Like the baby monitor. He checked it to make sure it was turned on, then led Kelly down to the family room.
There were more shopping bags waiting there. He stared at the pile. “Please tell me that everything comes with instructions,” he said.
“Pretty much. And if it doesn’t, you’ll find out about it in the baby book I gave you. Or you can ask me while I’m here.”
“Ronni’s getting me a baby nurse,” he said, hoping the nurse would arrive soon with about fifteen years of experience. “So I can ask her, as well.”
“You’re all covered.”
He still felt like he was a non-swimmer who’d been thrown into the ocean, but he didn’t tell her that. “Want something to drink?” he asked, walking into the kitchen and pulling open the refrigerator door. “I have different sodas.”
“Anything diet?” she asked.
He glanced at her, at her long legs in tailored slacks and the casual shirt she’d tucked into the waistband. She was tall, athletic looking and very appealing.
“Sure,” he said. “But tell me why?”
She glanced down at herself and laughed. “I’m not on a diet, if that’s what you mean, but one of the reasons is I’m cautious about what I eat. I choose my calories carefully and to me, soda is a waste. So I prefer the low-cal version.”
He made a face, but pulled out a can for her. When he reached for a glass, she snagged the container from him. “I never bother,” she said. “It just means something more to put in the dishwasher and something more to return to the cupboard.”
“A woman after my own heart,” he said, collecting a regular cola drink for himself and following her back into the family room.
Kelly settled on one end of the sofa, while he took the other. Afternoon sunlight spilled into the room making her medium blond hair seem a little lighter. He’d only ever seen her with her hair pulled back into a braid, or fastened up on her head. He wondered how long it was when it was loose and how it would look tumbling around her face.
The image produced instant heat inside of him. He realized then how distracted he’d been with Lia. He’d been alone with Kelly several times in the past couple of days and hadn’t been able to appreciate that she was funny, intelligent and easy on the eye. Not that he was interested in her that way. She was helping out and he was grateful. They were friends, nothing more. They had to be. For one thing, Kelly wasn’t his type. For another, he had a child to think of now. He couldn’t keep practicing his own version of serial monogamy. Lia would get confused.
He popped the top on his soda. “I almost forgot to ask,” he said. “How was the delivery?”
Kelly sighed as her face took on a look of radiance. “It was great. Everything went perfectly.” She paused. “The mother might take issue with that. After all, she spent several hours in labor. But the birth was smooth and easy on the baby. They had a healthy little boy and both the parents are thrilled.” She looked at him. “Usually when I deliver a child, I rarely get to see him or her again, so it’s nice to be able to follow-up with one of my babies. Lia is doing very well.”
“I hope so. She seems okay. I’m glad that Ronni’s going to be her pediatrician.”
“Nothing like having a doctor in the family?” Kelly asked.
“Exactly.”
She leaned back against the sofa. “So how did you pick Lia for her name?”
“Actually, her real name is Cecilia after my mom, but I thought we could call her Lia. It’s a little more contemporary, not to mention easier for her to spell.”
“That’s so nice. Your mom must be thrilled.”
Tanner set his soda on the coffee table. “My parents are both dead. They died when Ryan and I were really young. I thought you knew, although I’m not sure why you would.”
Kelly frowned. “You’re right. I did know, I think. I must have forgotten…” Her voice trailed off, then her expression cleared. “I remember where I heard that. It was a couple of months ago. At the Heart Ball. When your brother gave his speech about the new wing.”
Tanner nodded. He remembered that evening. Just a short time before both he and his brother had received word that the funding for the construction of the hospital wing had fallen through when one of the officers of the foundation had run off with millions. Tanner had been paying his contractors out of his own pocket, with the understanding that the next installment of funds would arrive on time. When it hadn’t, work on the hospital wing had halted.
For several weeks, he’d balanced on the verge of bankruptcy. Ryan had moved mountains to arrange for alternative funding. Of the forty million they’d needed to complete the work, Ryan had found all but five million. Work had started back and now they were scrambling to finish the project on time. Tanner knew his brother would come through with the rest of the money.
“How’s everything going with that?” Kelly asked. “I heard that it was pretty bad for a while.”
“We should still make the September first deadline. It’s the twentieth anniversary of the hospital, so I’m doing my best to make sure the dedication ceremony can go on as planned.”
“Didn’t you almost lose your company because of the loss of funding?”
“It was dicey for a while,” he admitted. “But I trusted my brother. Ryan said he would find the money—and that’s his job. So I hung on until the funds came through. Now it’s just a matter of finishing up the work.”
The phone rang. He reached for it and spoke into the receiver. “Hello?”
He listened as a man on the other end talked for a couple of minutes. Tanner started laughing. “Yeah. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but they’re mine.” He paused and listened. “No, I appreciate you following up on them. Thanks.” He hung up. “You’re not going to believe who that was,” he said.
“Tell me.”
“My credit card company. They wanted to confirm a very large charge to a baby store. Apparently that purchase didn’t match my normal charging pattern and the computer flagged my account.”
She laughed. “They’d better get used to that kind of thing with you. There’s going to be lots more for you to buy.”
“I don’t want to think about it.”
She picked up the teddy bear that Ronni and Ryan had brought for Lia. “Isn’t he a charmer,” she said, smoothing the soft fur around the stuffed animal’s face. “Bears have always been my favorite.”
Her expression turned wistful as she rubbed the animal’s head.
“Tell me again why you don’t have a dozen kids of your own,” he said impulsively.
So
mething dark and painful slipped across her eyes. Then she blinked and it was gone. “Interesting question for which I don’t have an equally interesting answer,” she said lightly. “But you’re the important one right now. I want to know how you’re feeling. Is the panic under control?”
“Seems to be,” he said, recognizing that she was deliberately changing the subject but not sure he should let her. Then he remembered that she was being kind enough to give up one of her weekends to help him with his daughter. He owed her. More importantly, her personal life was none of his business.
He glanced at his watch. “Hour four of having her home and all is well.”
“I’m glad.” She stood up. “I thought I could go to the grocery store. I’m guessing you don’t have a lot of food in the house and it’s not as if you can go out easily. Then I’m available to assist with the baby care. That is if you still want me to stay over.”
“Are you kidding? I won’t make it without you.”
She smiled. “Then what about making a list?”
But even as he went through his cupboards and figured out what he had and what he needed, he couldn’t get those words out of his head. I won’t make it without you. They’d both known what he meant when he said it. He was talking about Lia and his lack of parental experience. Nothing more. But for a moment he wondered how his life would be different if he could for once allow himself to really need someone.
Chapter Six
Kelly stirred and rolled over. She opened her eyes and saw that it was a little after two in the morning. She blinked as she looked at the unfamiliar room. This wasn’t her apartment and it wasn’t the hospital. Where…
Then her memory returned. She was at Tanner’s house, in one of the spare bedrooms. Unlike Lia’s room, this one hadn’t been remodeled. Old-fashioned wallpaper still covered the walls, contrasting with the heavy drapes on the window.
Kelly stretched and tried to figure out what had awakened her. Was it Lia? She looked at the clock again. She’d expected to be up before now to help Tanner, or even take over one of the feedings. Oh well, now that she was awake, she might as well check on the baby.
Kelly threw back the covers and stood up. She’d deliberately worn sweats and a T-shirt to bed so all she had to do was fumble for her slippers and slide them on. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and made her way into the hall.
The house was all shadows. Lia’s door stood open and she could see the faint light from a Disney nightlite illuminating a patch of hardwood flooring. As she stepped into the room, a slight movement caught her attention. She looked up and saw Tanner standing by the window.
Kelly froze in place, staring. Tanner wore jeans and nothing else. He held his tiny daughter in his arms, cradling her against his bare chest and rocking her gently. Moonlight filtered through the half-open blinds, highlighting, then shading, the shape of his shoulders, the muscles in his arms, the warm color of his skin.
Deep in her stomach, something stirred to life. Some small producer of female hormones, some long dormant cells secreted a long since forgotten bit of magic that made a woman want a man. She felt the first flickering of desire, but it was more than that. Her attraction wasn’t just to the perfectly muscled body but also to the tenderness inherent in those incredibly strong hands. A woman could trust a man who held a baby with such tenderness.
She knew she hadn’t made a sound, but Tanner turned toward her. “Did I wake you?” he asked softly. “I tried to be quiet.”
“It wasn’t noise that got my attention,” she admitted, “but the absence of it. I came to check on Lia.”
“Great minds,” he said. “That’s what I was doing. She was awake and looked hungry, so I got her a bottle, then changed her diaper. She ate great and is already back to sleep.” He smiled. “I couldn’t figure out why she was sleeping so much, but then I got a look at her diaper. It must take a lot of energy to produce all that waste product.”
Kelly laughed. “Waste product, huh? Interesting way to describe it.”
In the semi-darkness she couldn’t see the color of his eyes, but she knew it. Malone blue. He was the kind of man women dreamed about meeting—handsome, charming, successful. So why was he awake at two in the morning holding a child?
“Who are you Tanner Malone?” she asked before she could stop herself.
“You mean why me, why her?” he asked, nodding at Lia. “I guess I’m just one man who wants to do the right thing. I’m terrified, but trying.”
“That’s all anyone can ask of you.”
“Oh, I think Lia is going to have more expectations than that, but I have some time before I have to worry about them.”
She’d been wrong about him. She realized that now. All those months she’d been Lucy’s doctor, listening to her patient grumble about the guy who’d knocked her up and had then insisted she have the baby, but who didn’t want responsibility for it. Kelly had been furious with both of them for being careless during sex, but she’d been more angry with Tanner. It was easy for men, because they didn’t get pregnant. They just walked away from the problem. Except Tanner hadn’t.
She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms over her chest. “I was wrong about you,” she said, her voice low. “I’ve been angry at you for most of Lucy’s pregnancy. I thought you were an irresponsible bastard who’d gotten caught and wanted out. But I was wrong about all of it. I’m sorry, Tanner.”
He was quiet for a long time, just staring at her in the darkness and rocking Lia. “Thank you for apologizing,” he said at last. “That means a lot to me. But you were also right about me. Not about me being irresponsible. We used a condom, and as an obstetrician, I’m sure you’re very aware that they sometimes fail. But about the rest of it. When Lucy told me she was pregnant, I didn’t know what to think.”
He turned back to the window. Kelly didn’t feel that he was shutting her out as much as protecting himself. As if he was embarrassed or ashamed of what he was saying. She wanted to go to him and touch him, tell him that she understood. But they didn’t know each other that well. Instead, she stood her ground and waited.
“The entire relationship was a mistake. In fact calling it a relationship gives it more credit than it deserves. It was the Fourth of July weekend. We met at a party. I hadn’t had a woman in my life for a long time. It was hot, we were both in the mood, and then suddenly we were doing it. I knew it was dumb even then, but what the hell, right?” He glanced down at his daughter. “Sorry, sweetie, I know I’m not supposed to swear.”
“You don’t have to tell me this,” Kelly said, more because she thought she should than because she didn’t want to know.
“Probably not, but I think it’s important information.” He walked over to the crib and set Lia down on her back. “We said good-bye and I never expected to see her again. About two months later she called to tell me she was pregnant. Apparently she’d been debating whether or not to inform me for a couple of weeks. I think her plan had been to go get an abortion and get on with her life.”
Kelly thought about Lucy and realized Tanner had summed up the other woman fairly accurately. Lucy had not been thrilled to be pregnant.
“I didn’t want her to do that,” he said. “I didn’t want the kid, either, but I wanted her to carry it to term.” He leaned over and stroked his daughter’s cheek. “Thank God. Lucy fought me, but eventually I convinced her. I promised to cover all the out-of-pocket medical expenses her policy didn’t. We both agreed to give the baby up for adoption.”
He glanced at Kelly. In the dimly lit room, it was impossible to see what he was thinking. “I swear that’s what I planned to do. Right up until the day she was born. Then something happened. I guess she went from being an abstraction to something real. And I couldn’t walk away from that…or her.”
Kelly dropped her arms to her sides. “I feel responsible for a part of that,” she said. “If I hadn’t let you hold her, you wouldn’t have bonded.”
His teeth f
lashed white. “I don’t think so. While it would be really nice to be able to blame you, it’s not your fault. If I hadn’t wanted Lia, all the holding in the world wouldn’t have changed my mind.”
Kelly wasn’t so sure. “Something happens when a parent holds his or her newborn for the first time.”
“Do you think holding her would have changed Lucy’s mind?”
His quiet question made her pause. She’d checked her patient before Lucy had been released. The younger woman had expressed only relief at having her pregnancy behind her. She hadn’t mentioned anything about the baby or what was happening to her.
“No, I don’t,” she admitted.
“So that proves my point.” He straightened. “Tell you what, Doc, you can be guilty about any number of things in your life, but you’re going to have to let this one go. You’re not responsible for Lia.” He motioned to the room. “But I do owe you. You’ve been a great help and I want to return the favor. I can fix the plumbing, remodel a bathroom, hang wallpaper, you name it.”
“I’ll have to let you know,” Kelly said, thinking of her small, spare apartment. The management company handled any maintenance problems she had. As for remodeling or wallpaper, she’d never done much of anything to make her three-room place a home. For her it was utilitarian, nothing more.
“You do that,” he said. “Because I’m not going to forget what I owe you.”
Somewhere in the house a clock chimed.
“It’s late,” Tanner told her. “We’d better get to bed and get some sleep while we can. I have a feeling this little girl is going to be up a couple more times before sunrise.”
“You’re right.”
She turned to leave. At least that was her intent, but somehow her gaze got locked with his. She told herself to look away, to start walking back to her room, but she couldn’t move. Her legs were too heavy and those suddenly awake hormones were busy swaying through her body, leaving her weak and wanting.
As she watched, his attention seemed to drift downward…toward her mouth. She told herself it was her imagination. That he wasn’t thinking about kissing her anymore than she was thinking about being in his arms. That she didn’t wonder about how strong he would feel, or the warmth of his bare skin under her fingers. And that she’d never even once fantasized about the firmness of his lips or how his tongue would taste.
Their Little Princess Page 7
