“We were about to go on and our singer had disappeared on us. We couldn’t find him anywhere, and it turned out he’d met some girl that afternoon and decided getting laid was more important than the competition. But hey, we were all seventeen, eighteen years-old and if any of us had the chance at getting laid or playing music, it would’ve been a damn empty stage.”
Jackson and Elizabeth interrupted with soft laughter.
Ash smiled at them, but also noticed how stony Clint sat. He cleared his throat as he began again. “So we either had to hit the stage without him or pull out of the competition. I was the only one who knew all the lyrics to the two songs we were doing, so I got drafted to sing.” He chuckled softly. “We just figured if I sucked, we’d play our instruments harder to drown me out. But it turned out I have a pretty decent voice.”
“You have a very nice voice,” Jackson said.
Ash looked at him, stunned by the sudden compliment. “Thanks.”
“So did you win the competition?” Elizabeth asked.
Ash slowly turned his gaze away from Jackson’s to her. “No, but we came in third, which I didn’t think was too bad for a band of high school guys. But it was that competition that made me realize I wanted to be a professional musician, and even more than that, I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be the guy at the front of the stage, drawing the people in, throwing out all I had in my music and voice for them.
“After high school, I bounced around from band to band, worked odd jobs, took some singing lessons. That went on for a few years, then when I was twenty-one, I met Jeremy and Chad, my bass player. They were already friends and they happened to catch a show I was doing with the band I was in at the time. Both of them loved my voice and performance style, so they approached me to see if I’d be interested in singing for them. I instantly clicked with them and ended up leaving the other band for them.
“Chad knows how to play drums too, so we decided to go with just the three of us, him on drums, Jeremy on guitar, and I took over bass. We wanted to find a drummer, just couldn’t find someone we melded with. Then at one of our shows, Devin was a bouncer in the club. After we finished our set, he came up to us to tell us he liked our sound. We got talking and it turned out he was a drummer, but he’d given up music a few months before because he wasn’t seeing it going anywhere and he needed to put more time into making some real money. We asked if he’d like to jam sometime, and the rest is history. After a couple years of playing together, we managed to land our deal and here we are.”
Elizabeth spoke as he finished. “That’s wonderful you all found each other like that.”
Ash nodded. “Yeah, I played with a lot of guys, but you know what they say, when you find the one, you know it.”
Elizabeth giggled. “Isn’t that the truth?”
Ash turned to Jackson. “So how’d you get here? I think I remember reading about you winning some radio station contest, or something.”
Jackson took a drink of his beer before answering. “Yeah, pretty much. A local station was holding an American Idol kind of contest at a fair. It was just for fun, no big prize other than bragging rights, but my family and friends pushed me to enter. It turned out a talent scout was there for a big Nashville label. I won the contest, and he walked up to me and asked, ‘How you would like to be famous?’ I said, ‘Hell yes,’ and here I am.” He smiled at Ash. “Guess I did things the easy way compared to you.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” Ash said. “But I like the road I took. I would’ve been embarrassed as all hell if my claim to fame was through winning a big karaoke contest.” He winced inside as soon as the words left his mouth. Why the hell could he realize a fuck-up immediately after it happened, but he couldn’t catch it before?
Jackson stared at him in silence for a moment. “It wasn’t a karaoke contest. Everyone might’ve been covering other people’s songs, but we still had to put our own touches on them and really perform them. And no one had a monitor feeding them the words.”
“Yeah, but that’s still essentially karaoke, right?” Ash said. “It’s not like anyone was doing their own original music.”
“Because that wasn’t what the contest was for. Just because they were covering other people’s songs doesn’t mean they weren’t talented.”
“I didn’t say they weren’t talented. Just not very original.”
Jackson turned in his chair to fully face him. “So what you’re saying is that since I got discovered from winning that kind of contest, I’m not original?”
Ash shifted in his chair to look directly at Jackson. “You’re recording your own music now, so the answer to that is obvious. Now it’s everyone else doing karaoke of your songs.”
“But I just wasn’t original back then, is that right?”
“Well, I didn’t know you back then, so I can’t say for sure, but since you entered a glorified karaoke contest, I’m guessing not. But you’ve come a long way since then, so it’s all good. Damn, I didn’t realize you were so sensitive about this.”
“I’m not sensitive about it. You just have a shitty way of talking about things.”
Ash’s voice rose a notch. “I have a shitty way? I’m not the one-”
Elizabeth’s voice lifted over Ash’s. “Okay! Gentlemen, I think I’m going to call it a night and go back to my hotel. I’ve got an early rehearsal time tomorrow.” She looked to Clint, who was already on his feet. “What about you?”
“Hell yes, I’m leaving. Thanks for opening up the escape.”
Jackson stood, offering an apologetic smile as he hugged her. “Sorry about that.”
She gave him a couple reassuring pats on the back. “It’s just what you boys do. I’ll see you tomorrow, honey.”
Ash got up, also giving his apologies to her. He watched her and Clint walk away, wishing he could take the same escape. Things had seemed like they were going pretty well, just having small talk with Jackson, and then all it took was one wrong thing said, and the sparks started flying again. Maybe they’d just built up too much of a habit with it over the years to where it couldn’t be broken.
Seeing Jackson was sitting again, Ash sighed and relented to stay. He still needed to work his way around to an apology. Somehow. He didn’t even know how to approach that now.
Ash sat next to him again. Neither spoke. He glanced at him. Jackson sat with his gaze focused on the pavement. Ash took the time to really look at him, not that he hadn’t stared at him countless times before, but it was different on TV, online, and in magazines. There were endless tricks to make a person look better than they really were for those things, but now sitting so close to him, he saw none of those tricks needed to be used on Jackson.
Deep blue eyes were set in a face of finely chiseled features. The line of his jaw was shadowed in black stubble that also outlined lips. And there was something about the cowboy hat. Somehow, it seemed to accentuate Jackson’s attractiveness even more. Ash grinned at the thought. If he ended up hanging around Jackson regularly, he just might develop a cowboy hat fetish.
Ash let his gaze travel lower. He remembered when they faced off in the tour bus, Jackson was slightly taller than him. He noticed now he also had a thicker frame. Solid biceps, forearms lined in muscle, and broad shoulders that created a V down to Jackson’s hips. Ash’s gaze traveled lower. With how tight Jackson’s jeans were, it looked like he definitely wasn’t lacking in certain areas.
Ash looked away, an internal grumble passing through him. Just what he needed. He’d made himself hard looking at Jackson. Again, not another first, but the first time he’d done so with Jackson close enough to touch. Ash shifted in the chair and stretched one leg out to ease the pressure on his cock.
Nothing, not a sound, not a movement, came from Jackson. Ash felt an annoyed huff getting ready to leave him, but caught it before it did. It probably wasn’t right to expect Jackson to make the first move. Jackson had done it twice already with coming to the bus, then welcoming him to visit. If only h
e could figure out what to say.
The words floated to the front of his mind, not ones he was thrilled about, but ones that he knew were right to say. He let out a sigh and turned to Jackson. “Hey. The whole reason I came to find you, I was a real dick earlier, back on the bus. You came to talk to me and I pissed all over you. I’m sorry.”
Jackson’s voice came low and hushed. “It’s no big deal.”
“And I’m sorry for what I said about the whole karaoke thing. I’m sure the contest was more than that, but you’re right, talent is talent, and to win something like that and have your talent recognized, that’s a huge thing.”
Jackson nodded.
Ash sat quiet. That’s it? He apologized and all he got for a response was a nod and a “no big deal”? What the hell? Maybe he shouldn’t have even bothered apologizing.
“You don’t think I’m much of a musician, do you?”
Ash snapped his head toward Jackson at hearing his question. “What? No. I mean, no as in yeah, I do think you’re a hell of a musician.”
Jackson let out a snort expressing his doubt at Ash’s words.
Ash leaned over his chair, trying to get closer to him. “You know what’s pissed me off the most about us throwing words at each other?”
Jackson glanced at him. “What?”
“The fact that I still listen to your music and I like it.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Seriously. If you don’t believe me, ask my guys. They make fun of me all the time for it. Not because they think your music is bad, they don’t. They listen to it, too. It’s because they think it’s freakin’ hilarious that one second I’m throwing something at the TV after you’ve made a smartass comment, and the next second I’ve got you playing on my iPod.”
Jackson spoke through his laughter. “Well, I guess the same applies toward you. One second I’m cussing out your picture in a magazine, and the next I’m blasting From Ashes in my dressing room to hype me up for the stage.”
“I guess we’re more alike than we ever knew, even if I can’t imagine you cussing anybody out. I was impressed with just you saying ‘shitty’ a little while ago. It was the first time I ever heard you swear.”
“What can I say? You bring out the best in me.”
Ash took in Jackson’s playful smile. “I think I would like doing that.” He caught the flirtatiousness in his own voice, and he contemplated standing up and physically kicking himself. He hadn’t even thought when he’d said that, but from how Jackson was staring at him, it seemed he’d picked up on it, too.
Jackson averted his gaze. “I was surprised when I found out you were playing this concert.”
Ash caught the topic change, and couldn’t help but feel disappointment at it. But what did he expect? He’d get flirty and Jackson would jump him? He couldn’t even believe he was thinking like this. He’d always felt some attraction toward Jackson, and yeah, he’d had a few fantasies about him, but to getting flirty with him? Especially being ninety-nine percent positive Jackson wasn’t down with it? That all added up to one thing; he was too damn horny and needed to get laid. Since he didn’t see that happening in the next five minutes, he might as well finish this conversation with Jackson.
“Same for me when I heard you were going to be here. I didn’t think this would be your kind of thing.”
Jackson brought his gaze back to him. “I do a lot for charities.”
“Yeah, but this is a different kind of charity. I wouldn’t think you’d want your image tied to anything related to HIV and AIDS.”
Anger darkened Jackson’s expression. “And once again, you’re making assumptions about me when you don’t know a goddamn thing about me. Playing for this cause means more to me than any other charity I’ve thrown my support behind. It’s someone like you who I can’t believe is playing for it.”
Ash snapped back, “Someone like me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I think you know what it means. Men like you, sleeping around, not giving a shit about anything or anyone so long as you get off. You’re not exactly the ideal poster boy for prevention.”
Anger and hurt stole Ash’s voice. He rose slowly to his feet and stood over Jackson, glaring down at him. He forced his voice to return, but it came out low and rough. “Now who’s making assumptions? You don’t know a fucking thing about what I do behind closed doors or what kind of man I am. You’ve said some shit before that’s really pissed me off, but you’ve never offended me like you just did and you’ve never cut so low. But you know what? I’m still glad I came here to talk to you because our media feud really is over now. You’re not even worth my time to comment about in an interview anymore.”
On his final word, Ash marched away. He heard Jackson call his name, thinking he caught a pleading tone in the single word, but he didn’t bother looking back.
CHAPTER 4
Sitting in the stadium seats, his band members chatting around him, Ash watched the rehearsals down on the stage, but he didn’t hear the conversation or music. All he could hear were Jackson’s words replaying in his mind, as they had throughout the night.
He couldn’t believe Jackson thought that’s the kind of person he was. He wouldn’t, and couldn’t, deny he lived a promiscuous life, but he was always safe. It hurt for Jackson to imply he wasn’t, but not because of just the words, but because it meant Jackson’s opinion of him was that low.
A nudge to his arm interrupted his thoughts.
“It’s a new day, man,” Jeremy said. “You gonna keep going with the bad mood from yesterday?”
“That was my plan. And I’m still pissed at you for sending me over there last night when you knew Jackson was surrounded by his posse.”
Jeremy chuckled under his breath. “Yeah, I was kind of a jerk, but I wanted to see if your balls were as big as his. Who knew they would be?”
Ash shoved Jeremy on the shoulder. “But you know what kills me? There were times when we were talking where it felt like we really were getting along, like there could be some friendship there.”
His seat behind Ash and Jeremy, Devin leaned forward between the two of them. “Maybe you shouldn’t have tried flirting with him. Him calling you slutty might’ve been his way of saying back off.”
“I think it was just him stating the obvious,” Chad said.
Ash snorted. “So what if I’m slutty? It’s the other shit he connected to it.”
Devin sat back in his seat. “That was harsh, I’ll give you that. I don’t get it with you two. You cross words constantly, but you’re both fans of each other’s music. You meet in person and fight, then share a beer. Fight, have a few laughs. Fight, and…well, that blank still needs to be filled, but you get my point.”
A wicked smirk crossed Jeremy’s lips. “I think I know what the blank is going to get filled with.”
Ash returned Jeremy’s smirk with his own. “Well, I wouldn’t say no.”
“Of course you wouldn’t,” Chad said. “You know, because of the whole slutty thing.”
Ash twisted in his seat to see him. “At least I own up to my sluttiness. Not like him. Country stars aren’t that much different than rockers when it comes to that. You might not hear about their escapades as much, but I know there’re country artists who party just as hard as rock stars. So someone needs to take that high and mighty moral stick out of Jackson’s ass.”
Jeremy leaned toward him. “Totally agree, and get ready. You’re about to get a chance in about thirty seconds.”
Ash whipped back around in his seat to see Jackson climbing the stairs toward them.
Jackson stopped a couple rows down, looking up at him. “Care if I join you for a few minutes?”
Ash waved his hand to encompass the stadium. “There’s not exactly a shortage of seats.”
“Yeah, but I want to talk to you.”
“You did that yesterday. There’s nothing left to say. So just go find some shit to kick, or cows to tip, or whatever the hell else you co
untry boys do.”
“Ash,” Jeremy said, his voice scolding.
Jackson lowered his head. “No, I deserved that. I said some pretty rough things to him last night.”
“We’ve already been filled in,” Devin said.
“I figured as much.” Jackson lifted his head, finding Ash’s gaze. “And that’s why I’m here.” A slight grin touched his lips. “Since I took back the Asshole Award from you last night, I wanted to give you a chance to win it again.”
The smile, the words, they were such small simple things, and yet Ash could feel his tension toward Jackson melt because of them. He smiled at him. “I think I’ll let you keep it for a while.”
Jackson chuckled. “See? I knew you were a generous person.”
Ash laughed softly. “Yeah, I’m nice like that.”
“And since you’re so nice, can I talk to you for a few minutes?”
Ash caught in Jackson’s tone he wanted to talk to him alone. He nodded and stood up. “I’ll catch you guys before rehearsal.”
Devin called after him, “Don’t worry about it! Enjoy having your blank filled.”
Ash snorted out a laugh and lifted his middle finger high at his drummer.
Jackson gave him a curious look. “Do I want to know what that meant?”
“Probably not.”
They walked in silence through the stadium, their pace relaxed and unhurried. To Ash, the silence between them felt comfortable, as if he’d walked beside Jackson so many times before. The night before, during the times they got along, it came so easily. But so did fighting, and that’s what he didn’t understand. How could two such opposite things exist in how he felt with him?
As they reached the artists’ area, Ash realized Jackson was taking him to his trailer so they could talk in private. He felt a small thrill at the thought of being in a completely private space with him, not that he thought what he wanted to have happen would. But what else could happen? Fighting or fucking. Those were the only options, and he really wasn’t in the mood to fight. And talking. He guessed that was another option, especially since that’s what Jackson said he wanted to do. But he really wasn’t in much of a mood for that either.
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