by C. J. Pinard
My stomach grumbled in time with his announcement, and he winked while extending a hand to me. “Let’s get you fed.”
I sat at the heavy wooden dining room table and tried to remind myself that I didn’t need to feel uncomfortable eating in front of Kellan. He didn’t need food, nor could he even digest what I was eating.
With a sauce-coated pile of shrimp and noodles on my plate, I looked at Kellan. “When was the last time you ate food?”
He glanced at my food, then my mouth, and then into my eyes. “It’s been... a while.”
I resisted an eye roll as I shoveled the flavorful food into my mouth and mumbled, “That’s not an answer.”
He made a face and handed me a napkin. “Don’t speak with your mouth full, love.”
Oops.
“Sorry, just so hungry,” I replied after I’d swallowed.
“Does this even look good to you?” I asked, indicating with my chopsticks the food spread out on the table.
“What do you think?” he asked, eyes glittering.
I nodded and twirled more noodles in my chopsticks. “It’s like I know in my brain that you guys can’t eat food, but my heart can’t comprehend such a travesty. How do you not miss food?”
He glanced at my plate, then to me, as his hand found my free one, and his thumb drew circles over my knuckles. “It’s taken years to not miss food. What’s worse is that the food I had before I was turned was nothing like this.” He gestured to the spread on the table. “I have tasted this food, but I cannot swallow it down without... consequences.”
“What? Like, you barf?” I asked.
He shook his head as I shoveled some more shrimp lo-mein into my face. “I haven’t vomited in years, but yes, when I was first turned, my body rejected human food. I can have liquids as thick as milkshakes, but that is the absolute limit. My vampire DNA does not tolerate anything solid.”
I stared at him, and remembered that Karina had once told me something similar. “Well, that blows.”
“Indeed, it does. But, no worries. I have no desire for it now.”
I snorted as I squeezed some hot mustard on an egg roll. “I wish I had no desire. If I keep eating like this, I’m gonna turn into a blimp.”
Kellan looked at me quizzically for a split second, and then smiled. His thumb was still rubbing circles on the top of my hand. “Ayla, I have never seen an overweight werewolf, and I can assure you, vampires do not and cannot carry around excessive weight like humans do, either. Your body will burn it off. It is, perhaps, why you are always so ravenous.”
I looked at him curiously, the egg roll still between my fingers where I was sloshing it through the hot mustard. I thought about every supernatural I knew and realized none of them looked overweight or even far from perfect. “Huh.” Was all I managed to get out.
Deciding that topic was stupid, I looked at the handsome vampire. “Tell me about when you were human.”
He blew out a breath I knew was unnecessary, and pierced me with a cool blue stare. “Are you sure?”
I waved a dismissive hand before digging back into my food. “Why wouldn’t I be sure?”
“Because it’s not... pleasant,” Kellan replied with a slight grimace.
Uh oh.
I lifted my chin, because really, I couldn’t back down now, and said, “I’d like to think I’ve handled unpleasant pretty well so far.”
He met the challenge in my eyes and reluctantly nodded.
Chapter 11
The remnants of my dinner had been whisked away by Jeffrey just a few short minutes prior, and with nothing but a glass of ice water in front of me, I listened as Kellan began to tell his story.
“I was born in the early 1800s in the village of Whitby in Yorkshire, England. I had an average upbringing, with four brothers, one sister, and hardworking parents. Unfortunately, the cholera plague hit and I lost my father and two brothers before I had reached my eighteenth birthday. It was a devastating time for the whole of Europe.”
I looked at his expression, and his words didn’t quite match the somber tone of his story. He almost seemed unattached, like he was just reciting facts. I just smiled, though, and indicated for him to go on.
“My brothers and I worked hard to learn our father’s fishing trade so we could keep the family fed. We did all right, but nothing we did could bring the light back to Mum’s eyes. Losing her one true love and two sons had broken her spirit. It was a really hard time for us. But, once my brother and I found wives, we moved out. My sister, Eleanor, stayed and cared for Mum until Eleanor found a husband of her own.
“It was a few years later, when I was out fishing one night. My wife had just birthed our first child two days prior, but we hadn’t named him yet. She promised me she’d have a name chosen by the time I got back from the river, so I was anxious to get home.”
He smiled wistfully, but then his face turned sad. “Our supplies were running low. I normally did not put down the net at night, as it was too difficult to see when there was no moon, but I had to try. We’d caught nothing during the day, so I worked well into the late night hours. I knew if I tried it when the waters were calm, I might fetch a better load of fish. And I was right. My brother Henry was with me, and we knew we would be bragging about that catch for months. We’d caught enough fish between the two of us to feed and profit from to keep our families sustained for months.
“Henry practically ran back to his home, excited to tell his wife about our big catch, and I also hurried home. The thought of how happy Amelie would be when I told her about our upcoming profits put a smile on my face. Our new son already had put permanent joy on her face, so I couldn’t imagine how much happier I could have made her at that point.”
The thought of Kellan having a wife and child made something uncomfortable and dark twist inside me. It was a conflicting feeling; it made me warm and gooey to think he could have loved so deeply and purely, but that that love was not for me but for another, made me anxious and upset. Both feelings, I knew, were ridiculous and definitely uncalled for.
I met Kellan’s pained and stormy gaze and immediately my stomach clenched. The next part of his story wasn’t going to be very happy. I gritted my teeth through a smile and brushed my fingers along the top of his hand. “Go on, K. You’ve already enraptured me in your tale.” I lifted my chin as though I was trying to sound regal like him, but I probably just sounded stupid.
He looked down at my fingers and smiled. When he met my eyes, his looked distant and melancholy. “Must I?”
I nodded. “You must. If you want me to spend the future with you, I need to know your past.”
“Fair enough,” he murmured with a nod.
The softness and vulnerability in his tone had disarmed me. Kellan had always been the confident, almost cocky one since the day I’d laid eyes on him in Moon Chasers. Now he was stripped down and laid bare, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see that side of him. But it was too late.
He squeezed my hand and locked gazes with me. “When I reached our humble little home, I went around the back and set down some of the catch. Amelie always helped me skin and debone the fish in those days, so I knew it would be okay until we could get to it. Our babe was still very small and demanded so much of her attention, so therefore, I laid very little expectations on her and knew I’d be busy for the rest of the night.
“I entered through the back door and made my way to the small room we shared. At first, I thought she was asleep, but then I saw the blood.”
He stopped and shook his head. “You sure you want to hear this?”
“Of course,” I said.
He nodded. “My Amelie and our son, whose name I’ll never know, lay dead on the bed. Her throat was ripped to pieces. The child... I... just don’t want to remember that dreadful sight.”
I tried to suppress the shudder that invaded my body, but I was pretty sure I failed as my eyes glistened.
Kellan sensed it too, because he grasped my hand tighter and beg
an stroking it again—as if I was the one who needed comforting.
“Go on,” I whispered, my throat clogged with tears.
“They were gone, Ayla, murdered. I was in utter shock. I picked up Amelie’s body and wailed in agony. I didn’t care who heard me. I didn’t care about her gruesome injuries bleeding all over me. My cries were unabashed and without a care. I wanted to die, too.
“I’m not sure how long I sat there rocking her and our child, but a sound interrupted me. I stilled and looked at the doorway to the poky room, and there stood a man grinning at me, blood covering his entire mouth and chin like some deranged clown. He was frightening, and all I could do was freeze. I was confused and disoriented. What kind of a monster smiles at a man who’s just lost his wife and child?”
“A psychopath,” I whispered, pushing myself closer to him.
He nodded. “Exactly. When my brain caught up to my heart, I let go of their bodies and jumped off the bed. Except the intruder was too fast for me. In what seemed like the blink of an eye, he was suddenly millimeters from my face, grinning at me with fangs protruding from his mouth and evil in his dark eyes.
“I couldn’t even muster up a response before he lunged at me. A horrid pain in my neck caused me to fall to my knees, but I didn’t even fight my attacker. All I wanted was to be in Heaven with my family, so I let the darkness take me. I let him drain my life force from me. I knew in that moment that I would cease to exist any longer... and I was content with that.”
I must have let out a small gasp, because he stopped talking and looked at me. He brushed his fingers over my cheek. “You all right?”
I nodded, trying to maintain my composure. “I am. Please go on.”
“When I woke three days later, I wasn’t anywhere familiar. Gone was the thatched roof and heavy cast-iron stove of my small home. I was on a soft bed and the room was quiet. I blinked open my eyes to see a man and woman standing at the edge of my bed. I got the feeling they had been watching me as I slept, but my eyes wouldn’t focus enough so I could see who they were. Their very presence unnerved me, but I tried to remain calm.
“I lifted a hand to my throat to ask where I was, but I was unable to finish my sentence. Ignoring the strangers, I stumbled out of bed pushed past them, and went outside in search of the water pump. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I attempted to scream in frustration, but my throat was too dry... too parched. The man who had killed Amelie and the baby followed me outside, looking smug as ever. He told me, ‘If you wish to quench your thirst, water will not suffice. You need the life blood of another.’ Well, I already knew the man was completely mad, and once I got my thirst under control, I was going to make him pay for what he had done. But my mind wouldn’t let me think clearly. I could only think of the thirst. I was enslaved to it.
“I walked away from the house, and the man followed me. He did not touch me or speak, he just followed, and occasionally he would chuckle when I would stagger or fall. After what seemed like an eternity, I fell to my knees for the last time, wanting to die yet again. I pushed the fringe from my eyes and looked up at the man. ‘Why do you wish to kill me a second time? Was once not enough? I was dead the moment you killed my family. So just do it! Get it over with so that I may rest in peace with my beloved and our son.’”
“He sneered at me in his wicked way, and the sight made my stomach roil with sickness. He was a deathly pale gentleman with unnaturally white hair and eyes as black as night. His fangs gleamed in the moonlight, and looked as sharp as razors. He was also considerably tall and wore expensively tailored clothing. I grasped at my throat and begged him to either help me, or kill me.”
His description of his attacker made something stir inside of me. It sounded freakishly close to the man who’d killed my brother. I couldn’t let my mind go there, though.
“The man picked me up by the back of my shirt and dragged me through the leaves and out of the trees back to the large farmhouse. I didn’t even resist, because I didn’t care what happened to me. He tossed me into the same bedroom from where I had awoken, and told me to clean myself up, and then he left. I didn’t do anything but sit on the bed in a daze and pray for death.
“I’m not sure how much time passed, but I looked up to the doorway and saw a young woman come into the room. She was very beautiful. Once she reached me, she bent down onto her knees, put her hands on my legs, and bared her neck to me. I was momentarily confused, thinking she was offering me sexual favors at such an inappropriate time, but I looked up and saw the vampire standing in the doorway, still grinning at me in his smug way.
“He jutted his chin at the woman. ‘Take her. She’s yours. You need to feed, my friend.’ I gritted my teeth and told him I wasn’t his friend. And as I went to argue further, the sound of something stopped my words in my throat. It was her heartbeat I could hear. It pulsed loudly in my ears, and when I looked down at her pale and supple neck, I could literally see the blue artery throbbing there, calling to me, beckoning me to take a taste.
“It was then that instinct took over. I bent forward and put my mouth on her neck. Fangs I didn’t even know I had came forward and I pierced her soft flesh and I began to suck. Just like a child, like the babe I’d lost, the suckling was automatic, instinctual. I needed it to live. I needed it to quench my desperate thirst. The young woman moaned in pleasure and that just spurred me on. I pulled her small body up to lay on top of mine, and it was as if she weighed nothing at all. I rolled her over on the bed and lay on top of her, sucking and drinking until I could no longer hear her heartbeat. When I pulled off of her, reality came back to me, and the realization of what I had done caused grief anew to invade my body and mind.
“Ayla...“ He stopped his story and looked at me, and for the first time tonight, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me for asking him—almost demanding—that he tell me his story. His countenance was covered in fresh pain, and I was the asshole who put it there.
“You can stop,” I whispered.
He shook his head. “It’s okay, love. I haven’t thought about these things in decades. The pain isn’t as raw as it was back then, but it still stings a little.” He forced a smile.
“I think we should go back to the room we were in and finish this,” I suggested.
“As you wish,” he replied, kissing my knuckles.
Chapter 12
As if it were possible, I got to see more of the house—the mansion—on the way to the bedroom where I had awoken hours ago. There were more hallways and rooms, and if I were to ever visit here again, there was no way I would be able to find my way around unless I spent a lot of time getting to know the place. Which I hoped would be the case. It seemed I had so much to see in the home. What took him so long to show me his amazing abode?
We arrived into the room, and once Kellan had closed and locked the door, he removed the button-down dress shirt I wore and let it flutter to the floor. Then with vampire speed, he pulled the covers back, picked me up, and placed me in bed. I laughed, as he had taken me by surprise. Then he stripped himself of his clothing and slid into bed with me. He put me on my side and sidled up behind me, wrapping me in his strong arms. I sighed contentedly and wiggled my bottom against his front. His breath on my neck sent shivers all over my body.
“You are an amazing listener, love,” he said softly in my ear.
I closed my eyes, feeling tired again. “Thank you for sharing your story with me. I look forward to hearing more of it.”
“You sure about that?” he asked, and I could feel his fingertips graze my hipbone and then slide down the outside of my thigh. Simultaneously, I could feel how much he wanted me because it was pressing hard into my tailbone.
“I am,” I murmured. I grabbed his hand and moved it slowly down my belly. When his fingers lightly swept over my wet center, I breathed out a groan. “But you can tell me later. We have forever.”
A small growl erupted from his throat and he put a hand on my shoulder and pressed me flat against the mattress
. Propped up on his elbow, he fingered some hair off my face and looked down at me. “I would love to have forever with you.”
He slowly leaned down and kissed me the way he always did—full of passion, guilt, fury, and lust.
“I do believe I’m falling in love with you, Ayla St. John,” I heard inside my head.
My eyes popped open and I stared into his cool blue eyes that were in such contrast to the warmth I saw in them. “Same,” I replied.
We made love so many times throughout the night, that I lost count.
I didn’t have much time to stare in awe at the outside of the jaw-dropping palace because Jeffrey was waiting for me with an open car door to take me to get my car. I took one last glance at the towering white and brick house with its pointed peaks, blacked-out windows, and the pristine landscaping. After telling me to buckle my seatbelt, Jeffrey closed the car door and got into the driver’s seat. We waited for the massive wrought-iron gates to open so we could exit, and once we did, they closed slowly behind us. The whole compound was surrounded by the fence, each pole tipped in a black spike.
The sun had just made its appearance over the eastern horizon, casting a beautiful reddish-orange glow against the mountains to the west. Sunlight hit Jeffrey’s hair and he smiled at me through the rearview mirror as he caught me staring. The fact that he wasn’t screaming in agony, nor did he burst into flames, wasn’t lost on me. Jeffrey wasn’t a vampire... but I didn’t think he was just human, either.
I rode in the backseat of the plain black town car and looked out over the scenery whizzing by. I was grateful he didn’t drive quite as erratically and fast as Kellan did. Then again, Kellan was immortal and close to indestructible, so he could drive like that all he wanted with zero consequences.
It didn’t take long to get to the office building. Once we arrived, Jeffrey quickly opened my door to let me out. I threw my arms around him in a hug, which had him taken aback.
